Empty

by Stacy - Deanne

  She leaned into him, tilting her glass toward her blouse. “Oh!” Juice doused her blouse. “Hell.” She got up.

  “Uh-oh.” Cameron set his drink down. “You all right?”

  “No.” She shook the end of her blouse. “I just bought this damn thing.”

  “I thought you said it was from JC Penney.”

  She glared at him. “It doesn’t mean I want to waste stuff on it.”

  “Hold on.” He ran to the sliding patio door. “I’ll be right back.” He went inside.

  “Shit.” She brushed off her blouse, then gaped.

  Jesus Christ, he almost kissed me.

  She covered her mouth.

  I almost let him. What is wrong with me? I gotta get outta here.

  Cameron came out with a small towel. “Here you go.” He tossed it to her.

  “I…” She wiped her blouse. “I gotta go, Cameron.”

  “What?” He stood beside her. “Come on. No.”

  “No I should go.”

  “Please. If I made you uncomfortable, then I’ll chill.”

  “It’s not you.” She wiped harder. “I had no business coming over here.” She laid the towel on the chair.

  “I was honest with you, Bella. Can you be honest with me? Why do you like me? Because I know you do.”

  “You’re not listening.” She touched his shirt. “We can’t do this. I love my job. If we did something and someone found out—”

  “Then I’ll leave the school.” He pulled her to him.

  She walked toward the grass. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

  “I’m serious. Bella, nothing matters without you. I’ve never felt this way before.”

  “That’s exactly my point.” She paced in the grass. “You’re young, Cameron. To you what you feel for me is your entire world. You probably think you’ll never feel this way about any other woman but you will. You have a crush on me. That’s all.”

  “It’s not a crush.” He frowned. “Don’t deduce my feelings into those of a child. I’m a grown man. I understand what I feel when I look at you and when I’m around you.” He marched to her. “I know what love feels like and let me tell you…I’ve never felt it this hard before.”

  “Maybe if things were different, I’d be more open-minded, but this could ruin everything for me.” She backed away from him. “It took me fifteen years to get my life back on track, Cameron. You’ll never understand because you’ve probably never struggled with anything in your whole life.”

  “I never struggled with anything?” His voice cracked. “For someone who is a master at psychology you sure seem blind.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “One thing I’ve learned in your class is never to judge a book by its cover. With all due respect, Professor, you don’t know what I’ve been through.”

  “Unless you’re an alcoholic or a drug addict, then I’m sure you don’t understand what—”

  “What if I was a self-harmer?” He peered at her. “Would I be able to understand you then?”

  “What?” She sat down. “I don’t understand.”

  He bent down and pulled up his right pants leg. “I don’t normally show just anyone this so you know now I trust you.” He pointed to the faded scars on his leg. “I used to cut myself when I was a teenager.”

  “Jesus.” Bella peered at the faded cuts. “Why were you cutting yourself?”

  He fixed his pants and stood. “I didn’t have the best childhood. Both of my parents were drug addicts.”

  She sighed.

  “My mom had me when she was fifteen. My parents abused me constantly.”

  Bella shook her head.

  “They used to lock me up in the bathroom for days, and if I did something wrong, they wouldn’t give me food.”

  “I am so sorry.”

  “When I was nine, child protective services stepped in and I ended up with my grandmother. She raised me until she died.”

  “You were raised by your grandmother, too?”

  “Artie is the friend I stay here with.” He sat in the chair beside her. “His parents took care of me after my grandmother passed when I was fourteen.” Tears appeared in his eyes. “I don’t have family who wanted me. Artie’s parents took me in, and they’ve treated me like a son ever since. They’re paying for Artie’s and my schooling.”

  “Wow.” She batted her eyes. “They must really care about you.”

  “I wonder how life would’ve been for me if my parents had been clean.” A tear stopped in the middle of his cheek. “I can’t blame them though. They couldn’t help it.”

  “They could help it.” She scratched her arm. “The first thing I learned in AA is that what I did was my responsibility. Admitting things is the first step in getting recovery.”

  “They had an addiction, Bella.”

  “True.” She dipped her head. “But we still hold responsibility for our actions and reactions.” She quoted a passage out of her twelve-step book. “Have you seen your parents?”

  “My mom came to my graduation.” He wiped his eyes. “She looked so bad I hardly recognized her. I don’t know where my dad was and she didn’t say. He might be dead.”

  “What drugs were they on?”

  He lifted his head. “Cocaine.”

  She exhaled. “My son is a cocaine addict.”

  “Your son’s on cocaine?”

  “I’ve learned to take some responsibility for that, too.” She slightly smiled. “Much of it is my fault. I was never a good mother for him. I can’t even begin to tell you the hell I put him and his father through.” She felt the side of her head. “After his father died, he never was the same. He was only seven when it happened but back then he had more sense than I did.” She smiled. “That’s what I always loved about Isaiah. He used to do everything right when I did everything wrong. I was so proud of my baby boy.”

  He smiled.

  “Now he’s twenty-two and a cokehead.”

  “I guess it’s true what they say, huh?” He clasped his hands. “Addiction runs in the family.”

  “It’s getting late.” She stood and straightened her blouse. “We gotta be at school tomorrow.”

  “Hold on.” He stood. “You still owe me that Ping-Pong match, Ms. Champion.” He pointed toward the side of the house. “The table’s right over there. I’m not letting you leave until you play a game. You say you can beat anyone…well I wanna see you in action.”

  She pulled her blouse down. “Like I said, it’s late.”

  He checked his watch. “Ten is late to you?”

  She backed up from the chair. “It’s too late for me to be here.”

  “I’m not letting you leave.” He blocked her.

  “Oh really?”

  “You might not ever come back and you owe me that ping pong match.” He headed toward the side of the house. “Come on.”

  “I can’t, Cameron.”

  He stopped in the grass. “Bella.”

  “I think we’ve had enough of each other for one night.”

  “I don’t.” He walked toward her. “I could be with you for the rest of my life and it wouldn’t be enough.”

  “Why do you have to be so sweet?” She sighed. “Honestly I wish that we could give things a shot but…” She went to the patio door. “You wanna walk me out?”

  “No.” He followed. “But I will.”

  Chapter Seven

  “What the…?” Bella’s porch light was off and her front door wide open when she drove up to her house. “Jesus.” She snatched her phone out of her purse and called nine-one-one.

  “Nine-one-one. What’s your emergency?” a woman asked.

  “Hello.” Bella panted. “I just got home and I think someone’s in my house.”

  Someone moved around inside.

  “Someone’s definitely in there.” She gripped the steering wheel. “I…I hear them.”

  “What’s the address, ma’am?”

  Bella told the address.


  “Where are you?”

  “I’m in the driveway in my car.”

  “Okay don’t go in. You hear me? Stay in your car.”

  “I…I will.”

  “Just hang tight, ma’am. A unit’s on its way. Do not go in.”

  “I promise I won’t.”

  “Do you need me to stay on the line with you?”

  “No I…” Bella caught sight of the individual in her house as he passed by the front doorway. “Oh my God.” Bella covered her mouth. “No.”

  “Ma’am?” the operator asked. “Are you all right?”

  “Don’t…don’t send a unit.” She swallowed.

  “What?”

  “I was uh…mistaken.” She got out of the car. “I thought someone broke into my house.”

  “Ma’am, what’s going on? Is the culprit with you? You can talk in code if you have to. Does he have a weapon on you?”

  “No.” Bella crept toward her house. “I thought it was a burglar, but it’s my son. Please don’t send a unit. Everything’s fine.”

  “Are you sure you don’t need a unit?”

  “Yes.” Bella stepped into the dark house. “Please don’t send anyone.” She clicked off and glanced into the living room.

  Isaiah had yanked the drawers from her computer desk and hauled them to the floor. He’d knocked her lamp over on the end table. He’d pulled her bookshelf from the corner and thrown books to the floor.

  He threw something around upstairs.

  “Lord, give me the strength.” She ran upstairs and stopped in her bedroom doorway.

  Isaiah yanked items from her desk drawer with his back to the door. The closet doors were wide open, and he’d turned the mattress over.

  “Shit!” He slammed the drawer closed and moved to the one above it.

  “I don’t have any money in there, Isaiah.”

  He swung around. His eyes were still bloodshot and his expression still wild and desperate. He twitched and blinked. “Where is it?” He approached her with his fists balled up.

  “Where’s what?”

  “Don’t fuck with me.”

  He smelled of musk and sweaty underarms.

  “You used to keep a stash in the drawer.”

  “I stopped after you robbed me the last time.” She held her purse behind her back. “I keep all my money in the bank.”

  “Bullshit.” He rubbed his nose. “Bullshit!”

  “I don’t have any money for you, Isaiah.”

  “You don’t get it, do you?” He shook his long dreads out of his face. “I need some fuckin’ money, and I ain’t leaving here until I get it.”

  “I thought the last time you stole from me you said it would be the last time.”

  “I don’t wanna hear that shit!” He stuck his finger in her face. “You know how things go, Momma. I need some shit and I need money to get it. I’m not leaving here until you give it to me.”

  “I’m not giving you anything.” She stuck her chin in the air. “Leave my house or I’m calling the police.”

  He rubbed his nose. “You ain’t calling shit.”

  “Isaiah.” She closed her eyes. “As God is my witness I’m trying to save you from going back to jail. If that coke hasn’t fried your brain yet, then you will get your ass out of my house.” She pointed behind her. “Now!”

  He licked his lips. “Give me your purse.”

  “Get out of my house.”

  “Give me the fuckin’ purse, Momma.”

  “No!” She waved it. “I’m not giving you shit. Get out of my…”

  He pulled out a gun. “Give me the purse, bitch!”

  “Oh.” She jumped back and put her hand over her mouth. “Isaiah?”

  “Give me the purse, Momma.” He pressed the trigger. “Don’t make me do this, but I will if I have to.”

  “Isaiah.” She nearly choked on tears. “No, no, no.” She bent over. “I know I haven’t lost you like this.”

  “Come here!” He yanked her by the hair.

  “Ah!”

  He threw her on the bed. “I want the purse!” He pointed the gun to her face.

  “Isaiah!” She threw her arms in the air. “Don’t do this, son. Don’t let it take you like this, baby.” She wailed. “God, you gotta fight it. You’re better than this. You don’t wanna hurt me!”

  “No I don’t.” He sniffled. “But I will if I have to. You got one more chance to give me that purse.”

  “Please don’t do this.” She closed her eyes. “Don’t let this control you. You can fight it, Isaiah. I know it’s hard but I believe in…”

  He yanked the purse.

  “Don’t take all my stuff!” She got up. “My license!”

  “Here.” He tossed her the purse. “Give me your debit card and whatever money you got in there. Hurry up.”

  Her hands trembled as she pulled her billfold out of the purse.

  Isaiah twitched. “Hurry up.”

  She passed him fifty dollars and her debit card without looking at him.

  “See?” He snatched it. “Was that hard, Momma? Why you gotta make everything so difficult?”

  “How could you do this?” She struggled to see through the tears. “How could you pull a gun on me?”

  “The same way you could kill my father.” He put the card and cash in his back pocket. “Guess we’re even.”

  He left.

  Chapter Eight

  Bella awoke from her nap the next day at someone ringing the doorbell. The clock by her bed struck three in the afternoon. She slumped out of bed.

  The doorbell rang again.

  “Shit.” She put on her robe and house shoes and went downstairs. She got to the front door and checked the peephole. “What are you doing here?” she asked through the door.

  “I came to check on you,” Cameron said. “Is everything all right?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “If you’re fine, then how come you weren’t in class today?”

  “None of your damn business.” She leaned against the door and crossed her arms. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

  “Come on, Bella. What’s wrong?”

  “You’re wrong, Cameron.” She opened the door. “Your ass showing up here is what’s wrong.”

  “I’m your friend.”

  “I don’t need you to be my friend.” She closed her robe.

  “Doesn’t look that way to me.” He laid his hand on the doorknob, on top of hers. “You can talk to me about anything. You know that.”

  “I don’t wanna talk about it.” She rolled her eyes. “I just want everything to be better.

  Can you make everything better?”

  “Probably not but I’d like to try. May I please come in?”

  She stepped back and widened the door. “Only for a little bit.”

  He walked in and went into the living room. “What the hell happened? Are you okay?”

  “This?” She pointed to the disheveled items on the floor. “This is how my house usually looks when my son comes by.”

  “What happened?” He looked around. “He did a number on this room, didn’t he?”

  “You should see my bedroom.” She rubbed her eyes. “He was looking for money for drugs.”

  Cameron gawked. “Bella, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.” She swung her arms back and forth. “It’s mine.”

  “No it’s not.” He stood by the couch. “There’s no excuse for your son hurting you like this.”

  “He’s too far gone now.” She sat on the armrest of the couch. “He’s stolen from me before, but he did something last night that I can’t begin to believe.”

  “What?” He put his hand on her shoulder.

  “He pulled a gun on me.” Her voice trailed at the end of the sentence. “See I’m so shocked that I can’t get the words out.”

  “He pulled a gun on you? What the—”

  “I refused to give him money and he wasn’t leaving without any so the gun wa
s his last option.”

  “Oh my God.” He blew into his hand. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I used to see a tiny bit of hope in him, but I only saw emptiness last night. I looked into his eyes and it was like he was already dead.”

  “Did you call the police?”

  She shook her head. “But I called the bank and cut off the card.” She swung her leg. “I’m lucky he only managed to get three hundred dollars. He could’ve cleaned me out if he wanted to.”

  “Why didn’t you call the police? You realize how dangerous he is right now? If he could pull a gun on you, then imagine what else he could do. The next time he might kill someone.”

  “He’d never kill anyone.”

  He huffed. “I bet before last night you didn’t think he’d pull a gun on you either.”

  “It’s done, Cameron.”

  “You’re just gonna let him get away with this?” He pointed to the mess around the room. “Excusing this won’t help him do better.”

  “Don’t you dare try to tell me how to raise my son.”

  “I’m not but…”

  She stood. “That’s exactly what you’re trying to do and I don’t appreciate it.”

  “Don’t get defensive.” He touched her arm.

  “Don’t tell me what to do.” She shoved his arm away. “I don’t need some kid who still has Momma’s milk on his breath coming in here and telling me what to do with my son. Calling the cops isn’t gonna help him. I’ve done that shit many times before, Cameron. This is the cycle.” She hit her palm with her fist. “Nothing I do at this point will help him if he doesn’t wanna help himself.”

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t agree with that.”

  “Get some kids and then come tell me what you’d do in this situation.”

  “I wouldn’t give up on my son.”

  “Go to hell.” She looked him up and down. “And while you’re at it, get out of my house.”

  “I know you’re just lashing out at me because you’re upset. I don’t mind because I wanna be here with you, Bella. I can take your wrath. I care about you enough to do that.”

  “Boy.” She turned around. “I am so sick of the bullshit you throw out. You don’t know nothing about nothing. You’re a kid, Cameron. I’ve experienced more before you were born than you ever will in your entire life.”