Contrition (The Perception Trilogy)

by Strauss, Lee

  “Towns like this one used to get their water from a vast underground aqueduct,” Jabez said. “They lived for decades under a false impression that they could use as much water as they wanted and never run out. The governing bodies in the past created man made oases, as green as what you’d find in coastal areas.”

  “Too bad they didn’t realize it until it was too late,” Noah added. “Their wanton waste caught up to them.”

  “What about the water by our caves?” I asked. “Obviously there is some water.”

  Jabez shifted his bag. “Small watering holes like the one near our cave aren’t large enough to sustain whole communities.”

  I was ashamed to admit I hadn’t followed the adversities that desert communities had faced over the years too closely. Sol City had insulated me. It wasn’t that the information wasn’t available. Sadly, most of us just didn’t care that much. It didn’t affect us. We had all the water we needed.

  The town consisted of long rows packed with single story houses. They were peeling paint, dusted with sand, and the wind pressed litter up into the crevices.

  “Where should we start?” Jabez asked with a low voice.

  I understood his desire to whisper. Even though we were the only living souls around, it felt like we had entered a graveyard and were deciding on which grave to rob first.

  Noah pointed to the closest one on our right and started walking. He climbed three steps to the front door and tried the handle. “It’s locked.”

  “How about a window,” Jabez said, before disappearing down the side of the house.

  I cleared the grime off the living room window and peered in. It was empty of furniture, which didn’t give me much hope that we’d find anything. Whoever lived here last, had packed up before they’d left.

  My heart skipped when I saw a shadow. “Noah,” I whispered, waving him over. “There’s someone inside.”

  Chapter 4

  Why did we assume we were alone? It was entirely possible that all these towns were looted regularly. Maybe homeless desert dwellers squatted here. I reached into my bag and gripped the handle of my gun.

  Noah peered through the glass and then patted my back. “It’s just Jabez.” I could hear the grin in his voice. “He must’ve found an open window.”

  I took another look and recognized the shape and gait of his silhouette. He unlocked the front door to let us in. I let out a breath, feeling stupid.

  “Nothing here, folks,” he said. “Kitchen cupboards are bare, too. I checked.”

  “Let’s move on, then.” Noah turned and headed toward the next house. “We don’t have a lot of time if we want to get back before the sun fries us.”

  We struck out three times before we hit the mother lode.

  It was a small rancher on a corner lot with a dead tree in the middle of the front yard. The front door squeaked loudly as Jabez wrenched it open. The inside was stale with dry heat. I coughed at the dust that stirred up and tickled my throat.

  Whoever had lived here had left in a hurry. We got dishes, a large plastic basin, two blankets and a flashlight with batteries. There was even a cupboard of canned goods. My mouth watered at the sight of beans on the labels. It felt like we’d won a lottery. We divided the spoils between us until we were too weighted down to walk.

  “We need something to carry stuff with,” Noah said. “Something with wheels.”

  The perfect thing presented itself in the porch of the house next door. A stroller. It was dirty but functional, and it could be cleaned.

  “This will come in handy for Hannah,” Jabez said.

  Hannah wasn’t showing, so it was easy to forget that she was pregnant. I was sure I wasn’t alone in wondering how we were going to manage with a newborn in our group one day, but we all kept quiet.

  We stacked the stroller with the heavier items and filled our bags with the rest.

  The trip back felt longer. Hotter, sweatier, heavier. Thirstier. We finished up the water in the jug.

  Sweat dripped between my shoulder blades, along my neck and between my breasts. I wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt and pushed back damp strands of hair off my face.

  “We should’ve looked for hats,” I said. The sun beat down on our backs, and we had no relief whatsoever.

  Noah’s cap was left behind in St. Louis, so he took his shirt off and wrapped it around his dark head. I was momentarily distracted from my discomfort by his chiseled pecs and well-formed biceps when he heaved his backpack on. All that fight training had done wonders for his physique.

  Jabez didn’t fare any better in the heat. Sweat dripped down his temples and large sweat marks had formed under his arms. Jabez pushed the buggy, and my lips pulled up in a slight smile. It looked good on him.

  Taylor and Hannah greeted us outside the entrance of the cave. “You made it!” Taylor said. He made a special effort to catch my eye and hold my gaze. “I was beginning to worry you’d gotten eaten by wild desert creatures.”

  I swiped sweat from my face, feeling self-conscious and anything but appealing. I couldn’t hold back a grin. “We’re fine.”

  Rebecca limped out with a makeshift cane—a wiry, dry branch Taylor must’ve searched for—and cheered as we presented our spoils. Hannah teared up at the sight of the stroller.

  It was a big celebration until my vision blurred to black and I dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

  “Zoe?” My eyes cracked open to the sound of Noah’s voice. “Zoe? Here, drink this.”

  I was cradled in his arms, and he lifted a glass of water to my lips. I gulped, and coolness spread through my chest and stomach. “Did I faint? Again?”

  Noah blinked and his mouth pulled back in concern.

  “I’m fine,” I said. “I don’t know why I’ve become such a wuss.”

  He helped me to sit up. The cave was quiet except for the sound of my voice trying to break the awkwardness. “It’s just the heat. I’m fine.”

  I glanced around the room to find everyone except Mary, who was propped up against the wall on the other side of the cave, staring down at me. Taylor’s lips were pursed in thought. “I’m fine,” I insisted. And to prove it, I stood.

  It was a bad move. My knees grew weak and I toppled.

  Noah jumped to catch me. “You should lay down for awhile. And eat something.”

  Somehow a blanket ended up underneath me and I was propped up against the wall, too. Hannah handed me an opened can of corn and a fork.

  Taylor returned with the jug of water and poured some into a cup. “Here, drink this.”

  I took it eagerly.

  Noah sat in between Mary and me, his gaze of concern alternating between us. He’d get tennis-match neck if he weren’t careful.

  “It’s too hot to work,” Taylor said. “Might be a good time for us all to catch a few zee’s.”

  “I agree,” Jabez said, stifling a yawn. “I’m exhausted.”

  It was warm in the cave but not so hot that I couldn’t sleep. Everyone found a spot on the cool, dirt floor and tried to get comfortable. Noah helped Mary ease onto her back, her arm wrapped around her ribs as she held in a groan from the pain. Hannah and Rebecca curled up on their sides. The guys lay on their backs with hands under their heads. The room soon filled with the soft snores of the others. I watched Noah settle in on his coat, his chest gently rising as it slowed its rhythm. I shimmied back down into a lying position. Eventually, I joined everyone in dreamland.

  Heat radiates from the sand, trapped by the grayness of a dense, oppressive fog. It presses against the mourners, and beads of sweat form on their brows. They eagerly accept the cold, fizzy drinks being offered by the hired wait staff.

  An over-sized video screen rattles in the wind on the second tier of the Vanderveen property, with images of Liam fluttering like a flag. White roses have been delivered by the truckload. White petals peel off and float away in the saline breeze whishing off the ocean. A string quartet is set up in the corner of the stone-tiled p
atio playing soft, melancholy tunes.

  My grandfather, William Vanderveen is there.

  “I know this was such a shock,” his voice is low and gravelly. “It broke my heart to hear the news. This must be terribly difficult for you.”

  I send him a terse, sideways glance. “Why didn’t you just have him cloned? Oh, right, too many people knew he was dead already. Such a pity.”

  Grandpa V rocks on his shoes. “So you know I told them your medical files should’ve been erased.” His overly wide eyes gaze down at me. “But Zoe, child, I did it for you. You’d be dead, if I hadn’t, right? And your poor mother, she was so distraught. I did it for her and your father, too. I just wanted to ease their pain.”

  She is dead. I’m not her. Or, am I? I glance off to the side as I finish my drink.

  Grandpa V keeps talking. “I never thought she’d have to go through such a loss again.”

  I place my empty glass down on the table. “Yeah, that’s just really bad luck.”

  Grandpa V doesn’t seem to catch the scorn in my voice. “It was quite easy to hide your case,” he says, barely loud enough for me to hear. “Since you’d drowned in a private pool without any witnesses.”

  I startled awake, panting, my eyes pinching together against the rays of dust-filled light blasting in from the entrance. An ominous foreboding blanketed me heavily, crushing my breath. My brother had been murdered, my grandfather hunted me, and I was more certain than ever that I was still drowning.

  Chapter 5

  That evening before it got pitch black, and against the soundtrack of deafening cicadas and the howl of coyotes, the guys pushed the plane carcass off the road, closer to our camp.

  “If we peel off the wings, knock off the nose and tail, we can use the frame as a buggy,” Jabez said. “It already has seats and an engine, and a GPS in the console.”

  “What’s it going to run on?” Noah asked. “We’re out of gas, right?”

  “We can fashion the glass from the windshield into a solar panel,” Taylor said. “The buggy won’t win any races, but it should charge the battery enough to get us to Tucson and back.”

  We all agreed we had to find a way to get to Tucson. Our meager food supplies wouldn’t last. Looting was a crap shoot, and there were just some things we needed to buy new.

  It took the guys a few days to get it going, doing most of the work by the light of the moon and the fading beams of the two flashlights in our possession.

  Jabez test drove it as the sun set, with a solar-charged battery, revving it in wide circles and kicking up swaths of sand. He hollered at the victory, and the rest of us clapped and cheered along.

  He brought it to a stop. “Don’t want to waste the juice,” he said. “I’d say we make a trip to Tucson at the break of dawn.”

  “Sounds good,” I said with every intention of being part of the party.

  Noah’s eyes darted to mine. “You should stay here.”

  I blinked. “Why?”

  “We should assume that Vanderveen has your face up all over the place there, much like he did in St. Louis. That includes Tucson.”

  “What about your face?”

  “I’ll buy a cap.”

  Noah did look a lot different now from the mug shot they’d used where his hair was buzzed short around his ears and his face clean-shaven. Now his hair hung to his shoulders and his face was concealed by a beard.

  I’d changed, too. Noah had trimmed off my long, blonde locks at a motel room in Reno—an oddly intimate moment that underlined his rejection of me, and the memory still seared my heart with pain. I’d hacked it even shorter in St. Louis and had been a fake brunette for several months now.

  I pushed down my frustration. I was sweaty, dusty, and felt ugly and gross. I grabbed my bag and left for the water stream without telling anyone where I was going. I just wanted to be alone.

  I skirted around clumps of prickly pear cactus, which looked like clusters of upright, flat, sea-green, Ping-Pong paddles, and stayed clear of rocks and bushes that could hide snakes and scorpions. Getting to the water tunnel required successfully clearing a desert obstacle course. A surge of relief flooded me when I broached its damp coolness. I navigated the slippery surface carefully, my right arm dragging along the wall to help keep my balance. The stream grew wider and deeper the further I went in. I didn’t have a flashlight, so I stayed near the entrance. I removed my shorts before sitting on a rock slab in my underwear. I dragged my feet through the water and scooped it up with my hands, rubbing the cool wetness along my legs. The cold water was a welcome shock to my hot skin. I dug through my bag and took out a bar of soap and a razor. I unbuttoned my shirt, peeling it off, and sponge bathed my back and shoulders, my stomach, and under my arms. I left the bandage on my left arm intact, wincing as I wiped around the dark bruise.

  My mind ran the gamut of emotions. Relief to be alive, uncertainty about the future. Confusing feelings regarding Noah and Taylor. I wanted Noah, but it appeared that he wanted Mary. And Taylor was making it pretty obvious that he had feelings about me. It could read like a typical high school drama if it weren’t for the fact that we were fighting daily for our survival.

  I lathered my body, and ducked under the stream to rinse off. I broke the surface and wiped my face dry with my hands. As I reached overhead to twist my hair free of excess water, a shadow moved in the light of the entrance. I stilled. Noah was standing there, staring, a tortured look on his face.

  “Excuse me,” he said. “I didn’t know anyone was here.”

  Time seemed to stop as we watched each other. Even though he’d seen me in my underwear many times before, I felt exposed and embarrassed. My heart raced and I choked out, “I’m almost done.”

  “It’s okay. Take your time.” He turned sharply and left.

  I swallowed, and told myself it was no big deal. Like nothing had just happened between us. Again.

  How awkward was it going to be when I saw Noah back at the cave? Like it wasn’t already weird enough. I dressed slowly, in no hurry to get back.

  When I returned, Taylor was sitting on the large flat rock just outside the entrance of our cave.

  I peeked inside, looking for Noah, but he wasn’t there.

  “He went for a hike up the peak,” Taylor said.

  I pretended I didn’t know what he was talking about. I sat beside him. “Who?”

  “You know who. And the guy didn’t exactly look relaxed. What’s up between you two, anyway?”

  “Nothing. What do you mean?”

  “I mean, are you together, or what?”

  I didn’t answer.

  But Taylor wasn’t an idiot. He moved to catch my eyes. “It’s lonely here, Zoe. Mary’s hot and all, especially with her badass gig going on—you know, when she’s not laid out with busted ribs—but she’s not like us.”

  Not like us. Taylor was the only other GAP here. His parents had had him genetically altered before they’d died in a car crash. Before they’d had a chance to have the procedure done to his sister. Before he and Hannah had been adopted by cult relatives.

  “I think we need more than just that in common to make something work,” I said. I’d had a GAP boyfriend before, and that relationship had been a disaster on so many levels.

  “Okay, like what?” Taylor smirked. “Physical attraction? Check. Intelligence compatibility? Check. Marooned on a desert rock? Check.”

  I smiled. Taylor was right about all those things. I did find him attractive and intelligent. It was what had gotten me into trouble at the commune. All that and his charisma had charmed me into kissing him.

  It was the kiss of death for my tenuous relationship with Noah. I’d apologized a million times since and had done everything short of begging Noah to let me back in. Actually, I had begged. He’d stubbornly insisted that his lack of GAP status was reason enough for us to stay apart.

  That and the fact that he no longer trusted me. Or trusted in my memories of him. Memories lost prior to our stint a
t the commune, thanks to dear ol’ Grandpa V, who’d stolen them from me.

  Taylor wasn’t wrong, though. Sharing GAP status did mean something. I wouldn’t have to worry about him cutting out on me because of that, using it as an excuse to leave. To stay away. I longed for a commitment that went beyond just looking out for my physical safety. And he was charming and cute.

  But I couldn’t deny what my heart wanted and right now it wanted Noah Brody.

  Taylor could read the conflict on my face. “Come on, Zoe. Don’t waste time waiting for him. He’s moved on.”

  My heart stopped when he said that. The truth hurt. He might or might not have moved on to Mary, but it was pretty obvious he wanted to move on from me. I pinched my eyes shut, but a lone tear escaped. Taylor’s finger ran along my cheek, scooping it up. I gasped at his gentle touch. I might be pining for Noah, but I couldn’t deny that I also had feelings for Taylor Blake.

  Taylor’s mouth moved to my ear, and I trembled when his hot breath caressed my neck.

  “He’s not worth it.”

  Noah’s voice chimed in. “Am I interrupting?”

  I sprung to my feet. Noah’s jaw tightened, and his eyes grew hard as he stared at me.

  “No. Of course not,” I sputtered.

  Taylor pursed his lips together mischievously and crossed his arms. “You’re back from your hike. Zoe and I were just discussing GAP stuff. Nothing you need to worry about.”

  Noah’s eyes narrowed into a deeper glare. My mouth dropped open in mortification. I couldn’t believe Taylor just said that. I felt my face heat up like I’d been caught kissing instead of talking.

  Noah huffed. “It’s none of my business, anyway.”

  “Yes it is,” I stammered. “I mean. It was nothing. He’s just joking around.”

  I spun backward, hating that I felt like I had to defend myself. I didn’t do anything wrong. Who did Noah Brody think he was?

  Besides the guy I was crazy for.