Finding Me, Finding You (Finding #1)

by Shealy James

  “What a bitch. What kind of mother tells her daughter that her sick father’s condition is her fault?” Sarah asked.

  “The kind that hates her daughter,” Max said sadly. I couldn’t think of anything to say. My mother was the total opposite of her. It made me wish Maggie had known my mom, so she could have known the kind of unconditional love only a mother could give. For a few moments, I felt lucky to have had that for as long as I did.

  We took turns going to check on Maggie just in case she woke up. At the end of the movie, she still hadn’t but we decided she would rather we wake her up than let her sleep through his surgery. Sarah went and woke her up and started the shower for her. She helped her get ready, and we tried to get her to eat. She ate some soup, and then we were off to the hospital again in Max’s dad’s Range Rover.

  Maggie still hadn’t said much other than asking if anyone called. Sarah sat in the back with her and tried talking to her, but she wasn’t very responsive. I felt so bad for her, and I wondered if this is what it was like for other people to watch Preston and me struggle with our mom’s cancer. I felt as helpless now as I did then.

  It was almost four when the doctor came out to speak with the family. Max and his mom went with Maggie and her mom and sisters to another room. I hated those rooms. Only bad news was delivered in those rooms. Then it occurred to me. What if he didn’t make it? I began pacing waiting for Maggie to come out of that room. I swore in that moment that I wouldn’t leave her alone. She would know that she was loved and not alone without her dad. Did I love Maggie? Of course I loved Maggie. I would even venture to say that I was probably in love with Maggie if I really told the truth, but I couldn’t fall in love. It wasn’t possible. I had been so certain of that before, but there wasn’t much I was sure of anymore.

  Finally, they came out of the room looking relieved. The surgery went fine. The doctor was going over the recovery. He was going to have to stay in the ICU overnight and in the hospital for a few days. Everyone seemed relieved except Maggie. She seemed scared.

  I walked over to her, “That’s good news, Mags.”

  “I know, but we can’t even see him until tomorrow morning.”

  “He’ll be ok. They want to make sure he is stable before he tries to talk to anyone.” I put my arms around her and pulled her to my chest. “Why don’t we go to dinner and home to sleep, so you can get back here early in the morning?”

  “Yeah. Ok.”

  We all went to dinner and back to Maggie’s house. I was going to stay at Max’s but Maggie insisted that we stay in one of the guest rooms. She said she would feel better with everyone close like we were at home. Even Max stayed in one of the guest rooms, which made me feel bad for his mom, but she didn’t seem surprised.

  The room I stayed in was the big blue room on the backside of the house. Maggie’s room was across the hall, and Sarah was next door in the pink room, no surprise. Maggie’s sisters were on the other side of the house, and her mom was on the main floor. Max had his room next door to my room. Apparently it had been his room for years. He even had clothes in the closet. Good thing their mansion had room for everyone.

  In the middle of the night, something woke me up, and I couldn’t fall back asleep, so I threw on a shirt and a pair of soccer shorts and went down to the kitchen to get water. I was surprised to find Maggie at the kitchen table with a cup of tea.

  “Hey,” I whispered. “What are you doing up?”

  “I couldn’t sleep. I’m so tired, but I can’t fall asleep. I keep thinking about Daddy being in the hospital all alone.”

  “He isn’t alone. There are doctors and nurses coming in all the time checking on him.”

  “No. I know, but it must have been so scary for him. He takes care of us, you know.”

  “Yeah. I do.”

  “Oh God, Parker, I’m sorry. Your mom…I wasn’t thinking.”

  “Stop, Maggie.” I put my hand over hers. “You didn’t say anything wrong. This is not about me.”

  “This must be hard for you. I’m so sorry. You don’t need to be here.”

  I squeezed her hand. Of course she was worried about me. “Maggie. I’m here because I want to be her. You’re always there for me, and I want to be here for you.”

  “Why? We have barely spoken since last year.”

  “I know.” I paused. “I hate that.” I paused again. I wasn’t used to talking like this. “I miss you, and I want things to go back to normal, but I don’t know how to get there. Right now though, I’m here for you while your dad is sick. We can figure everything else out later.”

  “I’ve missed you too, Parker.” Tears swam in her eyes. I smiled at her and got up to get her more tea.

  We stayed up and talked for almost an hour before she was yawning more than talking. “Come on. Let’s go back to bed.”

  We walked up together, and I whispered, “Stay right there. I have something for you.” I ran to my room and grabbed her gift and brought it back to her in her room. I handed over the jar with all of our good luck coins, and her lips turned into a smile.

  “Thank you, Parker. We could use the luck right now.”

  “I figured you needed them. Thank you for giving them to me when I needed them. You’ll never know how much that meant to me.”

  “Probably as much as it means to me.”

  “Yeah, maybe. Well, good night Maggie. Sleep tight.” I started to leave her room.

  “Parker?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Will you sit with me until I fall asleep?”

  “Of course.”

  She climbed in her bed and lay down. I stood there wondering where she wanted me to sit. On the bed? In the chair? She patted the bed and said, “Come on.”

  I sat down in the bed, and she put her hand over mine. I took her hand in my other hand and put my arm around her encouraging her to lean on me. She looked up confused, but then she laid her head on my chest and put her arm across my waist. She fell asleep quickly.

  “Good night, Maggie,” I whispered and kissed the top of her head.

  When I woke up, I was in the same position that I had fallen asleep in. Maggie’s head was on my chest with my arm around her back. I slept with my head leaning up against the side of the fabric-covered headboard. There was something peaceful about being like this with her. I felt her stir when she tried to move her bottom arm that rested between us.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” she said as she started to sit up. I tightened my arm around her, so she couldn’t move away.

  “Shh. It’s too early.”

  “What time is it?”

  “It’s only six.”

  “My mother is probably already up.”

  “You can’t go see your dad until nine though.”

  “I know, but…”

  “Go back to sleep. You have hardly slept since Saturday.” I kissed the top of her head.

  “I’ll sleep later. Do you want to go run?”

  “You want to leave your comfortable bed to go run at this hour?”

  “We haven’t run since your injury, and I happen to know that you have been running with Mike, so I know you’re up to it.”

  “Ok. Fine. You win. I’ll go get my shoes. No six mile trek though.”

  “We don’t have time for that anyway,” she said rolling out of bed. As soon as she broke the contact, I was already missing it.

  Maggie and I ran all around the neighborhood and golf course. I had been here before for July 4th parties, so I was familiar with the path she took. No one was up when we left the house, so we quietly snuck out through the kitchen. We didn’t want her mother to wake up if she wasn’t already.

  When we returned to the house, Eliza was in the kitchen, and Max and Sarah were sitting at the table in their pajamas.

  Just as we walked in, Maggie’s mother came in the kitchen completely ready for the day. “Where did you two go?” She asked.

  “For a run. I’m going to go hop in the shower, and then we ca
n go.” Maggie told her.

  “No, you are not young lady. You sit down right there and eat some yogurt and granola. Then you will head back to school with your friends.”

  “No Mother, I’m going to see Daddy at the hospital. I’m staying here until he gets better. Parker will take care of my classes, and the team can play without me for a few games.”

  “Margaret Anne, don’t you speak to me with that tone of voice. I won’t have you upsetting your Daddy while he is in this condition. You have caused enough problems. You’re going home, and your sisters will call you with updates. We will get Daddy home and take care of him. You can come see him when he is back on his feet.”

  “Mother!” Her eyes filled with tears. She wasn’t going to let her visit her dad?

  “Don’t ‘Mother’ me! My decision is final. You don’t have Daddy to run to right now, so you either do what I say or figure out a way to pay your own way.”

  Max pushed Maggie behind him, and I pulled her into my chest where she buried her face and cried. Max spoke quietly obviously intimidated by Maggie’s mother, “Karen, I think Maggie should go see her Daddy today. I think Jim would want to make sure she is all right. After she visits him, I promise we will go back to school, but Maggie needs to see Jim.”

  “Maxwell. My decision is final.” He turned and looked defeated. She may intimidate Maggie and Max, but I had no ties to this crazy woman other than the sad, frightened girl in my arms, and I would do anything to protect her.

  Still holding a tired and emotional Maggie, I stopped Karen Miller from walking out of the room. “No ma’am. It isn’t.” Mrs. Miller turned to face me with wide, insulted eyes. I wasn’t about to back down to crazy, so I continued. “Maggie is an immediate relative. She has a right to see her dad. You actually cannot stop her. If anything you will cause a scene at the hospital, and I’ll be more than happy to get hospital security involved to make sure Maggie gets to see her daddy. I don’t mean any disrespect ma’am, but we are here for Maggie, and we aren’t leaving until she sees her dad.” Sarah stood up next to me and crossed her arms showing Maggie’s mother that we were united.

  Maggie looked up at me with tears filling her eyes. She mouthed ‘thank you’ before turning to her mother standing a little straighter. “Mother, they’re right. I’m going to see Daddy come hell or high water, so you better put your big girl panties on. Trust me when I say, I’ll tell Daddy exactly what you did when he is feeling better. I doubt he will be very happy with you, just another reason for him to prefer me to you. Isn’t that why you hate me so much? Because you think Daddy loves me more? Well if you stopped acting like a raging bitch all of the time, maybe Daddy would want to spend some time with you.” Maggie turned to us. “I’m so sorry for my mother’s behavior. I’m going to run up and shower, and we can head to the hospital in half an hour. Is that okay with all of you?”

  Max, Sarah, and I agreed, and Maggie disappeared through the door her mother must have vacated while Maggie was apologizing for her behavior.

  Chapter 17

  Maggie

  We ate, showered, and dressed, and met back in the kitchen. Eliza came over to me and wrapped her arms around me telling me how proud she was of me for standing up to my mother. She hugged everyone and thanked Parker profusely for standing up for me. When we arrived back at the hospital, my friends waited in the waiting room while I went back to see Daddy. He was awake, but he was very tired and uncomfortable.

  When I walked in, my mother walked out with an excuse about speaking to the doctors. As soon as Daddy greeted me, I started crying, which made Carolyn cry. Catherine was the epitome of stoicism like my mother as usual.

  “Stop crying girls,” Daddy said slowly and drowsily. “I’m ok, just really uncomfortable.”

  “The doctor said the surgery went well. You will be coming home on Friday.”

  “Good. The incessant beeping is making me crazy. Don’t you have a game Friday, kid?” He kept his eyes closed as he spoke.

  “Yeah, but I’m staying here with you.”

  “Margaret!” My mother scolded right as she walked back in the room.

  Daddy frowned at my mother’s tone. “Darlin’ girl, no you aren’t. You’re going back to school to keep your grades up and play in your game.” His words were slurring like he’d had too much to drink.

  “Fine, Daddy, but I’ll be back on Saturday.”

  “I’m counting on it.” I turned towards my mother and gave her an evil grin. Childish, yes, but it was long overdue. “Is Max here?” Daddy asked.

  “Yes. He’s in the waiting room”

  “With Parker…” Catherine added with a wink.

  “And Sarah,” I said with a glare in her direction.

  “Oh the whole gang came down, huh? That’s nice. Maggie, you march your butt right out there and tell them to take you back to school.”

  “Now, Daddy?”

  His eyes opened at my tone, and he sounded more like himself, which instantly made me feel bad that I was causing him stress. Maybe this was my fault. Why do I insist on being so difficult? “You have a game this weekend. If you leave now, you can get to practice. I love you darlin’ girl, and I always want you here, but I’m going to sleep most of the time. I think it is best you go on back to school.”

  “Yes sir.” I leaned down and gave him a kiss. “I love you, Daddy.”

  “Love you too, kid. Be careful. Good luck this weekend. Call me and give me the play-by-play. Better yet, get Max to video it for me. I won’t have anything to do when I get home, so watching your games will be fun.”

  My mom and sisters walked me out as the nurse came into check on him. Mother probably wanted to make sure we actually left. My mother told my friends what Daddy had said, so we had to leave for school. My sisters hugged me good-bye and told me that they would call with any news. Max’s mom went back to the house with us. I was so mad at my mother, but I wasn’t about to cause Daddy anymore stress by not doing what he asked. He knew I would rather be there with him than anywhere else in the world.

  We followed each other back to Atlanta that day, and I rode with Parker so we could go straight to the fields. Parker was practicing with his team again, which I was really pleased about. Today was a conditioning day for us, so we would be running stairs and sprints. I was not sure how I would do considering how little sleep I was running on and the emotional turmoil of the week, but it ended up going well. It was like my body knew what to do even though my mind was completely out of it.

  I was sitting on the field after practice stretching when Parker came to get me. “You ready?” I jumped when he spoke.

  “Huh?” I noticed it was dark out.

  “Everyone is gone. You’ve been sitting here for a while. I was waiting for you, but I’m ready to go eat.”

  “Oh. Sorry. Yeah. Let’s go.”

  He held out his hand to help me up. “You ok, Mags?”

  “Yeah. I’m just tired, and I feel like I should be at home.”

  He didn’t let go of my hand as we walked to the car. I didn’t pull away either. “I know you do, but he wants you here.”

  “I know,” I said barely loud enough for me to hear. Parker opened my car door and let me get in the car. He walked around to the other side dropping our bags in the trunk on the way.

  “What do you want for dinner? Pizza? Tavern burger? Pancakes?” He was listing all of my favorite foods.

  “You pick.”

  “Ok. Let’s order pizza, so we can go home and shower and change.”

  “K.”

  He drove me home, and I called Carolyn. Daddy was doing well. He had eaten a little bit, and they seemed sure he was going home on Friday. I told her about practice, and she told me about all of the visitors that came to see Mother and Daddy. She practically listed everyone who hung out at the club, and all of our neighbors. I wondered how Daddy rested with all of those people going in and out. Why was it okay that all of those people visited but not his favorite daughter?

&
nbsp; I took a shower and put on pajamas, and when I came downstairs, Parker had just closed the door from getting the pizzas. “Perfect timing.”

  Sarah, Becca, and Max were in the kitchen with plates and drinks already on the table.

  “I’m so sorry about your dad, Maggie,” Becca said.

  “He’s doing ok. Thank you though.”

  We ate dinner, and they talked, but I was still so out of it. After I ate a little, I told them I was tired and heading to bed. They all said good night like it was normal to go to bed at eight. I started picking up my plate and glass, but Parker stopped me. “Just leave it. We’ll get it.”

  I was too tired to argue, so I left it and went to bed. I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. It didn’t last though. Around eleven, I woke up. I tossed and turned trying to get comfortable, and it clearly wasn’t happening. I got up and went downstairs to get some water. Parker was sitting at the kitchen table with his computer.

  “Hey. What are you still doing up?”

  “Typing these notes that I got from that girl in our class with the hair that changes colors every month.”

  “Roxanne?”

  “Yeah. She copied her notes for us, so I thought I would type them like you always do. It’s the second week of school. We can’t get behind.”

  “Thanks Parker. I’ll type them later if you want. It helps me learn them.”

  “Nope. It is my turn to help you.”

  “Thank you. If you really want to help, knock me out, so I can sleep through a night.”

  “You want to watch a movie? You always fall asleep watching movies.”

  “Why not? I’ll not be able to sleep or focus long enough to study.” He closed the laptop and put the notes inside the textbook and closed it.

  “Down here or do you want to watch it in your bed in case you fall asleep?” He said nonchalantly. He was trying to take care of me, which was sweet, but I couldn’t help but wish he were implying something else. I knew better than that though. He couldn’t handle relationships other than friendships, and I didn’t want to be just a hook up.