Guilty

by Heidi J Thomas

  “Hang on gorgeous. Hadn’t you better tell me where it is?”

  Danny laughed and blushed a little.

  (how is she doing this to you?!)

  “Oh yeah. It’s the Apollo Club, behind the George and Dragon pub, you know it?”

  “Yeah, I know it.”

  “You want me to pick you up?”

  “No thanks, I’ll find my way. What time?”

  “Bout ten?”

  “Ten it is. Oh, and Danny?”

  “Uh huh?”

  “You can have that kiss you paid for now, if you like.”

  He smiled broadly, took her hand and kissed the back of it tenderly. He let out a deep sigh and shook his head.

  “Worth every last penny.”

  He left her stunned by the simple gesture, for the first time in her life speechless. She simply stood there, open mouthed and he winked, turned and left without looking back, pleased with himself knowing he had given her something to think about and it was far from over – game on.

  * * * *

  2007

  Kate and Danny were interrupted by the bell, indicating there were five minutes of visiting time left.

  Danny smiled. “Time’s nearly up I reckon, any questions?”

  Kate thought for a minute, trying to decide what she really wanted to know and nodded. “Yeah, how come we meet in here and not in the big hall with the others?”

  He thought about that and sighed. “Uh, well…I dunno. I have a fair idea though. I think they just don’t trust me, because there’s no way of them knowing how I might behave. I mean it’s been a long time since I’ve seen anyone from outside this prison. And I have a temper, though I don’t really show it no more, not like I did, not unless I have to. I don’t mix with other inmates; I keep myself to myself to avoid confrontations. I’ve been doing that for about sixteen years and most of the time it works. But this is a new situation, one they didn’t expect to be faced with. What do you do when an inmate all of a sudden gets a visitor after nearly twenty years? They decided to take no chances. In here, they can watch me better than in a room full of people. Anything else?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, what’s with the handcuffs? Is that standard procedure?”

  He shook his head, frowning. He’d been wondering the same thing. “No they aint. So I guess that again, it’s because they don’t trust me, which kinda pisses me off cause I’ve never really given them a reason not to. Yes, sometimes I’ve…let off steam, I aint no angel, and sometimes I’ve blown my top. I think that’s to be expected somewhere like this, where days can get so monotonous that you can start to feel like you’re going mad if you think too much. They have me pegged as a time bomb, ready to blow at any minute.”

  “And are you?”

  He shrugged. “I dunno if I am or not. I know that I quite often feel something…brewing deep inside. I know that I’m not at peace, in my head and in my heart.” He grabbed at his hair, either side of his head, tugging at it as though to emphasise his point and then sighed wearily, resigned to the truth of that. He was damaged, and had no idea who he was or what he was capable of anymore. “That’s all I know. These-?” he held up his wrists, “-are for your protection, to keep you safe whilst in the company of the dreaded double murderer Danny Edwards. I did, after all, kill someone and-”

  “Which one?” she said suddenly, eyes wide with realisation.

  He frowned. “Say again?”

  “You’re in here for two murders. But you just said you killed someone. So I was just wondering…which one?”

  He narrowed his eyes, and then his face cleared into a smile. “Ooh, you’re good, Kate Marshall. Sharp as a tack, aint ya?” he shrugged, “I guess you’ll read into that as you see fit, regardless of what I might say.”

  She was trying to find something good in him, he could see that now and he found it both sweet and terrifying. She was going to be disappointed for sure.

  “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re nearly as dangerous as they think you are,” she said idly, “in fact, I think you’re probably alri-”

  She stopped. His eyes seemed darker somehow, glowing with something like anger and his hands were curled in fists, flexing open and shut.

  “Stop right there.” He snapped, couldn’t help it. He could feel a familiar anger rising to the surface, though he had no idea where it had come from. He wanted her to like him, but he didn’t want her thinking he was something he was not, didn’t want her trying to get too close, trying to absolve him. He didn’t want it, and didn’t deserve it.

  She frowned. “What-”

  “Don’t assume that I am a good guy, Kate Marshall. It would be very dangerous of you to let your guard down with me. I know your type; you try to see the good in people. You won’t find anything good in me, so don’t look for it. Save yourself the disappointment and stop now. You have no idea what I am capable of.”

  She found she could only stare at him, his blue eyes intense, filled with frustration and fury.

  He closed his eyes briefly, calming himself down. And then just like that, he was back to his normal smiling self.

  He stood up. “See ya next fortnight. And uh…don’t be too hard on Holly. You’re lucky to have each other.”

  * * * *

  7TH AUGUST 2007

  Kate sat out in the front garden, with a coffee and a cigarette enjoying the morning sunshine, smiling to herself. Another hour, and she could set off for her fortnightly visit, and as ever she was filled with butterflies and anticipation, wondering which Danny she would be dealing with today.

  She looked up and down the road and let out a happy sigh. Chris had been a useless husband, but he’d also been a very successful barrister and the result of that, and his guilt at the affair, was that she was now the owner of a truly beautiful house in a rural village. She’d been able to bring Holly up in a place not too far from the hustle and bustle of the town, but far enough that they could be a part of a close-knit community, in a house with a big garden, and with friends and a support network to turn to.

  The village itself was small, with only a pub and a chip shop, the nearest post office and shop now a mile walk up into the town, but she was happy here, and knew she would never want to live anywhere else.

  “Ah…the elusive Mrs Marshall, have you been avoiding me?”

  Kate looked up, and smiled when she saw her friend standing by the front gate grinning at her, her hand up to shield her eyes from the sun, her Yorkshire terrier ‘Flash’ straining at the lead to continue her walk.

  Jo Smith was her best friend of almost twenty years, and along with her husband Frank ran the local pub, The Crown. The two families were close, Jo’s son Tom playing in the band with Holly, the two having grown up together.

  Kate rolled her eyes. “No. Why?”

  Jo shrugged. “Just haven’t seen much of you. And when I have you’ve seemed…preoccupied. Something’s changed about you, something’s going on, I can tell. You got time to come over the pub for a cuppa and a chat?”

  Kate looked at her watch, and sighed. “Sorry…I gotta be somewhere soon. But I’ll come by after, about two?”

  Jo frowned, tucking her brown hair behind her ear, and setting her sunglasses on her head. “Where are you off to?”

  Kate inwardly groaned. She wanted to tell her, but was afraid to. Jo was notoriously honest, forward, and frankly blunt. She had no idea how she would react to the news that her friend was visiting a murderer each fortnight.

  “Dentist,” Kate said, because it was the first thing that popped into her mind.

  Jo nodded slowly. “Okay…but listen, everything is okay, right? I mean there’s nothing wrong?”

  “Nah, I’m fine.”

  “Only…like I say, something’s changed. You know you can talk to me, about anything, right?” She narrowed her eyes again. “Is there a man on the scene?”

  “No…” Kate said and scoffed a little too dramatically. “No, not really…”

  “Not
really?” Jo’s eyes grew wide. “Oh my God, there is! There’s a new man on the scene isn’t there? Holly said something was up, said you were fussing more, about your hair and your clothes and stuff, and we all know that aint like you.”

  “Oh, thanks…” Kate said in mock hurt.

  “You know what I mean. She just said…you seemed to be paying extra attention to yourself. And she said sometimes you disappear, all very secretive.”

  (God am I so transparent?)

  Kate shrugged apologetically. “I dunno what to tell you. I’m not sneaking off for secret sex sessions, I wish. Listen, I’ll drop in later and we’ll talk.”

  Jo considered and that and nodded, conceding. “Okay. See you later then.”

  * * * *

  This time Danny was there before her, sitting at the table smoking a cigarette.

  She rushed in, shaking her head. “Sorry, I got held up. Gossiping with my friend, and then got caught in traffic.”

  He shrugged, frowning. “Well, you know you ought to be sorry. I blew off tickets to the match, a pint with the lads, and a hot date for this, least you could do is be on time.” He winked, “It’s okay. Have a seat. Good week?”

  “Same as ever, really. How are you, Danny?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” he lied, “I volunteered to do gardening; it’s nice in this weather, nice to just be outside for any real length of time. I’m getting quite a tan.”

  “Yeah I noticed,” she said, and blushed, something she realised she did far too much in his company.

  He smiled again. “So…shall we continue?”

  * * * *

  1988

  Danny paced up and down his changing room, psyching himself up, as he did before every fight.

  The crowd was big as usual; he was beginning to build up quite a reputation, and always attracted big numbers to his fights. Through the double doors he could see into the hall, shrouded with smoke, and filled with people drinking and already cheering and shouting, pumped up for the fight ahead.

  He closed his eyes, trying to drown out the noise and focus. He felt good, his confidence high.

  The doors swung open and Mike, his manager, came in. “Alright Danny?”

  He nodded. “I’m ready.”

  “Good lad. Now remember…focus, chin up, stay light on your feet and preserve your energy. This fella is big, but big means slow and you can beat him, okay? By the way, your friend is here, uh…”

  Danny grinned. “Natalie?”

  “Yeah. Wearing the smallest Santa outfit I have ever seen. Nice girl.”

  “Mmm, I think so.”

  Mike frowned. “Just don’t get distracted, yeah? Women are a dangerous species, and you can’t afford to let your concentration go or this guy will punish you for it.”

  Danny smiled again knowingly. There was a loud cheer and he let out a sigh. “Here we go then.”

  “Good luck, kid.”

  They walked out into the club and waited in the corner.

  ‘And in the blue corner…boxing in blue and black shorts, weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds…he’s amateur heavyweight champion, currently undefeated…he’s a local boy…give it up ladies and gentlemen…for Danneee…the destroyeerrr….Edwarrrrrdddsss!’

  He raised his hands up and punched the air and was met with rapturous applause and wolf whistles. He jogged to the ring, the crowd opening up for him, jumped in and climbed up onto the ropes, playing to the crowd. He looked down and Natalie was standing by the ring, grinning at him. He smiled back and winked, getting down and taking his robe off.

  He went to the corner, and Mike rubbed his shoulders as he spoke to him.

  “You hear that? They love ya Danny boy, go for it, you can do this, okay? Nail the guy!”

  Danny nodded and got to his feet, and the match began.

  * * * *

  By round three it became apparent that Danny was boxing in an entirely different league to his opponent, raining punches that all connected, running rings around him. The hits he got back were strong, precise and hard, but he felt in control nonetheless, confident and capable.

  The crowd were obviously very appreciative of the good show he put on, and Danny suspected a lot of them had money riding on the fight.

  He glanced at the floor and saw Natalie standing by the ringside. She had a pint in one hand and a cigarette in the other. and she was screaming at him, so loud he could hear exactly what she said over all the other noise.

  “Go on, Danny! Come on gorgeous, you can do it! Go for it, hit him! Hit him, for Christ’s sake, knock him out”’

  He took what he thought was good advice and swung a final punch, with everything left inside him, and his opponent went down, hitting the mat hard. Danny waited with everyone else as the count was made, wiping his bloodied nose with the back of his arm, and then a cheer erupted as his hand was raised, and he was announced the winner.

  The ring quickly filled with people rushing to congratulate him, and he beamed from ear to ear. He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to find Natalie smiling at him. He smiled back stupidly, borderline concussed, as the world swam before his eyes, and he swayed on his unsteady feet and shook his head trying to focus his eyes better.

  “Congratulations, gorgeous,” She said with a wink. She looked above his eye and frowned. He knew he was bleeding there as well as his nose, and almost certainly had two black eyes. “Ooh, looks sore. Follow me, Danny boy.”

  She grabbed his hand, giving him little option but to follow her, stumbling out of the ring and through the crowd of people patting him on the back and still clapping him.

  They went into the changing room and she pointed to the weights bench in the corner. “Sit down, I’m great at this.”

  He sat down and she went to get the first aid box from the cupboard in the corner. She sat beside him and brushed his cheek with the back of her hand tenderly. “Well done, gorgeous. That was amazing.”

  He smiled, still out of breath and pumped up, and took his gloves off with his teeth. “Thanks. You enjoy yourself?”

  Natalie nodded enthusiastically. “I’ll say! That was my first boxing match and it was wicked. The adrenalin’s still racing through me. God only knows how you feel!”

  He thought about that and nodded, wiping the sweat from his brow, his breathing still erratic. “Pretty damn good right now. I just made myself another wad of cash to spend on you.”

  She rolled her eyes disapprovingly. “Can’t you think of nothing better to spend your money on?”

  He shook his head. “Nope, I can’t.”

  She cleaned above his eyebrow and looked at him closely, meeting his eyes with her own. “Does it hurt?”

  “Nah, don’t be daft. It’s nothing this, just a scratch.”

  “Ooh, you’re tough. Lie back, you look like you’re gonna pass out.”

  He did as she asked and took a moment to look at her, letting out a satisfied sigh. “You are absolutely fucking beautiful, you know that?”

  She rolled her eyes again, as though she had heard that a million times before. “You have a head injury.”

  “You’re still fucking beautiful.” He grabbed her wrist suddenly in both his hands and placed her hand on his chest. “You feel that?” his heart was still thumping furiously.

  She nodded slowly and swallowed hard, “Yeah…”

  “That’s the rush, that’s why I do this. I like the rush, the adrenalin, it feels…amazing. And I like a challenge. I’ll calm down soon, when I come down off it but right now it feels amazing and more so with you here. You give me the same natural rush, just by smiling.” He closed his eyes tight shut, taking deep breaths to refocus himself and sighed again, “My head aint as bad as it seems. Just a bit dazed is all. Very fucking dazed but I’ll rest over Christmas and be right as rain by Boxing Day.”

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Yeah, fine. Always looks worse than it is.” He frowned. “Why do you care, anyway?”

  She smiled and a
lmost blushed. “Because…because I like ya, okay? I like ya a lot as it goes.”

  He lifted his head off the bench and looked at her, genuinely surprised. “You do? Really?”

  She pushed him gently to lie back down and continued to clean his eye. She shrugged, trying to come across cool and calm, but managing to fool neither of them. “Sure, that surprise you?”

  “A bit, you’ve always been kinda…unreadable. You know my thoughts about you, but I wasn’t sure what you thought of me, you aint given nothing away.”

  “I’m here aint I?”

  “Yeah, but-”

  “I certainly don’t need the extra cash, so why do you think I came?”

  Now he was utterly confused and shook his head. “I don’t…”

  “I came because I wanted to see you. Because somehow…despite the fact I thought I had a barrier stopping fellas getting in here,” she tapped the side of her head, “you have managed to get under my skin. Are you really that obtuse or are you just fishing for compliments? What’s not to like anyway? You’re a nice guy. You’re a little bit arrogant, you’re gorgeous and you certainly know it. But I like that about you. You’ve reason to be arrogant, you’re bloody good at what you do and you’re ridiculously good looking, like…crazy beautiful. You’re confident, and there’s nothing wrong with that, so long as you keep your feet on the ground. And quite frankly, you look fucking hot in them little shorts. I had no idea you were hiding such a fit body under those clothes of yours. Lovely hairy legs, huge biceps, tall, dark and handsome…woo, there’s a lot for a girl to like right here. And you got the kind of eyes would make a girl forget her own damn name. I bet a lot of girls have fallen for them eyes and that charm of yours over the years - am I right?”

  He thought about it for a minute and grinned. “There’s been a few. So, you do like me then?”

  “Yeah, you’re alright.”

  He grinned again at that, guessing it was probably as close to a compliment as she was ever going to give him. “So, are ya gonna give me a go, then?”