Redeem Me

by Jennifer Foor

  They’ve had two whole years to get over it.

  I understood that I was living away at college, and that they had a lot of pent up issues. The thing was, this happened every single time we did visit each other.

  It was the same conversation on repeat.

  “Listen here, boy. You’re lucky you’re even sitting in that seat over there. If it wasn’t for Shayne your ass wouldn’t have been invited at all.”

  When everything first went down he’d severed ties with me, a lot like he’d done with Shayne in the past. It was all a ploy to make us change our ways. The thing was, after the whole falling out I’d realized more than ever that I’d made the right decision about the twins. My brother was on the birth certificate, and Ashley had a backup with a signed document from me forfeiting my rights, in case the birth certificate ever came into question. They covered all their bases, so the only thing holding onto the past was our parents.

  Had my mom been in the truck he wouldn’t have pushed me the way he was. My dad always mellowed out when it came to her.

  He didn’t speak to me until we pulled up in front of Shayne’s house.

  My brother kissed his wife at the front door and walked out to the truck. I hopped out of the front seat to greet him. We shook hands and hugged at the same time. “What’s up, man. Long time no see.” Shayne pulled away and looked me right in the eyes. “You look good.”

  “So do you. Married life must be treatin’ you well. It looks like you’ve picked up some daddy weight.” I said it loud enough so that my father would hear. He was probably behind me cringing, or possibly choking on his nicotine stick.

  “Yeah, I don’t have time for the gym anymore. The kids could live on fries and macaroni, so we have it a lot.”

  Shayne hopped in the front seat, leaving me to climb in the back. I was grateful, considering that he’d now have to be close to our dad, instead of me.

  “How’s Cameron? Did you bring her along?” Shayne asked.

  “Yeah, she’s with Peyton.”

  “Don’t leave them alone too long. She’ll get baby fever,” Shayne teased.

  Our father had started to pull away, but stepped on the brake, jerking our heads. “How is it that the two of you can joke about shit like this? Do either of you see how wrong it is?” He asked.

  What was wrong was the fact that he couldn’t understand. “Dad… I look at it like this. Say I went to the sperm bank and donated. At some point there would be kids walkin’ around with my DNA. That doesn’t give me any rights to them, does it?”

  “This ain’t what happened, Parker. I raised you better than this.”

  “Ashley may not have gone to the sperm bank, but that’s how I see it. It was a drunken night that I barely remember.”

  “Those are the consequences you get for being reckless. You can’t just pass your problems to the next guy in line.” I understood his point.

  “Look, dad. Nothin’ I say is goin’ to make you forgive me. Everything turned out for the best.”

  “He’s right. We can sit here and be pissed at Parker, or we can get over it. I know it was a hard road, but I’ve got two children that call me their daddy. I’ve got a wife that I’d give my own life for. None of that would have happened if Parker hadn’t made that mistake. Can’t we just agree that all things happen for a reason?”

  I couldn’t believe that Shayne was taking up for me, granted he had a point. I suppose it was easier for him and Ashley to look at me that way than as someone who completely fucked up their lives for a while. No matter how I looked at it, I couldn’t seem to find a way to redeem myself for my actions. My parents would never understand, even if I spent the next fifty years proving it.

  I knew I didn’t deserve it, but I just wanted to be back in their good-graces. I wanted to come around more, and have them visit me like they used to.

  For the first time in my life I felt so alone. Sure, I had Cameron, but not the support of my family. It was very difficult.

  Chapter 6

  Cameron

  Since I was left alone with Peyton for a while, I decided that it was as good time to pick her brain about what her brother could be hiding from me. Clearly something else had to have happened for their relationship to become so untethered. She was already dressed for the baby shower, seemingly in a fantastic mood. “Hey, I know it’s probably wrong for me to ask, but I’m worried about Parker. Do you know what happened between him and his dad? He used to be so close to him, and now it seems like they barely speak.”

  She turned her head when she spoke to me. I knew from years of living with two lawyers what to look for as far as body language went. Peyton was about to lie to me. “My dad is a difficult man to deal with, that’s all. It ain’t nothin’ personal. He picks his favorites. It’s like he can only have one at a time. For a while it was Parker, because let’s face it, he’s the one who got the full ride to college. When the hype of that wore off, he focused all his energy on Shayne, and his little family. Now, he’s all up my ass. If I were Parker, I’d appreciate the break. My dad can be an overbearin’ ass when he wants to be.”

  It was interesting how easy it was for Peyton to express that to me. If I hadn’t known that she was hiding something, I would have believed that she genuinely felt that way about her father. In some ways I secretly wondered if that’s exactly how she saw the man.

  As unfortunate as that might be, my concern was Parker. Even if his father did have a convoluted way of giving his children attention, it didn’t explain the way he’d cut him off. Even his mother was in on it. Deciding that it was best to pretend that I believed her, I dropped the subject.

  Later on, once we’d arrived at the party, I was drawn to the way that Parker stayed by my side. I watched his family interacting, seemingly avoiding contact with us. I wasn’t any kind of social worker, but this was clearly obvious. The animosity in the room could have been cut with a knife it was so thick. How could everyone pretend that nothing was going on?

  Parker kept smiling, and watching them, as if nothing was wrong. It was weird, and I was about to come unhinged if I didn’t do something to distract myself. There was one thing that I knew was a surefire way to stay occupied. I walked away from my boyfriend and headed over to where the twins were running around chasing each other. Eli, the little boy, lost his balloon. I watched it float up to the ceiling, before hearing him start to cry. With no regard for who may be watching, I reached up and grabbed the string, returning it to the little guy. He looked up at me with bright blue, wide eyes and smiled. “Tank you.”

  I bent down to be eye-level with him. “You’re welcome, cutie.”

  He giggled, tilting his head as if he were being shy. “Wanna pay?”

  “Do I want to play?” I looked around the room full of people that I barely knew. “Sure. I’d love to play.”

  Eli took me by the hand, towing his balloon the whole time in his other hand, as he led me into a large room. A bag full of toys was already opened. He grabbed a handful of little characters and handed some to me. After checking behind me, noticing that his sister hadn’t followed, I sat down and began to pretend play with the small child.

  I’d never babysat before, or even considered what it would be like to connect to a child, but as I sat there beside him I immediately felt something that had never occurred before.

  I felt this longing to befriend him; to show him as much attention as I possibly could offer. Perhaps it was all derived from the lack of childhood interactions in my own life, or maybe it was just me having a longing to one day become a parent. At any rate, I was completely mesmerized by this small boy.

  A few moments later his mother, Ashley, came into the room. There were certain things that she and I shared in our upbringing. We’d both been raised with a silver spoon, and had also been only children. Although we had other similarities, I’d always been reluctant to bond with her, on account of Parker being so hostile about her. It was yet another unanswered set of questions that left me curio
us.

  “I was wondering where he’d run off to.” She sat down in front of me as if we were close friends. “This boy loves to get into things when nobody is lookin’. I’m real glad you came in here with him, otherwise we may have had marker on the walls, or maybe even urine on the carpets.” I could tell she was trying to break the ice with small talk, so I went along with it.

  As much as I loved my boyfriend, I knew that all of my questions were causing problems between us. Until I could figure things out, I couldn’t see me dropping it. “Wow, I guess you really have your hands full.”

  “It gets hectic, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. It helps that Shayne’s such a good father. With all of my medical history I don’t know what I would do without him.”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I’ve seen how good he is with them.”

  “You and Parker seem pretty serious. Have you talked about havin’ kids?” I smiled when her southern accent came into play. It wasn’t strong, but with certain words it was apparent.

  I let out a short, air-filled laugh. “We talk about our future, but it’s a long time away for us. I’ve got years of school left, and Parker’s only priority is getting into the NFL. There’s no time for us to even consider something like that currently.”

  Ashley leaned over and kissed her son. “Well, when you do decide to take that step, make sure you’re ready for sleepless nights, and never havin’ the bed to yourself again. There are times when I wonder how women keep birthin’ children. My two are hard enough. Have you seen that show where a couple has like twenty kids? That’s just insane.”

  I hadn’t seen the show, but it wasn’t surprising since I didn’t watch television. I had too much studying to do to occupy myself with something irrelevant to my future. At times I sat next to Parker, who enjoyed all sorts of shows, mostly titles that were comedy, instead of real life news. He also spent half of his life tuned to the sports stations, watching highlights of games, and learning about other sport-related news.

  “Twenty children sound like madness to me. I’d be happy with two children, after I was made partner at my dad’s firm, of course.”

  Ashley gave me this look, as if what I’d said had rubbed her the wrong way. All I could think about was what Parker had told me about the woman. She had skeletons in her closet that caused a lot of problems for the Hutchinson family. Yet, they’d all seemed to have brushed them under the rug. I couldn’t understand why they’d forgive her, but not their own son. “Forgive me for asking, but do you know anything about Parker and his dad? Has Shayne said anything to you about why they no longer get along?”

  I watched her body language change instantly, letting me know that she definitely knew something. What was with this family being so secretive? It only made me more intrigued to learn to truth. Call me inquisitive or just plain nosey, but something was going on, and in order to mend my relationship with Parker, I needed to figure it out.

  “I’m sorry, Cameron. I try not to get involved with their family problems. It took me a long enough time for them to accept that I loved their son. Meddlin’ wouldn’t turn out good for me. Why do you ask anyway? Is somethin’ wrong? Has Parker said somethin’ to peak your interest?”

  “No.” I shook my head. “He won’t talk to me about it. We always told each other everything, and I thought he trusted me. There’s obviously something going on, he just refuses to let me in. I’m afraid it might ruin our relationship if it continues.”

  “For your sake I hope it doesn’t. You’re good for Parker. Maybe it would be better to not dwell on the past and look toward the future. I had to learn that the hard way.”

  “I’ve heard about what you went through. It’s a miracle you’re alive. You’re very lucky.” She was never expected to recover as much as she had. Parker had told me that. He also said that she’d lost some memories, and the doctors had told her she may never get them back. Frankly, that helped her with letting go. Unfortunately, my situation was different. I was determined to fix my boyfriend, no matter who I had to cross to figure out what it was that was broken.

  Chapter 7

  Parker

  Cameron was being exceptionally problematic during the baby shower. When she walked away to play with Eli I had to ignore the way it made me feel. I knew they were my brother’s children, and even though I’d gotten past that, it didn’t make it less awkward when I was around them. For the most part I was scared to interact with them, on account of knowing what my family might be thinking. Plus I couldn’t let my brother feel threatened. No matter what happened I’d never try to take them from him.

  This visit home was going worse with my girlfriend breathing down my back. It was like it didn’t make a difference where I turned, I couldn’t get free of being consumed with guilt. It only reminded me again how my life was better off out of Maryland and away from my family. It was sad to admit it to myself, but it was the hard truth. I had to keep my distance, no matter how difficult it was.

  Cameron pressed me for information the entire ride home. By the time we arrived back at the college I was ready to get away from her, which was unusual. Normally she was my rock, except now she’d become a pain in my ass; a constant reminder of what I was trying so hard to overcome.

  Ashley had come to me and told me how she was asking questions. She and Shayne were worried about the repercussions if she found out the truth, and what it would mean for their happy family. Cameron couldn’t understand that her prying was putting my whole family on high alert. Our secret was to stay buried for a reason.

  What I wished she could understand was that I wasn’t that guy anymore. I knew what I’d done to my brother, and my family. I knew the pain I’d caused everyone, and I promised myself that I’d never do that again.

  My dilemma was getting Cameron to see that without explaining the reason. Seeing as that was going to be impossible, I didn’t know what else to do but end things with her.

  As much as it was going to hurt me, I knew I didn’t have a choice. I had to do this for my family, because even if they never fully forgave me, I’d need to be able to forgive myself.

  I didn’t sleep that night, and when Cameron called me in the morning she could probably tell that something was up. I was extremely melancholy, and with the knowledge of what was about to happen lingering over my head, I couldn’t exactly seem interested in small talk.

  I dressed and prepared to meet her for breakfast, like we did each morning. Forcing myself to walk across campus and break her heart was damn near impossible. I loved this girl, more than I’d ever loved anyone before. When I looked into those eyes of hers I saw my future, the only life I wanted. Ending things was like committing suicide in many ways. I was ending my life as I knew it, and my girlfriend was holding the rope.

  I sat down at the table across from her, watching her slide a tray of food in my direction. Her smile beckoned me, reminding me of all the reasons that I fell in love with her in the first place. This wasn’t just a girlfriend that I enjoyed getting into my bed. Cameron was the one for me. She knew me better than I knew myself, and that’s why we were in this predicament. She wasn’t going to stop until she found out the truth.

  This had to be done.

  I reached across the table and grabbed her hand, causing her immediate alarm. “I need to talk to you.”

  She raised her brow, seemingly amused by my announcement. “Are you finally going to tell me the truth?”

  I tried to play it off. “This is the reason we’re talkin’. You keep assumin’ things that aren’t there. I asked you to back off, but you couldn’t leave things alone. Now I’ve got a monkey on my back, and I can’t do this anymore.” I looked down at the table when I said the last sentence. “WE can’t do this anymore, Cam.”

  “Do what? Argue? Everyone argues. It’s part of normal human behavior. I don’t understand why you can’t come clean. What do they have on you, Parker? Just tell me what happened with your family. Is it something illegal?”

  Of course
she’d think that. She’d been raised to assume the worst in everyone. Being a lawyer was already in her blood. No matter what I did, she wouldn’t back down until she won her case. “I need time.”

  “Time for what?”

  I couldn’t look her in the eyes, because mine were already burning. A lump formed in my throat and I could feel the pain radiating from my heart. “I need a break from you; from us. You’re pushin’ me away, and you can’t even see it.”

  She reached for my hand, but I pulled away. I couldn’t let her see my pain, so the only thing I could do was get up and walk away.

  I grinded my teeth together, clenching my jaws, while standing and taking my first couple steps away from the table.

  I heard her calling my name again and again, but I refused to look back. I’d broken her heart, probably ripped her to shreds, and it wasn’t even what I wanted. I did it for my family, and they didn’t even care.

  For the next couple of days Cameron did everything in her power to reach out to me. She wanted answers, in which she deserved; answers that I wasn’t willing to give her. If only I could have explained how we couldn’t be together because she wouldn’t leave well enough alone.

  By the time the weekend came, I’d suffered enough. I decided to go to the one place where I knew I’d find solitude.

  I went home.

  Actually, I went to the beach house.

  I arrived around ten in the morning. The roads were deserted, and I cracked my first smile in days as I pulled into the driveway. I knew I’d be alone, and once my phone was turned off, I’d be able to clear my head enough to go back to school.

  After opening the place up, I laid down on the couch and decided to take a much-needed nap. I never anticipated being woken up by my brother.