To the Steadfast

by Briana Gaitan

  Bassam is coming over this morning. We’re heading to the lake for Spring Break. Somewhere warm where I can wear barely anything and think about nothing for an entire week. I was a little hesitant about going on vacation with him, but after he told me his father owned a cabin in the Smoky Mountains, and we would have our own bedrooms, I agreed. My father offered to pay for some sort of beach vacation, but I’d declined. Taking more of my father’s money was the last thing I wanted to do. He already paid for cost of living, and it was all pity money. I’m zipping up my suitcase when there’s a knock at the door.

  “Come in!” I yell.

  The door flies open and in barrels Bassam wearing an appalling Hawaiian print shirt and plaid board shorts. On his face is a pair of tacky round sunglasses. “Who’s ready for a week of fun with Bassam?”

  I cover my face and groan. “Oh no, no, no.”

  “What’s the matter, Cody? Don’t like what I got?” He spins around a few times before bowing to me.

  “I’m not going anywhere in public with you looking like that.” I point to his attire and cock an eyebrow at him.

  “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”

  “Trust me, you look awful. Go change.”

  “No way, this is my trip, and I invited you.”

  His hand grazes mine, our fingers barely touching as he brushes past me. A spark travels up my arm followed by a trail of goosebumps. Most of the time, I’m able to keep my thoughts about Bassam at a PG-13 level, but every once in a while a moment will pass where it becomes harder and harder.

  “You felt that didn’t you?”

  I pull away from him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You are so lying, Cody.”

  I clear my throat and rummage through a drawer, not sure exactly what I’m looking for. “Why you say?” What in the hell? What does that even mean?

  “Your voice gets all pitchy and high when you’re nervous.”

  “It does not!” I wince when my voice takes on a high squeak.

  “Just admit it already.”

  “Admit what?”

  “You are falling in love with me.”

  “Love? I hardly know you.” I lean against the door and take a deep breath.

  “I’ve seen the way you stare at me when you think I’m not looking. You want to jump me.”

  Mortified, I walk away from him. “I’m not sleeping with you.”

  He’s leaning against the doorframe with his hands in front of his chest. “No need to get upset.”

  “I’m calm.”

  “About this weekend.” He finishes by cupping my chin and placing a kiss on my lips. It’s gentle, soft, and a shiver runs through me as he pulls away. It feels good. So good that I lean in to kiss him again. His hands move to the back of my head as we get lost in the passion that’s been burning in us for so long.

  “I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he says as we pull back.

  My lips raise in a smile, but I can’t answer. I didn’t think I could ever get those butterflies back, and this time those stirrings in my gut aren’t afraid of rejection.

  It takes a few hours to get to the Smoky Mountains, but it’s well worth the trip. Bassam is a little more rustic than I’ve ever been, and I kind of like it. It makes me branch out a little. The cabin is small but has a quaint charm filled with wood paneling and a hot tub in the living room. He still doesn’t make any assumptions and puts our bags in different rooms.

  “So what are your plans for after graduation?” I ask. We’ve both been avoiding this conversation, but with May just around the corner, we can’t ignore it.

  “I still have more school.”

  “Oh really?”

  “I have to get my master’s in science, and I have this summer internship coming up at Vanderbilt. I’ll be working in medical research.”

  “Oh.” I can’t believe he has never mentioned that in a few short months he will be moving away.

  “Is that a problem?”

  “No, I just didn’t know you were leaving.” I’m getting too attached. Inhaling deeply, I nod.

  “It’s only an hour away, but if it makes you feel better, I only found out about this a few weeks ago.”

  I give him a wide smile and change the subject. “So what’s first on the agenda?” I hop up on the bar and look around at the outdated furniture.

  “I’m gonna teach you how to shoot.”

  “Shoot?”

  “Bow and arrow.”

  As much as he talks about his competitions, I’m kind of excited to learn how. I wonder if it will be like playing darts.

  “We have a target out back. Grab a drink, and we’ll go out.”

  The grass has begun to sprout, and if you look hard enough, a patch of tulips has bloomed in the corner of the yard. We step off the covered deck to where a few hay bales are stacked with a bright blue and red target pinned to the front.

  Bassam holds up a bag in his left hand. “You’ve got to learn the basics first.” He unzips the bag and pulls out a few pieces that look nothing like a bow. In a matter of seconds, he’s putting the pieces together and naming them off as he grabs them. I catch phrases such as lower limb, upper limb, nocking point, and string.

  “Watch,” he demands. He puts some sort of wrap around his arm and with quick agility he shoots arrow after arrow at the target. Each arrow hits the red mark within the middle and when he runs out of arrows, he turns to me. “All you have to do is practice and aim. My little cousins use these hay bales for practice when they come down here.”

  I take the bow from him and we step over to the next target.

  “Oh,” he says. “Don’t forget to wrap it up.” He throws a sock, with the foot part cut out, at my chest.

  Holding it up, I raise an eyebrow at him. “What do I do with this?”

  “It’s a makeshift arm guard. Put it on your arm.”

  I do as he says and he situates himself behind me and shows me how to hold the bow and place an arrow in it.

  “Pull it back slowly.”

  His hands set on my hips, making it hard to concentrate on what I’m doing. All I can think about is him being inches away from me. My arm holding the string begins to shake.

  “It’s getting too heavy.”

  “Aim and let go,” he whispers in my ear.

  I try to steady myself, but I can still feel the aftermath of his breath in my ear. When I finally release the arrow, it sails through the air and lands just on the edge of the target.

  “I hit it!”

  “Not bad for your first time. Wanna go again?”

  “Yes.” I stick my tongue out at him and grab another arrow. I hit it a few more times, but most of them sail above the target. When I run out of arrows, Bassam spins me around and throws the bow on the ground.

  “You’re so hot when you do that,” he growls before pushing me back a few feet against a tree and covering my mouth with his.

  I wrap a leg around his hip and allow myself to become lost in his desire. He’s passionate about archery. He’s passionate about me. That makes me passionate about him. His hands run up under my shirt and trace the curves of my skin. I’m not ready to go further, so when he makes a move for my bra, I stop him.

  “Not yet. I don’t want to move too quickly,” I say. If I’ve learned anything from all my past one night stands, it’s that sex doesn’t make people love you. I can’t force people to love me with my killer moves. Life doesn’t work like that. There has to be an emotional connection.

  “That’s fine.” He moves his hand out from under my shirt but continues to kiss my nose, forehead, and eyelids. “I’d rather we wait anyway as long as there is plenty of this.” He leans in a kisses me again with urgency. It makes me savor every second. Every toe curling second with him.

  “Plenty of this,” I repeat before leaning in for a final kiss

  “You mean to tell me you both went to the same Catholic boarding school?” Abs’s eyes widen and his tongue pr
actically licks the floor.

  Lydia and I exchange a quick look before nodding our head.

  “That’s super hot,” he breathes out.

  I spin the ice in my cup with my straw while trying my best not to laugh. This double date wasn’t my brightest idea, but at least Abs seems to be having fun. Lydia, on the other hand, is enjoying the attention like she always does. Jake Abidin, or Abs as we all call him, is Bassam’s best friend and former roommate. While Lydia visits for the first week of summer break, I thought this would be the perfect chance to indulge in my first double date.

  “I need to visit the little girl’s room,” Lydia says.

  That’s girl code for she needs to talk, so I stand as well and leave the two men chatting about chemical equations or whatever it is they talk about.

  When we’re out of earshot, Lydia grabs my chin and forces me to look up at her. “You owe me big time, bitch. I bet you twenty to one that guy out there is a virgin.”

  “Who, Abs? No, surely not. He’s twenty-two.” I try to play innocent, but she can see right through me. Bassam already warned me that Abs was about as girl clueless as they came, but he was so sweet, it’s hard to believe no one has snatched him up yet.

  “He’s like the poster child for the forty-year-old-virgin! He told me he has a Pokémon card collection.”

  “He’s cute,” I protest.

  “I suppose in a nerdy way he has some potential. Can’t we just call it a night? I’m ready to do some serious partying.”

  “One more hour, please.”

  She waves her hand at me. “Oh, whatever.”

  “You are the best!” I give her a kiss on the cheek and peek at the guys, who are chatting at the table. Bassam is using some big hand gestures to explain something, and by the looks of it, it’s school related.

  “Abs is boring just like Bassam is, no offense.”

  “I thought you liked Bassam!”

  “I do, I mean I did, but he’s safe. He’s boring, and he’s obsessed with you. He’s not taken his eyes off you all night.”

  “Okay, Lydia. You’re overreacting. He misses me; we hardly get to see each other.”

  “Don’t you want a guy who’s fun?”

  “I want a guy who won’t break my heart. Bassam won’t break my heart.”

  “Never say never. By the way, have you talked to Suzanne any?” Lydia asks.

  “We text occasionally. Why?”

  She shrugs. “No reason.”

  I try to break her under my stare; she’s hiding something, but I don’t know what. After a few moments, I give up and we walk back over to the guys.

  “So,” Lydia asks as we slide into the booth. “Are there any good parties around here?”

  “I don’t really attend parties,” Bassam says with a completely uninterested look on his face.

  “Why go to college if not for the life experience? Do you know how many parties I’ve been to at Juilliard? Zero! It’s not a party school.” Lydia holds up her hand in the shape of a zero. “And frankly, I want to get a little wild this summer. I’ve been slaving away all year with practices and classes and plays and making connections—”

  “Lord help us!” I moan. “Someone find her a party before she passes out from lack of air.”

  Abs sits up slightly and tugs on the collar of his shirt. “I may know of a party.”

  Lydia scoots a little closer to him. Her eyes suddenly become interested in the guy she had dissed only moments ago. “You just became my new best friend.”

  Bassam grabs my hand under the table. I know he won’t go to a party. He has to finish packing for his internship at Vanderbilt. We’re not going to spend our last night together at some college party. I’ve done the whole drunk party scene. It got old fast.

  “You two go ahead. Bassam and I are gonna have another drink and call it a night.”

  “What?” Lydia shrieks. “Don’t be a party pooper.”

  “No, really. Go have fun, you two.”

  A look of betrayal crosses her face. She doesn’t want to go without me but has no other choice.

  “Fine, I’ll be home tonight.”

  They both stand and Lydia gives me a kiss before leaving.

  “What a fun double date,” I say with an unenthused tone.

  “My moving has clouded all the potential.” Bassam kisses my cheek and presses our foreheads together. I’ve known about this move for a few weeks now. His career comes first, and I kind of like it. My heart doesn’t get too attached, and he has the freedom to focus on himself.

  “Shouldn’t we have fun on your last night? Make it memorable?”” I ask.

  “I really need to call it a night. I have to be on the road early for my first day.”

  I sigh and pull away from him. He’s only moving an hour away. We’ll still see each other.

  “Cody, It’s only two more years.”

  “I know. It’s just the distance. Our relationship is so new. What if we don’t make it?”

  He tilts my chin up and his hard gaze permeates all my insecurities. “We’ll make it.”

  Bassam gives me a kiss before leaving me alone in the bar to finish my drink.

  “We’ll make it,” I whisper to myself.

  I press refresh one last time to see that nothing has changed.

  “What is taking them so long?” I exclaim. I rest my head against the cool wooden table and groan loudly.

  Bassam leans over me to kiss the back of my neck. “Don’t worry, sweetheart. If you don’t get in, you have backup schools. Schools that are even better than here.”

  “Backup schools? That would mean leaving you.”

  Bassam has another year of school left but has agreed to follow me wherever I need to go. I don’t want him to uproot his life for me. Getting into nursing school is all I ever wanted. With Bassam’s help, I passed all my classes with flying colors and spent the past two summers interning with my father. Is it enough to get in? As competitive as nursing schools are, nothing is guaranteed.

  “I’ll follow you anywhere,” he insists, taking my chin and forcing me to look up at him. “I promise. I won’t leave you hanging.”

  My phone interrupts our moment, but it’s only Lydia so I press ignore.

  “I’ll call her back,” I tell him.

  A few seconds later, a text comes through.

  Lydia: Call me 911

  I turn away from Bassam and press dial to call her back.

  “Everything okay?” he asks. I hold my hand out to make him be quiet and wait for her to pick up.

  “Cody, thank God. I have something to tell you. I think you should know even though some people don’t think it’s any of your business.”

  There’s an edge to her voice that worries me. I reach back and grab Bassam’s arm to steady me. I don’t know what she’s going to say, but I have this horrible feeling that it’s bad. “What is it?”

  “I know you and Killian aren’t exactly friends right now. I know there was some sort of falling out for whatever reason. I don’t know if you still care about him.”

  “Spit it out, Lydia!” I demand. I turn to face Bassam and he mouths ‘what’s wrong?’ but I wave my hand at him again to shut him up.

  “Killian broke his back. He fell from the roof of his house.”

  “He what? How did you find out?”

  “Suzanne told me. They’ve been seeing each other a little bit. I know she didn’t tell you. She was worried that you’d get all jealous, but technically—”

  “Is he okay?” I shriek, a little annoyed with her rambling.

  “They say he’ll be fine.”

  “I have to go to him.”

  “He’s at the rehabilitation center in Betty. Suzanne has been in and out of there for a few weeks already.”

  “Thanks for letting me know.” I hang up before she can say anything else.

  I look up at Bassam and try to figure out what to say. “I have to get back home.”

  “But I just got into town.”r />
  “An old friend is hurt. I should visit…at least. You know?”

  “Of course. Who is it?”

  I’ve never mentioned Killian to Bassam. I don’t really speak about Killian to anyone. “Umm... my neighbor. His name is Killian.”

  “So you want to go back home to visit a guy I’ve never heard of? Did you guys date or something?”

  “No, it’s not like that.” I begin throwing stuff into my suitcase.

  “I’m coming with you. I’m not gonna allow you to drive all the way down there alone.”

  Because my mother is in town, Bassam and I decide to skip staying with her and get a hotel room in Betty. When I go to see Killian, I insist Bassam stay behind. Now isn’t the time to introduce the two. I don’t know how Killian will react to me being here. Will he yell or scream? He may possibly kick me out. I emailed him for months after I left but never once got a reply.

  There’s an empty feeling in my heart as I step through the doorway of his room. That’s when everything begins to feel final. This could be the last time I ever see him again. It took almost two years for me to make this move, and I have no idea how it will be received.

  He’s lying on his back with a brace around him. He’s lost weight and his skin has turned this pasty white color, but he’s still as beautiful as I remember.

  “Killian.” It comes out more like a squeak and he turns from the TV to look at me. A figure moves from the other side of the room and it steals my attention. It’s Suzanne. Her curly hair is a mess and the dark circles under her eyes are deep.

  “Hello, Cody.” The pleasant look on her face is forced. It’s impossible to tell whether she is happy to see me or displeased.

  “Hello.” There’s this moment that passes between the two of us. She’s jealous because of how Killian felt for me, and she’s afraid I’m here to steal him. It only takes a moment, but I knew her once, and I can feel it.

  She takes a few small steps and pulls me in for a stiff hug. “I’ll let you two catch up.”

  She leaves the room, the sound of her heels clicking with each step. She could have been catty and refused to leave, but she didn’t. As her steps become distant, I fan my heated face.