The Good Father

by Maggie Kingsley

  He’d have to see them—he couldn’t put them off—but thank God he was going out with Maddie tomorrow. OK, so he wasn’t happy with her let’s-all-go-out-like-one-big-happy-family scenario but if she wanted to impose some kind of test, he could live with it, and if he got through tomorrow without upsetting Charlie or Susie he could start dating her properly.

  And that was what he needed, he decided as Nell hurried away and he went out into the corridor to find Maddie taking a photograph of Mr and Mrs. Ralston with their son, Ashley. This dissatisfaction with his work, the preoccupation he seemed to have with Maddie…It was all because he hadn’t had sex in eight months and that alone was enough to turn a man slightly crazy.

  ‘The very person we’re looking for.’ Mrs Ralston beamed when she saw him. ‘We want a picture of you holding Ashley. Now, no false modesty, Doctor,’ she continued when Gabriel began to shake his head. ‘We know Ashley wouldn’t be going home today if it hadn’t been for your skill.’

  ‘It was a team effort, Mrs Ralston,’ he insisted. ‘I’m just one member of the team.’

  ‘I’d give in gracefully if I were you, Mr Dalgleish.’ Maddie chuckled. ‘This is one argument you aren’t going to win.’

  He wouldn’t, he realised, and ruefully he took Ashley from his mother’s outstretched hands. ‘Where do you want me to stand?’

  ‘I just want your biggest smile,’ Maddie said, putting the camera to her eye, then lowering it again with amused exasperation. ‘Oh, come on, Mr Dalgleish, you can do better than that. Think of it as practice for the future if you ever become a father.’

  A father? Never in his life had he thought of having children, but as Ashley kicked his legs and burbled up at him, and he watched Maddie waggling her fingers to try to get the baby’s attention, he suddenly found himself thinking, Why not?

  Because you’re a career consultant, you idiot, his mind pointed out, and kids mean nappies, and teething, and sleepless nights, not to mention the fact that you’re lousy with kids. Look at how you screwed up with Charlie, and you’re dead in the water with Susie.

  ‘Thank you so much,’ Mr Ralston said when Maddie gave him back his camera. ‘Now I’d like one of you with Ashley.’

  ‘Me?’ she protested. ‘But I’m just a secretary.’

  ‘No, you’re not,’ Mrs Ralston insisted. ‘You’ve listened to our worries, provided a shoulder for us to cry on, cheered us up when we were down, so we want a photograph of you, too.’

  ‘Oh, come on, Maddie,’ Gabriel said, grinning wickedly at her. ‘Think of it as practice for the future if you ever become a mother.’

  ‘Not on your life,’ she muttered under her breath, and he laughed, but when she took Ashley from him, and cradled him against her breast, he lost his breath.

  She might say she didn’t want to be a mother but with Ashley in her arms she looked like the kind of mother he would have killed for when he’d been a child. The kind of mother who would turn up every school sports day to cheer her kids on, whether they came first or last. The kind of mother who would break out the triple chocolate ice cream to congratulate or commiserate, whereas he…

  If he could have taken a degree in raising kids he would probably have passed the theory with honours, but when it came to the practical he’d undoubtedly have got a big, fat zero and that hurt a lot more than he could ever have imagined it would.

  ‘You look like a man whose just lost a pound and found a penny,’ Maddie said, gazing up at him curiously after the Ralstons had gone. ‘What’s wrong?’

  He was damned if he knew. Before today he’d never once thought of having children, so why was he getting himself in such a lather about something that might never happen?

  ‘Are Susie and Charlie all set for tomorrow?’ he asked, deliberately changing the subject, and she smiled ruefully.

  ‘Would you believe Charlie wants to take his football with him? I’ve told him absolutely not. Not with all those windows at Pollok House.’

  He laughed. ‘And Susie?’

  ‘She’s looking forward to it, too,’ she replied, but he knew from the way she wasn’t meeting his gaze that she was lying.

  Susie was the rock on which he could stumble, the fly in his ointment. He’d known it last Saturday, and he’d hoped the girl might have mellowed since then, but she clearly hadn’t. Got to be extra pleasant to Susie tomorrow.

  ‘What about you?’ he said. Are you looking forward to our day out?’

  ‘Very much,’ she said, and as she smiled up at him his heart picked up speed.

  Damn, but he wanted her. Wanted to touch the lush soft curve of her breast, wanted to taste her full lips, and all he had to do was get through tomorrow. If he could get through tomorrow without upsetting either Charlie or Susie, he would be home and dry. It shouldn’t be difficult. Charlie had already forgiven him and as for Susie…She was just a kid—albeit a truculent one—and if he was extra-pleasant to her tomorrow how could he possibly fail?

  Maddie walked down the gravel path into the gardens surrounding Pollok House and vowed that if Gabriel hadn’t throttled Susie by the end of the day, she was going to.

  From the minute they’d arrived at Pollok House, Gabriel had tried to interest her niece in the beautiful paintings and china on display, had listened uncomplainingly to Charlie’s constant chatter, treated them all to lunch in the Edwardian restaurant, and yet Susie had done nothing but trail moodily behind them, making snarky comments. If Susie had been four instead of fourteen, she’d have been going straight home to bed, Maddie decided.

  ‘Which part of the house did you like best, Charlie?’ she asked, knowing that he, at least, could be guaranteed to be enthusiastic.

  ‘Everything.’ He beamed as he skipped ahead of them on the path. ‘But my most favourite was seeing all those people dressed up as servants and members of the family.’

  ‘I think that’s a dumb idea,’ Susie declared. ‘Dressing up in old clothes doesn’ t give you any idea of what it must have been like to have lived in another century.’

  ‘True,’ Gabriel said evenly. ‘But a lot of visitors like it and it probably brings in much-needed money for the house’s upkeep.’

  ‘It’s still dumb,’ Susie said caustically, and Maddie gritted her teeth until they hurt.

  ‘I liked the dinner sets,’ she said determinedly. ‘And the El Greco painting—The Lady in the Fur Wrap—was absolutely stunning.’

  ‘That was my favourite, too,’ Gabriel observed. ‘What did you think of it, Susie?’

  ‘Personally—personally—I think it’s obscene for any one family to own so much,’ Susie said defiantly, and Gabriel smiled at her.

  ‘I couldn’t agree more, but when I visit houses like this it’s to admire the skill and craftsmanship of the men and women who created all the beautiful things, not to envy the owners.’

  And that’s taken the wind well and truly out of your sails, Susie, Maddie thought, biting back a chuckle as she saw her niece scowl.

  ‘Gabe, what’s that river called?’ Charlie asked, pointing to the meandering stream ahead of him.

  ‘The White Cart and, before you ask me why, I don’t have the faintest idea,’ Gabriel said, shooting Maddie a smile.

  A smile she felt all the way down to her toes. A smile which had her wishing—not for the first time that day—that she hadn’t insisted on Charlie and Susie accompanying them.

  Except that going anywhere alone with Gabriel was a recipe for disaster. She’d already spent far too much time today scoping out his lips, and wondering if they’d feel warm and gentle like Jonah’s, or hot and demanding as they always were in her dreams, and that was with Charlie and Susie acting as chaperones. If she’d been alone with him…

  Oh, hell, if she’d been alone with him she would have thrown all caution to the wind. She would have been more than willing to let him wrap his arms around her, let him kiss her, let him press his hard length against her. She closed her eyes briefly to enjoy the image, only to realise when s
he reopened them that Gabriel was watching her.

  ‘Penny for them, Maddie?’ he said, his voice deep, husky, and she shook her head.

  ‘Not worth it, Gabriel,’ she said, and he smiled again, a knowing smile that brought hot colour flooding into her cheeks.

  ‘I’m fed up with walking,’ Susie said, her small face mutinous. ‘Can’t we sit down for a rest?’

  ‘How about sitting down here on the grass?’ Gabriel suggested. ‘It’s bone dry—and Charlie won’t come to any harm, Maddie,’ he continued, seeing her glance uncertainly to where Charlie was throwing stones into the river. ‘The water’s very shallow.’

  ‘OK, then,’ she said, sitting down on the grass, but as Gabriel sat down beside her he tilted his head slightly and grinned.

  ‘You’re getting freckles.’

  ‘I always do if I don’t wear sunscreen,’ she said, rubbing her nose self-consciously. ‘I did bring some with me, but I left it in the glove compartment of your car.’

  He dug his car keys out of his pocket. ‘Susie, could you go and get your aunt’s sunscreen, please?’

  That Susie didn’t want to go was clear, but she took the keys from him with singularly bad grace then stomped off up the gravel path. Maddie sighed.

  ‘I’m sorry she’s been such a pain in the butt today.’

  ‘Has she?’ Gabriel smiled, and she laughed.

  ‘Nice try, but no sale. If I’d been in your shoes I think I would have slapped her.’

  ‘No, you wouldn’t,’ he said. ‘In fact, I doubt if you ever get really angry with either Charlie or Susie.’

  She shook her head ruefully. ‘You couldn’t be more wrong.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Gabriel, please, don’t run away with the idea that I’m some sort of super-aunt,’ she said. ‘There are days when the children hate me, days when I dislike them intensely.’ Today being one of those days in Susie’s case. ‘I lose my temper with them, get myself trapped into corners before I’ve even seen the corner coming. Everybody who looks after children does.’

  ‘But you seem to understand them so well,’ he said, bewilderment plain on his face. ‘Be able to relate to them so easily. How did you learn to do that?’

  ‘If I’m getting anything right it’s because I’ve tried to copy the way my mum and dad brought me up. If I stepped out of line they told me off. If I was unhappy or achieved something—no matter how small—they gave me masses of hugs and kisses, and if they were wrong they always apologised.’

  ‘If I were to bring up children the way I was brought up they’d all be in therapy by the time they were ten,’ he murmured, and he looked so unhappy that she instinctively reached out and laced her fingers with his.

  ‘Jonah told me a little bit about your childhood,’ she said gently. ‘How…how difficult it was for you.’

  ‘Difficult?’ he said savagely. ‘Oh, yes, I guess you could call it difficult.’

  He was clearly remembering the past, and she knew she should leave it there, but she had to ask, she just had to.

  ‘Gabriel, why—given your background—did you say what you said to Charlie about his grades?’ she asked.

  At first she didn’t think he was going to answer, and when he finally spoke his voice was tight, constricted.

  ‘I think…I think it was because I was so totally thrown by your kids.’

  ‘They’re not that bad, are they?’ she teased, trying to lighten his mood, but it didn’t work.

  ‘I’m not used to meeting children who can talk, Maddie, and Susie…She kept looking at me, clearly thinking, Who is this idiot? And Charlie was completely ignoring me. I’m not used to feeling uncomfortable, I’m used to being in control, so I just said the first thing that came into my head.’ He shook his head. ‘Unfortunately it was what my bloody parents always used to say to me.’

  ‘But why—?’

  ‘Why didn’t I take it back immediately?’ he interrupted. ‘I didn’t know how to. We Dalgleishes…’ His mouth twisted into a bitter parody of a smile. ‘We Dalgleishes don’t make mistakes, you see.’

  ‘Omnipotent are you?’ She smiled, hoping for a proper smile from him but it didn’t come.

  ‘Something like that.’

  ‘Gabriel, it isn’t wrong or a sign of failure to make a mistake and then admit you’ve made it,’ she said, and he sighed.

  ‘It was in my home. In my home you were a success, or you were nothing, less than nothing.’

  She was appalled. How could anybody treat a child like that? How could any parent withhold or grant love on the basis of success or failure? Her heart went out to him for the childhood he’d never had, the love and comfort he’d never received when he’d been a boy.

  ‘Oh, Gabriel, I’m sorry—so sorry,’ she said, through a throat so tight it hurt. ‘I wish I could make it right for you—wipe out the memories you have—’

  ‘You do,’ he interrupted, and, before she realised what was he was going to do, he’d raised her hand to his lips. ‘You do, Maddie, just by being you.’

  His voice was soft and gentle and she felt her heart twist and clench inside her with a pain that was so real she almost gasped out loud. Don’t do this to me, she thought. Don’t do this if you don’t mean it, because I think I’m falling in love with you, and if I fall in love with you, and you walk away from me, as Andrew and Colin did, I don’t think I’ll be able to bear it.

  ‘Gabriel…’ There was heat in his eyes, but she could see confusion and bewilderment there, too, as though he didn’t quite know what was happening either. ‘I think—’

  ‘Here’s your sunscreen, Aunt Maddie,’ Susie interrupted, thrusting the tube at her, then flopping belligerently down between her and Gabriel. ‘How much longer are we going to have to stay in this dump? I’m bored.’

  ‘We’ll be going home soon, Susie,’ Gabriel said, and Maddie drew in a shuddering breath.

  She didn’t want to go home. At least here—out in the open with the kids—she couldn’t do anything stupid, but at home…At home she’d make them all tea, and then they’d probably watch some TV, but not even she could insist that the children stay up until Gabriel had left. Eventually, both Charlie and Susie would go to bed, and then she and Gabriel would be alone, and what was she going to do then?

  Half past eleven, Maddie thought with relief as she watched Susie trudge reluctantly up the stairs to her bedroom. Charlie had gone to bed a little before nine, completely tired out from his day at Pollok House, but Susie had hung about downstairs, finding a hundred and one things she absolutely had to do.

  Thank you, Susie.

  Which was wrong, and cowardly, but right now she felt cowardly. Right now her emotions were far too confused for her to be able to think straight, and all she wanted was for Gabriel to leave.

  ‘She doesn’t like me very much, does she?’ Gabriel said when Maddie went back into the sitting room.

  She wished she could deny it, but she couldn’t. Even if she had been the most rose-tinted aunt in the world she couldn’t have denied that Susie had been thoroughly obnoxious all day.

  ‘Charlie likes you,’ she replied, deliberately sidestepping his question, but it didn’t work.

  ‘Charlie’s easy to like, but Susie…’ He shook his head ruefully. ‘She’s a whole different ball game.’

  ‘She’s a teenager,’ she said. ‘Being stroppy comes with the territory.’

  ‘I guess so,’ he said, and Maddie bit her lip.

  ‘I’m sorry you had such a rotten time today.’

  ‘I didn’t.’ He smiled. ‘In fact, I’d very much like to go out with you again.’

  ‘You would?’ she said faintly. ‘But I thought you meant…’

  ‘That Susie’s behaviour had put me off?’ He shook his head. ‘Water off a duck’s back.’

  She chuckled a little uncertainly. ‘You must be either a saint or a masochist to want to go out with Susie and Charlie again.’

  She saw the dismay in his dark grey eyes a
s he registered that she was suggesting yet another family date, and her heart whispered, Let him off the hook. Get a sitter in to look after Charlie and Susie next Saturday and go out with him alone.

  But she couldn’t let him off the hook, she knew she couldn’t. She had to take this slowly. For her sake, for Susie and Charlie’s sake, she had to be certain.

  ‘How about we take them to the Burrell Collection next Saturday?’ she suggested, and he stood up.

  ‘Sounds good to me. And now I’d better be going.’

  ‘You’re leaving?’ she said. Oh, hell, Maddie, be consistent here. First you let Susie stay up to all hours so you don’t have to be alone with him, and now he’s going, you want him to stay.

  ‘It’s late, and I have to work tomorrow,’ he reminded her.

  Of course he did. He normally worked 24/7 so for him to have taken a day off at all was absolutely amazing.

  ‘I had a lovely time at Pollok House,’ she said as she walked with him to her front door, ‘and I know Charlie did, too. As for Susie…All I can say is your tolerance was above and beyond the call of duty.’

  He laughed, but when she reached out to open the front door he put his hand over hers to stay her.

  ‘Maddie…’

  He was going to kiss her. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that he was going to kiss her, and of course he was. Jonah had kissed her at the end of their date, so Gabriel was bound to want to kiss her, too, and she wanted him to kiss her, but what if his kiss didn’t turn out any better than Jonah’s had? What if the simple truth was that she was a lousy kisser? It would be so humiliating.

  Don’t panic, she told herself as he put his arms around her. You can do this. You just close your eyes and pucker up. Oh, and you relax, she reminded herself as he drew her closer and she felt herself stiffen. You relax and you tilt your head. But not that far back. You’re tilting it way too far back! Quickly she tried to move her head round and—

  ‘Oh! Ouch—ouch!’ she gasped, hearing his sharp intake of breath and feeling her own eyes water as the side of his head banged into her nose. ‘I’m sorry—so sorry. Are you all right?’

  ‘Are you all right?’ he said quickly, concern on his face. ‘Your nose—it’s not broken, is it?’