He frowned as she stopped. “What…?”
She seemed to think carefully and come to a decision. “You know…I’ve grown to really respect you. Care about you…” she scoffed, tears sparkling in her eyes, “love you…”
“You can’t love me…” he said suddenly, as though it was the worst thing he had ever heard.
She narrowed her eyes, “Don’t tell me how to feel! I know how I feel, Danny!”
“Then you’d better un-feel it, Kate!”
“Believe me, right now I wish I could!” she snapped.
He shook his head. “You and I…it can never happen for a million reasons. You don’t know me half as well as you think you do, and I sure as hell don’t know you.”
“Oh that’s right…now I am suddenly the devil incarnate,” she sneered, looking him up and down as though he were something she had stepped in, “You know, I thought you had more about you. More fool me...” she stepped up to him, getting in close, in his face. He didn’t make a move, just looked into her eyes, trying to hold his composure but she could see him shaking with emotion, or adrenalin or whatever it was. Mr Marriott had a hold of both his wrists, holding his hands firmly behind his back. Looking into his eyes she felt the hurt somewhere deep inside, spurring her on, but more than that, a deep anger.
“How about I get in your face now, huh? Now you’re the vulnerable one. Now you’re the one who’s scared!” still he didn’t say anything, but he shook and his bottom lip trembled as though he were hanging on to something, holding his breath. He looked away before she did and she smirked triumphantly and shook her head in disgust. “I’m done here, I’m so done. I’m not wasting any more time or emotions on you, Danny.”
“Kate…”
“Shut. Your. Mouth.” She snapped, losing the last of her patience. “My daughter is the most precious thing in my life. She is…beautiful, smart and perfect and I cannot believe I was willing to even let you into her life. You’re right, you don’t deserve her.” She stepped back, brushing him off absently. “Go back to your pointless existence, your wallowing but never try to make me the bad guy here, I wasn’t trying to hurt you. You know what Danny? This aint even about you, not everything is. You’re right about one thing – I don’t understand. What do you want from your life, Danny?” she gestured to the room around them. “You wanna stay here, be alone forever? Fine. Wish granted. I have nothing else to say, please just…take him.”
Another guard had arrived and he took a moment to survey the situation, Kate with tears streaming down her face, Danny held in Mr Marriott’s tight grip, and frowned.
“Everything okay, Mike?”
“Yeah, fine John.” He said, not taking his eyes off Kate and Danny. “Mrs Marshall would like to leave, and Danny here is going back to general pop.”
“You need some back up with him?”
“No…no we’re fine thanks John, I can handle him.”
He nodded and gestured to Kate. “Mrs Marshall…?”
She nodded and looked at Danny one last time, now giving an air of calm composure, which was a million miles from how she felt. This time he was unable to look her in the eye.
“I won’t be coming again. Everything you told me, worried I’d turn my back on you…and you lost me with this, not that. Goodbye, Danny.”
She turned on her heels, and let the guard show her out, without looking back.
* * * *
The two men stood in the now empty room in silence for a moment or two. Danny exhaled, letting out a sharp, shaky breath, and a couple of tears rolled down his cheeks.
“Danny…?” Mr Marriott began cautiously, “what just happened?”
He thought for a minute, narrowing his eyes but making no attempt to move. “Um…I just…got offered everything I ever wanted, and…I had to turn it down.”
“Do you want-”
“No…no, I really don’t wanna talk about it,” he shook his head erratically to emphasise his point, “I’d like to go outside…if it’s still association.”
“It is, but I don’t know if you should in this state…”
“Please, sir. I’m okay; I just need some air and a cigarette.”
He sighed and nodded, releasing his hands for the first time. “Alright. Alright, okay.”
* * * *
Mike Marriot had worked at HMP Chirton for twenty one years, and knew Danny well – he was one of only a handful of inmates he truly believed did not belong in prison, least of all in a high security wing.
Danny was as calm and well-mannered as they came, intelligent and switched on. Until recently, he had rarely showed emotion, and caused no fuss or drama whatsoever. There had been times at the start of his sentence he had gotten into fights, but he put that down to trauma. He had followed his trial to its conclusion, and was inclined to believe Danny’s first version of events, and bearing that in mind, he was unsurprised that the guy had trouble adjusting to prison life.
He had not long been married himself back then, and had a baby daughter not much older than Danny’s little girl. The idea of losing his wife and child in such a way, chilled him to the bone and meant he had a great deal of sympathy for Danny. Sympathy was not what he needed however, and so he had decided to help him in any way he could, to make things as bearable as they could be when your life had been snatched from you in the blink of an eye.
He managed to persuade him to keep his head down, was instrumental in him getting his own cell, and encouraged him to avoid the other inmates where possible. Things around Danny had been calm apart from the two run-ins with Carl Sanders, an idiot with a big mouth and an even bigger chip on his shoulder. Even they had been something and nothing, not much more than a scuffle, but as he had been injured himself he had had no choice but to place them both on disciplinary. Carl had taken the punishment with his usual aggression and protest, Danny had simply silently accepted it and got on with it in his own way. Aside from them, there had been nothing until today, and he still didn’t understand what had happened between him and Kate, from the few bits of conversation he had caught it made little sense.
Now they were walking down the corridor in silence. He glanced at Danny, deciding to approach this with caution.
“You okay, Danny?”
Danny nodded. “Fine, sir.”
“Well…maybe you’ll feel better after a bit of fresh air, huh?”
“Mmm.”
“Are you sure there’s nothing you wanna talk about?”
“No…thanks sir. I’m tired of talking.”
Mr Marriott shrugged, conceding. “Alright, but you know where I am.”
Danny nodded idly. “Yeah…and I know where I am.”
* * * *
He watched Danny out in the yard, sitting on the dusty floor in the corner smoking his cigarette and staring into space. He was unnerved, because Danny rarely went into the yard and when he did he’d smoke a cigarette, and then head back to his cell. He had always preferred to be outside only on work duty, when there were considerably less inmates.
In this line of work instincts went a long way, and he was worried, because Danny was giving off some seriously weird vibes.
He looked to where he was staring, and realised he was looking at Brian Thompson, a particularly psychotic man currently serving twenty-six years for armed robbery, kidnap, and murder.
Brian was standing with three of his stooges staring straight back at Danny, obviously not seeing what Danny was looking at – which was not at Brian, rather through him, deep in thought, unaware of his surroundings or that he was managing to piss off one of the most dangerous men in here.
Mike slowly moved one hand towards his radio and the other to the handcuffs on his belt, and watched closely. Sure enough, Brian was moving slowly over towards Danny, with his henchmen in tow. Danny, it seemed, was still oblivious to them, lost in his thoughts still smoking his cigarette.
They reached him and he looked up at them, frowning, one had up to shield his eyes from the sun. Brian
said something and Danny said something back, but Mike couldn’t hear any of it from where he was standing.
He flicked his radio on. “Possible altercation, inmate Thompson and inmate Edwards, receiving?” he waited for a reply from one of the officers on the opposite side of the yard, which came back almost immediately.
“Received, ready to back up intervention.”
Mike made eye contact with him, and he nodded to confirm he was ready. New prison regulations meant they were not allowed to intervene until an inmate made an aggressive move, in case their intervention caused dissent or provoked violence from them, a policy Mike thought was absolutely ridiculous. He could see what was coming, and red tape meant he couldn’t make a move until Brian Thompson did.
When it did happen, it was so sudden that for a second he was taken completely off guard. Danny stood up and Brian instantly hit him, connecting with his left eye and knocking him back against the fencing. Danny felt his eye, looked at the blood on his fingers and lunged forward only to get hit again, this time square in the stomach and his jaw simultaneously, and this time he went down onto the concrete, first onto his knees and then down onto his side. That broke his paralysis.
‘Go! Go! Go!’ he shouted down the radio, and ran to the men, who were laying into Danny, kicking him while he lay on the floor trying to shield himself with his arms and get to his feet. Danny managed to get up, and was now throwing punches back. Mike couldn’t help but be a little impressed – it may have been the best part of twenty years since Danny had fought, but he was still doing a good job of holding his own, even outnumbered four to one.
When he and his colleague Tony reached them, the men with Brian instantly backed off. Tony grabbed him, dragging him off and pinning him down, handcuffing his hands behind his back. Mike did the same with Danny, securing the cuffs around his wrists as he struggled against him.
“I didn’t do anything!” he protested, his face full of rage, his forehead dripping with sweat and blood around his eye.
Mike ignored him and kept a tight grip on his arm, stunned by the strength behind his struggle, he was fighting him, and fighting him hard.
“Officer Jackson, take Thompson down to isolation, one week. I’ll take Edwards to the medi-bay.”
“God damn bastard, staring at me like that, asked for it!” Brian shouted and Danny scoffed.
“Don’t flatter yourself sweetheart, you aint my type.” He sneered, lunging for him again.
“Get him out of here!” Mike shouted and waited while he was taken away. He gestured to the doorway. “Come with me, Danny.”
* * * *
He waited while the doctor checked Danny over and set about cleaning him up. His eye was already closing up, and his jaw down the side was swelling. The area in between, all across his cheek, was bleeding where he had scraped across the gravel of the yard, taking a layer of skin off, and his arms, exposed because he had only been wearing a vest looked much the same, the blood glistening in the artificial lighting of the medical wing. He seemed oblivious, although it looked very sore, not even flinching when the doctor wiped it over with an antiseptic, picking out the occasional stone lodged amongst the cuts. He breathed heavily, deep short breaths in and out, obviously still fuming.
“Are you okay, Danny?”
“Oh I’m great sir,” Danny scoffed, frustrated and annoyed, “minding my own business, and I get jumped on, first by them, then by you. Never been better, what a fucking day! I didn’t do nothing wrong, I was attacked, and yet here I am, sat like this.” He gestured with his hands, showing him the handcuffs.
“I know Danny, and I’ll take them off just as soon as you calm down. Are you hurt anywhere else?”
“Probably black and blue all over my back and legs, but hey, that’s karma for you. Damn, does it move fast…I deserve this for what I did to Kate.”
Mr Marriott cautiously lifted the back of Danny’s shirt and winced at the bruises forming on his lower back,
(oh crap, that’s gonna hurt tomorrow)
“What exactly did I do?” Danny asked, “because honestly I aint got a fucking clue. I was sitting there, he came over, gave me some mouth, I stood up and before I know it, I’m getting a kicking.”
“You were staring at him.”
Danny frowned. “No I weren’t…”
“You were. Not deliberately, you were deep in thought and staring through him sort of.”
Danny narrowed his eyes further, “So…you saw that, and saw it was gonna happen?”
“Well yeah, but…we aren’t allowed to intervene until something actually happens.”
He laughed at that but there was not a shred of humour in it. “Ahh…my God! That’s priceless! If there is a God, which I doubt, he’s definitely out to pile as much stress on me as he can before I crack, and let me tell you…I am fucking close to breaking point! I am sick of this fucking place, sick of being a dead man walking, you know that? Sick”’
Mike sighed and nodded. He had never seen Danny so angry, so hyped up and it was deeply worrying.
(what the hell was said in that room today?)
“I know. When the doctor has finished, we’re gonna talk and then I’ll take those cuffs off, make you a bit more comfortable. If you can try and calm down a bit.”
“Very kind of you. But I’m about as calm as I’m gonna get right now. But I’m not about to attack you, or anyone else, cause frankly I aint got the energy. So you can either take ‘em off and take a chance, or leave ‘em on until my hands drop off. I’m past caring, I mean I really do not give a flying fuck. Only I really am done with talking.”
“What happened between you and Kate?”
“Nothing, it don’t matter.”
“Nothing made her cry? Made you pin her to a wall, made you almost hit her-”
“I never would have hit her, never!” Danny spat, apparently insulted by the insinuation.
“Her expression said she wasn’t entirely sure either way, you frightened the life out of her. For her to say she aint gonna visit you again? Come on, Danny. I wanna help, but you have to let me.”
“You can’t help. It’s too complicated.”
“Nothing is too complicated it can’t be worked ou-”
“She has my daughter.” Danny interrupted, losing his patience.
Mike frowned. “Huh?”
“No lasting damage Mr Marriot.” The doctor interrupted. “Thought he might need stiches on his eyebrow, but it seems okay. I’ve just put a dressing on it. There’s some swelling and bruising round his jaw but no break. Need to keep the cuts clean, and then it’s just a matter of painkillers, and keeping an eye on him. No working, plenty of rest, any other problems just bring him back here.”
Mr Marriot nodded absently. “Okay, thank you.”
“Yeah, thank you.” Danny snapped, annoyed at being ignored.
The doctor finished up and left them alone and Mike turned back to Danny. “Go on.”
Danny sighed. “My daughter – my wife’s daughter…Kate adopted her. Her daughter…is my Emma. She told me today. That’s why she first came to see me, to find out what happened back then, because Emma – Holly as she is now – wanted to know. And now she wants us to meet. She wants me to meet her, get parole and live happily ever after.”
“Well, that’s good isn’t it? Aren’t you glad to know she’s safe and well and someone decent has been looking after her?”
“Course I am. But…no good can come from this. Kate wants me to be like a dad to her. Only that aint possible, is it?”
“Because…?”
“Because…of who I am, and where I am. Because happy endings are a myth, everything goes bad in the end. She can’t come here, and we can’t have a relationship, not while I’m here. And me and Kate…well, there is no me and Kate, never can be. She needs to get real, she needed a reality check, a reminder of who she’s dealing with.” Danny sighed. “Would you mind taking these off now?”
Mike unlocked the cuffs and Danny rubbed hi
s wrists and nodded appreciatively. Mike thought for a minute, choosing his words carefully.
“Danny…parole is a very real possibility for you, you know. I’m not in the habit of giving inmates false hope. There’s no reason whatsoever why you shouldn’t get it. And if you get out, you’ll need support. Who better…than two people who care for you, and want you in their lives? If they want to be there for you, let them.”
“And if I’m rejected? What then? I can’t indulge in fantasies; it won’t do anything for my rapidly decreasing sanity. Things are what they are, no sense in pretending any different. I aint never gonna change, and neither are my circumstances. That’s not the only issue anyway. She’s lied to me, for like…seven months. Making out like she was my friend, making out like she was just some…random student, looking for someone to help with a project. Listening to me talk about my wife, and I never talk about my wife, never have. And she’s known the whole time how much I’ve…hurt about Emma, how much I’ve missed her. All the while she knew, she fucking knew where she was, she had her and didn’t tell me. I’ve broke my heart in front of that woman, exposed myself emotionally for the first time in my damn life, to a fucking liar, and it’s me who’s totally at fault?” he took a sharp breath, having barely taken one in all of that rant and then sighed. “Fucking hell, I don’t know what’s going on no more, my head is fucking mashed, but I feel so…betrayed right now, I really do.”
Mr Marriott frowned again, wondering whether to say what he wanted to, he was taking a risk, especially having just taken the cuffs off, but he knew with Danny it was always best to be straight with him, he had never appreciated being fobbed off with meaningless words.
“Danny…you’re not seriously mad at her, you can’t be…”
“Yeah, why not? She lied to me, did you miss that?”
“The woman raised your daughter, Danny! And I’d hazard a guess very bloody well! If she had ended up anywhere else, or with anyone else, do you think you would’ve been given a chance to see her again?”
Danny flinched at that, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks as he processed that perspective, and it began to dawn on him for the first time how unreasonable and stubborn he had been. Mr Marriott continued on, and as he did Danny felt his anger dissipating to something closer to grief.
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