Finding Forever

by Christina C Jones

  Melanie curled her lip. “She’s alright, I guess.”

  “Really? You don’t like her?”

  “That’s not what I said. I said I guess she’s alright. There was already another girl I loved for Avery, but she was too damned stupid to see what was right in her face. Just silly as hell. Dumb as a damn box of painted rocks.”

  I lifted an eyebrow at her. She hadn’t mentioned preferring one of the girls over another. “Who are you talking about Mel?”

  She stared at me for a moment, then gave me an exasperated roll of her eyes. “Nobody, Tee. It doesn’t matter anymore anyway, because you got his match for him.”

  I sucked my teeth. “What was the point of you telling me then? That wasn’t helpful.”

  “Good, cause I wasn’t trying to be. Are you done with all of this crying and throwing up now? Or do you need me to cancel—”

  “Tori? Oh my God! Are you ok?” We looked up to see Des standing in the open door, one hand resting against her bulging stomach as she peered into the bathroom with worry etched into her face.

  I hadn’t spoken to Des since our blow up the weekend before, even though she’d called me a couple of times, and sent a few texts apologizing. With our disagreement still fresh on my mind, I hadn’t had the energy to deal. “Des! Uh… hey, yeah. I’m fine, just not feeling great. What are you doing here?” Usually, I would have been glad to see my friend, but with my current emotional state tied to something I couldn’t talk to her about, she was about the last person I wanted to see.

  She seemed unsure of her herself, something I wasn’t at all used to with Des. “Well, I was coming to make you talk to me, and then when I got here, the door was open, and I overhead Des say you had been throwing up. Are you sick?”

  I shook my head. “No, I think I may have eaten something that didn’t agree with me at lunch. I think I’m going to take the rest of the day off, and go home.

  “Can I tag along?” Des asked, with a pleading in her eyes I couldn’t ignore. “We really need to talk.”

  I reluctantly agreed, and thirty minutes later, I was sitting — as Des insisted— at my kitchen counter while she bustled about the kitchen making us tea.

  “So… I owe you an apology.” She placed a hot cup of vanilla chai in front of me, and then sat down beside me with one of her own. “After that night in Chicago, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was so wrong with me wanting to protect you, or give you advice, or try to interfere when you were making a mistake. I thought you were being silly, and stubborn, and making another mistake, by pushing me away when I wanted to help. I didn’t get why you were so angry with me. Then, it’s like something clicked, and I realized I was actually smothering you, and lecturing, and meddling.”

  I took a deep breath, then nodded my agreement. “That’s exactly what was happening, Des. And I don’t understand why.”

  “Because I love you Tori. You’re like a sister to me, and I cannot stand knowing you’re unhappy, or you’re hurting. Listen… when I met Drew, it was as I was on life support, and he was giving out oxygen. Being in love with him, and having him reciprocate that with no fear, and no limitations… it’s beautiful. He makes me feel wild, and sexy, and free, and…I want that same thing for you so badly. I want you to have somebody that makes you feel the way Drew does for me, and I … I was doing too damned much, and I recognize that. I’m sorry.” When she was finished, her dam of tears broke, along with my resolve not to cry.

  “That’s sweet, Des. Of course I forgive you,” I said, sniffling as I pulled her into a hug. “I shouldn’t have let it stew this long without saying anything, but I was already going through so much I didn’t have the energy to argue with my friend too.”

  Des brushed away my words with a dismissive wave. “Girl, please. I’ve watched you go through an emotional gauntlet these past two years. I know part of that was me turning freaking Iyanla once I met Drew.”

  “Honestly… the pressure I felt from you rubbing your relationship in my face, challenging me on why I didn’t have something like that for myself, it did play a role in where I was emotionally at that time. I wanted what you had, I did. Nevertheless, I certainly don’t think getting tangled up with Rafael was your fault. There were other factors too, and ultimately I should have known better. I should have listened when you told me you didn’t have a good feeling about him, but I wanted to prove you wrong, and I wanted to be with someone so bad I …. God, I was stupid.” My voice cracked as a fresh wave of tears sprung up. “And look where I am now. Single again, with more messy baggage. I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  “Do what anymore?” Des asked as she wiped the tears from my face.

  “Relationships, love, marriage, all of that. I’m done trying. In my life, the one time I had a man stick around longer than four months, I married him, and look how it turned out. At this point, I’m drained, Des. All of the stuff you need to make a relationship work, I’m out of it, and I have no interest in restocking just so somebody can come along, suck me dry, and then move on to the next woman. So I’m done.”

  “Tori, come on. You’re thirty years old. You have too much life ahead of you to be making a decision like that, it’s silly. Besides… I know I started pushing you to date again once I found out you got rid of Rafael, but that was stupid. You’re not ready for that. It’s been what, 3 months since the divorce? Of course you feel depleted, because you still are. I’ll bet you haven’t taken any time to just breathe, and work through it, have you?”

  I shook my head. “I had work to do. What good would it have done to sit around feeling sorry myself?”

  “I didn’t say you should do that,” Des said, rolling her eyes. “But because you haven’t done anything to work on your healing process, you’re still vulnerable, and raw, and… that’s part of why I freaked out about Avery being around you, once I found out he knew you were divorced.”

  “Des, give that a rest, my goodness. Avery hasn’t done anything to me. Why do you go in on him so hard?”

  She pushed out a sigh as she absently swirled her spoon in her cup. “Avery is… a great guy, in a lot of aspects, and he’s been an excellent brother to me. But when it comes to the way he uses and then disposes of women… that disgusts me. He reminds me of the same guys who used to break our hearts repeatedly, and it’s hard to swallow. I hate that part of him.”

  “What makes you so sure it exists?”

  “Because they’ve come to me, Tee. Crying their eyes out because Avery won’t return a call or text, will barely speak to them on the street. He did that shit to one of my friends, and then had the nerve to lie about it!”

  “Or maybe she lied.” I picked my cup to take a sip, keeping my eyes focused on Des.

  “Why would she do that?”

  I raised an eyebrow at her. “Because people lie to manipulate situations all the time? Come on Des, don’t sit here and act as if you’ve never tried to play the pity card with a sister, an auntie, or a cousin when a man wasn’t doing what you wanted him to do. Anything you could do to get his attention, and if that didn’t work, turn people against him, and it looks like your ‘friend’ did a pretty good job on you.”

  “But she wasn’t the only one!”

  Rolling my eyes, I placed my cup back down on the table. “So? Avery is wealthy, handsome, single, so he’s most heterosexual women’s dream. That exponentially increases the amount of bullshit you’re going to have to deal with until he settles down. I mean… did you forget I was married to a celebrity? I talked to Rafael’s sister about this very thing, and you know what she does? She tunes it out. If she believed every little thing some supposedly scorned woman told her about her brother, she would probably hate him too. And you want to know what’s funny? Her brother did screw me over, and I never said a single negative word to her about him. You know why? Because I’m an adult, not a child who needed to run and tattle on him to his gullible sister.”

  Des opened her mouth to respond, then closed it again
before going back to swirling her tea, with her brow furrowed. “I get what you’re saying, but what if they aren’t lying?”

  “First of all, you’re still focused on the wrong thing. Second… so what if they aren’t? I could see that mattering if his crime was bigger than not returning a few phone calls. You act as if he’s out here smacking people around, or drugging women’s drinks! Do you hear yourself? You’re giving these childish ass stranger-danger women all the benefit of the doubt in the world, yet your brother gets none. That’s messed up Des. Now, you and I are cool, as long as you remember you aren’t my mother, but you and Avery… Des, I don’t know. He says it doesn’t bother him, but I’m not sure that’s true. Part of why he’s doing this whole matchmaking thing is to impress you. He wants your approval, and you’re around here tearing him down, warning people about him, over mess that doesn’t concern you.”

  Biting at her lip, Des turned to me, with her eyes full of tears again. “Why didn’t you tell me this before now?”

  “Because I didn’t see it before now. Knowing Avery as I do… he’s a good guy. He may not admit it, but he needs his sister to see it too.”

  She nodded, wiping her face with the backs of her hands. “I’m gonna go see him when I leave.” After a moment, she chuckled a little, then pulled me into the tightest hug her baby bump would allow. “Thanks for getting me together, Tee. Obviously, I needed it.”

  “Yeah, you kinda did,” I agreed. “I wanted to smack the shit out of you at that table, but you’re pregnant, so…”

  “You would have hit me?”

  “Girl, I thought about it. You were a mess. You’re a mess now, what’s with the tears?”

  She laughed, reaching for her napkin to blow her nose. “It’s the pregnancy, man. I can’t control my emotions for anything.”

  “Well maybe that explains some of that mess at the table,” I said, giggling with her.

  “Maybe so. Can I tell you something, Tori?”

  I nodded as I raised my mug to take another sip of my tea. “Go for it.”

  “Even though I thought he was a bit of an asshole… I kinda secretly hoped you and Avery would end up together.”

  “What?” I sputtered out, nearly choking. “Why would you say that?”

  Des shrugged. “That way, we would be sisters for real, you know.”

  “Mmhmm. Well, you may have a new sister soon enough, but it won’t be me. Sorry to disappoint you.”

  “What does that mean? Did you find Avery a match?”

  I managed to give her a tight smile as I nodded my head, forcing myself not to look as anguished as I felt. “I think they’re going to really be good for each other.”

  “Wow! Tell me everything!”

  “No, no, no. I’ve already said more than I should. You, my dear, will have to talk to Avery about her if you wanna know.”

  Des rolled her eyes, poking her lip out in a playful pout. “I guess I’ll keep my news to myself too then.”

  “What news? Des, don’t play!”

  Her lips spread into a grin as excitement poured out from her. “… We’re having a girl!”

  “What? Ahhh! That’s so sweet, Des! I know you’ve always wanted a little girl!” I pulled her into a hug, rocking her back and forth. “How does Drew feel about it?”

  “He’s a teensy bit disappointed, because he was hoping boy, but he’s excited still! Guess what else?”

  I smiled, still pumped about her news. “What?”

  “We want you to be her god mommy!”

  My breath caught in my throat, and tears sprang to my eyes. “Des… really?”

  “Of course. Who else would it be? I love you, Tori.”

  “I love you too, Des,” I sniffled, pulling her into another hug.

  She pulled back to wipe the tears from my eyes. “Enough of this emotional stuff, what’s it gonna be?”

  “Des… I would be honored.”

  — Avery —

  Shit!

  I pulled my hand away from the engine, slamming down the hood of the car in frustration before examining my scraped knuckles. It was a stupid injury, caused by me trying to work on a car, when all I could focus on was Tori. I still didn’t understand what the hell happened between us being holed up in her hotel room in Chicago until the very last minute, and her sending me on a date with another woman. Was she that damned wrapped in her ‘system’ she could ignore the chemistry we both felt?

  I washed my hands in the sink, then grabbed a bandage from the first aid kit to wrap my hand. I needed to get home, shower, and try to improve my mood before the date with Maya. Again, Tori popped up in my mind — specifically, the look on her face when I’d agreed to a date with Maya. But what was I supposed to do, when it was clear she was intent on continuing with this matchmaking thing?

  When I stepped off the elevator in my building, and saw Des waiting by my door, my first thought was panic. Had something happened to Tori? Then I remembered she and I weren’t on our usual good terms, and I approached cautiously, wondering what she was about to say.

  “I was stupid. I’m really, really sorry,” she blurted out, as soon as I was standing in front of her. “I wasn’t tr—”

  I held up a hand to stop her, then grinned pulled her into a hug. “No need to say more, Des. We’re good.” I didn’t need a long, drawn out explanation, because I already knew what the problem was. Just her apology was enough for me.

  “We’re good?”

  “We’re good,” I confirmed as I unlocked the door, flipping on the light before allowing her to step in first. “I’m sorry I don’t have a lot of time to chat, I’m actually about to hop in the shower to head out for a date.”

  Des smiled as she rested against the counter. “Yeah, I know. Tori let it slip when I went to see her a little earlier. I actually stopped at her office, but she had gotten sick so I went back to her apartment with her.”

  Sick?

  “When was this?” I asked, trying to sound casual.

  “A little after two? I don’t know, but she was in bad shape, crying and puking. She’s fine though, so no worries. Actually, she’s the one who got me to see the error of my ways, and I told me I needed to stop being… let’s go with annoying. Anyway, I’m going to head out. My flight back is in an hour, and these little one-day trips are wearing on me now that I’m pregnant. I’ll see you later, brother.” She kissed me on the cheek, then breezed toward the door. “Oh, and the baby is a girl! You’re gonna have a niece!” With a last wink, she was gone, and I was left alone to process my thoughts about Tori getting ‘sick’. Why was she so upset? From the timing, I knew it had been shortly after Maya and I left, but again— what the hell was I supposed to do? I wasn’t forcing Tori to put up walls, and I wasn’t about to chase somebody who didn’t want to be caught.

  If Tori wanted to stick to the plan… fine. I was pissed off enough to push my feelings for her to the side and do just that.

  — & —

  Maya was banging. Physically, she was a ten. She had good manners, a pleasant personality, obvious intelligence, and so far, she hadn’t complained about anything. I was actually enjoying her company, and if my mind would stop drifting to Tori, things would be going even better.

  “You seem to be thinking about something pretty hard…I’m not boring you, am I?” I asked, taking a sip of my wine. She had been quiet for the last few minutes, and I hoped she was having a good time.

  “No, Avery, not at all.” She gave me a warm smile. “I’m thinking about how I owe Tori lunch or something for setting this up. I am…pleasantly surprised.”

  “Pleasantly surprised, huh? What were you expecting?”

  “Not much!” She replied with a laugh. “Things like this have a pretty notorious reputation for being…um…let’s say — unsuccessful.”

  “You may be on to something. Which is why I took the liberty of googling you beforehand,” I joked, leaning back against my chair.

  “Ohh, so you cheated!”

 
“What can I say, I’m a busy man, can’t leave much to chance. But I’m glad to say the pictures I saw online don’t do you any justice.”

  “Not even the nudes?” She asked curiously, fighting to keep a straight face as I choked a little on my water. “I’m kidding!” she admitted, giggling at my reaction.

  “You got me with that one.”

  “I had to, Mr. Private Investigator!” Maya teased, raising an arched eyebrow at me.

  “You’re telling me you didn’t look me up at all?”

  “I sure didn’t.” She gave me a smug little smile. “Tori came highly recommended. I knew she wouldn’t disappoint, so, I decided I may as well let myself be surprised.”

  “Pleasantly surprised,” I corrected with a wink as I passed my credit card to the server to pay for our meal. Maya glanced around the restaurant, noticing we were among the last patrons.

  “Wow, it’s a lot later than I thought!”

  “Time flies when you’re having fun.” I said, signing the check with a flourish before I stood up from the table, taking her hand. “Let me walk you out.”

  Accepting my hand, she stood, stumbling a little on her platform heels. I quickly steadied her in my arms, looking down with a smile.

  “You good?” I asked, feeling a pang in my chest as I remember catching Tori in nearly the same way when she came stumbling out of the bathroom the first time we met.

  “Thank you, yes.”

  “So…” I said, breaking the silence as I led her to the front of the restaurant. “I hope you enjoyed yourself as much as I did tonight?”

  “I really did.” She responded with a smile as she accepted her keys from the valet.

  My lips spread into a grin. “So…does that mean I can convince you to join me for lunch later this week?”

  “It means…I’ll think about it.” With a wink, she climbed into her car and closed her door, giving me a small wave as she drove away. It was nearly 11PM when I got home, and I wondered if I should contact Tori, to tell her the date had gone well. I’d done so after every other date, but somehow, knew it would be received as rubbing it in her face.