To the Steadfast

by Briana Gaitan

  “They tried to kill her by locking her in the baths,” Suzanne whispers, fanning herself like she’s hot. Her voice mimics one of our older professors, Dr. Hartville, who has an thick Australian accent.

  “Then,” Lydia adds, mimicking another professor. “They tried to cut off her head. Three times but they could not decapitate her.” She lets her head roll to the side and makes a sickening crunching sound. We all try to hide our giggles.

  “She died eventually, as all the greats do,” I tell them, shaking my head in embarrassment. People have begun to stare, but since Lydia is the drama geek of the school, no one looks too surprised.

  When it’s quiet again, we all exchange a small glance.

  “This is the last time we’ll be together!” Suzanne cries out. Her big blue eyes fill with tears as she leans forward to put her face in her hands. “I’ll be in Princeton. Lydia will be at Juilliard, and you’ll be at Columbia. At least you two will be in the same city.”

  “Don’t cry,” I tell her. “Maybe we can try to get together one last time before school begins in the Fall? And you can come up every weekend and we’ll have dinner. Just like the girls on Sex and the City.”

  This seems to settle Suzanne a bit, but she still covers a small sniffle in her napkin.

  “When are you guys leaving?” I ask.

  “Daddy is sending his jet for me in the morning,” Suzanne says. “You?”

  “I haven’t bought a ticket yet. I was thinking about going into New York City for my birthday first.”

  “That’s right!” Lydia exclaims. “Your birthday is coming up. Brilliant idea! How about we all get together next week? Maybe we can all fly into your place instead? I’m dying to practice my new southern accent.” She says the last part in a Louisiana drawl.

  “I don’t know.” I’m not sure my hometown is the best place for my new friends.

  Suzanne stands and sets her napkin on her plate. “Too late. It’s settled. Lydia and I will fly in next week and we can have a girls’ weekend or something.”

  “Just to warn you,” I tell them. “There is nothing to do in my town. We’ll have to drive to Atlanta if you want to do anything fun.”

  A few hours later, all three of us are sitting in the girls’ dorm watching most of our classmates leave for the summer. We lean against the wall, waving goodbye as girl after girl heads out. Most of the other girls have known each other for years. I’m the only new senior. They don’t treat me any different, but sometimes I feel like an outsider. They have all these memories I can’t partake in. A dozen or so are staying the summer, but most of us are heading to summer programs, global vacations, or—like me—the empty homes of parents who are never around. I’m anxious to see my old friends, but at the same time, I’m dreading it. I didn’t leave with the greatest reputation. Gossip runs the town of Betty, and I’m certain I fueled that place for months. I’ll probably stay holed up in front of the TV all summer.

  “Cody?”

  I look up to see Violet standing by the stairwell dressed in our required uniform. Her hair is longer, but still the same girl I left behind.

  “Violet?” I don’t know if I should run to her or ignore her. Guests aren’t allowed up in the dorms. If we do have a guest, we have to hang out in the common room.

  I pull Violet through the double doors into the empty hallway.

  She grins at me and twirls around to show off the skirt she’s hiked up inches past school regulation. “I’ve always wanted to do the naughty school girl thing.”

  “How did you get up here? How did you know where I was?”

  She crosses her hands in front of her chest. “Your parents sent out graduation announcements. Of course, I didn’t get one, but I heard it from a friend of a friend. It said you were graduating from St. Cecilia’s Academy and going to college at Columbia University. I drove up here to break you out.”

  I ignore the breaking out part and give her a worried smile. “I’ve missed you.”

  She ignores me and puckers her lips at me. “Columbia University? You hate that school. You always swore you’d die before your father forced you to go to that place. Why did you change your mind?”

  “I just did.”

  She looks me up and down in disgust. “What have they done to you? You look almost…happy here.”

  “What are you talking about? Going to medical school will be just as good as becoming a nurse.”

  She doesn’t look convinced. “Who are you trying to impress? You sound like your father?”

  I put my hands on my hips. Who does she think she is coming in here and criticizing me? “What I do is none of your business.”

  She twists the purple sections of her hair and bites her lip. An innocent expression comes over her face. “Why didn’t you ever call or write?”

  I don’t know what to tell her. I can’t tell her our friendship was toxic, and I needed to get out of that lifestyle.

  She keeps talking. “Is this because of what happened with Mischa at the party? What did happen with Mischa when he took you home that night? He refuses to talk about it. He refuses to talk about you.”

  My stomach lurches as his name rolls off her lips. No, it wasn’t because of him, entirely.

  “Tell me you weren’t sleeping with him,” she probes.

  The fact that she keeps bringing it up, tells me how worried she is about it, and I feel that much guiltier for lying. I try to find a way to explain it, a way to tell her how I feel. “My parents sent me away because I was getting out of control. I was losing myself to the darkness…it’s hard to explain. I wanted to try and find you so many times, but I was scared of becoming that person again.”

  The girl who depended on alcohol and pills to cure her unhappiness.

  “You were my best friend and you just disappeared. Mischa tried to talk me out of coming here and convincing you to come home, but I missed you. I had to know why you never tried to get in touch. A lot has happened that we need to talk about.”

  I didn’t have an answer that wouldn’t piss her off, and I didn’t want her to make a scene here in front of all my friends.

  “Everyone says you left because you got pregnant.”

  I laugh and lean against the wall to hold myself up. What a rumor that was. “No, I’m not—I wasn’t pregnant.”

  “Good because Elliot was freaking out for a while about that rumor.”

  Confusion clouds my mind. Elliot? Oh, yeah. Mischa’s friend who I hooked up with in the bathroom.

  “I’m sorry.” I shrug but am not sure what else to say.

  “So our friendship meant nothing?”

  “You don’t understand what it’s like here. I tried to get my parents to change their mind. Eventually, I just decided to do and be what they wanted. ” I groan and tilt my head up to look at the ceiling. “Listen, I’m going to be back home in a few days for summer. We can catch up then.”

  Her eyes light up. “Really? It will be just like old times. We can have parties at your place and go swimming at the lake.”

  I don’t have the heart to shatter her illusion, so I let her go on and on about all the exciting things she still loves and I loathe. One thing is clear, she’s still the same person, but I’m not.

  “Drive home with me,” she begs.

  If I drive home with her, I may not get home for days, weeks even. I shake my head. “Goodbye, Violet. You need to go before we both get in trouble.”

  On Saturday afternoon, I get back into town. The humid air burns my throat as I inhale something that New York never had, but I know it will only get worse as summer progresses. May is just the beginning of a long, dreary summer.

  I pay the taxi driver and walk up to the gate, putting in the same old security code. When it opens, I drag my beige suitcase behind me. The place looks the same. Large, white, and empty, and I’m looking forward to some privacy, something I never got at the dorms, and won’t get at Columbia. My eyes draw over to the house next door. Killian’s place. It’s dark and
quiet. There’s a distant sound of Adama barking, which must mean Killian is home for the summer, unless something has changed since last year. Maybe he quit school. He never did care for it. It was too painful to watch his YouTube channel, I don’t even know if he looks the same. Did he miss me?

  I set my stuff inside the house and change into a pair of grungy sweats and an old T- shirt. I have a date with a good movie in bed. After scrounging through the cabinets, I find an old jar of popcorn. I know Mom has one of those old air poppers somewhere, and after I find it hidden in the back of the pantry, I plug it in and fill it with popcorn. As I wait for it to heat up, I fix myself a large glass of my signature chocolate-cherry Coke.

  Something out of the corner of my eye catches my attention. From the kitchen window, I can see straight into Killian’s kitchen. It looks like he’s washing dishes and talking to someone. Someone’s head peeks over his shoulder. She’s a brunette, short, but too far away to accurately judge. Killian doesn’t bring girls to his parents’ house. He had parties, but no one but me was allowed upstairs. When Killian looks up, I drop my head and pretend to be busy. I grab a dish towel and wipe the sink out. It’s another minute before I have the nerve to look out the window again, but when I do, it’s empty. When the popcorn stops, I grab the bowl and hop on the couch and zone out. A few minutes later, the doorbell rings. Whoever it is, it’s not for me.

  Ignore.

  The bell is replaced by a persistent knock.

  I roll off the couch and walk to the front door. We don’t have a peephole, but the entire top half of the door is made from a dark stained glass. I can’t see who it is, but I recognize enough of the figure to know it’s a tall male or an unusually buff woman.

  “Who is it?” I call out.

  “Cody?”

  “Yes? Who is it?”

  “It’s Killian.”

  I grab the handle and pull it open. He’s leaning against the doorway. His dark hair is shorter but still has that mangled bedhead look to it. He’s tanner though like he’s been at the beach for a few week. I suck in a breath as I take in all of him.

  “Hello, stranger,” he says. “I saw you playing Peeping Tom from the window. Why didn’t you tell me you were back?”

  He moves forward to give me a hug, but it’s kinda awkward. He goes in to wrap his arms around my waist, but I begin with a half hug. When he lifts me up in the air, I give a surprised laugh. What should I say? Is he mad at me like Violet? It doesn’t appear so.

  “Hey.” My voice is small and slightly flirty. “For your information, I‘m not a Peeping Tom.”

  “I’ve missed you. How was school?”

  I step back and cross my arms in front of me. “How did you know where I was?”

  He waves a hand and invites himself into the foyer. “Oh, I have my ways. Your housecleaner loves to gossip by the way.”

  “I see.” I close the door behind him and we stand there for a moment, each not wanting to speak first.

  “I’m just chilling on the couch. Care to join me?” I point to the other room.

  He shrugs, and I lead the way.

  “Cody, chilling on a couch. This must be a first,” he jokes.

  He’s right. Old Cody would never just hang around on a weekend. She’d probably be partying at a lake right now.

  “I’m not the same girl who left a year ago.” I detect a bit of snobbery in my voice, which makes me cringe.

  “Okay. How have you been?”

  “Very well, thank you. I came home for the summer before going off to college.”

  “Where are you going? Finally get into nursing school?”

  I raise an eyebrow at him. Why do people keep assuming that? Well, idiot, because you told everyone that’s what you wanted to do. “No… I’m going to Columbia University. Pre-Med.”

  He gives a low whistle, the exact response everyone gives when I mention the Ivy League School. “I didn’t realize you were into that type of stuff.”

  “You mean grades? I’ve been a straight-A student my entire life.”

  “I only meant because you told me your dad was trying to get you to go there.”

  “I decided it would be best to join the family business. It took a lot of hard work, but I was able to redo my entire junior year.”

  “That’s great. I mean, I’m proud of your accomplishment. Wow, Columbia. Your parents must be proud.”

  “Well, they did the pleasantries. Announced my graduation for their reputation. They’re just a little disappointed I wasn’t at the top of my class. Other than that, they couldn’t care less. They didn’t even come to my graduation.”

  Killian finally sits down and puts his shoes up on the coffee table. “Well, if it makes you feel any better. I would have come if I’d known about it.”

  That’s when I remember the girl who was with him in the kitchen. Had he left her alone while he came over to say hello? That was rude, but if I remember correctly, Killian isn’t the most well-mannered guy.

  “Were you doing anything special at home?” I ask, dancing around the subject.

  He runs his hands along the front of his jeans while refusing to look up at me. “Not really, so tell me more about this school you go to.”

  “Went to,” I correct. “I graduated, remember? It’s St. Cecilia Academy. It’s a co-ed Catholic school with rigorous academic expectations. It’s one of the best in the states. You can’t get a better education for your child.”

  “Sounds like you’re quoting a brochure.”

  I cock my head to the side. I am, but I don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing that. “I’m just stating the facts.”

  “You’ve changed, Cody.” After a long stare, he stands and runs his hand behind his head as if he’s trying to figure me out. “You’re different. I can’t explain it.”

  Does he think I’m unaware of the person I am today? I know this. “That is not necessarily a bad thing.”

  “No, but it’s strange. I guess I have to get used to this new person you’ve become. So…by the books. I suppose you don’t drink or smoke weed anymore either, huh?”

  “Correct.”

  “Damn it! Just say no. You don’t have to speak so proper.”

  Curse words cut into the edge of my tongue. I have lots to say, but I’d rather not lose my temper on my first day back. Too late, the words flow out without a filter.

  “Just because you could never decide what you wanted in life, doesn’t mean I have to follow in your footsteps. I’m not the same person, but I’m better and if you still want to be my friend, you’re gonna have to accept me the way I am now. Got it?”

  “Got it,” he says with an eye roll. “Is your little shit fit over with now?”

  I exhale and inhale, letting my breaths fill me up. Out goes my anger. “Sorry.”

  “Don’t even mention it.” He looks at the sports watch on his wrist and sighs. “I do have to go. Can we catch up later though?”

  I nod in the direction of his house. “What about the girl?”

  He gives me a mischievous wink. “What girl?” He practically hops off the couch and heads for the door.

  “I’ll drop by tomorrow night. We can get food and watch TV,” he says.

  “I never said yes!”

  But it’s too late. He’s already slammed the door behind him.

  “And there goes my quiet summer.”

  I spread out in the plastic lawn chair and let the morning sun shine down on my pale skin. It’s just me, a cup of coffee, and a few steamy romance novels. It’s something Lydia got me into. There’s something about alpha males I can’t seem to shake. When something comes flying over my fence, I jump up, spilling my iced coffee all over my chest. I glare at the familiar figure while wiping myself off with a towel.

  “Jeez, Violet. Can’t you use the front door like the rest of the world?”

  She stands from her squatting position, and tucks her blonde hair behind her right ear. There’re a few new decorations in them. A large gauge and
a cuff along the top of one. She is also sporting a ring through the left side of her lip and a nose piercing. Violet has never made it easy to fit in, she thrives off being different.

  “I see you’ve gotten a few new piercings since I saw you last.”

  She touches her face. “Oh, these old things? I’ve had them for a long time. I just took them out so I didn’t freak out your prissy new friends. Get dressed. I’ve got plans for us.”

  “I can’t today. I just want to rest and do nothing, plus I’m meeting up with Killian tonight.”

  “That dweeb? Blow him off and come hang out with me, I bet he has to go play Dungeons and Dragons with his friends anyway.”

  I pull my sunglasses down my nose so I can glare at her. I thought she liked Killian, she called him hot. “I seriously doubt he plays that game.”

  “Come on, please?” She sticks out her bottom lip and after a few seconds even resolves to bending down on her knees.

  I sit up and walk over to the outdoor shower to wash the sticky drink off me.

  “How about we hang out in a day or two?” The sound of the shower drowns out her groans.

  I was anxious about hanging out with Killian again. I hadn’t thought about him much while I was gone. It sounds selfish, however when I saw him yesterday, I suddenly realized how much I’d missed our late night conversations.

  As I wash the chlorine out of my hair, Violet continues on and on about how she missed me and how she wanted to have a welcome back party for me.

  “Fine, if I go will you drop it?” I snap.

  “Yes.”

  “Give me fifteen minutes. I’ll be back out.”

  Going out with Violet means looking my best. I’ll be seeing all my old classmates, and all the people I used to call acquaintances. After I’m satisfied with my appearance, hair up and squeezed into my smallest shorts, I go back down to the pool where Violet has cracked open a bottle of tequila.

  “How did you get that?” I nod towards my mother’s normally locked liquor cabinet. She’d even made sure to double lock it before I came home.

  “I learned a few tricks why you were away,” she says between swigs.