Contrition (The Perception Trilogy)

by Strauss, Lee

And the guy who infuriated me.

  I almost sprinted into the cave where I found Hannah and Jabez sitting closely together. Their soft chatter silenced when they saw me. Jabez shifted over and picked up the stoking stick to poke at the fire. I had the impression that I’d interrupted a personal conversation.

  This desert was too small for the seven of us.

  With nowhere else to go, I went back outside, relieved to see that both Taylor and Noah were gone. I sat back down on the rock. Hannah’s giggles reached me, and I wondered if a new romance was starting.

  I snorted at the irony. Maybe they could get it right.

  Noah emerged from the darkness with an armful of fuel for the fire.

  “Watch out for the love birds in there,” I said.

  He flashed me a curious look before going in. Several minutes later he came out, empty handed. “I see what you mean,” he said. “When did that start?”

  “I think it had already started at the factory. Jabez has a soft heart under that tough guy exterior.”

  Noah settled on a stone about six feet away from mine. “Look, about earlier. I’m sorry. I had no right to get mad.”

  The moon was near to full and broke through the cloud covering. It was as if a planetary spotlight had been turned on. It reflected off his face, and I could make out his expression clearly. Controlled. Blank. Determined.

  “It’s fine,” I said.

  “No, really. If you and Taylor—” he waved in the direction of Jabez and Hannah, “—want to…”

  I stood sharply, heat flaring in my chest. “Seriously, Noah?”

  “I don’t mean to offend.”

  “Well, you’re doing a fabulous job of it.” I stormed away into the shadows of the trees. Noah couldn’t be more blatant if he tried. He was over me. I got it.

  “Zoe.” Noah chased after me and grabbed my arm. “I—”

  “Leave me alone.” I pulled back. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

  His arms dropped to his sides but he didn’t budge. A stubborn tear ran down my face and I turned from Noah so he couldn’t see me wipe it away. I crossed my arms to hold in the pain. The last thing I needed was to lose it like a fool. I’d already suffered enough humiliation.

  Noah got the message and slipped away.

  Chapter 6

  Taylor, Jabez, and Noah were ready to go just as dawn broke. No point in getting to Tucson too early, before the shops opened.

  I hovered by the entrance, watching as Jabez jumped in the driver’s seat and Taylor beside him. Taylor blew me a kiss and then laughed. I wrinkled my nose but returned a playful finger wave. I glanced over my shoulder at Noah, who was squatting beside Mary, whispering something I couldn’t hear, and I clenched my jaw.

  I shifted over so that Noah wouldn’t have to touch me when he left. He paused as he passed by.

  “You’ll be okay?” he asked. It was a courtesy question.

  “Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  His eyes moved from my face to the bruise on my arm and the red inflammation that peeked out from the dust-covered bandage.

  “I’ll bring something back for that.”

  I nodded. Our first-aid kit was ill-equipped to deal with gunshot wounds and we’d used up most of the antiseptic and bandages already. “Thanks.”

  I watched until the dust cloud that followed the buggy disappeared on the horizon, and then I busied myself by getting water, tidying up the cave, and basically feeling useless. My arm throbbed and I peeled away the bandage to see how my flesh wound was doing. It was angry red, swollen and oozing blood, but looking better than the day before. I was lucky my cyborg assassin hadn’t got in a better shot.

  Rebecca and Mary had dozed off. Hannah used a makeshift broom to sweep the cave floor. I dug through our near-empty kit and almost decided on waiting until Noah returned to tend to it when Hannah put the broom down and walked over.

  “Would you like me to clean that for you?”

  Hannah was a dichotomy to me. Her very essence was sweet, humble, self-giving—everything you’d imagine a pious holy woman to be—and yet here she was with the imagined scarlet letter on her forehead, hiding out with sinners and lawbreakers, worried about our health and well-being.

  “Sure, thanks.” I could do it myself, but it was awkward.

  Hannah rubbed her hands with the antibacterial gel and then dabbed a sterile cotton swab with antiseptic. I caught my breath as she applied it to my wound. The stinging subsided after a few seconds, and I breathed normally.

  “So, you and Jabez?” I prompted as she applied a fresh bandage.

  Her eyes widened and her lips tugged down. “What are you talking about?”

  “I see how you guys look at each other. All the friendly chatting.”

  She pulled back and covered her eyes, clearly not enjoying this conversation.

  “It’s okay,” I said, stroking her arm reassuringly. “I think it’s cool.”

  “Taylor won’t think it’s cool. Please, don’t say anything around him.”

  “Fine, I won’t. But, I don’t think he’ll care.”

  “You don’t know my brother like I do. Anyway, it’s nothing. Jabez is just being a great friend.”

  “He’s a guy. They don’t do ‘great friend.’ Trust me. He’s interested in more.”

  Her brow furrowed. “Even with this?” She patted her stomach, and I noticed for the first time a slight mound there.

  “I think he likes kids.”

  Rebecca sat up. By the scowl that stretched across her face, I could tell she’d overheard the last half of our conversation. “Really, Hannah? Simon’s only been dead for three months.”

  “Why do you always have to be a killjoy?” I said. “You’re like a freaking black cloud.”

  Rebecca’s face soured. “You’re not exactly little miss sunshine yourself.”

  I hated that her words were true. I spread out my blanket and lay down, intent on ignoring her. Time would pass more quickly if I could sleep it away.

  The ground was too hard, and my heart too agitated for sleep to come.

  I flipped onto my side.

  Hannah was with Mary, handing her what was left of our painkillers. “Taylor says you should be able to move around more in a couple of weeks.”

  “That’s just code for forever,” Mary muttered.

  I turned over so she wouldn’t catch my eye. We weren’t friends in St. Louis, and we weren’t friends here.

  The sun made its trek into the sky above the horizon, and time crept on.

  I moved outside and sat on the stone to keep watch. They should be back soon.

  Moisture trickled down my temples, the back of my neck, and under my arms. I wiped the sweat off the top of my chapped lips with my finger and vied for the shifting shade from the mesquite tree that partially concealed the opening of our cave home. I scanned the horizon toward Tucson for the hundredth time.

  The sun beat like a torch on my head, and I ducked inside the cave. Rebecca snuffed out the fire that burned overnight. Her eyes flickered to mine.

  “A watched pot never boils,” she muttered, but her lips were pulled down in a worried frown.

  “They should be back by now,” I said. “It’s almost ten.”

  As I stepped back outside, I was momentarily blinded by the sun. The hot desert wind whipped my face as I cupped my tired eyes. Nothing in sight except the scrap pieces of the aircraft that had brought us here.

  Finally, in the distance, I spotted a dust plume. “They’re back!”

  Tremendous relief was followed by itchy irritation. I wanted to fling myself at Noah, so happy to see him back and safe, but I reined in my enthusiasm.

  I pulled my eyes away from him and focused on Taylor and Jabez. “So, a success? Let’s see the spoils.”

  They pulled out sleeping mats, hats, the promised first-aid supplies, canned foods and fresh fruit. Rebecca, Hannah and I showed heart-felt gratitude, whooping as each item was presented.

  Taylor displayed h
is longed-for generator. “Now we can get down to business.”

  I picked up a box and followed him in the cave. “What’s this?”

  “Oh, just some sensors for the mountain peaks. We want to know if anyone tries to track us.”

  Taylor was the ultimate tech geek, but I was glad to have him on my side. I placed the box down in the tech room. “I’ll help.”

  “It’s a date.” Taylor unbuttoned his shirt to relieve the heat and he caught me staring at his well formed pecs. His eyebrows jumped, and I quickly averted my eyes.

  “You paid cash for all this?” I asked.

  Taylor shrugged. “Not really.” Then he held out his right hand, and I saw the bandage on the flesh between his thumb and finger.

  “You got a chip?”

  “It was the only way, Zoe. You should’ve seen the place. The authorities were everywhere. There were random ID checks. We were lucky. There was no way we were going to get what we needed with cash.”

  “So, you volunteered? Or did they choose you?”

  “I volunteered. It was no big deal. I’m not on anyone’s blacklist. I just explained that mine had been removed from me as a child and I needed it reinserted. It took less than half an hour.”

  “But how?”

  He studied his hand. “They scanned my palms and my retinas to prove I was who I said I was. They’re really fast and proficient.”

  I gulped, worried about what this could mean in the future. Taylor had apparently brought along a good amount of cash, too, enough to pad a new digital account. Included with his purchases was a deluxe printer and supplies for Rebecca’s medication. I had to wonder where he got all the money from. Commune life wasn’t exactly lucrative.

  We dug into a meal of fresh oranges and bran muffins. You’d think we hadn’t eaten in a week, but our last real meal had been two days earlier on Christmas Eve.

  “What was Tucson, like?” I asked. It was code for were there pictures of my face?

  Noah stared at the ground. “It was busy, just like any other city. Lots of people. Traffic. Noise.”

  “And…”

  His eyes caught mine. “And lots of billboards. They’re still after us, Zoe. The reward for your return has been upped to two million.”

  My heart whooshed. “And you?”

  “The same. But the president doesn’t care if I’m brought in alive.”

  Fear gripped my throat. “You can’t go into Tucson, anymore, Noah.”

  He brushed it off. “Ah, the picture of me makes me look like I’m a twelve year-old boy. I didn’t get a second glance.”

  “It’s true,” Taylor said. “Your photos look hot, but his, meh.”

  I laughed at Taylor, and he grinned back at me before disappearing into the tech cave. I watched Noah as he unloaded the last of the items from the buggy. He caught me staring, and I glanced away. My shoes were suddenly very interesting. I dug at the sand with my toe. I casually looked up again from under my lashes. Noah’s eyes were on me now. I stayed locked on his gaze. What is he thinking? Did he feel the pull of attraction I felt? Did the longing for something more make his soul ache like mine did?

  And if so, would he ever give into it again?

  Chapter 7

  NOAH

  I was my own worst enemy. Since Reno, I’d made a promise to myself that I’d stay clear of Zoe romantically. Her grandfather had had nanobots injected into her brain last summer to erase her memories of his illegal cyborg experiments, and of her memories of me. His manipulations had worked, and Zoe had forgotten all about our fast, intense love affair.

  I was the one who’d made a fugitive out of her, so it was my responsibility to keep her safe. That was my primary focus now. She said she remembered our past and that she’d fallen in love with me again—and maybe that was the truth, but I couldn’t risk getting involved with her a second time. Besides the fact that something was bound to come between us and, frankly, I didn’t want my heart broken again. She was still a GAP. She would outlive me by a hundred years (if I succeeded in my mandate to keep her safe). We just weren’t good for each other.

  Mary was by far the smarter choice. She was strong, resilient, shared my beliefs in God and my political stance. She opposed unfair GAP policies as vigorously as I did, and hated the police state our new president had imposed in such a short time.

  President Vanderveen, Zoe’s grandfather. Another really good reason to stay clear of Zoe emotionally. I wasn’t on her family’s side. At all.

  It just made sense. Keep clear of Zoe Vanderveen. Hard to do when forced to live in close quarters like this. Just my luck to find her half dressed in the water tunnel. I’d almost lost my resolve then and there. The desire to hold her, to comfort her, and love her was so strong. Like a tornado erupting suddenly in my soul, tossing all rational thought around like debris. Why did she affect me like that? Why did she have such an overpowering hold on me?

  Somehow I’d mustered up the inner fortitude to walk away. Next time I might not be strong enough. I had to be more careful. Keep my distance, stay with the group and not be alone with her. Focus on helping Mary. She was better for me. She was. At the very least, she needed my help and my friendship. I could give her that.

  I sat beside Mary and shook all thoughts of Zoe from my head.

  “How are you doing?” I asked her. I wrung the cloth that sat in a bowl of tepid water and wiped her damp brow.

  She managed a smile. “Fine. If I ignore the fire in my ribs. And the one in my head.”

  “You just need time. You’re strong. You’ll get through this.”

  She reached for my hand and squeezed. I squeezed back. I shifted to get more comfortable on the rocky cave floor and my eyes met Zoe’s. Her gaze traveled to my hand in Mary’s, and I slowly pulled it away. I knew how she felt about me, or rather, how she believed she felt about me, and I didn’t want to purposely cause her pain.

  Taylor returned with the solar panel he’d left outside, and Zoe made a show of following him into the tech cave, out of sight. Her laughter bled out into the room, and I closed my eyes, working to block it out.

  Nice try. All I could see was Taylor and his stupid, flirtatious grin. He’d been after Zoe since he first met her in Utah. He’d beguiled her with his charm, and the image of him kissing her after frolicking in the snow still made my throat burn with bile. I should’ve clocked him in the face then. All that pacifist talk had turned out to be a sham anyway.

  I still couldn’t figure out why they were here with us in the desert? Why did they bother finding us in St. Louis?

  It had to be the money. The cyborg’s arrival just one day after they’d shown up couldn’t have been a coincidence. Not to mention the other agents. Someone had reported us, and it had to have been Taylor Blake.

  I sprung to my feet toward the tech cave. Taylor had his back to me, and I shoved him against the wall.

  “Noah!” Zoe’s jaw dropped. “What the hell?”

  “He—” I pointed to the jerkwad as he straightened his shirt, “—reported you. He is not your friend.”

  “What are you talking about, man?” Taylor folded his arms across his chest, and I wanted to wipe that smug look off his face. “I didn’t call anyone.”

  “Then who did? How’d they find us?”

  “Maybe they found you guys because of you?” Taylor returned loudly. “Have you thought of that? Maybe you were the one who was careless.”

  “Yeah, then where’s all your money coming from? You commune folk aren’t exactly world commerce savvy.”

  “I’m savvier than you, obviously.”

  I took another step toward Taylor, and he puffed up like an angry bird. He was no small fry and he was strong. “Let’s take this outside,” I said.

  Zoe stepped between us and placed a palm on each of our chests. “No! Stop it.” She stared hard at me. “What’s gotten into you?”

  I glanced down at her hand pressing against me. Her heat radiated through my shirt and made my heart race a li
ttle faster. I swallowed hard. “I don’t trust him.”

  She huffed and let her hands fall to her side. “Well, I do.”

  Her words were like a slap in the face. She was taking his side over mine. I shouldn’t be surprised. I’d practically pushed her into his arms.

  “I’m telling you, Zoe. He’s no good.”

  “He’s good to me. Which is more than I can say about you.”

  I heard Taylor chuckle behind me and I spun, taking a swing. He ducked, and Zoe yelled. The space in the tech room was small, and I hit the wall. Pain shot up my arm, and I clamped my teeth together, refusing to cry out. I wouldn’t give that idiot the satisfaction.

  “He didn’t make the call.”

  We all turned to the soft voice coming from the doorway to the tech cave.

  Hannah stood there, hands clasped in front of her. She stared at the ground. “It was me.”

  Chapter 8

  I stole a bicycle when I was fourteen. I liked to think of it as a “borrow,” but my dad didn’t see it that way. My excuse was that it was the middle of summer, and I was tired, thirsty, hot, and late for dinner. Ma was pretty adamant about us eating suppers together and on time every night, and I wasn’t in the mood for one of her tongue lashings. Sally Tammoli had left her pink bike out on her front yard, nice and close to the street, sweet for the taking. I stopped, glanced around to see if any of the three Tammoli kids or Mrs. Tammoli, was around, and then, without thinking through the consequences, picked up the bike and hopped on.

  I parked it in the back yard by the shed, behind a bush out of sight of the house, with every intention of returning it after supper.

  I completely forgot about it.

  The next day, Mrs. Tammoli was standing on our front doorstep with fire in her eyes. She was raising three kids on her own, and the frown on her wrinkled face showed that it hadn’t been an easy job. “Your boy stole Sally’s bike,” she said to my dad when he approached the screen door she’d tapped on.

  With spectacularly bad timing, Jonathon and I happened to enter the room. My father twisted his neck to look and us and narrowed his eyes.