One Choice

by Ginger Solomon

  He stared back out the window. She no longer walked with a spring in her step. Her steps were still graceful, but heavy somehow. He was the cause, and his heart constricted.

  God, what have I done?

  ****

  Cahri meandered through the garden. For a week she’d been finding God’s peace and forgiveness here. Peace with herself. Forgiveness for Waseem. Understanding for Josiah. Maybe one day she would find love again, but it wouldn’t be in this place. Her heart had been shattered here, and she had to leave.

  Matthias hadn’t been coming around as often, which was as it should be, though she missed his friendship. Her physical recovery had been slow, and she still tired too soon, but she grew stronger each day. She’d prayed and waited, and now felt it was time to go. The king, queen, and Anaya would be returning next week. She couldn’t face them with the knowledge that she’d fallen short of their expectations.

  “We will plan your formal wedding after Waseem’s trial. It will be wonderful. Lots of flowers, and music, and people — all the things you missed out on so many weeks ago.” Anaya had said earlier that morning on the phone.

  Cahri hadn’t told Anaya she hadn’t even seen Josiah since the night of her rescue. There was no point. It wouldn’t change anything.

  With the roses she loved so much surrounding her, she sat on the bench and gazed at the second story window, remembering the first time she’d sat in this spot. Tears pooled in her eyes. She blinked them back.

  Love for Josiah welled in her heart. She was wrong earlier. Love like this didn’t come more than once. She couldn’t accept anything less than what she felt for her husband. Come what may, she wouldn’t seek an annulment, but would forever remain Prince Josiah of Belikara’s wife, unless he sought to end their covenant.

  She needed to visit one more place before she left for good. The gallery. She would tell Josiah’s portrait all the things she couldn’t say to him in person.

  Head bowed, she walked with purpose. At the door, she hesitated. Could she even look at his picture without breaking down? She forced herself to enter and walk to the end. Stopping at the portrait of Josiah’s great-grandmother, she focused on the noble woman.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t be the kind of wife you were.” She touched the portrait then moved on.

  At Josiah’s picture, she sat on the bench and stared at her handsome husband. Her throat tightened, but she purposed to remain until she’d said everything.

  “I’m sorry, my husband. I tried to be the wife you wanted. The wife you needed. But I’ve failed you. I am no longer able to stay here. I can’t stay, wondering every day if today is the day I’ll see you and you insist I leave, or if today is the day you will come to me, beg my forgiveness, and tell me you love me, even if I know such a thing will never happen.” A sob broke through, but she regained control and continued.

  “I know you can’t love me. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I wasn’t good enough. I knew it before I even stepped foot into this beautiful home. I’m leaving so you can be happy. Maybe one day you will find a woman you can love as much as I love you.” Cahri stood and touched his portrait, tears streaming down her face. “I’ll always love you, Josiah. Always. Goodbye, my love.”

  “Princess?”

  Cahri jumped at Matthias’s voice. She wiped her eyes on her sleeves and faced him. “Yes?”

  “Who were you talking to?”

  Cahri bit her lip. “I was praying.” Would he question her further?

  “Are you okay?” He studied her but didn’t enter the gallery.

  “Yes. I’ll be fine. Thank you, Matthias.” For everything. For being a friend. For praying. For nursing her back to health. For caring. She smiled to reassure him.

  He disappeared without another word.

  Cahri stared at Josiah’s portrait once more, touching it with gentle fingers. She pulled the handkerchief from her pocket and tucked it behind the frame. “Thank you for letting me borrow it for a time.” She blinked back her tears and left the room.

  ****

  Josiah gazed at his wife through the video feed. He couldn’t help it. An ache spread through him. She’d sat staring at his portrait for a long time. Her lips moved. He wished for sound on the cameras, but her words were lost to him. She shifted toward the door after swiping tears from her eyes. Someone must be there. A hint of a smile graced her lips.

  Matthias.

  Josiah faced away from the cameras and limped from the room.

  Why couldn’t the man stay away from his wife?

  Because you told him to care for her.

  Josiah had ignored her need and passed it off to someone else. She would smile at him if he cared enough to show his face.

  But he couldn’t.

  ****

  Cahri called the airline and booked her flight for Wednesday. She would be in France before Anaya returned. Josiah wouldn’t notice her departure. She wasn’t even sure if he was still at the palace.

  Time to put her plan into action. She requested a car to drive to the mission church. She’d never done anything like this before, but it shouldn’t be too hard.

  A few times of going to the mission or shopping, every other day or so, maybe with a guard. It wouldn’t take long before they’d trust her to make the trip on her own. An hour there, a couple of hours to kill, and an hour back. It would give her at least four hours before anyone noticed she hadn’t returned as usual.

  After her first trip to the church, her heart ached. She couldn’t go there again. Pastor Phillip was far too perceptive and would guess something was going on.

  Her next trip was to shop. She didn’t need much, but the guard soon grew bored, which happened to be what she wanted.

  One final trip — to the orphanage. The hardest one of all. She drove alone. She played with the children and gave them gifts, but couldn’t tell them goodbye. That would cause too many questions.

  On the drive home, she pulled off the road and cried. She was leaving her heart in this country, with her parents’ graves, with the children, with its prince. She wiped her eyes. It had to be done. Living this way would kill both of them. If she left, hers would be the damaged life. He could and would go on without her, maybe find what he needed from someone else.

  On Tuesday, she wrote a long letter to Anaya. She didn’t reveal where she was going, but it would be easy enough to guess. Thanking the young woman for her friendship and care came with ease. Asking Anaya to not contact her was more difficult. Cahri wished Anaya good luck in her betrothal. She wrote out a prayer of blessing for her sister-in-law, her sister in Christ, her sister in love. Tears dotted the paper, but Cahri didn’t care. A quick trip to Anaya’s room secured the envelope in a place certain to be seen upon her return.

  Wednesday morning arrived.

  Stormy paced. He knew something was wrong. She picked him up, scratched behind his ears, bidding him a tearful goodbye, then closed him in the bathroom. Taking him with her would raise too many questions.

  She ordered the car brought around, and she stuffed a few boxes in the trunk. No one asked about them because she’d done the same thing last week, taking donations to the orphanage. This time the boxes contained her luggage.

  She drove away, stopping at the end of the drive to look back at the place which held her heart in so many ways, though it had been her home for so short a time. She blinked back the tears and pushed on the gas.

  “Goodbye, my heart.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Josiah couldn’t stand it one more minute. He needed to see Cahri. Striding to their room, his limp all but gone, he entered to find it empty of her presence. Scratching on the bathroom door drew his attention. Stormy flew out with a loud meow when he opened the door. Unusual.

  He scanned the room.

  His heart clenched at the object on his dresser. He walked over, dread dropping on him like a cloak. His ring… her ring sat atop a small piece of paper. He pushed the ring away and picked up the note. Should he si
t? Thinking he should, he moved toward the bistro table next to the windows.

  He held the note without opening it. Lifting it to his nose, he sniffed and relished her scent. Dropping his chin to his chest, he let the memory of her love roll over him. The love he had rejected.

  Lifting the edge of the paper, he read the words she’d written. I love you more than life itself. You’re free. Be happy. Cahri

  Nothing more. He didn’t understand. He read it again. Free? Free from what?

  Then it hit him.

  He went to her dresser. The drawers were empty, except her hats. He went to her side table. Her journal was gone.

  Running from the room, he yelled for Matthias.

  “What?” the man asked as he stepped into the hall from his office.

  “When was the last time you saw Cahri?”

  “Breakfast.”

  “Where is she now?” Josiah’s demand was met with a blank stare. “Where. Is. She?”

  “I don’t know. She’s not my wife.”

  Josiah winced. “Did she request a car today?”

  Matthias entered his office. Josiah followed him. “Yes.”

  Josiah fell to his knees. The pain in his heart overpowered the pain that shot up his leg at the movement. He ran his hands through his hair and groaned.

  Oh God, what have I done? How can I get her back? Mere moments after uttering the prayer, he knew.

  “Check with the airlines and find out if there’s a flight this morning to France.”

  “What?” Matthias gaped at him like he was crazy.

  “She left me a note telling me I was free. Her things are gone. She’s left. I pushed her away.”

  “Why should I help you?” Matthias glared at Josiah.

  “Because I love her.”

  “You could have fooled me. Her too, since you haven’t even bothered to show your face around her since…” Matthias took a deep breath, held it, and then released it. “Was she supposed to wait on you forever, hoping you would deem her worthy of your presence and love again?”

  “What are you talking about?” Josiah stood and stared into Matthias’s eyes.

  “When she was so sick, she mumbled in her sleep. Over and over she kept whispering, ‘He doesn’t want me. I’m not worthy of his love.’ I watched, unable to do anything to help, as the tears slipped from her eyes. You confirmed her fears, the ones she wouldn’t express except in her sleep. Why would I bring her back to such pain? I returned her to you once when she begged me not to. I won’t make such a mistake again.”

  Matthias moved away from Josiah then pivoted back. “You’ve been stubborn before, Josiah, but this time you’ve gone too far. I’ve watched her walk around for weeks, the sparkle of life gone from her eyes. You did that. Had she asked for my help, which she didn’t, I would have helped her."

  “You forget your place, Matthias.”

  “No, I haven’t. As soon as your parents return, and Waseem is executed, I will be leaving.”

  “You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”

  “What if I am?” Matthias’s careless words stabbed Josiah’s heart.

  “Does… does she return your feelings?”

  “Are you stupid? She didn’t give up on life because I wasn’t there for her. She thinks of me as her friend, nothing more. You should be happy I fell in love with your wife. She was the reason I stayed, and I’m the reason she’s alive.”

  Josiah squeezed his eyes closed. His wife and now his best friend, leaving him. Pushed away by him.

  He’d worry about Matthias later. First, he had to find her and he would — without Matthias’s help. He clenched his teeth. In his office, he searched for the airport phone number. Why search for flights when he could go to the top to find the information he needed? It was one of the few times he would use his position to get what he wanted from others.

  What he heard sapped his strength. Her plane would leave in thirty minutes. It took that long to get to the airport when traffic was light.

  Oh God, what should I do?

  His prayer went unanswered.

  I’ve made such a mess of things, Lord. I was so selfish and prideful, thinking I could protect her from Waseem. But my actions were worse than his. I love her and still I hurt her with my withdrawal. Waseem battered her body, but I broke her heart, again. Please forgive me, Lord. I need her. Help me.

  Go.

  Go?

  Go. Ask forgiveness. Tell her you love her.

  Josiah jumped from his desk chair, knocking it to the floor. He ran to the security office, praying Matthias hadn’t left yet.

  “Matthias!”

  Nothing.

  He scrutinized the room. Empty.

  Spinning around, Josiah collided with the object of his search. He took a step back and stood eye to eye with Matthias. “Forgive me. You tried to warn me, and I was too filled with pride to see how much pain I was causing her. But I love her. I need her. Please help me get to the airport before it’s too late to stop the plane.”

  Matthias eyed him. “When does it leave?”

  Josiah glanced at his watch. “Twenty minutes.”

  “You want me to get you to the airport in twenty minutes?”

  “Yes.” Please let him say yes. He’s the only person who can drive that fast and stay safe. “I won’t make her come back if she wants to leave, but I have to try. I have to tell her how sorry I am and how much I love her. I have to.”

  Matthias stared at him, seeming to gauge his sincerity then walked away.

  Josiah’s heart sunk. He’d have to drive himself, and he wouldn’t risk other lives by driving too fast. He wouldn’t make it on time, but maybe he could have them delay the plane. If not, he’d follow her to France. Somehow he’d find her.

  He gripped the phone in his pocket and sprinted toward his car. He’d call on the way. A sudden thought occurred to him, and he took a side trip to the rose garden. He snipped one perfect red rose, wrapped it in a damp paper towel and headed to his car once more.

  When he arrived, Matthias sat in the driver’s seat, waiting for the keys. Josiah tossed them to him as he slid in the passenger seat and slammed the door.

  Josiah could never express to Matthias his depth of gratitude, but he had to try. “Thank you, my friend.”

  Matthias just grunted.

  Josiah smiled for the first time in weeks.

  ****

  Cahri glanced behind her as she drove the stretch of road between the palace and the airport. A number of cars vied for position on the four-lane highway, but none were following her. She wasn’t surprised. Her subterfuge hadn’t been necessary. Josiah didn’t care. The tiny spark of hope she’d held onto died.

  She let the tears fall but vowed they would be the last. This was a necessary step in starting over. She prayed she could find contentment and maybe a measure of happiness without a man to love or children to cherish.

  During the last week, she’d researched various culinary institutes. She had a little saved, and hoped by next year she would have more put aside to follow this new dream.

  At the airport, Cahri pulled into short-term parking. She rested her head on the steering wheel and made a last-minute decision. Unpinning her hat, she removed it and laid it on the seat next to her. She left her hair bound in the tight knot at the back of her head. Looking in the mirror, she tugged at a few strands to soften the severity around her face. She would have to get used to seeing herself without a hat. Her hats belonged in this country, with her heart.

  Satisfied she was presentable, she picked up the note she’d written and attached it to the keys. After grabbing her luggage, she trudged to the drop-off area and stopped a skycap. He gazed at her, a curious expression pulling his eyebrows toward his eyes when she handed him the envelope and keys. She asked him to make sure the car made it back to Kral Sarayi. After she included a hefty tip, he nodded his acceptance.

  One more step closer to the rest of her life.

  Cahri checked her watch and
saw she had an hour before her flight. Plenty of time. She bit her lip and worried about getting through security. Would Josiah try to stop her?

  Foolish girl, of course he wouldn’t.

  She checked her bags, and claimed her tickets then headed to her gate. This would be the first time she’d flown alone. At least the flights only lasted a few hours each. She pulled out her book and the soda she’d purchased after the security checkpoint and got comfortable. As comfortable as one got in an airport.

  As soon as she was out of Belikara, she could breathe a little easier. Another step in her plan would be complete.

  As the boarding process began, Cahri gathered her things and threw away her trash. While everyone stowed their carry-ons and took their seats, Cahri glanced out the window. Across the tarmac the sun reflected off the sand. She inhaled and wished Belikara goodbye.

  The pilot announced a delay. Cahri’s heart skipped.

  Could it be? No.

  Why did she still harbor hope that he cared? It just caused more heartache.

  Ten minutes later, the other passengers’ grumbles had increased. The flight attendants tried to answer questions, but they didn’t seem to know the reason for the delay either. Cahri watched their whispers and shrugs. The pilot appeared from the cockpit and opened the door to the gangway. A security guard entered. Gasps sounded throughout the plane. One of the flight attendants lifted the phone to make an announcement then returned it to its cradle. She lifted a clipboard and flipped through the papers, looking for something.

  Cahri held her breath. She wasn’t sure whether she should pray for it to be Josiah or pray it wasn’t.

  Let it be your will, oh God.

  Peace descended around her, and she knew before the woman found what she was looking for Josiah had come. The flight attendant stared straight at her. Cahri met her gaze and the woman nodded.

  Cahri sighed and rose from her seat. She grabbed her carry-on and followed the security guard off the plane.