To the Steadfast

by Briana Gaitan

  “Uh, no. Just the brother of a friend.”

  “Ah, to be young again. Just remember the golden rule. If you keep that golden rule, summer loves will be beautiful and memorable your entire life.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Don’t give them the power to break your heart.”

  It may be a little too late for that—that ship sailed years ago—but I nod in agreement.

  Back at Nona’s home, I sign her in but don’t stay for dinner. When I return home, I find a note taped on my front door. Scrawled across the front of it, in tiny chicken scratch handwriting is:

  I enjoyed meeting your friends, especially Nona. Meet me at the usual spot when the sun goes down.

  Feeling a little tickled inside, I put the note to my heart and look around to see if he’s watching. I don’t see him in any of the windows so I go inside, but I know he’s watching.

  “Who’s the Peeping Tom now?” I yell out. I shut the door behind me. I’m halfway down the hall when the doorbell rings.

  I crack it open, expecting to see Killian. Instead, Violet stands there.

  “You slept with my brother,” she accuses. There’s a fire in her eyes that scares me. I’ve never been on the receiving end of her anger.

  “What?” I don’t know what to say. How did she find out?

  “I asked you over and over again if anything was going on and you lied to me. He took your virginity and you never thought to mention it?”

  I can’t believe he told her after we agreed never to mention it. “I’m sorry. I thought you’d get upset.”

  She throws her hands in the air. “Of course, but I’m even more pissed that I had to find out about it from Mischa. He never came back to the lake the other night. He was gone for hours. I knew you had some sort of unhealthy obsession with him, but I didn’t think you’d were still into him. I’m just trying to protect you, Cody. You’re leaving in a month, just go.”

  Unhealthy obsession? That is not true. “Come on, it was a year ago and for the record nothing is going on between us now.”

  “Yeah, right. He just stays with you for hours the other day? I know my brother, and he doesn’t just hang out with girls. You were supposed to be my friend, not stab me in the back.” She stomps back to her beat up old Honda and speeds off.

  There’s so much I wanted to say, but when Violet gets mad, there’s no talking her down.

  A few hours later, I’m climbing the stairs to Killian’s room. Last door on the left. I remember it like the back of my hand. The house looks exactly as I left it. Tastefully decorated by a decorator with black and white photos covering the walls. I pause at the top of the staircase and smile at one of the most recent additions on the wall. One I’ve never seen before. A photo of Killian and his parents in the snow. From their yearly Christmas card, no doubt. Killian doesn’t look happy; the corners of his eyes don’t crinkle like they do when he laughs at me. When he really laughs, he sticks his tongue into the right inside of his cheek. He’s putting on a show for his parents, for the world. It’s such a shame the world can’t see him like I do, or like I did. He’s been different since I’ve been back, but I just can’t put my finger on it.

  The last door on the left is his, and as I enter his room, which you can tell has been decorated by his parents as well because of the silly sailboat décor, I call out his name. No answer. I take a moment to check out his room. A picture taped to a mirror catches me eye. It’s the picture he took of us on Prom night. I pull it from the mirror and run my fingers over our smiling faces. We look happy, really happy.

  “Cody?” I follow his voice toward the window and slip out it toward where he has the blankets laid out. He’s sitting, dressed in pajama pants and an old T-shirt with a pair of binoculars in one hand.

  “Hey,” I say, climbing out the window.

  He throws the plastic binoculars to the side and then scoots down the roof a little ways before stopping.

  “Took you long enough.”

  “The sun went down no more than a half hour ago.” I crawl over to the empty spot next to him and lay back against the cloth to stare at the dark sky.

  “Look what I found.” I show him the picture from his mirror.

  He licks his lips and presses the picture toward my chest. “You keep that.”

  I slip the photo into my back pocket. “Thanks, so did you have a good day?”

  “Spectacular and you?”

  “Eventful.”

  He nods but is unusually quiet and tense. Something is wrong.

  “What’s bothering you?”

  He pulls chocolate from his pocket. “Nothing at all. Want some?”

  I shake my head. He gasps at my decline. “Cody Lombardi doesn’t want chocolate?”

  “I’m not hungry.” I pat my stomach.

  “So your friends were pretty cool.”

  “You mean Suzanne was pretty cool?”

  “No, I liked Lydia as well.”

  “Sure you did.” I let my eyes wander away from him as I say it.

  “What’s wrong with you?” He sits up and turns to me. “You’re acting kinda jealous.”

  “I’m not jealous, but I know Suzanne. She’s a little boy crazy. Did you get her number?”

  He gets a sheepish grin on his face. “Maybe. Doesn’t mean I’m gonna call her though. She’s a little too immature for my taste.”

  I suddenly feel a bit protective over her. She’s had a rough time with boys in the past. It’s not like she hasn’t earned and loved her reputation, but it can be hurtful at times. “You can’t do that!”

  “What? Now you want me to call her?”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Killian was never this aggravating before. Why is he getting under my skin? “No…”

  He scratches the back of his neck. “I didn’t ask for it, she just gave it to me.”

  I roll my eyes. Go figure. “She does that.”

  “Come here, you. I’ve missed you.” He holds his arms out and I instinctively fall into them. I snuggle my head against his chest and instantly feel more relaxed.

  “I’ve missed you, too. So I suppose I should give you my number then, huh?”

  He grabs my cell which is tucked snugly in my front pocket. “Here, I’ll do you one even better. I’ll give you my number.”

  I freeze as his hand grazes the front of my thigh and the only words that come out are “Thank you.”

  I don’t get an overwhelming sensation or breathlessness when he touches me, not like I get with Mischa, but I do feel something. Comfort. I go back to staring at the subdivision, if I can forget his kiss from earlier, things will be normal again, but I can’t stop thinking about how smooth his lips were and how my body tingled from it. After what feels like hours of just lying there in each other’s arms, I sit up and try to get a closer look.

  “Do you think they will ever finish?” I ask.

  “Hmm?”

  “All the houses. It’s been so long. I was hoping they’d be done with one soon.” A light flickers through one of the newly occupied homes. They’re having a party.

  “So what? Just make a toast. Does it really matter anyway?” He doesn’t move and I don’t have to look up at him to know that he’s half asleep.

  “It matters,” I whisper. They’ve begun construction on some sort of apartment building and the lights are on inside. They’re working through the night to finish something.

  “Cody?”

  “Huh?”

  “Happy birthday. You’re no longer jailbait. Do you have a birthday wish?” There’s a bit of sarcasm in his voice. Eighteen only makes me an adult to the outside world. I’ve been living an adult life for much longer.

  “Nothing that matters.”

  “Tell me.” His fingers graze mine before pulling back.

  If there’s ever been anyone who I could trust, it is Killian. “I don’t want to go to medical school.” When it finally comes out of my mouth, it feels as if a weight has been lifted.

>   “Then why are you going?”

  “My dad went through so much to get me accepted. I don’t know, I guess I just wanted him to be proud of me.”

  “You should do what you want, not what everyone else wants for you.

  I roll my eyes at him. “You’re one to talk.”

  He grabs my hand and squeezes tight. Concern crosses his face. “Being the perfect daughter won’t give you better parents. If you don’t stand up for yourself now, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

  His eyes are sad like he has his own regrets in life.

  “You’re wrong.” As much as I hate to admit it, my dad has been trying. My mom, not so much.

  “Hey now. I’m just passing on words of wisdom.”

  “‘I’ll think about it.”

  This seems to satisfy him for a few moments. “Cody?”

  My ears perk up. “Huh?”

  “I have something important to tell you.”

  The seriousness in his voice worries me so I look up into his eyes. “Yeah?”

  “That girl you saw on the day you returned. She was—”

  “Cody?” The sound of my name from somewhere nearby causes Killian and me to look around.

  Moisture appears on my brow. I know that voice.

  “Cody! Where are you? I know you’re out here. Violet told me she was just here.”

  “Who’s that?” Killian asks, he leans over the edge of the roof to peer into my backyard.

  Mischa is walking through the patio towards the back door. “Come on, Cody.”

  Should I answer or pretend I’m not home?

  “Up here!” I yell, my voice uneasy.

  Mischa spins around and looks up to the rooftop. “What you doing up there? Who’s with you?”

  Killian’s jaw tightens. He doesn’t answer so I say, “This is Killian.”

  “Oh, I see!” Mischa calls out.

  Killian still doesn’t answer. It’s not like I’m seeing either guy, but I still feel like I’ve been caught in an apprehensive position.

  “I talked to Violet. I need to talk to you,” Mischa calls out again.

  I don’t answer. I’m spending time with Killian, but I really want to see Mischa. I’d been waiting for him to show up all week. Killian will understand, I think.

  I turn to him and try to find the right words. “You don’t mind if I go, right? I mean you were falling asleep anyway, right?”

  Killian lies back down. “Don’t go. It’s almost midnight. Why else would he be showing up at your home? You’re better than some booty call.”

  “I need to talk to him.” I’m making excuses. I know this. There’s no real importance in talking to him, and he may actually be here for some sort of booty call.

  “If you really want to, then go.”

  “Are you sure? I don’t—”

  “Go.” His voice becomes more strained and there’s an anger in it that wasn’t there before, but he refuses to look at me.

  Something begs me to stay and lay in the comfort of his arms until morning, but another part of me, the selfish part of me, the stupid part of me, wants to go with Mischa. It’s the part of me that still wants him, longs for him. Deep inside, I know I shouldn’t go. Mischa has done this before. Ignore me until he wants something, but I can’t help but want to be around him. There’s no good explanation and I know Killian would never understand. Hell, I don’t even understand why I’m doing it. It’s like when Mischa calls, I’ll always come running.

  “I’ll call you later.” I scoot back toward his window and climb back in. Whatever Mischa wants, it’d better be good.

  I find him on my back porch flipping through some sort of home designing magazine.

  “Took you long enough.” He looks up at me with those big eyes.

  “I was hanging out with a friend. Now that you’ve pulled me away, what’s up?”

  “You wanna go inside? I feel weird hanging out here with your neighbor staring me down.”

  I look back up to where Killian is sitting. I shouldn’t have left him up there all alone. He obviously wanted to talk about something. He’s not looking at us. In fact, he’s pretending a little too hard to be staring at something across the street. If I take Mischa inside, the guilt will only feel worse.

  “Actually, let’s get out of here.” When we make it to the front gate, I realize he has no car.

  “How did you get here?” I ask.

  He stumbles a little. “I walked from the bar.”

  “They served you at the bar?” I walk over to my mom’s car and motion for him to get in. He’s drunk, and I don’t like him when he’s drunk. A sad look crosses his face, and I sigh.

  “I’m taking you home.”

  “No, please,” he slurs. “I don’t want to go there. I wanted to see you again. I want to pretend with you for a while.”

  Tears sting my eyes. “Pretend?”

  “Pretend you won’t be leaving in a month.”

  “It doesn’t have to be that way. You can always come with me, apply to a school in New York.”

  He holds his hands out. “Don’t go there, okay?”

  “But you’re so smart. If you’d just apply yourself—”

  “I’m nothing special, Cody. After you left, I thought about applying to community college, but life got in the way. My life will always be in the way.”

  I feel bad for always pushing him. Maybe that’s our catalyst. He wants to stay in Betty and I want nothing more than to get out and experience the world. “Really? Why didn’t you?”

  His bloodshot eyes glaze over. “I don’t want to talk about my screwed up life. Let’s get out of here.”

  I start the engine and pull the car out of the driveway. “Where to?”

  He looks over, a cheesy grin spreading across his face. “Shit Creek.”

  Shit Creek resides just outside of town, a place with more forest than creek in the middle of nowhere. Perfect for four wheelers and big redneck trucks, not for luxury vehicles. Just the thought of getting mud on my mother’s pride and joy makes me smile. I park just inside the entrance and turn the ignition off.

  “Really? Shit Creek?” I raise an eyebrow. I don’t know exactly where the name came from, but I’ve heard it’s haunted. It has something to do with kids saying you’ll have the shit scared out of you.

  “What? You scared? You know as good as I do, there’s nowhere else for us to go. What? You want me to take you to the movies?”

  I remember how much he’s had to drink. “Yeah, right. I’m not taking your drunk butt out in public.”

  “You wanna go for a walk? I found this clearing a few months ago. It’s dark enough to see the stars.”

  If this wasn’t Mischa, I’d be a little uneasy about being out here, but he is and I’m not. He gets out so I unbuckle my seatbelt and follow his lead.

  We walk hand in hand through the darkness. Water moving over the rocks can be heard in the distance. As soon as we are in the full view of the moonlight, Mischa turns to me. He runs his hand down the side of my cheek. “This is the place. Isn’t it beautiful?”

  I look around, and even though my eyes have adjusted to the dark, there’s still not much to see. We’re on the edge of a clearing overlooking the entire town. He’s right about one thing. The stars are amazing out here.

  “Wow, you can see Main Street from here,” I remark, watching our darkened town in the distance.

  He laughs into my hair before pulling me close. “It looks better in the daylight, I swear.”

  “I can’t believe I let you talk me into getting out of the car.”

  A summer wind blows through the clearing, and a trail of goosebumps run up my arm.

  He runs his hands up and down my arms to warm me. “You’re so brave.”

  “Yeah, right,” I say. I look deep into his eyes, searching for a truth. Bravery is not my strong suit, and I’ve always had a weakness for guys named Mischa.

  A tingle shoots down my spine as he brings his lips close.
His kisses trail up my neck toward my face.

  “I never forgot about you.” His whisper soothes me.

  I should stop him. This isn’t right.

  “We can’t,” I choke out. Each word pains me to say.

  “Why not?”

  “Kate.”

  He tenses as I say her name. “She isn’t the reason we can’t be together so let’s not worry about her.”

  His comment confuses me, and I open my mouth to ask him what he means. A rustling in the woods disturbs our moment. My pulse quickens in fear.

  “Who’s there?” he calls out, while pulling me into his arms. My body trembles as a million different scenarios run through my mind. We’re about to be murdered. How cliché. We came out to lover’s lane and are going to end up chopped to bits by some ax murderer. I curl into his body as much as possible as he calls out again. “Show yourself!”

  A bush rattles before something pops out. I don’t even look to see what it is. I run as fast as I can through the trees, back to the car. I don’t look back, afraid I’ll fall flat on my face. After I jump over a fallen tree that we hadn’t passed on the way out, I realize I’m not going the right way. I switch directions and move more to the right.

  “Cody!” Mischa calls from somewhere in the darkness.

  I don’t know if he’s yelling for me to run faster or to stop so I keep going. I keep waiting for something to grab me, stab me in the back, but it doesn’t happen. When I find the car, I pull on the door handles. Locked. I run my hands over my pockets, but I don’t have my keys. I must have dropped them.

  “Oh, no. No, no, no.” I run around the car to the other side and try the other door. It’s locked as well. Something touches my waist, and I let out a blood-curling scream.

  “Shhh!” A hand covers my mouth. “Cody, it’s me. It’s Mischa.”

  I spin around and throw my arms around his neck.

  I must have been holding on too tight because he pries me off. “It’s okay, babe. It was only an animal.” He holds up my keys. “You dropped these.”

  “So much for being brave, huh?” I say, trying to catch my breath.

  I unlock the doors and sprint to the driver’s side.

  “Holy crap!” I yell as Mischa gets in beside me. I immediately lock my door and take a huge breath of air. “Let’s get out of here!”