Obama Care

by Jason Scimitar

50

  America’s prime television shows were immediately interrupted as on scene cameras focused on the wreckage of the Lambrecht Theater. Lorie Walters stood close to the building’s corpse, explaining, “This is Lorie Walters with a special report from Broadway. The horror in front of this camera is difficult to describe. Everyone inside this theater is feared dead. There is literally nothing left. Even the ticket office at the front of the Lambrecht Theater, long an icon on Broadway, no longer exists. Even its huge stage is gone, its curtain lies buried deep inside the vast grave that rests high atop the more than one thousand dead who held the most coveted tickets in town. These entry vouchers cost their owners between one hundred and eight hundred dollars. That was only their face value, and the bidding didn’t stop there. Some people reportedly paid over two thousand dollars for a single ticket. This was the hottest show in Broadway history, but the ticket to that show was a ticket to death. Everyone who was the lucky holder of this ticket is buried in this smoldering mass of brick, concrete, metal and plaster where the mighty Lambrecht Theater stood for one hundred and twenty-seven glorious and star-studded years. Now, the mighty Lambrecht is merely a tiny footnote in Broadway history. Literally nothing remains. The banisters, the stage, the fancy walls with their painted figurines, the floating elephant that hung from the ceiling and regularly dropped down onto the stage carrying the Lambrecht’s endless sea of top performers are now gone, buried forever in the vast wreckage you see behind me. They are nowhere to be seen.

  Now, everything has vanished, gone with the wind, and even the aisles where the patrons walked with tickets to claim their seats—all of these things and much more including the beautiful figurines that graced its walls are no longer with us.

  Our mayor is probably dead, crushed beneath the rubble. Hundreds of Broadway stars and producers are either dead or dying inside the wreckage of this once great stage which had hosted one successful musical after the other.

  After this, there will be no more fanfares, no more delicious orchestral interludes before and during performances, no dance routines, no songs, and no audiences. Death is all that remains of the Lambrecht and its impressive history in the New York entertainment world.

  “A few moments ago the president announced thirty days of mourning. Flags will be flying at half mast just as soon as the people in charge of those things arrive to readjust them in accordance with the president’s request. No one is mandated to lower any American flag, because this is still a free country. However, we know that nearly one hundred percent of the flags in this country will be lowered either tonight or tomorrow. No one will want to defy what will surely be a popular observance of respect for the more than one thousand dead who died in the blink of an eye right here, having been crushed to death beneath the total devastation that we are now witnessing.

  “This is Lorie Walters, and, as I said before, for those who just joined us, I am standing in the vicinity of what used to be the grand old Lambrecht Theater on Broadway. She was a proud building filled with antique walls upon which more than one hundred statues perched themselves on the theater's massive walls where they peered out above the more than one thousand very rich and very influential theater goers who paid for some of the most coveted musical tickets ever sold in this city. The last ticket spelled the Lambrecht’s final moments, because it’s curtain is now silenced forever. Unless a new building is built to replace her, no more performances will ever be held in this historic spot where literally tens of thousands of performances were held over the more than one hundred years in which she reigned as one of the most prestigious theaters on Broadway.

  “What we see now is all that is left of her. More than one thousand bodies are trapped inside the rubble of what was once her beautiful auditorium with those beautifully painted sconces, lamps, and statuary that all of us have learned to love. That is all gone now. I will never see those walls again, nor will you, nor will anyone else see them. Nothing remains. Only photographs in books, newspapers, websites, and magazines are left to remind us of the Lambrecht’s fantastic grandeur. Our mayor and his family rest in muffled silence beneath its ashes. No one is sure if his body can even be identified even if it is retrieved because of the vast tonnage of debris that now fills the open hole which was once this historic place of entertainment.

  “I have been handed breaking news that the mayor’s position has been assumed by Dale Featherstone who was next in line. Mr. Dale Featherstein, shall attempt to make sense out of the chaos he has inherited. I would not want to be in his shoes. I have a statement which has been released from his office that reads, ‘I am saddened by the apparent death of my long-time friend and associate, Mayor Graham of New York City. I will do my best to fill Mr. Graham’s immense and ably talented shoes. I do so in sadness for the death of the mayor, and I will take no pleasure in this task, because I am so filled with sadness. Together, New Yorkers will work to overcome this catastrophe. We will work tirelessly to determine why the building collapsed. We are as of now not certain what exactly happened here, but I can assure you that my administration will leave no stone unturned in determining exactly what caused this implosion of one of our city’s most coveted Broadway venues. I have ordered all theaters in New York City remain closed. During this necessary, and I hope very brief, hiatus, the fire marshals in our city shall thoroughly inspect all of our theaters for safety to insure that nothing like this ever happens again. The buildings will be upgraded with new wiring wherever that is appropriate, although the fire marshals have assured me that regular inspections have already insured that every particle of these theaters has been found to be safe for the public. Nevertheless, we are going to make certain by once again inspecting each and every theater to insure that nothing is overlooked. Audience safety is our primary concern. Since Broadway and Off Broadway are integral parts of our local culture, these inspections will be priority issues and will come first. Some of these buildings will be opened within seven days. We believe that will be enough time to inspect them and to give the dust of the Lambrecht Theater a chance to settle. It will also be a suitable time for us to show respect for all of those who have perished in this tragedy.’ This letter is signed by New York’s new Mayor, who is Mayor Dale Featherstein.

  “All of us are stunned. New York City has rarely experienced an event of this magnitude. Of course, the tragedy of 911 is still fresh in our minds. The Lambrecht adds to the horror that our citizens have had to endure. Remember, however that New Yorkers are tough. We are survivors. The bomb and arson squad will determine whether or not terrorists played any part in this event. As soon as their investigation is complete, the new mayor of New York will be advised. Then, the results of their investigation will be released to the media and the public. We will keep you informed of their work just as soon as we hear from them. Most of Mayor Graham’s immediate family were inside the theater sitting next to him, and for them the worst is feared. The mayor had his wife, son, and daughter with him. Most people fear the worst. It is difficult to see how anyone could survive this tragedy. However, there is always hope. Even the most catastrophic building collapses can yield a humanitarian surprise here and there as an isolated person is pulled from some small pocket of safety where they survived amid the vast rubble. I know that all of us pray that such an event will unfold beneath these ashes of the collapsed theater. There are protected areas in basements, rest rooms, back halls and beneath the theater chairs where survivors may be found and rescued. That is our fervent hope. The first responders will be searching day and night to find the survivors. People have been found alive in situations far worse than this, so if you have loved ones in this building, keep in mind that they may still be rescued.

  “That is what we are all hoping for. We will be grateful for whatever miracles the lord of each and every faith in this vastly teeming multicultural city decides to give us in the days ahead.”