In a Lifetime

by Ariadne Wayne

  “You know there’s no take-back on that.”

  “I know.” She smiled, planting a kiss on my chest and snuggling against me. “I love you, Matt.”

  “I love you too.” I kissed the top of her head. “You’ll never get rid of me now.”

  “I don’t ever want to.”

  Tears rolled down her cheeks, and I wiped them away with my fingers, stroking her face. Her eyes were full of love and yet sad all at the same time.

  “I wanted you from the first moment I laid eyes on you,” I whispered. “Across the room, at that party. You wore that black dress, and drank vodka through a straw. I think I fell in love with you that night.”

  She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. Without a doubt she would be thinking of that night, of how it ended. I couldn’t erase her memories, but I could give her some of my own, tell her of my love for her.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” I pressed my nose to hers, and she opened her eyes again.

  “For not seeing it earlier. I had no idea until you told me after the wedding.” She licked her lips as I pulled away again. “A tiny part of me wanted to run away with you.”

  “I wish you had,” I whispered.

  She grinned, the beautiful big grin that lit the dimples at the corners of her mouth.

  “I’m here now.”

  29

  ELLA

  Matt was everything Ella ever dreamed he’d be. Warm, loving, attentive … she thought she’d had the best sex of her life before him, but the connection between them was electric, as if they were always meant to be.

  They lay in bed, drifting off to sleep to the gentle hum of the air conditioning. They were tired after the exploration of one another’s bodies, each giving the other everything, but wanting to give more. Exchanging the magic words that sealed the deal. I love you.

  Ella rolled over, shaking herself out of her sleepy stupor, and looked at Matt. He was magnificent. She smiled at his bare chest, visible above the sheet in the dim light of the room. She’d felt the strength of those pectoral muscles, the ones she’d snuggled against more than once. Below them were those beautifully defined abs, leading down to his V that went … well, now she’d seen where that went.

  And right above that V was the bee. All those months he’d carried it around, etched into his skin for her. Despite the time and distance, his love for her hadn’t wavered. The tattoo might be subtle, but it was a sign of his commitment.

  Her heart warmed as she gazed at him, seeing him in a different light. He was still the same amazing man she’d known for all this time, but he was also someone new she had to get to know. There was so much the pair of them had to discover about one another.

  She ran her hand down his chest, tracing his abs, needing to touch him, needing to make him feel good. Sleep could wait. She grinned as he opened his eyes, snapping awake as she gently ran her fingers over his cock.

  “What are you after?” He gave her a sleepy smile.

  “You.”

  Matt kissed her, softly at first, but growing in intensity as her grip tightened and her movements grew more frequent.

  “Get on your stomach,” he growled, sending shivers down her spine.

  She did as she was told to the best of her ability, rolling over to be on her hands and knees. He pulled her up and backwards, impaling her as she sat back up.

  “Is that what you wanted?” he whispered in her ear, rocking her as he stroked her breasts.

  “Yes.” She whimpered, closing her eyes. He gripped her hair, pulling it away from her neck as he clamped his mouth to her shoulder, moving up toward her ear, nipping her skin with his lips.

  “Ella.”

  Her name was an aphrodisiac on his lips, aided by his fingers finding her clit.

  “I saw you from behind once, and noticed the mole on your neck. I love that there’s a trail of freckles from your shoulder leading to it,” he murmured in her ear, biting gently on the lobe. “It makes me want to see what else I can find.”

  She laughed, rocking her hips against his hand, as he nuzzled the nape of her neck.

  “Don’t do anything, baby. Relax and I’ll do it all.”

  He was perfect. She threw her head back on his shoulder as he grazed his lips down the other side of her neck. She was lost as she came, calling out his name as he nipped at her skin, moving so slowly the action left her wanting more.

  “Matt.” She turned her head, finding his lips as he groaned, coming deep inside her. He held her to him for a moment, then let her go to lie down and grin back up at him.

  “Say it again,” he said.

  “What?”

  He raised his eyebrows, and she grinned. There was only one thing he wanted to hear.

  “I love you.”

  Matt flopped on the bed beside her, finding her lips with his for a long, deep kiss that took her breath away. He scanned her features as they lay next to one another, her gaze fixed firmly on his eyes.

  “I’ve loved you for so long; I never thought I’d hear those words from you. I’ll never give this up, Ella, I swear. You and me—this is it.”

  She nodded as he put his palm to her cheek, his fingers playing in her hair.

  “I know,” she whispered. It had been a long time since Ella had been so happy, so fulfilled, finding the joy in the smallest of things again. Life hadn’t been this good since her marriage to Sam.

  She found it hard not to compare the two men. They were so similar, and yet so different. Sam had a great body, but the sight of Matt even half-naked set her heart fluttering. He’d told her that he’d worked out his frustration, and it showed, his definition a million miles away from what she thought her own body looked like.

  But he loved her body. The bits she saw as imperfect, he caressed as gently as any other part of her. His heart was in every touch, his fingers lightly stroking the flesh that she’d sometimes felt so self-conscious about.

  Matt didn’t care. He loved her.

  And Ella loved him right back.

  30

  ELLA

  Ella stared at her phone as Sam’s name came up on her mobile screen, part of her wanting to just let it go to voicemail. Ella had always been a softy.

  “Sam?”

  “Can we talk?”

  Ella’s heart raced. Did he know about the baby? She closed her eyes, picturing that day standing in his house with Petra watching their every move. He’d been happy enough to throw Petra’s pregnancy in her face.

  Now her back ached, and her ankles were swollen. I hope Petra’s suffering as much.

  Holly looked across the desk at her with her eyebrows raised, that ‘what the hell are you doing talking to him?’ look on her face.

  “What did you want to talk about?”

  He let out a breath, like he’d been holding it.

  “It’s Petra. I don’t know if the baby’s mine. I’m going out of my head, Ell. This whole thing just screwed up my life so bad, and I think it’s all for nothing.”

  “What do you mean you don’t know?” She tapped the desk with her fingernails, torn between hearing the rest of the story and hanging up the phone.

  “It wasn’t just me. She slept with at least two other guys in the same period of time. Everything’s wrecked. I’ve done such a stupid thing.” He was clearly distraught from his tone. Reaching out to her had to be difficult.

  “Yeah, you did.”

  “Can you come and see me? I just want to talk.”

  Ella teared up, closing her eyes. “Sam, I’m with Matt now.”

  “I know.”

  She licked her lips. “I’ll clear it with him first. I doubt he’ll be over the moon at me seeing you.”

  For a moment, there was an uncomfortable silence. “Thanks, Ella.”

  “Where are you?”

  “Same place as you saw me last. Petra’s moved out. Gone to her parents until she’s worked out what’s going on.”

  Ella opened her eyes to Holly, inches from her nos
e. “I’ll call Matt and let you know.”

  She hung up the phone, rolling her eyes at the other woman. “What are you doing?”

  “You sounded and looked like you had some kind of crisis going on. What does the dickwad want?”

  “Sam wants to see me. Apparently he might not be the father of that woman’s child after all.”

  Holly moved back around to her desk, leaning back in her chair. “That’s karma. Are you going to see him?”

  “Only if Matt’s okay with it.”

  “Do you need to ask permission?”

  Ella laughed. “No. Matt and the baby are the most important people to me right now. I need to tell him what I’m doing at least. I don’t want to hurt him just to help Sam.”

  Holly rolled her eyes. “But you’re still going to see him.”

  “He sounded hurt, and he was still mine and Matt’s friend. I know who I want to be with, Holly. Sam’s not going to come between us.”

  Holly grimaced. “I should hope not. Who knows what diseases he’s picked up from her.”

  Ella laughed. “I’d like to say I don’t care, but that’s not true. I loved him a lot, but he’s as much to blame for their situation as she is. He didn’t have to go near her.”

  Ella dialled Matt. His light, happy tone was a world away from Sam’s sad one. Matt was eternally cheerful since they’d gotten together.

  “Ella.” That was all he said and she sighed, prompting a smirk from Holly.

  “Sam just called me. He wants me to go and see him.”

  “What for?” The tone changed to serious.

  “Well, apparently, Petra’s baby might not be his. She was sleeping with at least two other men. Wonder if they were married too.”

  There was silence, and Ella could imagine the look on his face. He’d have that intense gaze going on, the one that gave her the tingles.

  “Do you want to see him?” he asked after a few moments.

  “He sounded miserable.”

  “Go see him if you have to. He did the most stupid thing he could have ever done and he’s turning to the one person who he knows has a big enough heart to still care.”

  She cradled the phone, rocking back and forward. Matt was so good for her. He trusted her. “I’ll go and see him after work for a little while. It might be a good opportunity to tell him about the baby.”

  The silence again. Matt and Ella had spoken about this, and he’d understood that in her agony over Sam’s infidelity, she’d held back from telling Sam about her pregnancy. Sam would have to know one day—that was inevitable one way or another.

  “Okay. I’ll see you at home for dinner.” He paused. “Love you, Ella.”

  “I love you too.”

  She gazed at the phone for a few moments after hanging up. Matt was her everything now. He’d helped heal the deep wounds she’d been left with, and made her see a future. It didn’t matter what Sam did or said—it was her and Matt forever. He would never have any cause to worry about her love for him.

  “So …” Holly’s voice broke into her daydream, and Ella looked up to see her friend’s curious stare.

  “Yes. I know what it’s like to be hurt. He needs someone.”

  “Does it have to be you?”

  Ella shrugged. “Matt and I were his best friends. Who else does he have?”

  ELLA PULLED up outside the house Sam lived in. The sight of the dilapidated building made her frown. They’d lived in a beautiful home, ready to bring a child into their lives, and he had given it all up for this.

  Taking a deep breath, she opened the car door, stepping out onto the path. She locked the car and took tentative steps toward the place, her stomach tied in knots.

  Ella knocked on the door before she chickened out and ran away. Sam needed a friend.

  She gasped as she opened the door. He had, at a guess, about three-day-old stubble. His eyes were bloodshot and exhausted, like he hadn’t slept for a week. How long had he been like this before calling?

  “Sam,” she said, not making any effort to hide the pain she felt. No matter what he’d done, she hated seeing him like this. So lost.

  “I’m glad you could make it. Matt give you permission?” His tone wasn’t bitter, as she had expected. More like resigned.

  “Matt trusts me.”

  “Huh.” He scraped his fingernails over his chin. “He’s a good man.”

  “Yeah, he is.”

  “Do you want to come in?” Sam took a step back, and Ella walked through the door, straight into the living room.

  Nothing had changed inside either. It was still cold, damp and miserable.

  “Thanks for coming.” Sam indicated she should sit on the couch. She sank into the soft fabric, looking around at the papers littering the desk in the corner, the carpet that badly needed vacuuming, the used dishes on the coffee table.

  “I needed to make sure you were okay. You sounded terrible.”

  He nodded, sitting beside her. “I just keep going over and over in my head what happened between us. I did such a stupid, hurtful thing, and I’m so sorry, Ella.”

  Despite the months apart, she blinked back the tears. “You hurt me so much. How could you sleep with someone else?”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  Ella paused. What did he want? Answering a question with a question showed he wasn’t listening, or didn’t care about giving her the answer. “Sure.”

  “How long have you been sleeping with Matt?”

  Her mouth went dry. What kind of question was that? She might have been drawn to Matt, but it would never have gone as far as Sam and Petra had taken it.

  “We got together after you left.”

  “Are you sure?”

  Ella licked her lips, remembering the day that Matt had said those three little words to her, the ones that had scared the hell out of her.

  “I didn’t have sex with Matt until after you dumped me.” Her voice shook as she said the words. “He had feelings for me. He told me. But we didn’t sleep together until I was alone.”

  Sam’s head drooped, and he looked at his feet. “I always knew he had feelings for you. Right from the start. I knew him too well. I just never thought he’d swoop in and take my girl.”

  “I wasn’t your girl for him to take.” Ella took a deep breath in an attempt to summon up the courage to tell Sam the truth about the baby. “Sam, I …”

  “You were just so damn hard to live with. I couldn’t deal with all the crap and stress around the baby thing. If you hadn’t been like that, I wouldn’t have been in that position, drowning my sorrows and having sex with someone else.”

  At that, Ella’s resolve steeled. Sam could go to hell. “You are not blaming me for this. You’re an adult. An adult who couldn’t keep his penis to himself while I was waiting at home. I loved you.”

  Sam leaned back on the couch, his eyes on her belly.

  “At least Matt gave you what you wanted. Your feet didn’t even touch the ground, did they?”

  The words hit Ella as if she’d been stabbed in the heart. The months she’d spent wallowing in self-pity, being miserable about losing the man who had walked away from her. This cold, damp house was suddenly suffocating, and Ella did the one thing she could do in self-preservation. She stood.

  Sam looked at her in dismay. “Don’t go. Everything’s such a mess.”

  “Maybe for you.” Without a backward glance, she set off for the front door, walking out into the sun and back to the car.

  Her hand trembled as she slotted the key in to start it, the engine purr giving her comfort with the knowledge she’d soon be away from this place. Nothing about this was healthy. She could stay and listen to how much it was her fault he’d cheated while he sat there and took zero responsibility. No thanks.

  Sam had to grow up.

  She took a couple of deep breaths before indicating and pulling out into the street. Chinese for dinner. Matt will like that. She had to keep thinking of something else, anything else b
ut the man she’d just walked away from.

  At least this time, she wasn’t alone.

  31

  MATT

  I let Ella go to Sam when he called her. Not that I ever would have been able to stop her. Not my big-hearted Ella. I knew she’d come back to me. But as the hours ticked away, I looked at the clock on the wall nervously. They’d had enough of a connection to have the relationship they had, and to get married. What did I have? I’d told her I’d love her forever; I’d be whatever she needed me to be. We were living together, but was it enough to keep us as one?

  What if the love she had for Sam overrode everything she felt for me?

  The last thought was the hardest one of all, the one that stabbed me in the chest over and over again. What if I was a stand-in after all?

  And then my phone buzzed. The sight of it vibrating across the table brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart. It had to be Ella.

  I hope you haven’t started cooking dinner. I’ve grabbed some Chinese.

  What were we doing? Celebrating? Commiserating? Times were pretty lean after we’d both spent so much money on our little overseas jaunt. She was either very happy or very sad to need takeout food.

  I haven’t started cooking. I need you home.

  I pressed send, leaning back on the couch, putting my feet up on the coffee table. As long as I had her, the world could crumble around me and I wouldn’t even notice.

  Ten minutes later, the lock clicked as she turned the key and pushed open the door, carrying her handbag on one arm, and a plastic bag full of containers of food in the other. Her eyes were so tired, and she looked drained as if it was a huge effort to hold herself up, let alone the goods in her arms.

  I sprang to my feet, taking her burdens and ushering her to the couch. I placed her bag by her side and the food on the table, smiling as she grabbed my hand and pulled me down to kiss her.

  “You okay?” I asked, licking my lips to taste her on me. I’d never get enough of that.

  “I am now.” She smiled, but it was strained. Was it because she was tired, or was there something going on? I didn’t want to pile on the stress. She’d tell me when she was ready.