Empty

by Stacy - Deanne

  He turned away from her.

  “You think just because you read those psychology books and you get As on your test that you can tell me what to do?” She poked her chest. “Cameron, this is real life. The first thing you gotta learn as a psychology major is that people and their behaviors are unpredictable. Never think you know what someone is gonna do. I don’t care how much you trust them.”

  “Didn’t you just tell me your son could never kill anyone but look what he did last night.”

  “That’s different. I know my son.”

  “Bella, if he’s on cocaine and acting this out of control, then he’s not your son anymore. Listen.” He stood close. “You’re right. I don’t know what you’re going through but I think it’s time you cut your son loose. I know it’s hard but you won’t ever be happy if you spend your life worrying about him.”

  “Why do you care?” She held her arms out to her sides. “Why do you care about some old drunk?”

  “Because I love you,” he whispered.

  “What?” She dropped her arms.

  “I love you, Bella.” He pulled her into his arms. “I don’t care about anything else.”

  He kissed her, awakening a feeling she’d long forgotten. Her heart beat faster. Her mouth got dry, and her palms sweated like a kid dying to see her new toys on Christmas morning.

  She pulled away from him and stared into his eyes. “Thank you.”

  He stroked her cheek. “For what?”

  “For letting me off the hook.” She pushed her lips onto his and lost herself in the heat of his touch. “God you taste so sweet.” She laid her forehead against his. “Just like I thought you would.”

  “You wanted me to kiss you last night didn’t you? That’s why you left.”

  “If I hadn’t left, I’d have made love to you.” She felt his hair. “I didn’t want to do that and regret it. I wanted to be happy about it and I wasn’t sure if I would be.”

  “Why do you have to regret it?” He sniffed her neck. “No one has to know.”

  “I wish it were that simple.” She moved her thumb across his lips. “Ever since I first talked to you after class, I wanted you. You don’t know how hard it’s been to fight these feelings. It’s been about as hard as staying sober.”

  “You don’t have to fight them.” He kissed her forehead. “It can be us in our own little world.” He slid his hand to the back of her head and undid the clamp in her hair.

  Her hair fell on her shoulders.

  “It can be our own little world.” He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. “No one but us will live there.” He slid the robe off her shoulders.

  She hadn’t had sex in a year. It had been even longer since she made love with someone she actually thought of being in a relationship with. She’d spent months fantasizing about Cameron and the things he’d do to her in bed.

  He took off his shirt, unleashing that mesmerizing chest.

  She giggled.

  “What?” He threw his shirt on the couch. “Watch this.” He stood still and made his pecks dance.

  “Stop.” She laughed.

  “What?” He put his hand on her waist and kissed her. “What’s so funny?”

  “I can’t believe how comfortable I am with you.” She touched his shiny hair. “As women get older, it’s hard to be intimate with a new guy.”

  “Why’s that?” He sucked her ear.

  “You don’t wanna disappoint, I guess. You hope the man finds you sexy.” She put her hands on his shoulders as he planted kisses down her neck. “Once you hit my age things start spreading and sagging.”

  “I assure you…” He moved his hands to her buttocks. “Nothing’s sagging from what I can tell.” He kissed her. “I wouldn’t care if it were.” He squeezed her tight. “You’d still be the most beautiful woman in the world to me.”

  She kissed him. “You’re so sweet.”

  “You can be your real self with me, Bella. I want every part of you.”

  She took a deep breath. “You sure you know what you’re asking?”

  “I definitely do.” He bent down and picked her up. “Now where’s your bedroom?”

  Chapter Nine

  “Mmm.” Cameron gyrated on top of Bella, moving his hardness back and forth inside of her. “How does this feel?” he whispered with sweat dangling off his forehead and the ends of his hair sticking out. “Do you like it?” He moved deeper inside of her. “You like how it feels?”

  “Ah.” Bella’s breasts jiggled as he rode her. “Ooh…go slower.”

  “Slower?” He kept his eyes on hers.

  “Yes.” She gripped his buttocks, pushing him deeper inside her. “I wanna feel every inch of you.”

  She’d assumed she’d have to take control being so much older, but Cameron had taken her body as if he’d created it. He hadn’t been twitching or fumbling. She didn’t have to coach so she could concentrate on how good he made her feel. She’d been with men two times his age that couldn’t satisfy a woman sexually. Whether it came from instinct or experience, Cameron had been the best she’d had in fifteen years.

  He’d gone down on her first. She usually had to beg men to give the tongue action but Cameron jumped right on in. The man had a tongue like a snake, going in and out of crevices she forgot she had. He talked during sex, which was a plus for her. She liked it when men talked during sex and didn’t just treat a woman’s body as if it was just in the way of what existed between her legs.

  Too many men barked orders in bed but everything Cameron uttered dealt with her satisfaction.

  * * * *

  Jesus how could this woman feel this good?

  Cameron nearly drowned in her wetness. He’d experienced enough sex to know what he liked and he loved a woman who was comfortable enough to trust him with her body. He didn’t care for women who wanted to take control sexually. He believed in the old-school ways. Back then, men cared about making their women feel good. A man should please the woman above anything else. Some men were too selfish to take their time. He’d practiced many techniques such as how to come slower and how to make her body react to his touch, in order to satisfy women.

  He pumped Bella slow and easy. She purred with each movement, assuring him that she liked it.

  The key to satisfying a woman in bed was to listen to her. It wasn’t just listening to her words, but listening to her eyes and her body. Most men thought it was difficult to know what women wanted in bed. Uh-uh. They were just too impatient to listen. Women could tell a man everything he needed to know if only he paid attention to the signals her body showed him.

  A man who knew how to please a woman didn’t have to ask her how it felt. Cameron had asked Bella only to show her he was concerned and wanted to satisfy her, but he already knew he had the moment he slid inside of her.

  She kept her eyes on him, rocking from his thrusts.

  Satisfying a woman was all about paying attention to that woman’s heart, body, and soul.

  Cameron understood the signals a woman’s body sent out when he hit that sweet spot. A man who truly cared about a woman got his pleasure from how good he made her feel.

  “Ah.” He clenched up, subduing his orgasm.

  He wouldn’t dare come before Bella. He loved her too much to be that selfish.

  Come on, baby. This is your ride. I’m just the tool to get you there. I’m listening to your beautiful body. I love you.

  He closed his eyes.

  Show me how good it feels. Let me know I’ve pleased you. Come on. Come on, sweetie.

  “Oh.” Bella arched her back. “I’m about to come.”

  He smiled through dripping sweat.

  Bingo.

  * * * *

  “Me too.” Cameron pumped her harder. “I’m coming. You want me to?”

  “Yes.” She put her arms around his back. “Don’t tell me when. Just let me feel it…ah.”

  He moaned and tightened inside of her.

  “Wait.” She propped he
r legs up. “Stroke me.” She rubbed her breasts. “Stroke me as I come.” She took his hand and shoved it against her clit. “Stroke my clit when I come.”

  He circled the top of his finger against her clit while he pumped her.

  “Oh God.” She writhed. “I love it. It feels so good.”

  She stared at him. His face curled up as if he’d die from holding his orgasm.

  “Yes.” She held his shoulders. “Oh yes, Cameron!” She bounced against him until the sound of their slapping skin filled the room. “Harder! Harder!”

  He reared back. “Oh.”

  She felt his release despite the condom. “Oh…oh.”

  He howled with his arms out. “Whoo!”

  Bella fell against the pillows. “God.” She laid her hand to her face. “Jesus.”

  “I…I love you.” He clamped her parted lips between his. “I love you so much.”

  She guided his head to her chest.

  What just happened? Did this twenty-four-year-old really just fuck me?

  She rubbed his hair.

  He slipped his arms underneath her. “Wow.”

  She panted. “What?”

  “They don’t lie when they say it gets better with age.” He grinned and kissed her. “That was the most incredible experience I’ve had.” He pushed his fingers between hers. “It’s because we love each other. Probably more than anyone ever has.”

  “I can’t describe any of this.” She looked at the ceiling. “In fifteen years, I’ve never met a man I felt close to like this. Every time I give you a little piece…I wanna give you more.”

  “And I wanna take it.” He kissed her damp breast. “There’s something you still haven’t given me that I want.”

  “What?”

  “I want your heart, Bella.” He put his finger on her lips. “I want us to be a couple.”

  Whoa. Is he serious?

  “Whoa.” She sat up against the headboard. “Are you serious?”

  “Look at me.” He held a rigid expression. “I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”

  “Cameron.” She pulled the sheet over her breasts. “An attraction is one thing but a relationship is a completely different animal.”

  “We love each other.”

  “I’m trying to come to terms with this, Cameron.” She ran her hands through his hair. “This isn’t an easy situation.”

  “We belong together.” He sat on his knees with his hands over his crotch. “We just made love, and it’s an experience neither of us will ever forget. While I was inside you, I know you felt how much I love you. I don’t care about the age thing, the race thing, none of it. All I care about is you.”

  “I’m your professor.”

  “I don’t give a damn.” He sat with his legs on the side of the bed. “I’m not stupid. I thought about all of this shit before. What you don’t get is that I tried to fight this attraction as much as you did.”

  “Well.” She chuckled. “You didn’t do a good job. Neither of us did, apparently.”

  “I’ve spent months agonizing over my feelings for you. I kept saying that maybe it was just me being curious about being with an older woman. But then we started talking, Bella.” He scooted closer to her. “We started sharing and with each conversation I realized that our differences are what make us so beautiful together.” He laid his arm over her lap. “I don’t care about the sacrifices. I just wanna be with you.”

  “By saying that you just backed up what I’ve been thinking.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You’re so young.” She patted his cheek. “You think I keep saying that just to say it, but your reasoning for doing things is proof that you’re too young to handle something like this.”

  “Excuse me?” He leaned back. “What the hell does that mean?”

  “Cameron, this entire time you said you didn’t care about anything but being with me.

  Honey, you can’t think like that in the real world. This isn’t a movie where we can go skipping off into the sunset without a care to the world.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t always be so condescending when you speak to me.” He raised an eyebrow. “Yes I’m young, but in the mind I’m as mature as you are.”

  “No you’re not, sweetie.” She kicked underneath the sheet. “You can have things in common with me and yes, you can understand but it’s the experiences that make us so different. You’re willing to just be with me and throw everything away. If you were a little older and in my position…would you still feel that way?”

  “Yes. To me love is more important than anything.”

  “But life doesn’t work that way, Cameron.” She lay against the headboard. “We have issues that stand in our way and we can’t ignore that. I’m your professor. This right here…” She moved her hand between them. “This can change my entire world for the worse. Just being together can destroy everything I’ve worked for.”

  He looked away.

  “While you’re living off in Fairy Tale Land, I live in the real world and in the real world you have consequences. The age and race thing doesn’t matter to me. At first, the age thing bothered me but now I’m fine with that. The issue is that you don’t seem to understand that if I be with you…I could lose everything.”

  He grimaced. “You can get a job at another school.”

  “See?” She chuckled and pointed to him. “That’s that reasoning again. Sure, I can get another job at another school but I don’t want to. Should I have to? I worked my ass off to get my job. I love working at Elrod. I had a life before you, Cameron. My job was first. Why should I throw that away? Is that fair to me?”

  “Bella—”

  “Let me finish.” She raised her hand. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s easy for you to say you don’t mind sacrificing. You don’t have anything to lose.”

  He rolled his eyes.

  “You’re twenty-four and your life is just beginning. If things don’t work out with us, you can get up and leave and it’s no big deal. I bring more baggage with me. My world is the one turned upside down if I commit to you and this doesn’t work out. You don’t seem to get that.”

  “Oh I see.” He nodded. “You’re afraid that this is just a phase with me and I’ll get sick of you and leave?”

  “I’m not afraid of anything.” She laid her hands over the sheet. “I’m just too old to play around. I don’t want to date and hang out. I did that when I was your age. I’m a grown woman with grown woman responsibilities. I need a man and whatever age he is; he has to be a man in every sense of the word.”

  “You saying I’m not a man? I just made you scream like one, didn’t I?”

  She glared at him. “That’s a grown-up response?”

  “This is bullshit.” He stood and grabbed his boxers from the floor. “Stop turning this around on me all the time. As for your job I think it’s just a damn excuse.” He yanked the condom off and pitched it into the trash. “Teachers date students at Elrod all the time. No one will know.” He put on his shorts.

  “I don’t want to be in a relationship I have to hide.”

  “Just say it, Bella.” He got his jeans off the chair. “You don’t wanna put in the effort for this relationship.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “Yeah.” He put on his jeans and zipped them. “You just want the easy way out. You wanna be with me but don’t wanna deal with the negatives. And you’re telling me to grow up?”

  “I want the easy way out?” She stood up, stark naked. “With all I’ve been through and the fights I’ve had to endure just to get through my life…you could say some shit like that?”

  He got one sneaker and looked for the other. “You’re not the only one who’s struggled, Bella. I have demons of my own as well, remember?” He found his other sneaker underneath the bed. “The difference between you and me is I don’t let them control my life. I wanna be in love and be happy but I think you like being miserable.” He sat down an
d started putting on his shoes. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

  Chapter Ten

  Bella leaned over Cameron. “I don’t have to tell you a goddamn thing but to get out of my house.” She moved back. “I’ve taken a lot of shit from a lot of people, but I’m not gonna take it from you.”

  “Fine.” He stood and straightened his pants. “This was a stupid idea anyway. It’s not the age or your job that’s the problem. It’s you. I don’t think any man will make you happy until you learn how to be happy yourself.”

  “You know what?” She put on her robe. “This is my fault. You’re right. I’m not willing to put in the work it takes for this kind of relationship.” She stood by the bedroom door. “I don’t even have the strength to try. I must’ve been out of my mind even thinking that this could be something.” She tied her robe closed. “I take full responsibility for this, Cameron. I led you on.”

  He grimaced.

  “I can’t do with this right now. I got enough shit to deal with.”

  “Okay.” He bumped into her on his way to the stairs. “You wanna be miserable, Bella? Go right ahead.” He marched downstairs and got his shirt from the living room couch. “You can be miserable all you want.” He stomped to the front door and flung it open. “But all you have is yourself to blame.”

  “Just keep your mouth shut about this, okay?” She brushed her hair down. “The last thing I need is to be fired.”

  “Oh don’t worry.” He looked her up and down with his face twisted. “As far as I’m concerned it never happened. Probably would’ve been better if it never had.”

  “Cameron…”

  He slammed the door in her face.

  “Shit.” She pushed her face into her palms and sighed. “Do I have to fuck everything up?” She turned to go into the kitchen when the doorbell rang. “Go away!”

  “Mrs. Terry? It’s Hakeem!”

  “Hakeem?” She turned halfway around with her hand on her hip. “You got one second to get your ass away from my house.”

  “I need to speak to you! It’s about Isaiah.”

  “I don’t give a damn!” She went to the door. “I don’t wanna hear anything about him. Did he tell you what he did to me? Huh?”