Lost Without You (The Lost Series Book 2)

by Tracie Douglas

  “Nurse,” he calls again, sounding more desperate. I click the keys on my system, inputting my current patient’s vitals and any changes into the system. I nearly jump out of my seat when a hand touches my shoulder.

  “What the f—”

  I clutch my chest and turn to find the new Dr. Beaumont frowning down at me.

  “You really didn’t hear me, did you?” he asks, and I want to punch him in his smug face.

  “Oh, I heard you.” I place my hand on my hips, my heart rate slowing a bit.

  “Why didn’t you respond?”

  “My name is not ‘nurse,’” I explain, already turning away from him. This guy is in need of a lesson in manners.

  “Look, I’m sorry, I’m new here—”

  “Dr. Beaumont, you’ve been here for two months and we’ve worked together in this emergency room more days than I care to count. If you can’t bother learning my name two months into this job, then the consequences are on you.”

  “I know your name, Missy,” he exclaims, looking me in the eye. I glance down at my badge and note that it’s turned around. I glare up at him, in no way impressed by him. While most of the nurses find his southern charm and hazel eyes ‘dreamy’, I do not.

  “Why are you calling me nurse then,” I ask.

  “How bad would it look if after two months I only knew the name of one nurse here?” He lifts an eyebrow at me.

  “You’ve only learned one name in two months?” My voice rises an octave.

  “Shh.” He steps closer and looks over his shoulder. No one notices my shrilly question. “Yes, okay? I’ve only learned one name.”

  “That’s pretty messed up, Beaumont.” I snicker thinking about the hell the others would give him if they knew his little secret.” I find it hard to believe, too. Especially with all the special attention each woman you work with gives you.”

  “What can I say? The pretty ones tend to be the most unforgettable.” He turns and grabs the nearest clipboard, averting his eyes from me. His words hit my brain, making me feel like I’ve suddenly swallowed my tongue. Did he really just say what I think he said? “That and you tend to bust my balls, something I’m learning to appreciate about you.”

  “Um…you…I…” I stutter, unable to form the words for a snappy comeback.

  “A lesser man wouldn’t admit that last part. Don’t get me wrong, your sassy is a big turn-on, but I’m the kind of man who likes to take the wheel, if you catch my drift.” He looks up at me from the clipboard, his gazing finishing off where his words hit me. A flood of heat fills my belly, and there is no doubt I caught his drift. I tighten the muscles of my stomach, trying to keep myself from showing him just how much his words affect me. Pushing the feelings aside, I cross my arms and settle into a dark glare. I could only hope it’s as dangerous to him as it is to me. His smirk freezes in place on his lips, and I know he is about to catch my drift.

  “You’re right, a lesser man probably wouldn’t admit to it. Doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t like having his balls busted, though. It could mean he has more respect for me and our work environment. It could mean he even has manners, something you could use a lesson in.” He flinches, the clipboard falls a bit, the smirk wiped from his mouth. Oh, yes, he caught my drift. “If you don’t mind, Dr. Beaumont, we have patients to see, and quite frankly, you aren’t my type. I don’t like men who spend more time on their hair than I do. Now, are we done here?”

  I don’t bother waiting for a response before turning on my heel and making my way down the hallway to my next patient. The man is infuriating, and to think he believes he can talk to me that way and get away with it. Not that I’m about to run and tattle on his ass; after all, I’m not the kind of woman who can’t put him in his place myself without the help. I can only hope he won’t display his stupidity around me again.

  *****

  The rest of the day passes fairly quickly. Thankfully, we haven’t been slammed with an influx of patients or ambulance intake and Dr. Beaumont has kept his distance since our little run-in. He even learned the names of the other nurses on duty today. Maybe my words did resonate with him after all.

  I’m wrapping up the last of my shift duties when Mary, the charge nurse, approaches my station. She has a grim look on her face, and immediately I think about what happened with Dr. Beaumont. Fuck, did the prick turn me in?

  “Hi, Missy, how are you feeling? I heard about what happened.” She stops in front of me and makes an attempt to smile.

  “I’m good, Mary. A little sore but nothing I can’t handle.”

  “Good to hear. If you need a few days off to get things—”

  “That won’t be necessary, but thank you for the thought,” I interrupt, trying to keep my composure. What is with everyone thinking I need some time away from work?

  “Okay, well, I wanted to let you know there is a patient asking to see you specifically.” She pauses, and I close my eyes to take a breath. “He is in room two,” she explains, tossing a look over her shoulder toward the room. She leans in closer to whisper the next part. “It’s Nolan Andrews again. Do you want me to call security?”

  “No,” I say softly and roll my eyes. Nolan Andrews is a young man, at best, whose life I helped save some years back. Ever since, he’s taken a liking to me and comes in at least once a week to see me. He fakes some kind of medical ailment to get past the waiting room, and once I come in, he’s the chattiest patient of the night. “It’s alright. I’ll stop in after I finish this chart and send him on his way.”

  “You know he only comes in when you’re on shift.” She smiles sweetly, and I can tell she finds his visits sweet. They aren’t sweet, though, not in the least, but I know he’s placed me on some kind of pedestal because of what I did for him.

  “I know.” I nod and offer her a small smile back. “Hey, um, has Dr. Beaumont stopped in tonight?”

  “No.” Her brow scrunches. “Is everything alright?”

  “Everything is fine.” The words hurry from my mouth, and she focuses her gaze on me like she’s trying to figure out if I’m hiding something.” I was just wondering if he’s left for the night. I need him to sign off on a few things before he does.”

  “He was in the break room before I came to find you. Would you like me to tell him you’re looking for him if I see him again?”

  “No, it’s alright. I’m sure I’ll see him before the shift ends. Thanks, Mary.” I tilt my head, hoping to look innocent. She nods, accepting my answer, and leaves me to the rest of my charting. I input the remaining information for my patient, save the file, and log out of the terminal. I still have twenty minutes until the shift change, but there is still Nolan to deal with.

  I walk over to room two and open the door. I step across the threshold, leaving the door open behind me. Nolan greets me with a larger-than-life smile, his intriguing, dark eyes filling with relief.

  “Well, if it isn’t my favorite nurse and guardian angel, Missy.” His deep voice is pleasant to the ear. Of course, compared to Kingston’s voice, it doesn’t have the gravelly rumble I’ve become accustomed to. “I was afraid I wasn’t going to see you before your shift ended.”

  “You’re cutting it close this time, Nolan.” I smile and reach for his chart, briefly wondering how thick his patient file is now. “What ailment are you faking today?”

  He laughs before shifting close to lean in toward me. He’s now at eye level.

  “I have a terrible pain in my left side.” He grins even bigger, and I sigh noting just how good-looking he is. Too bad he’s still a kid, though, not even old enough to legally buy himself a six-pack. “I think I might be experiencing kidney failure.”

  “I can’t believe they fell for it, especially since it says right here you only have one kidney and it’s on the right side.” I step closer, showing him the chart. We both laugh.

  “You know I can’t stay away.” His smile falls a bit and his eyes focus on my face. “Not when it comes to you.”

 
“Nolan,” I sigh. “You’re going to lose your insurance if you keep up with these bogus claims. They will catch on.”

  “If only you’d agree to have lunch with me,” he says quickly, his voice dipping low. “Then I won’t need to make up some bogus lie to get your attention.”

  “Nolan,” I say softly, but I watch his face fall. He already knows I won’t accept his invitation, and it isn’t because of the way my voice changed either. This isn’t the first time he’s asked me to lunch, and like all the times before, the answer will always be no. “I’m flattered, really, I am. You’re such a sweet young man, but I’m too old for you.”

  “Katherine of Aragon was older than King Henry.” He wrinkles his brow, and sadness once again settles into his eyes. I feel bad, but what he is feeling for me isn’t real. It’s because I helped save his life. That’s all.

  “Nolan.” I take a deep breath, all of a sudden feeling tired and overall achy. “I’m going to get your release papers. The next shift will bring them in for you to sign and get you checked out, okay?”

  “Please, Missy, give me a chance.” His face suddenly morphs into stone and his voice loses its warmth. “I will be good to you.”

  I reach out and cup his cheek, leaning in to kiss him on the other side. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I hate seeing this look of disappointment on his face. I hate being the one who puts it there.

  “You’re going to make some girl really happy,” I tell him softly, hoping he understands that he and I will never be. I add a few notes to his chart while I say the words, refusing to look at him again because I can’t stand to see the hurt on his handsome face. “I’m not that girl, Nolan, as much as you want me to be. So, do us both a favor and stop putting your insurance at risk, because we both know how important it is for you to keep it. Jodi will be here shortly to sign you out. I have to go meet her now.”

  I can’t bring myself to look up at him again as I step back and pull the door closed behind me. I take a deep breath and walk away to the gathering group of nurses. It is time for shift change, and all I can think about is heading home, only to be reminded that my house is currently in an unlivable state.

  I can’t go back to Kingston’s, not until I figure out what to do about what happened between us. No matter how much I want to go back, I can’t.

  Hudson’s place is still out of the question, not that he has the room anyways. My only option is Annabelle’s.

  Yes, I can stay at Annabelle’s until my house is ready.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Confessions

  Missy

  “What did you do?” Annabelle asks as she peers at me over a hot cup of coffee. She didn’t hesitate to offer me a place to stay after my stilted call about what happened last night, and still she knows I haven’t told her everything. There are some things you don’t tell a best friend over the phone, especially when this best friend works for the man I spent the night with.

  “I fucked everything up,” I answer honestly. “And I can’t even blame it on shock. I wanted it to happen.”

  “You slept with him, didn’t you?” She places her cup down on the counter and quietly folds in her hands in front of her. I feel my face heat up instantly as she reads me like an open book. Not that it’s surprising; I’ve always been an open book when it comes to her.

  Annabelle is one of the few people in my life who know everything regarding my history with Kingston. She’s also the only person who knows how much I still care for him. Despite knowing all of this, it doesn’t make telling her what happened any easier, even if she is the only person who can help me figure out what to do next.

  “Yes,” I whisper, but the word is heavy on my tongue.

  “And this is a bad thing?”

  “Yes, Anna, this is a bad thing. A very bad thing.”

  “How is sex ever a bad thing?”

  “Sex between two people who love each other is an awesome thing. Sex between Kingston and me…well, he doesn’t love me.” I look down at my hands, because for the first time in years, I’m admitting the strength of my feelings without being badgered to do it.

  “Interesting…”

  “There’s nothing interesting about it. It shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake.”

  She sighs wearily at me before reaching for her cup and bringing it to her lips. She pauses mid-motion, the look on her face transforming into one I know I’m going to dislike being on the receiving end of. It’s an I’m-about-to-slap-you-with-some-truth look. I hate that look. Hell, I’m the queen of that look, so I know what’s coming. I groan inwardly, trying to prepare myself for what she’s about to say.

  “When did you become such a pansy-assed bitch?” she asks calmly.

  “Wow, tell me how you really feel…”

  “You can bet your ass I’m going to.” She lifts an eyebrow, daring me to argue with her, but I don’t. I know she’s right, but when it comes to Kingston and everything we’ve been through, it’s hard to get out of my own head. “This isn’t who you are, and you’re making this shit much more complicated than it needs to be. I know what you’re doing, and you need to stop. Stop using your history as an excuse. Stop using the people around you as a shield. Stop wallowing in the shoulda, woulda, couldas and woman the fuck up. Whatever happens between you and King is about you and him. There isn’t a single person who matters more when it comes to the two of you.

  “Anna—”

  “Did it sound like I was done speaking?” she asks without pausing to stop. I shrug and look away. I never realized how uncomfortable moments like these are, maybe because I’ve never been on the receiving end of them. “He hurt you. Big fucking deal…”

  My head snaps up and my mouth opens to argue, but she keeps going before I can.

  “Can’t handle the truth? Am I being too harsh for you? Get over it. Because the way I see it, if you can let him back into your life and build the friendship you have with him now, then you can have more with him. Yes, he broke your heart, but you’re made of much stronger stuff than you know. You’ve spent far too much of your life taking care of everyone and everything around you. We get it, you’re a fucking saint, Missy, but enough is enough. It’s time to start living your life.”

  I don’t answer, mostly because I can’t, also because I don’t know how to. She’s annihilating every point I can use, and hearing her do it is tearing me apart inside.

  “What happened between you two wasn’t a mistake. It was a fucking miracle. You took the first step, and it took some creeper breaking into your house to get you to do it. You can’t back out now. You can’t hit the do-over button. Take it from me, a woman who knows, life is too precious to let it pass you by.”

  She stops finally and looks at me expectantly.

  “You’re right.”

  “Damn right, I’m right. He was the first person, other than the police, to show up on your doorstep?”

  “Yeah, he rushed past the police line to get to me.”

  “I bet he did. What did you do?”

  “I reached for him.”

  “Why?”

  “He makes me feel safe.”

  “You have cops surrounding you, but he makes you feel safe?” I nod, unable to argue the point she’s making. Fuck, am I that transparent? ”He stays with you until they’re done with their initial investigation, and then he offers you a place to stay while they get everything sorted at your place.”

  “Yes, but I don’t know what this has to do with what happened between us.”

  “I’m trying to understand how sleeping with him happened. I need the details, woman.”

  “We went to bed, in our own beds,” I add quickly. “I couldn’t sleep. I got up to make some tea, and the next thing I know, he’s standing next to me half naked and all I can think about is how close I came to a different outcome and what that might have meant for us.”

  “It sounds to me like he didn’t object to your way of thinking.”

  “I didn’t gi
ve him much of a choice. I was practically humping him in the middle of his kitchen.”

  “You brazen hussy.” She laughs huskily. Her coffee-brown eyes widen with merriment. “You’re wrong to believe he had no choice. That a six-foot-three man of steel and muscle can be taken down by a mere wisp of a woman. A woman he can lift with one arm and toss across a football field without breaking a sweat. Pussy might be a powerful tool, my friend, but a man like Kingston Cole cannot be controlled by it. He wanted last night to happen as much as you did.”

  “If that were true, then why hasn’t he acted on it before this?”

  “For the same reason you haven’t, only he lives with the guilt of being the one to break your heart. I’m afraid you’re going to have to be the one to make things change between the two of you. He lost you once due to his own stupidity. He won’t risk what he has with you again. You need to understand this, though, sleeping with you wasn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision for him. It’s something he’s thought about often and has wanted for a long time.”

  I take a breath, absorbing every word she says to me, trying to battle a new fear raging in my belly. What happened between us has now made it impossible to keep things like they’ve been the last three years.

  “I think I fucked up.” I run my hand down my face, realizing I had the answers I needed the entire time; I was just too buried in my own head to see them.

  “No, but you should probably head over to his place and make things right.”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath, hoping he’ll hear me out.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The Beginning

  Kingston

  A key slides into the lock of my front door before it slowly opens. My gut clenches at the sight of her sneaking in like some teenager out past curfew. She closes the door quietly behind her and turns the lock. I dare not move or say a word. I don’t want to ruin the illusion my mind has created for me; the day has been too long to do so.

  I’ve spent the day trying to keep busy, but there is only so much I can do before shit starts eating at me. I checked out the new security system Bear installed today at her house and assessed the new doors and locks installed throughout her house. But it wasn’t easy being around her things, smelling her at every turn and dealing with the possibility of losing her because I couldn’t turn her down.