To the Steadfast

by Briana Gaitan

  He inhales deeply before calmly speaking. “You are overreacting.”

  “What are you trying to hide?”

  “I’m not taking this,” he mumbles. He walks over to his suitcase and begins packing his stuff. “You can find your own ride home. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “You’re not leaving until you answer the question. What are you hiding from me?” I pull the clothes out of his bag just as quickly as he throws them in.

  “Stop being a child, Cody.” He steps in front of me so I can’t touch his stuff. “Why are you picking a fight? Why are you trying to ruin us? Is this because of Killian? I saw your face when your mother said he was engaged. Do you know how much it hurt to see your reaction over another guy? Why are you so afraid of getting hurt? I’m not your father. I’m not your ex. You know what, maybe we aren’t soulmates. Maybe we aren’t meant to be together forever, but I love you and no matter what the future holds I wouldn’t take back our time together.”

  Everything hurts, but I’m so angry, I’m sort of numb. How dare he say I’m sabotaging our relationship. Sure, I felt that old comfortable familiarity with Killian today, but he’s moved on. Tugging on his shirt, I push him away from the clothes. “I’m letting you in as much as I can.”

  “I know, and I thought I could be patient enough to wait, but I’m not. You frustrate me.”

  “I need more time to figure it out.” I bite my bottom lip, hoping he’ll understand what I’m saying. I’m just so confused right now. I’m twenty, I’m not supposed to have love and life figured out.

  Bassam grabs his bag, but not before leaning over and kissing me on the forehead. As he speaks, his voice is oddly cold and composed. “I have nothing to hide, call me or don’t, I don’t care, but don’t call me unless you’re ready to give me your entire heart and stop saving pieces for some guy in your past.”

  That’s when all the pain kicks in, previously dulled by all the adrenaline running through my body. I allow one sob to come out followed by another. Holding them back feels like I’m being suffocated. I have to allow them out just to breathe. I don’t know how long I sit there crying, but it has to be a while.

  I wipe my tearstained face on the pillow. I let Killian get away because my heart wasn’t available. Am I going to do the same thing to Bassam? It feels like I’m always living for yesterday and waiting for tomorrow, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I want happiness now. I deserve it.

  Throwing the sheets off me, I slip on a pair of shoes and sneak out of the hotel room. I need…something. Fresh air? Noise to dull the thoughts in my head? I run to the stairwell and practically fly down the stairs. By the time the cool air hits my face, I’m out of breath. I slump on the sidewalk in front of the only red light in Betty and watch it switch from green to yellow then red and then back to green again. Main Street is empty at this time of night, and the only noise that can be heard is from the bar next door to the hotel. I guess some could call it the town hot spot, that is if you’re into playing pool and drinking beer. The door to the bar opens and a few drunk people stumble out. Not wanting anyone to see my pitiful state, all swollen and red-eyed, I begin walking. I don’t know where I’m going. I only know I won’t be turning back. The door to the bar opens again, and a guy in a leather jacket strides out. I step aside so we can pass on opposite sides of the street, but a pair of familiar green eyes catch mine. Mischa. He looks just as miserable as I feel.

  As our eyes meet, I hold his gaze for a split second. Just long enough to spark recognition, but not long enough to spark conversation. Looking away is simple, and I find that the pain is no longer there. My heart doesn’t lurch, my breath doesn’t halt, and my skin doesn’t clam up. The love I clung to for so many years is but a distant memory. He doesn’t smile at me, and I don’t smile at him. We only pass through the street like two faultless strangers.

  Findcody.blogspot.com

  Mischa Cromwell

  As we pass, I dart my eyes toward the ground. I’m too ashamed to look at her, too ashamed of the things I said before she left. It was the only way out though, and the only way to save my family. I’d do anything for them, and she’d do anything to get away from hers.

  I let out a staggered exhale as I walk down Main Street away from the bar I frequent every night. It’s the only thing that helps me forget. Seeing her brings back so many memories.

  She gave me the opportunity to pack up and leave with her, but I couldn’t leave them behind. Violet needed me. My little brother needed me. My mom needed me. And…Kate needed me. She still needs me. I’m not a sentimental guy, but I like to believe that everyone has one person meant for them. A person that balances the other so perfectly, bringing what each other lacks. Cody Lombardi was that person for me. She believed in me, and though I discouraged it, she encouraged me to be a better person.

  Regret.

  That’s what I’ll always feel about the way things ended.

  I told her I didn’t love her. I pushed her away, in exchange for money. Money from her father that kept a roof over my family's head. I don’t know if I can ever explain why I did it or how much it pained me to say it, but if I could take it all back, I would. I’d find another way to get that money, but I was already in so much debt, I wasn’t thinking straight. When her father came to me with that proposal, I meant to turn it down. I initially told him to go to hell, but all those zeros and all the things Violet and Daffy could get with that money—it was supposed to be their ticket out of Betty. All I had to do was leave Cody alone. Those better than me would have taken the high road. They would have never let money stand in the way of those they love, but we’ve already established that I’m not better than most. I’d have only brought her down.

  She didn’t even flinch when she saw me just now, eyes that once held admiration for me were now empty.

  I never moved on. Sure, I’ve got a loving girlfriend and kid at home so don't misunderstand me and call Kate the consolation prize, she was the prize I chose.

  I still love Cody. I’ll always love her.

  So here’s to the girl whose heart I broke. Here’s to the girl who loved me no matter how much I hurt her. Here’s to the girl who could have been mine. Here’s to the girl I let go.

  Here’s to the steadfast.

  I accept that sometimes not all love stories get a happy ending. Can you?

  About The Author

  Briana Gaitan is the bestselling author of the Hollywood Timelines series (The Last Thing and The One Thing) and coauthor of the Ethereal Underground series. Briana is a southern native and self-proclaimed geek. She has never wanted anything but to create whether it be composing music, decorating her house, or giving voices to the characters inside her head. Her days are spent obsessing over a good read, raising her three kids, and watching anything on the SyFy channel. Through her writing, she hopes to inspire others to believe in the impossible. Find out more about her books at www.brianagaitan.info

  Follow her at twitter @bookswithbree

  Facebook www.facebook.com/booksbybree

  Sign up for her newsletter HERE to keep updated with all her books.

  Acknowledgements

  If you are familiar with my books, you know that these “thank yous” are always hard for me. Writing this book was like putting out a piece of my soul, but I suppose I have to thank the man who broke my heart, and the hearts I broke for the inspiration to write a book with this type of ending. This past year has been a whirlwind, allowing me to live my dream. Thank you to my family, friends, fans, Street Team members, and all the bloggers who supported this endeavor. From the moment I announced this book, so many people jumped on board for a book about heartache and steadfast love. Thank you for allowing me to share this story and thank you for reading it.

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  Chapter 1

  Ashtyn

  WITH MY SUMMER FROM HELL playlist blaring in my ears, m
y anger slowly starts to fade away. I’ve been walking for what seems like hours but is probably closer to one. I still can’t get the argument I had with Mom out of my head.

  “Before we eat, I want to have that conversation with you.”

  I eye the Chinese food laid out in front of me. “Okay, whatever you say, Mom.”

  Avoiding eye contact with me she says, “Ashtyn, I know I told you your dad and sister would be delayed joining us. Her gymnastics audition went really well and she made the team.”

  “So what does that mean?”

  “They won’t be joining us.”

  I whip my head in her direction. I stare with my mouth hanging completely open and my eyes so wide they feel like they’re going to fall out of my head. They won’t be joining us? This has to be some kind of joke. A family vacation isn’t a family vacation without the whole family. I try to tell her just that but she beats me to it.

  Putting her hands up, she stops me before I even start talking. “Let me get this out without you interrupting me. This isn’t easy to tell you. If there’s anything I’ve left out, I’ll answer any questions you have when I’m done. Okay?”

  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, Mom, just tell me what’s going on.”

  “My marriage with your father hasn’t been working for quite some time, as you probably already know. We aren’t exactly quiet when we fight. Mr. Wilson gave me an opportunity I couldn’t pass up. Your father and I agreed it made sense for me to take it. You and I have always had a very close relationship, just like your sister and father have. Although it wasn’t the best way of going about it, I need you here with me. You’re my rock, Ashtyn.”

  I can’t even understand what she’s saying right now. She got a promotion at work so she figured the best thing to do would be abandon her family and drag me along for the ride? Who does that?

  “Mr. Wilson was kind enough to let us live in his vacation home, rent-free, while I oversee the opening of our new studio up here. He’s made many connections in the area and an expansion here just seemed like the right idea. After I get the recording studio up and running, I will be managing it. This job came with a very nice bonus and raise. We can live here indefinitely, if we want to. Even after the short amount of time we’ve been in this house, you have to agree it would be a great place to live. With all the money I’ll be saving on rent, I can buy you the car you’ve been bugging me about. So that’s everything. You can talk now.”

  I’m fuming. My jaw is clenched, my hands are balled into tight fists, and any composure I had before slips away. She’d tricked me, and now she was trying to bribe me as well? This is an all-time low, especially for her.

  It was one thing when this was just a family vacation. Now I’m being forced into spending my senior year, my last year of high school, here?

  There’s no way she’s doing this to me. Who does this to their own child?

  “Are you kidding me? You’re running away from our family and dragging me along with you? Then, the cherry topping off this fucked up sundae is that you are bribing me with a car so I’ll stay with you and not get mad. Does that about sum it up?”

  “Honey, you’re mad but—”

  “Mad? Mad doesn’t even cover it! I’m fucking livid! I can’t even look at you right now I’m so pissed off! I’m out of here!”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. Why don’t we talk about this?”

  I had to get out of there at that point. I left and just kept walking. The whole situation is laughable. I saw the divorce coming but not this. All this wandering and I find myself in the middle of downtown. Live music drifts to me from a few doors down. A nice, loud environment will keep me out of my head, drowning all of my thoughts away.

  Let’s see if the bars in Ashland can come close to the ones back home in Santa Barbara.

  I step into the bar and realize that my sweat pants and Converse don’t quite fit into the Irish pub atmosphere; I stick out like a nun in a strip club. I’m way too hungry and way too angry to care about these people’s opinions. Luckily, no one even turns in my direction.

  All of their attention is fixed on the stage.

  I find where the live music is coming from and get a better look at the guy performing. There’s a teeny stage pushed back in the far corner. He’s alone up there and performing an acoustic version of All Time Low’s “Somewhere in Neverland.” He has more of a gravelly voice than Alex Gaskarth, but it’s still sexy as hell.

  If Alex isn’t available to me, I will gladly take this guy in his place. The song is one of my favorites and pretty fitting for my current mood. If he wants to be my Peter Pan, I won’t think twice about running away to Neverland or anywhere else with him, just as long as it’s far away from here.

  Obvious fan girls are cheering and dancing right up against the stage. I guess trashy groupies look the same no matter where you go—lack of clothing and plenty of fuck-me heels to go around.

  They’re all vying to be the next notch in his bedpost and it’s kind of pathetic, even if he is smoking hot. Although, I’m not much better, imagining the dirty words his husky voice would whisper into my ears.

  He hops off the stage, making his way over to the bar and pushing his way through all of his groupies as they hang off of him. Surprisingly, he continues behind the bar. Apparently, he’s a man of many talents.

  Claiming one of the bar stools as my own, I wait for him to make his way down to me. This guy is hot. Like scorching hot. I could tell while he was onstage, but now that he’s closer, it’s obvious why he has all the groupies. He’s obviously talented but they probably couldn’t care less about that.

  His rich chocolate brown hair is styled up into a faux hawk, and he has a sleeve tattoo down his right arm. It’s hard to tell from this distance what his tattoo is, but I can make out the sun. He has small gauges in his ears, not like some of the massive ones that some dudes wear. They’re sexy on him, as is his lip piercing. I’m sure I’m not the first girl to have thoughts about nibbling on it. He exudes confidence, which most likely stems from the attention from the band sluts.

  He isn’t tall but not too short either. I’m guessing my head would fall right about at his shoulder, maybe a little over, which is perfect since I’m on the short side. I would fit nice and snuggly under his arm.

  Where the hell did that thought come from?

  This is some random bartender and I don’t need to be imagining how perfectly our bodies will fit together. The last thing I need is to find a new boyfriend while I’m here. As soon as Mom gets her shit together, I’m on the next plane out of here. Running away from your problems is not the answer.

  The bartender is making drinks and shamelessly flirting with the bitches that were all over him just moments before. I try not to make my staring obvious but apparently I’m not being as discreet as I thought because his attention soon moves toward me. He has gorgeous emerald green eyes that I can’t turn away from. We stay in a staring contest and it makes me feel like he’s looking straight into my soul. Making his way down the bar toward me, he looks me up and down with a slight smirk that shoots a spark of electricity through my body and down to my toes.

  “Are you sure you walked into the right place, babe? I’m pretty sure this isn’t your scene.”

  Ugh, asshole much? The weird trance breaks and I kind of shake my head. I act unfazed, although he voices my earlier concern.

  “Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m capable of taking care of myself. Since you’re behind the bar and it’s your job to serve me, I would like a burger and a beer.”

  Without even asking for my ID, bartender hottie replies, “At least you know how to eat. If you had asked me for a salad, I would have told you that you’re in the wrong place. Since you ordered real food, though, I’ll bring that right out to you, princess.” Winking, he turns away to put my order in.

  Why do the hot ones always have to be assholes? Thinking they are God’s gift to the planet and we should bow down in their presence. I
can’t help myself, though, and I continue to steal glances at him. He has a Jake Ryan from Sixteen Candles thing going for him and it’s starting to break down my walls.

  I vowed to never have a one-night stand but maybe Chloe’s right. Everyone should have at least one in their life. He’s rougher around the edges than Jake with his piercings and tattoos. Jake had more of a preppy clean-cut vibe and this guy is all bad boy. I find him staring right back at me. It shocks and embarrasses me but I can’t break the connection. I’m mesmerized by those piercing green eyes again. Apparently, his eyes are my kryptonite.

  He walks back over to me with my food and places a drink in front of me. I take a drink and the cold, bubbly, sweet liquid slides down my throat. I let out a sigh. It’s been way too long since I’ve had a Shirley Temple. It’s delicious, but I still have to give him shit for screwing up my drink order.

  Channeling my best friend, Chloe, I give him the ultimate bitch face. “Um, I’m pretty sure I ordered a beer not a Shirley Temple.”

  Secretly, I would much rather drink the Shirley Temple. Beer is nasty. But it seemed like a good idea with the whole being-in-a-pub thing. It was either a beer or whiskey and that wasn’t happening. I had a Jack and Coke at a party one time before I was smart enough to stick to vodka and it tasted like someone had peed in my Coke.

  So gross.

  Jake—his name until I find out what it really is—smirks at me again. “Babe, I don’t even have to check your ID. You aren’t twenty-one.”

  I contemplate handing over my fake ID but change my mind. This guy would be able to tell, even though it’s out of state. I bet he isn’t much older than me and probably had a fake ID or two when he was my age. Besides, it’s been years since I’ve had a Shirley Temple and I forgot how good they taste. Acting bored, I wave him off and give him a whatever response.