My Calling

by Lyssa Layne

  “So, gonna tell me what’s on your mind?” Beck asks, glancing at me quickly.

  I purse my lips, inspecting his profile because a feeling of deja vu hits me for a split second. I can’t place it immediately and I shrug it off.

  “I was just thinking how it’s nice to have a friend, someone to talk to. I haven’t ever had that before.” I feel like an idiot admitting the truth to him.

  Beck stops at the red light and looks at me with a raised eyebrow. “If you share your bed and do dirty things with all your friends, we might need to have a talk.”

  My stomach flips and I try to suppress the grin forming on my lips. “So, are you saying we’re more than friends?”

  Beck scoffs and looks back to the road as the light changes. “Saylor, if we’re just friends then we’re sure as hell fucked if we take things to the next level.”

  My cheeks burn bright and I giggle as I lean back in my seat. I wanted nothing more than to ride in an ambulance all day and save lives. These days, I count down the hours until our shift is over so Beck and I can work on being more than just friends.

  Beck

  Saylor chugs the Mountain Dew out of the two liter bottle she just bought at the gas station. She’s upped her daily dosage of caffeine thanks to neither of us sleeping much these days. Although, myself, I’ve been more well rested than normal since I don’t lie in bed in my own apartment, miles away from Saylor, wondering if she’s alright. Having her in my arms, right beside me almost twenty-four/seven has alleviated a lot of stress for me.

  “No sex tonight,” I comment casually, sipping my own beverage.

  Immediately, the bottle goes upright and Saylor looks at me with a disapproving glare from across the hood of the ambulance.

  “Excuse me?”

  “You know how bad that shit is for you, Say. If I keep you up another night, you’re going to be feeding that soda through an IV drip to yourself.”

  Saylor rolls her eyes, capping the drink. “Whatever, I’m just thirsty, not tired.”

  She stifles a yawn, which makes her look so fuckin’ cute that even I am wondering what’s wrong with myself. I don’t think things are cute, especially not women. Women are hot, sexy, seductive, and Saylor is all of those things and more, but she is adorable in her own way that turns me on mentally, not physically. It shows me her softness, the side of her that I’m supposed to be protecting and right now, causing her lack of sleep isn’t helping either of us.

  “Yeah, yeah. No nookie tonight.”

  I toss my bottle of water in the trash and climb in the rig. Saylor is right behind me, hopping in the passenger side. Instead of sitting forward so I can put the truck in drive, she turns her body toward me, a frown on her face and I already know she’s going to get her way.

  “You know, friends, lovers, boyfriend/girlfriend… whatever we are, you don’t get to make the decisions for the both of us,” she says in a tone that dare I say is… adorable.

  “You’re right, but you can’t go on operating on little to no sleep, surviving on Mountain Dew alone. It’s not healthy, Saylor.” I try my best to not sound patronizing but judging from the look on her face, it isn’t working.

  She sticks out her naked lips, void of any red lipstain, in a pout that alone could make me give up sleep for the rest of my days. I lean over, kissing those sad lips of hers. Her mouth quickly turns into a smile as we kiss, her finger running through my hair and massaging my scalp in a way that only she can do that turns me on.

  Leaning my forehead against hers, I break the kiss. “You’ve proven your point,” I say with a chuckle, only halfway serious.

  Saylor stomps her feet quickly with a squeal, looking out the window. “I’m glad you parked in back where no one can see us.”

  “What? What are you talking about?” I ask then it hits me as Saylor’s eyes go wide, letting me know what she’s implying. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me, Saylor? We’re working!”

  She throws back her head with a haughty laugh. “Mr. I Hate Work is going to use the excuse that we’re on the clock to not get laid?”

  I shake my head, giving her one more quick kiss before I start the engine and back out of the parking space. “Ironic, isn’t it?”

  Saylor lets out an exasperated sigh as she turns in her seat, hooking her seatbelt. She turns up the radio, singing along with a Taylor Swift song that annoys the shit out of me but because it’s Saylor’s voice, I don’t say a word. I keep quiet, letting the sweetest voice tease my ears until the music ends abruptly.

  Glancing over at Saylor, I can picture the wheels turning in her head. Her lips are pursed in careful deliberation. She opens her mouth twice to speak but stops both times. Finally, the words she wants to say come to her and she turns her entire body toward me.

  “Why did you decide to be a paramedic?”

  Shit. “I wanted to help people,” I lie.

  “Bullspit! You hate helping people. In fact, you can’t stand it,” Saylor says, totally calling me out.

  The top button of my uniform suddenly feels really tight, like it’s cutting off my breathing. I tug at the collar and shrug. “I don’t know… I just needed to make my life worthwhile, pay it forward or some shit like that and this seemed like the easiest way.”

  Saylor scoffs. “Sewing up bleeding people and shocking them back to life seemed like the easiest way to pay it forward?” Saylor shakes her head. “You must’ve done some really bad stuff if this is your redemption.”

  Oh, she has no idea and if I’m not careful, she’ll know far too much and I’ll lose her forever. I can’t do that, not just for me, but for Eddie, too.

  CHAPTER 19

  Beck

  Saylor’s snores ripple through the quiet evening air. She resisted my idea to not make love tonight but all it took was stalling and telling her to wait for me in bed and she passed out in less than a minute. Now, I’m happily settled into my most favorite place in the world… beside Saylor with her sleeping in my arms. The moonlight sneaks in through the curtain, allowing me to watch her small frame move up and down as she breathes evenly. I run my fingers through her goldilocks, taking a deep breath to inhale her shampoo and I sigh. Funny how a few weeks ago, I was struggling to not to get this point with Saylor but now I can’t imagine not being here. Yet again, my world is rocked by Saylor Warner.

  My eyes get heavy and a few minutes later, I drift off to sleep, joining Saylor in her peaceful slumberland. Still aware of her body, I pull her closer to me, never being able to have her as near as I’d like. My dreams drift to a happier time down the road where Saylor and I are together with Eddie’s approval. I don’t have to hide under my beard and tattoos because Saylor knows the truth but then again, in my dreams Eddie is alive so there’s no need to lie to her to begin with.

  I snuggle closer to Saylor, hoping I never lose this, that she never finds out the truth. Hope is like a candle, eventually it burns out and the darkness takes over. Soon enough, Saylor will discover the truth and I know it won’t end nicely. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to hang on to the dream until a bloodcurdling scream tears through the air. I bolt upright, searching for the reason Saylor is screaming for her life. Beside me, her body thrashes back and forth as she mumbles.

  To the best of my vision, she’s not hurt, but I can’t figure out what the hell she’s doing. My pulse is thundering in my ears as I shake Saylor, almost violently, trying to wake her. I’m about to shout at her when her voice becomes audible.

  Her body slows down and tears fall down her cheeks. “No… Uncle Eddie… don’t go… please… don’t go…” Saylor moves into the fetal position, rocking back and forth as she cries in her sleep, mumbling those words on repeat.

  Leaning back against the headboard, I sit there frozen. From the outside looking in, I always thought Saylor had coped with Eddie’s death the best she could for an abandoned teenager. I kept my distance, being vigilant that the men who killed her uncle didn’t come after her. It’s not until now that she’s let me in
that I truly understand how broken she is.

  Her mumbling ends but the tears don’t stop. I pull her into my arms, cradling her like a baby. Slowly, I rock her back and forth, kissing her forehead and trying to console her. Maybe I should wake her up, let her escape the memory, but to Saylor, I know nothing about the night her uncle died. If I saved her from her nightmare, she’d be faced with having to live it out loud to me, which is something neither of us wants. Instead, I’ll hold her so she’s not alone, letting her sleep until the morning and she’ll never know any of this even happened.

  Saylor

  For the first time since I started sharing a bed with Beck, I’m waking up without every muscle in my body aching. I guess I drifted off to sleep before Beck made it to bed. Maybe he was right and we needed a break from the hanky panky but I’m not going to tell him that. I rub my eyes, getting rid of the eye boogies that have formed. That’s always a sure sign that I slept hard and was in need of some zzzs.

  Like a hound dog catching a new scent, I twitch my nose as I sit up, trying to figure out what exactly the deliciousness is that’s floating in from the kitchen. It’s sugar, that’s all I know, which automatically means I’m in. Standing up, I stretch my arms overhead, my tank top lifting as I do. I mosey into the kitchen in just my tank top and panties, wondering what Beck is up to.

  My sugar drive spikes just at the sight of the spread in front of me. Beck turns around and walks to me, kissing my cheek and handing me a coffee mug. “Morning, Say. The pancakes are almost ready then you can indulge in the biggest sugar rush of your life.”

  I look down into the ceramic mug and grin as I see Mountain Dew filled to the top. On the small kitchen table, where Beck and I had our Thanksgiving meal minus the turkey, is a plate of the biggest cinnamon rolls I have ever seen. Not even caring what Beck thinks, I beeline for the pastry and almost shove the entire thing in my mouth as my stomach growls, reminding me that I didn’t eat dinner the night before. As I’m chewing through the sugary goodness, I narrow my eyes and pick up the bottle of chocolate syrup on the table. I swallow so my mouth is empty then turn around, almost running into Beck who is holding a plate of pancakes… wait, no, chocolate chip pancakes.

  I point the bottle at him. “What is this for?”

  Beck’s goofy grin spreads across his face. “You are a sugaraholic, right? I thought maybe you’d prefer chocolate syrup over maple on your pancakes.”

  “Ha, ha.” I wrap my arms around his neck as he sets the plate on the table. “Thank you, Beck, you didn’t have to do this.”

  Beck kisses me softly then shrugs. “Whatever. I was just tired of fuckin’ cereal every day.”

  I smile and kiss his cheek as he tries to brush off his romantic gesture. Then I quickly let go and take a seat, not about to pass up a hot chocolate chip pancake. I’m so engrossed in the food on my plate that I’ve already scarfed down three pancakes before I notice Beck sitting across from me, not eating a single thing.

  I cock my eyebrow and nod at his cup. “I thought you hated that mug?”

  Beck glances down at the pink mug in his hands, the one that talks about his sassy pants. “Yeah, I do, but it was the only one that was clean.”

  “Liar,” I mutter and smile.

  Beck returns the expression. “Sometimes it’s better to lie than to let you know the power you have on me.”

  My lips drop and I shake my head. “No. Lying is never better than the truth.”

  Beck’s smile disappears and he pauses before taking a sip of his coffee. “I was joking, Saylor.”

  I nod, tearing the pancake I’m holding into smaller pieces. “I know but… just promise me you won’t lie to me, okay?”

  Beck stands up, setting the mug down and making the few steps it takes to get to me. His thick hand cups my cheek. Then his fingers run through my hair, tugging at it in that sexy, dominant way that he does. Leaning down, his lips find mine and his free hand moves down my chest, squeezing my breast tightly. A moan slips out from my lips and Beck’s mouth is next to my ear.

  “Done with breakfast?”

  I nod. In a breathy whisper, I respond. “Yeah… but you didn’t eat.”

  I can feel Beck’s lips move into a smile against my neck as he nips at my ear. “Oh, I’m about to get my breakfast…”

  My panties are immediately soaked by the time his hand finds its way there. Beck drops to his knees, spreading my legs, and kissing the inside of my thighs. Good golly, what have I done to deserve this kind of attention. Sugar and orgasm. Yep, that’s the perfect start to any day.

  CHAPTER 20

  Saylor

  What I wouldn’t give to be able to walk into work holding Beck’s hand but I know it’s not professional. Instead, we get out of his old truck and bump shoulders as we cross the parking lot. We usually arrive well before our shift and before the previous one begins so we make good use of our alone time in the locker room. That being said, currently, I’m pinned against the locker by Beck’s rock solid, shirtless body. He moves his mouth to my neck, kissing over my bra strap and along my bare collarbone.

  “Mmm…” I moan then follow it up with a giggle as Beck’s beard tickles my chest.

  My nipple jumps to attention as Beck moves his mouth over the fabric on my breast. I tilt my head back, closing my eyes and running my fingers through his hair. I’ve never experienced this before and by this, I mean a relationship, an adult relationship that is. Technically, we haven’t labeled us anything, but it’s the closest I’ve ever had to a healthy one. One where I look forward to spending time with the other person, where I miss him when he’s not around, where I want more of everything with him—more sex, more kisses, more conversation, everything! The funny thing is that I’m with Beck almost 24/7 and the only time we’ve been apart has been when he’s run home to get stuff. Which reminds me…

  “Where… is your… place?” I ask in spurts, trying to control my breathing that Beck is causing to be erratic.

  He immediately stops and looks up at me. “My place?”

  I nod, massaging my fingers against his scalp, to both calm my nerves and his. “Yeah, like where do you live at? I mean, aside from my place,” I tease with a smile on my face.

  Beck shrugs, taking a step back and opening his locker beside me. “On the other side of town. I can stay there tonight if you want.”

  Sighing, I turn to face him, trying not to show my disappointment as he pulls on his undershirt. “That’s not why I asked. I just wondered. You know, that’s how relationships work. I tell you something about me, you tell me something about you…”

  I bite my lip, having thrown the r-word out there with no idea how Beck will respond. Then, because he’s Beck, he doesn’t even acknowledge what I just said. He goes about his business of buttoning up his uniform, keeping his attention focused on the buttons. I push his hands out of the way and take over for him.

  “So, you’re afraid of commitment. Okay, that’s fine, I don’t need a title, we can continue sleeping together and just be co-workers, no problem. But, if we’re going to keep doing it, I’d simply like to know a few basic things about you!”

  I end my ramble with my voice an octave higher than when I started. My fingers keep fumbling, missing the buttonhole completely and I can feel my cheeks burning. It’s true though, I don’t care about the title. I’m not going to give up Beck sex because he won’t call me his girlfriend. If he wants to keep it purely sexually, that’s fine, but I honestly thought that there was more of a connection between us, that there was more to just the prodigious orgasms, but as usual, I’ve completely misjudged this guy like all the rest.

  Beck’s hand covers mine. “Saylor, you’re fucking insane if you think this is just about sex. I’m a personal guy. I’m not used to sharing with someone so cut me some slack, okay?”

  My body relaxes although my cheeks burn brighter at the way I jumped to the worst possible scenario. Looking up at Beck, I nod. “This is all new to me, too.”

  “A
nd it’s scary, isn’t it?” Beck cups my cheek as he looks into my eyes.

  Tears well up in my eyes and I move my head up and down. Beck presses his lips to my forehead and I wrap my arms around his torso, hugging him tightly. Now that I’ve had him, I’m so afraid that I’ll lose him and I’ll be the lonely little girl that I was before I knew him, the one that my uncle left behind. His strong arms hold me exactly how I need to be held and I let out a contented sigh.

  “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me to get the hell out of dodge,” Beck reassures me.

  The door opens and I jump back, reaching in my locker for my uniform and pulling it on quickly. Buttoning my shirt, I turn to see Beck trying not to smile as I now fumble with my own buttons. I roll my eyes and laugh, shaking my nerves as the mood shifts from the serious tone we were just engaged in.

  “Broadmoor. Those shitty apartments on the east side of town, that’s where I live. Rent’s cheap and I can fend for myself so I’m not worried about safety but it’s why I don’t want you over there.”

  I pause, shocked that he just provided me with that much information without really any prying on my part.

  Beck stands up and laughs. “I’ll share, it’ll just take me time to warm up.”

  He turns and walks toward the door. Without his watchful eye on me, I am finally able to button my shirt. I run after him, catching up just outside the locker room. I bump my arm against his and smile.