Guilty

by Heidi J Thomas

  “Hard to imagine now, I know,” he said, and Kate thought it was anything but. The man was beautiful, his eyes breath-taking, she had no trouble at all believing he was once an insatiable ladies’ man.

  “I got my money’s worth, I can tell you. I was over the moon, couldn’t believe how cool my life was.”

  And as quickly as that, he was caught up in the memories, like it was yesterday.

  “My mates took me out to celebrate, and we ended up in a strip club. I was just…enjoying the atmosphere, getting drunk…and then I looked up and there’s this girl, caught my eye. She was stunning. Red hair, and bright green eyes, just…beautiful. She took my breath away, like…like being punched in the gut. My mates must have told her to pay me special attention, ‘cause she was totally focused on me, dancing on my table. I was hooked; I just couldn’t take my eyes off her, and not because she was almost naked.” He looked up at Kate and smirked a little. “I know you’ll find this hard to believe, because when all’s said and done, she was a stripper, but she had a certain style, a grace about her that I couldn’t get enough of.” He allowed his mind to wander, painting a mental picture of her in his head. “She had perfect, flawless pink skin, except she had freckles on her nose and her cheeks. She obviously had a stunning figure, and she had a smile that just knocked me out. I was used to looking at girls and thinking ‘wow, she’s sexy’ but this was different, with Nat it was more than that, right from the start. I mean…she’s wearing nothing but a G-string and these…huge heels, and I can’t stop staring at those eyes fixed on mine.

  So anyway…she’s dancing in front of me, and still she doesn’t take her eyes off me, not once. I put a fifty note in her G-string and she winked, but she didn’t say anything, and you know what? She didn’t need to. The music finished and she jumped down and walked off. My mates were applauding her, but I couldn’t move. I mean I was stuck in my seat, mouth hanging open.”

  Kate smiled. “Love at first sight?”

  To her surprise he nodded immediately. “Absolutely, she floored me. So me and my mates, we carry on the party. The place is closing and we’re totally drunk. I have no idea how I got home that night. She comes out from the back and right up to me, and just stands there for a moment, looking at me. And then she kisses me, a full on kiss, just about knocks my socks off. Her friends are stood behind her, just grinning and giggling, like they know something I don’t. And she says…‘me and the girls had a bet that you were an amazing kisser’ and I say ‘and…?’ and she says ‘and I lose’ and just walks off. All the lads are laughing, slapping my back, telling me I’m in there, she likes me. All I can do is smile, wondering what just happened.” He stopped and lit himself another cigarette. “So the next week I’m back at the club, looking for the girl whose name I don’t know. And sure enough she’s there, but she aint working, she’s at the bar. She sees me, but she makes out like she doesn’t remember me. I thought…I’m gonna go for it, I can’t let this girl go. I mean, I’d been thinking about her constantly for a week. So…I went for it.”

  Chapter Two

  20TH DECEMBER 1988

  He saw her as soon as he walked through the door and had to catch a breath.

  (easy Danny boy, this aint like you)

  He hadn’t imagined how pretty she was.

  In contrast to the previous week, tonight was quiet – he was, in fact, the only punter there, the only person besides her and the barman.

  She was sitting at the bar, slumped on a stool, her head in her hands, groaning.

  The man behind the bar shook her shoulder gently. “Hey, Nat. You okay?”

  She looked up at him wearily and nodded. “Mmm…hangover from hell. We went out last night for Lauren’s birthday, and I woke up in a bus shelter. Now I have the flu and it feels like the cast of Annie is trying to dance their way out of my head. Oh my God, Steve…help me sweetheart.”

  He smiled knowingly and handed her what appeared to be a glass of water. “There you go hon.”

  “Cheers.” She drank some down and almost spat the lot back out. “Dear God, what is that?”

  “Secret recipe, guaranteed to cure what ails ya.”

  Danny stepped in properly, and the door swung shut a little louder than he had intended it to. She glanced at him absently and then went back to her drink. She held the glass up to the light and frowned.

  “It looks like there’s sperm floating in there.” Danny laughed at that, couldn’t help it, and she looked at him again. “Can I help you?”

  “Do you remember me?” He asked, uncharacteristically shyly.

  She looked him up and down and he knew instantly that she did, but she shook her head. “No, sorry handsome...”

  “I was here last week…”

  She smiled knowingly. “Yeah, well we get a lot of guys like you in here sweetheart – young, cocky, ever so slightly kinky…I can’t remember everyone I dance for.”

  “You kissed me,” he said, and his voice croaked, his mouth dry. He cleared his throat. “You uh…you said it was a bet?”

  “Ah yes, that’s right.” She smiled again, the smile that had caught him last week, the smile that had been stuck in his memory since then, stubbornly refusing to go anywhere, even cutting into his dreams, his sleeping and his waking. “You want me to kiss you again? Cause if you do, this time it’ll cost ya.”

  He thought about that. He did want to kiss her again, more than anything, but he was hardly going to admit that, his ego was already suffering a huge knock here, reduced in seconds to a stuttering idiot, unable to get his words out properly.

  “Actually, I was just wondering whether you losing your bet was a good or bad thing…for me, like.”

  “Cost me thirty quid you did, sunshine.”

  “Right, so…?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I said you’d be crap. All tongues and drool. I was wrong. So now you’ve had your male ego tended to, you can go back to your mates and tell them the stripper thinks you’re a good kisser. Okay?”

  He couldn’t help but smile, and hoped he wasn’t coming across as smug. “You know what the best cure for a hangover is?”

  “What?”

  “Hair of the dog. Can I get you a drink?”

  She considered that offer and nodded. “Sure. Whiskey, neat. No ice.”

  Steve looked at Danny and he nodded. “I’ll have the same.”

  She pulled up the stool beside her and patted the seat. “Park your bum, gorgeous.”

  He did, not needing to be told twice, and Steve set the drinks down in front of them.

  Danny clinked his glass with hers. “Cheers.”

  She nodded again, for the first time seeming to relax a little. “Mmm, cheers to you uh…what’s your name?”

  “Danny.”

  “Cheers, Danny boy. Name’s Natalie. Also known as gorgeous, babe, sexy, honey and occasionally sweetheart.”

  He took a sip of his whiskey, but she drank half of hers down in one and he found himself staring at her full, luscious lips, painted a bright shade of red, and her tongue as it popped out and slid across them before disappearing again. His jeans pressed suddenly tight against his groin, and he put a hand there, attempting to cover up what would surely be a very obvious arousal. Sure enough, she glanced down for just a second and the trace of a smile passed over her before she went back to her drink.

  He had wondered if he had somehow built her up in his head to something more than she was, certainly he had been very drunk the first time he had seen her, and Drunk Danny was Horny Danny. He wondered if he had imagined her natural beauty, her sparkling green eyes and those perfect lips. But sitting here staring at her mouth, he realised he hadn’t, his growing erection was testament to that.

  “You not working tonight?” he managed to say, trying to sound cool and calm, feeling anything but.

  She looked around her, shaking her head. “Nah. Supposed to be, but as you can see there’s no punters. No punters, no show I’m afraid.”

  “I’m a
customer,” he said hopefully, “and I come prepared.”

  “Yeah? How much money you got on you?”

  “About…a monkey.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Five hundred eh? Wow, big spender, flash boy huh? Well, do you want a pole dance, a lap dance, or a table dance? For three hundred, I’ll give you a personal show on the podium like you aint never dreamed of. If you’ve got the money, I’ve got the time. You got the money, Danny boy?”

  He grinned and counted out six fifty pound notes. “Oh, I’ve got the money.” He thought again and held up another fifty. “If I give you an extra fifty note can I kiss you again?”

  She frowned disapprovingly, but took the money from him and stuffed it in her bra. Then she took the other fifty too and tucked it into her shoe. “You buy the dance, you don’t buy me sweetheart.”

  His smile faded. “I didn’t mean to offend…”

  “Take more than that to offend me honey.” She murmured absently.

  She jumped down off her stool and slipped her coat off over her shoulders. He looked her up and down and smiled again. She was wearing grey jogging bottoms and a white vest. She saw him looking and frowned.

  “Don’t you worry, hon. I’ll be getting changed.” She grabbed his hand. “Come on then, darling.” He let her lead him across the dance floor and went to sit where he had been sitting the previous week, but she shook her head. “No, no…for three hundred quid-” she grinned, “-you get the VIP room. Follow me, gorgeous.”

  He did, to a room at the back of the club, dimly lit with several lamps dotted about and a lot of fairy lights.

  In the centre of the room was a pole on a platform under a spotlight, and in the corner was a leather sofa, which she gestured to.

  “Have a seat then darling, and I’ll go and get changed.”

  He caught her arm. “No, no…you’re fine as you are.”

  She looked down at her clothes. “You what?”

  “You’re a gorgeous girl. I’m not here to watch you strip; I’m here to watch you move. You got flu, last thing you wanna be doing is stripping off. Just dance…no stripping. I just wanna watch you dance.”

  She looked at him closely, apparently trying to work out if he was being serious or joking. His face didn’t change, he simply smiled at her and she laughed a little, mostly out of surprise. “You’re weird Danny boy,” she shrugged, “but whatever, it’s your party. You’re paying so it’s as you like it.”

  He nodded happily and sat down, lighting himself a cigarette and taking a long drag. He looked at his hands and discovered he was shaking a little.

  She set the music up to start and jumped up onto the platform. “Okay, any requests? Anything specific you want me to do?”

  “Take your hair down.” He said on impulse.

  She pulled her bobble out and shook her head, letting her red hair spill over her shoulders. “Will that do you?”

  He nodded slowly, hypnotised. “Mmm, beautiful. And smile, I like your smile. Other than that…just be yourself.”

  She nodded and the music started, and she began to dance, just for him, all the while with her eyes firmly set on his, and sitting watching her move, he fell head over heels in love.

  * * * *

  She danced for him for almost an hour, while he sat tight in his chair, mouth hanging open.

  (the girl’s got stamina, Danny boy, that’s for sure)

  After a while she came down off the pole and danced right in front of him, running her hand along the side of his face, tracing the edge of his jawline down to his chin with a long, manicured fingernail. Smiling, she pushed his chin with that finger, closing his mouth. She took his cap off and put it on her head at a jaunty angle and grinned.

  “There you go, how was that?”

  He swallowed hard and nodded. “Um…perfect. Just…perfect. You’re fantastic.”

  She put his hat back on him and sat beside him. “Yeah, so I’m told. And there was my dear dad telling me I’d never amount to nothing. Ah…if only he could see me now, he’d be so proud. His little girl, world’s greatest stripper,” she scoffed, “yeah, that’s something to be proud of…” she added sarcastically.

  “You don’t like it?” he asked, lighting another cigarette and offering her one. She nodded, and he lit it for her, and she took a long drag, blowing the smoke out through her nose as she shrugged.

  “It’s just a job. I don’t really think about it, I just dance. The money’s fucking excellent. I’m healthy, independent, and free…that’s all that matters I guess.” She seemed to drift off briefly, as though replaying some unpleasant memory, and then she was back with him. “What about you, Danny boy? How does a young man such as yourself come to have so much money to spend on a tart like me?”

  He frowned. “You’re not a tart.”

  “Sure I’m not, hun,” she said dismissively, “I’m a respectable girl, can’t you tell? So…?”

  “I’m a boxer.”

  Her eyes widened. “Now that’s impressive. Professional?”

  “I hope to be, within the next year or so.”

  “Cool.” She said, and it seemed completely genuine, she was impressed for sure, and he was glad. Girls usually either found it very impressive or very boring.

  “You got a boyfriend?” he asked, the words out there before he could stop them.

  She laughed a little at that, as though the very idea of it was preposterous.

  “Nah. Who wants a stripper for a girlfriend? No, I attract two types of blokes usually - there’s the jealous obsessives, the ones who want to control me, tell me how to dress, how to behave, eventually get funny about my job. Then there are the good guys, who are worse in a way. I call them…Sloppy Joes…they think they can rescue me, think I’m better than this - too good for this, too decent, you know? I need someone more on my level, some…happy medium. I don’t need a father figure, I need someone secure enough to do their thing and let me do mine. Someone to keep me on my toes and give me a run for my money, I need a challenge. Unfortunately such a bloke does not exist, so I’ll stay a single girl I reckon.”

  “I’m that sort of bloke,” he blurted, thinking she had described to a tee exactly what he needed. It was all well and good having girls fall at your feet to sleep with you, but after a while it was monotonous, boring even. “Why don’t you uh…give me a go?”

  She smiled. “Are you asking me out?”

  “If I was…what would you say?”

  “I’d say no, Danny. You don’t actually know me. You know my name, and we’ve established that you like my dancing. You fall into both categories I think. You wanna look after me, but you’d be hopelessly jealous in no time. You’re fixated on me. You fancy me because I’m a stripper, and you’ve seen me almost naked. I’ve got blokes like you come in every week, because they think they love me – they don’t, it’s just lust. You can buy a dance from me, but you can’t buy me.”

  He shook his head, determined that she understand him. “I’m not trying to buy you; I’m trying to sell me. Give me a go, you won’t regret it.”

  She smiled again. “Awe, that’s sweet, hon. But I don’t need any looking after, and I don’t get involved with clients, it’s very bad for business. Next thing I know, you’ll be sat at the front when I’m working, giving the evil eye to any bloke who so much as looks in my direction. Then where would I be? Penniless, that’s where. Listen, thanks for not leeching over me, it was refreshing, if a little weird, to dance fully clothed, though how you found that sexy, I’ll never know.” She looked at him closely for a minute and frowned. “No one’s ever turned you down before, have they?”

  He thought about that and shrugged, amused. “Actually, no…”

  “I aint surprised. Awe, sorry hun, if we’d met anywhere else it might be a different story. But that’s life - shitty, cruel and utterly disappointing.”

  “You were worth every penny. You’re quite a woman.”

  She winked. “More than you could handle sunshine.”
/>
  “I reckon I could handle ya.” He grinned cheekily.

  She raised her eyebrows. “Oh ya do, do ya?”

  “Yeah…question is, could you handle me?” he grinned again, aware that they were flirting and thoroughly enjoying it.

  “I know I could…” she said, grinning too and then her face cleared as she seemed to collect herself. “I guess we’ll never know. Thing is…you don’t know me, I’m an absolute bitch. You’ve had a lucky escape. You don’t wanna be with a girl like me, not really. Be much better as mates.” She thought for a moment, “Listen…there’s a party here, New Year’s Eve. Get yourself down here, I’ll look after ya.”

  “I’ll be twenty four.”

  “Really, on New Year’s?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Well definitely come then. Us girls, we treat birthday boys especially nice,” she said with a wink.

  He nodded, feeling something stir in his jeans again, hoping it wasn’t as obvious as it sure as hell felt. “I will,” he said and stood up. He thought for a minute and took his hat off, scratching his head absently before putting it back on. “Actually, there’s something else I wonder if you’d do for me.”

  She gathered her hair up and tied it back with a bobble. “Ask, you never know.”

  “I’ve got a fight lined up on Christmas Eve. A big fight, gonna be a lot of people there, lots of promoters and such. Thing is, we’re in need of a gorgeous girl to hold up the cards in between rounds. You wanna do it? I mean it aint gonna be pretty, a lot of blood and that, but the pay’s good for Christmas Eve.”

  She thought about it and nodded. “Sure okay, sounds like fun. Yeah, why not? I’ll do it.”

  “Great, well I’ll see you then.” He said, delighted at the idea that he was going to see her again. She had agreed, which meant she wanted to see him again too. So far, so good. She wasn’t going to be a pushover, wasn’t gonna give in right away, but she would eventually, he would make sure of it, couldn’t have it any other way. He wanted her, and he wasn’t going to rest until he had her.