Finding Me, Finding You (Finding #1)

by Shealy James

  “Fine. Upstairs.” He grabbed my hand, and I thought he would lead me to my room, and we could watch a movie on my small TV, but he led me to his room. He had a much larger plasma TV hung on his wall. Max and Parker both had big TVs in their rooms. Boys and their toys and all that. He picked out a movie on his computer through some Internet movie service. It was Avatar, a movie with blue people on another planet. He said it had something for everyone- action for him and romance for me.

  He pulled the covers back. “The sheets are clean. Hop in.”

  I climbed in and situated the pillows, so I could lie on my side. He stripped down to his boxers and climbed in. “What are you doing?”

  “I usually sleep without anything on. Would you prefer that?” Oh God no! How am I going to lay next to this Adonis with only his underwear covering up his man bits? His abs and chest and arms – all perfection. I had seen them before, but we were not in this strange situation of being alone and possibly cuddling watching a movie. This screams sex, and I’m not up for that.

  “No. Boxers are good.”

  “Ok then. Movie time. Come here.” He lifted his arm for me to rest my head on his chest again. This time he was laying down more, propped up by pillows so he could see the movie over me. I laid my head down and threw my arm across him. It was Parker after all. He didn’t see me as anything more than a friend.

  It wasn’t long into the movie before I fell asleep. I slept through the whole night. I usually woke up at seven or eight and run, but when I finally opened my eyes, it was almost nine. Parker was still asleep beneath me, so I tried to get up and sneak out of his room. As soon as I leaned up, his strong arm pulled me back down on top of him.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I was getting up. It is almost nine. We have class in a little while.”

  “Not until eleven. Did you sleep well?”

  “Yes. You?”

  “I slept great. You want to go run?”

  “Yeah. You will have to let me get up though.”

  “Ok. Fine,” he said but he didn’t move.

  “Parker?”

  “All right. All right. I was so comfortable. Let’s go run.”

  He let me get up, and I went into my room and changed. We went on a short run since we didn’t have as much time before class as we usually did. While running, I realized that I hadn’t been thinking about Daddy at all last night. For the most part, I felt relaxed and happy. If only it could always be like that…

  Parker

  I loved sleeping with Maggie in my arms. When she wakes up, she always tries to sneak away as if we can pretend that nothing was happening between us. Something was definitely happening though, and it felt right. I wanted to protect her and make her feel safe and happy. It took missing her all summer and then seeing her hurt and scared to make me realize that I needed to be there for her and be with her. I still wasn’t sure if I could be the kind of man who deserved her, but I was willing to try, and I knew exactly what I needed to do.

  The next day we had a game. The girls came to our game instead of having practice, and Max, Becca, and Sarah were all there too. We won, and I had a great game. I stopped two breakaways and scored on a corner kick. I always kick the corners, but I had never had a perfect arch in a game and scored. It happened tonight. We all went to the Tavern to celebrate.

  Maggie seemed in better spirits, but she was still distracted, of course. She kept checking her phone and texting her sisters and Max’s mom. Apparently she texted a play-by-play of the game, and Carolyn read it to her dad. She showed me the congratulatory text from her dad that also had a reminder to keep my hands to myself. Does sleeping in the same bed count?

  We went home and tried to study. We ended up talking about the game and joking and messing with each other. She decided to bake cupcakes instead of study since we were so unfocused. She made red velvet with cream cheese icing, my favorite. It was hours before I could eat them, and we kept trying to study when they were baking or cooling. We didn’t get much done.

  By the time I got to eat cupcakes, it was almost eleven. We were wired, but we had an early class the next day, so we knew we had to get some sleep.

  “I’m going to try and get some sleep,” Maggie said.

  “We could watch a movie.”

  She looked at me suspiciously for a minute.

  “It’s just a movie, Maggie.”

  She changed into her pajamas and got ready for bed and then came into my room. We arranged ourselves into our newly found comfortable position, and I started the movie. This time I turned on Fight Club, which I thought she might actually enjoy if she stayed awake long enough to get into it. Of course she didn’t.

  Thursday and Friday went the same way. Five minutes of a movie and she was asleep. After her game on Friday, she wanted to drive down to Savannah, but Max wanted to wait until morning. When Maggie called to tell her dad, who was now home, about the game, he was already asleep. Maggie decided that they could drive down the next morning. I was relieved to keep her with me for the night.

  After dinner and beers at the Tavern, we watched The Dark Night, one of the Batman movies, and she actually stayed awake for it. At one point she actually was sitting up, leaning toward the TV. Watching her was almost as fun as watching the movie. She kept hitting me at exciting parts or grabbing my arm when she was nervous. She was really into it, but when it was over, she moved to lie back down. I was worried she would try to go back to her room, but she didn’t.

  “Parker?”

  “Yeah?”

  “You know we can’t keep this up, right?”

  “Yeah. I know.” I exhaled a deep breath with disappointment.

  She turned her head and rested her chin on my chest, so she could look at me. “What’s going on, Parker?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She narrowed her eyes and pressed her lips into a straight line.

  “Why does anything have to be going on?”

  “Oh, come on!” She sat up. “One minute we are friends, the next you’re screwing some girl with all of us downstairs, then we’re friends again, then you withdraw, then we’re friends, then you yell at me, then we are friends, and then you get mad about some guy talking to me, and then you kiss me, and then we don’t talk, and now this. Can you see why I might be confused?”

  “When you put it like that…” I said sarcastically.

  She moved to lean her back against the headboard, “Parker, come on. Quit joking. If you’re just going to freak out again, I would rather not keep this up. I would rather go back to being ignored by you. I have enough going on without you changing your mind every five minutes.”

  “I know, Mags.” I grabbed her hand. “I’m not going to freak out. I’m trying to figure it all out. I missed you this summer, and I like you being here with me. That’s all I know right now. I want to be what you want me to be. If you can be patient with me…” I paused and leaned my head back with my eyes closed.

  “If I can be patient with you…what?”

  “We’ll figure it out...together. For now, let’s just sleep. You here with me?”

  She sat still looking straight ahead. I felt my stomach actually tie up in knots. I knew she was going to go back to her room. She couldn’t trust that my intentions with her were good considering I had let her down over and over before.

  “Not tonight Parker. I’m going to go to bed. My bed.”

  “Maggie-”

  “You have to be patient with me too, Parker.”

  I understood what she was trying to say, that she had to trust me again, and I had to earn her trust. “Ok. Goodnight Maggie.”

  “Night Parker.” She crawled out of my bed and walked back to her room.

  Chapter 18

  Maggie

  Parker may be the most puzzling man alive. He was really great all week since Daddy’s heart attack, but one week in the grand scheme of things was nothing. It had been three years of back and forth, and I could not keep getting hurt.
Every time we got closer, something happened, and he pulled away.

  On the other hand, I slept better with him there. I was lying awake in bed thinking about Parker when I could have been lying in bed with Parker instead. What was the harm in sleeping in the same bed as him? Max and I used to do it all of the time. Of course, we never cuddled, and he was always fully clothed, and I never felt about Max the way I feel about Parker, but we used to sleep in the same bed as friends.

  After tossing and turning and going over and over it in my mind, I threw my covers off of me. I got out of bed and quietly opened my door and walked down the hall to Parker’s door. For a second I hesitated. What if he changed his mind? He was the one who kept pulling me back into bed. I took a deep breath and opened his door quietly. I tiptoed to my side of his bed, and slipped under the covers. He lifted his arm and pulled me to him.

  “Hey,” he whispered.

  “Hi,” I whispered back.

  “Couldn’t sleep?”

  I shook my head. “Patience?”

  “Deal.” He kissed the top of my head. “Patience.”

  I fell asleep on the warmth of his chest listening to his heartbeat and steady breathing. The next morning, I didn’t wake up on his chest. I was rolled over on my other side, and his body was pressed against my back and his arms were wrapped around me and entwined with mine. We were spooning!

  I rolled over to face him, and his eyes opened at my movements. He looked perfect with sleepy brown eyes and a sweet grin on his face. “Good morning,” he said sleepily.

  “Good morning.”

  He pushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “I’m glad you came back.”

  “Me too.”

  He pulled me closer.

  “I have to get up and go see Daddy.”

  “Please don’t mention your dad when you’re in my bed. I want to keep my nuts right where they are.”

  “I don’t think this is the kind of touching he meant.”

  “Oh? So I’m safe as long as I keep my hands in the safe zone.”

  “Well, I’m not telling him anything either way. You wouldn’t be the only one in trouble, you know and he is in no condition to be removing anyone’s nuts right now. I do need to get going to go see him though.” I started to move but couldn’t go anywhere.

  “Five minutes Maggie,” he said and closed his eyes.

  “Ok,” I said and snuggled closer. I didn’t know what was going on in his head, but I liked these moments, and I decided it might be worth getting hurt later to feel like this for even just a little while.

  A few minutes later, he had fallen asleep. I was able to get up without waking him. When I opened his door, Max was in the hall about to knock on my door.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey. What are you doing?” He asked suspiciously.

  “Just sleeping. Don’t tell Daddy or anyone for that matter.”

  “We’ll talk in the car. Go get ready. We need to go.”

  “Be ready in fifteen.”

  We left before anyone else was up. We hadn’t made it to the interstate before Max asked about Parker. “So?”

  “What?”

  “Tell me about ‘just sleeping’ with Parker.”

  “I was having trouble sleeping, so he sat with me one night, and then we started watching movies at night and falling asleep. It isn’t like I can crawl in your bed anymore. I don’t see Becca being thrilled with that. I can’t sleep worrying about Daddy and school and everything else. It is no big deal.”

  “Right…”

  “Max. Stop. It isn’t a big deal.”

  I turned the music up indicating the conversation was over. A few minutes later my phone buzzed.

  Parker: Woke up and you were gone :(

  I smiled at the frowning face.

  Me: Sorry. Told you I had to go see Daddy.

  Parker: Next time, wake me up.

  I smiled bigger at the thought that this would continue.

  Me: That is if there is a next time.

  Parker: There will be.

  Me: Confident, huh?

  Parker: Very.

  Me: You don’t seem as concerned about your balls anymore.

  Parker: I’ll keep my hands in the safe zone.

  Me: You better.

  Parker: Patience. ;)

  Me: Deal

  Max laughed, “Yeah. Nothing is happening.”

  “It isn’t.”

  “Then why are you smiling and blushing Maggie? Maggie loves Parker. Maggie loves Parker,” he sang.

  “Shut up.”

  I turned the music up louder and looked out the window. I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face. Parker was going to be patient, so I would be too.

  Daddy was sitting up when we got home. He was eating soup in his chair over a TV tray. He was excited to see me and hear about my game even though it was pretty uneventful. We watched the video of the game where we won one to zero and had a pretty sloppy passing game. The team needed to work together to hit our stride. We both agreed it would get better with time and practice.

  I hung out with Daddy pretty much all day except when I went for a swim in the pool. He sat on the porch for a little while I was in the pool. We had dinner on the back porch when Max grilled for my family and his mom. It was really fun, but I couldn’t help but think about what Parker was doing.

  After dinner, Daddy watched the news and then had to go to bed. My mother had to help him with everything, so Max and I went down and played pool and darts in the basement for a little while. He left to call Becca, so I hung out with Eliza for a bit before she went to bed. I wasn’t tired, so I went up to my room to read a romance novel on my iPad that I had been saving for a rainy day. Next thing I knew, it was almost midnight when I realized I was no closer to sleep. I checked my phone, and nothing. I decided to text Parker.

  Me: You asleep?

  My phone buzzed a few seconds later.

  Parker: Nope. Lost my sleeping buddy.

  Me: Me too. Lonely :(

  Parker: Yeah. When you coming home?

  Me: Tomorrow after lunch.

  Parker: How’s your dad?

  Me: Surprisingly good. Sleeps a lot but talkative when awake.

  Parker: That’s good.

  Parker: I have another movie for us.

  Me: No movies until we study. We are behind.

  Parker: Ok. Workout then library tomorrow when you get home.

  Me: Workout, shower, and then library. Ooh and dinner…

  Parker: Now we’re talking…shower? That will get my balls chopped off for sure.

  Me: Separate showers, pervert.

  Parker: Ok. If you insist.

  Me: We should go see your dad this week. I didn’t take him dinner last week.

  Parker: You know you don’t have to do that.

  Me: Are we here again?

  Parker: No. I meant if you didn’t want to take him food…

  Me: I like doing it. He is always so excited about it.

  Parker: I’m sure. It is like going from dog food to caviar.

  My phone started ringing, and Parker’s picture and name flashed on the screen.

  “Hey.”

  “I’m tired of typing.”

  “Ahh. What are you doing?”

  “I was going to watch a movie since I was awake.”

  “What movie?”

  “Gone with the Wind. Surely I’ll fall asleep watching that.”

  “That’s one of my favorites.”

  “Of course it is.”

  “What movie do you have for us to watch?”

  “The Boondock Saints. Have you seen it?”

  “Nope.”

  “Good. You’ll like it.”

  “I’ll like it and stay awake, or I’ll like it because I’ll sleep.”

  “I think you’ll stay awake.”

  We continued to talk for an hour before I decided to try and get some sleep. I slept restlessly that night and dreamed about Parker.

  I had never really h
ad sex dreams before, but the dreams I had that night were definitely rated R. I dreamt of running my fingers down his chest and kissing him. His hands roamed my body and were not limited to the safe zone. He grabbed my breasts and put his hands on my ass and pulled me closer to him where I could feel his erection. He undressed me slowly, and I returned the favor. I peeled his clothes off easily, like I had taken his pants off a thousand times before. When he was bare to me, I rubbed my hand down his length, and he moved in between my legs. Just as he was about to enter me, I woke up.

  I was sweating and breathing heavily, and I definitely felt the wetness between my legs. The dream seemed so real. It was like his hands were really on me. I sat up and turned on the light. I had touched myself before, but dreaming of Parker was somehow much better. The real thing would be…irresistible.

  There was no going back to sleep after that. It was only half past six in the morning, but I couldn’t lie in bed any longer. I got up and threw on my running clothes. I ran for a long time that day. I guessed this was what people call sexual frustration. When I got back to the house, I still didn’t really feel any relief, so I tried swimming laps. By the time I got out and dried off, Daddy was out on the porch having breakfast.

  “Hey kid!”

  “Good morning Daddy. How are you?”

  “Doin’ okay today. You?”

  “Good.”

  “Tell me about school.”

  I told him about my classes, and it was a relatively short conversation since I had only been in class two weeks, and one of those weeks I was distracted with his health and Parker.

  “You and Parker still studying together?”

  “Yeah. He has been really helpful getting caught up this week.”

  “Good. Good. He keeping his hands to himself?” I choked on the water I had just swallowed.

  “Daddy!”

  “Just checking. I wouldn’t be crazy about you living with boys, but Parker seems like a good kid. Plus I know Max wouldn’t let anything happen to you. He said that you and Parker have been spending a lot of time together again though.”

  “We’re just friends, Daddy. He is a really good guy.”

  “Ok kiddo.”

  “I’m going to go shower.” I bolted from that conversation as soon as possible. Daddy was the last person I wanted to talk to about Parker. In fact I didn’t want to talk about Parker with anyone right then. It would be like tainting a good thing with judgment and bad karma. I wanted to live in this bliss for as long as I could.