Spurs & Stilettos

by Johnson, Ashley

  Whatever the reason for the kiss, I don’t dwell on it too much. Right now, all I want to do is lie beside him and try to forget the few text messages that have imprinted themselves in my brain. This day has been more than I wanted it to be but it’s ended amazingly. Wesley smiles at me, pulling me closer into his arms. I can’t get enough of the feel of his arms and I hate that soon I’ll be back to just imagining them. I have to get this off my chest, so tomorrow I’m going to take a deep breath and tell him everything.

  “I missed holding you so much. I’m not letting you go tonight I hope you know that.”

  My eyes dart up to his, “You better not. I don’t plan on moving from this spot at all.”

  “I don’t know if you’ll ever fully understand just how much you mean to me. I can never thank you enough for everything you have done for me Hope. I love you.”

  Guilt rips through me. I feel like I’m getting ready to betray him and maybe I am, but he betrayed me first. “I love you too Wes.”

  Chapter 30

  There’s nothing I hate more than the morning sun when all I want to do is sleep. My arm reaches over to find Wesley not in bed. I groan pulling myself out of bed and go straight for the bathroom. Once my teeth are brushed and I’m feeling confident, I emerge to find Wesley sitting on the porch. He’s talking on the phone but I can’t hear who he is talking to. As soon as he hears the door knob rattle, he ends the phone call. My heart plummets as I step outside braving the best smile I can.

  “Good morning baby.”

  “Morning sweetheart did you sleep well?”

  I meet his emerald green eyes, “I slept ok, when did you get up?”

  “A few minutes ago. My dad called, they asked if we felt up to going to dinner tonight.”

  Liar. I study his face before sitting beside him. I can’t read him to save my life. I decide to call his bluff. “Yeah sounds good. Let’s do it. What do you have planned today?”

  “Spending the day with you, of course.” His arm reaches around my shoulders pulling me in closer and I take in his fresh scent. There isn’t a cloud in the sky and it’s still pretty cool outside.

  My mind races to the conversation I plan on having with Wesley. I also add to my agenda to call Mr. Collins and request to come back to work. With Wesley being healed, I’m ready to get back to work. I never thought I’d say I miss filing papers but I do. I miss the atmosphere, independence and most importantly, I want to get back on my feet just in case things don’t pan out the way I expect them to. I’ll stop at nothing to make sure my baby is taken care of.

  The day is spent lounging around and watching TV. I make sandwiches for lunch and we eat outside on the porch.

  There was truth to his parent’s wanting to go to dinner. Nolan and Nora arrive sharply at 5:30 pm ready to leave. My hair is curled into loose waves and I’m applying the last of my makeup when I hear their voices. I run my hands down the same black and white stripe maxi dress I wore the first time I went up to see Wesley alone. This time, I have a little pooch in the front and I can’t help but smile. I drew in a deep breath, praying for a smooth evening. I promised myself I would keep my mouth shut and not say anything. This whole secretive Wesley scenario was slowly eating me alive.

  I walk into the kitchen to find them all standing around the table talking. Wesley is wearing a black button down shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Nora smiles the minute she sees me making her way forward to give me a hug.

  “So good to see you Hope. How have you been feeling?” She asks as she pulls away.

  “I’ve been feeling pretty good actually. Thank you for asking.”

  Nolan smiles which I still find to be crazy but I give him a warm smile back as he ushers us towards the front door. Once again, we ride with them. Wesley rubs his hand over my belly before pulling my hand into his. The pad of his thumb rubs over the top of my hand and for a moment I’m able to relax and clear my mind. I don’t look to see where we are going; I just enjoy the ride and this moment with Wesley. Nolan and Nora are talking but I pay no mind to their conversation. The car parks at a very nice looking steak restaurant, so nice they have valet. Nolan hands his keys to the attendant and we all file out of the car. Wesley holds my hand as we walk in and are seated at our table.

  Nora orders a glass of Chardonnay and my mouth waters. Just a few more months and I can be able to enjoy a glass of my own again. I order water with lemon and enjoy that just as much as I would wine. I thank the waiter before he walks away giving us a minute to look over the menu.

  “So Wesley, have you given any thought when you are going to return to rodeo? There should be a few coming up that you can get back into.” Nolan states after taking a sip of his whiskey.

  My eyes shoot up towards Wesley waiting for his answer. Funny thing is, he can’t look me in the eye and that hurts me even more. I feel invisible, like I am not sitting at this very table next to him. He rubs his hand through his hair before looking at his dad, “I’ve been thinking about it, it shouldn’t be too much longer.”

  “I know you’ll be glad, we both know how much you enjoy the rodeo.” His mom pipes up. I want to shoot a glare at her but instead I pick up my water glass and down it in almost one sip.

  “Of course I do. This injury was a major setback. I have a lot to make up for to go for my next title again. That should have been mine.” Wesley says still not looking at me.

  This one time in my life I wish I could blink my eyes and completely just disappear. Not being here sounds fantastic right now. The waiter comes back to take our order and suddenly I’m not hungry anymore. I order a grilled steak salad with light dressing and Wesley finally looks at me. “You should eat more sweetheart.”

  “Wesley I’m fine. I ordered what I want,” I say a little snappier than I intended.

  Nolan continues to talk changing the subject from my dinner choice. “I’m assuming Hank has been in contact with you over your return? I’d have to say that was your best decision hiring him to be your manager.”

  “We talk almost every day. He’s completely aware of the situation and trust me, he’s as thrilled as I am that everything is healed and we can get back to business.”

  I can’t listen to this anymore. I feel my blood pressure rising along with all the hurt that’s raging inside me. I push my chair back a little too abruptly causing everyone to look up at me in shock. “I need some fresh air, I’ll be back.”

  Wesley’s arm shoots up to grab a hold of me and I quickly jerk away from him. “Sweetheart, are you ok?”

  “I’m fine,” I hiss as I stalk towards the front doors. Once I’m outside, I keep walking until I reach a bench in the corner. Before I can sit, my eyes fill with tears that easily slide down my face. I try to control the sobs but no matter how hard I try, they don’t stop. He just openly admitted things to his parents he’s never once mentioned to me and I’m the one he wants to marry. Betrayed doesn’t seem to be the word anymore for how I’m feeling. I don’t know how I’m feeling right now. All I know is I’m hurt and he’s completely torn me apart.

  “Hope,” he whispers kneeling in front of me. The sobs come out harder and I cover my face with my hands. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.”

  I pull my hands down and glare at him. “I don’t want to talk to you Wesley. I have nothing to say.”

  “Why did you walk out of dinner like that? What aren’t you telling me?”

  “Really Wesley? Why don’t we start with what aren’t you telling me? You’ve been keeping things from me. Things that affect me and our baby. How could you do that to me?” I realize I’m talking louder than I intended to when I notice people beginning to stare at us. I hate having stranger’s eyes on me, judging and watching.

  “I was going to tell you Hope.” He whispers.

  My voice gets a little louder this time. “When? When you packed up and were getting ready to leave? I deserve better than this Wesley. You said you weren’t the guy to pull me along for the ride but that’s what you
’re doing. How could you?”

  I don’t give him any time to respond, I stand and begin walking into the parking lot like I honestly have somewhere to go, but I don’t. I reach into my purse for my cellphone and pull up the internet. I begin to search cab companies around the area. My hands are shaky causing my phone to slip out. It lands on the cement with a thud. I groan as I bend over to pick it up, when I straighten up Wesley is in front of me.

  “Where are you going Hope?”

  “Where does it look like I’m going Wesley?” I spit out. “I’m going anywhere but here. I can’t do this.”

  “What is it you can’t do? Huh?” He grabs my arm pulling me closer to him. I close my eyes refusing to look at him. “You can’t do us? We’re having a baby, you can’t be serious.”

  I open my eyes to see his beginning to fill with tears. He doesn’t get to cry, it’s not fair. I haven’t done anything to hurt him, not like he’s done to me.

  “I need some time Wesley, this hurts. It hurts me. I’ve given up things to be with you and this is what you do to me?” I clench my heart trying to make him grasp the bigger picture so maybe he can realize what he’s done. “I’m calling a cab or whatever, I have to do to leave.”

  “I’m not letting you leave, not until we can talk about this rationally.”

  “I don’t know what to say anymore. You’ve had weeks to talk to me, to tell me you’ve been talking to Hank who by the way I had no idea even existed until you left your phone out in the doctor’s office.”

  “You went through my phone?” he asked with an accusatory tone.

  “I could tell you were keeping something from me Wesley. How could I marry someone who keeps things from me? How is that supposed to make me trust you?”

  “Yes, I should have told you alright. It’s hard as hell to think about even leaving you again is that what you want me to say?”

  “You should have told me. I’ve been in one dishonest relationship already. I refuse to be in another.”

  He takes a step back wearing a hurt look on his face. “Are you comparing me to your ex? I’m nothing like him Hope and you know it.”

  “Right now, I’m not so sure. A lie is a lie Wesley Tyler and I’m sorry.” I choke out trying to keep myself composed.

  He sighs completely frustrated. I’m pushing this a lot further than I should be. “Come with me Hope. I want you to come with me.”

  My eyes grow wide as I stare at him in disbelief. “No Wesley. I’m pregnant and I have a job that’s been more than accommodating with all of this. I love you but I can’t.”

  I turn away quickly. Somehow I manage to get both feet working as I walk away from him. He’s standing there in the parking lot trying to figure out where it all went wrong. It went wrong the moment he decided to keep this from me. I should have never looked at his phone and maybe this wouldn’t be happening. I keep walking having no idea where I’m going but I know I need to be away from him. The longer I stay near him, the longer he will try to convince me I’ve made the wrong choice. As I walk, I half hope he will follow me but he doesn’t. I love him with all of my heart but I’m scared. I can’t help but feel this way. I just need some time to myself to figure this out. I need him to understand that. I don’t have any answers that make since but running seems to be the only answer I can come up with right now.

  Chapter 31

  The phone rings once before Amber picks up. I used the cab as a ploy trying to get his mind away from who I am really going to call. I’m hoping he seriously falls for it.

  “Amber,” I choke out practically sobbing like a baby. “Please come get me.”

  “Where are you?” she demands. I rattle off the name of the restaurant and she tells me she will be here soon.

  I turn back looking for any sign of Wesley but when I don’t see him, I assume he’s gone back inside to his parents. Surely they think I’ve gone off the deep end but I’m at the point that I don’t care. I am hurt and going back inside the restaurant was not an option. I would be further humiliated. My face I’m sure looks like a blotchy mess and my eyes burn from crying. Part of me always knew he was going back to rodeo once he was healed, that was his job. His passion. Who was I to think that I could keep him from it? I’m feeling pretty damn selfish but I push that thought back.

  Amber’s car pulls up next to me and I numbly climb into the seat. I turn to face my best friend and her arms fly around me swiftly pulling me in for a long embrace. I sob uncontrollably on her shoulder as she runs her fingers through my hair trying to calm me down. I pull away giving her a very weak smile.

  “What happened Hope?” she whispers a little unsure. I don’t cry anymore, instead I wipe the few remaining tears from my eyes.

  “His parents began talking about his return and Wesley talked to them like I wasn’t there. I may be extremely selfish but I felt invisible. I couldn’t take it anymore Amber. He kept all this from me. I’ve spent weeks making sure he was taken care of. I made sure he went to his doctors appointments. I put my life on hold for him and he didn’t discuss a thing with me. I don’t want to go back to that ranch tonight.”

  She listens intently nodding in understanding. She doesn’t tell me I’m crazy or fuss at me for storming off the way I did. She just simply places her car in drive and begins to drive away from the nightmare I just endured. She grabs my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze as we go down the road. The ride is silent except for an occasional sniffle from me but I do my best to hold the tears at bay. I’m relieved to see Amber’s apartment, seeing it means security. Security is just what I need.

  Amber tosses her keys onto the table before going to the refrigerator to pull out a bottle of Chardonnay. “I’ll have an extra glass for you since you can’t have any.” She smiles as she pours a glass.

  I manage one more weak smile as she slides me a glass of water. I drink the whole glass in one gulp. “Thank you for coming to get me Amber.”

  “Don’t you apologize. We’re best friends, I’ll help you any time. I know you would have done the same for me. You two aren’t over for good, are you?”

  I close my eyes drawing in a deep breath. I open them to find her staring at me sympathetically. “I hope not. I mean I just told him I needed some time but I never told him I didn’t want to be with him.”

  “He’s not stupid enough to let you go Hope. You two just need to work through this. I’m in no way defending what he did but just give it a day or so and then talk to him. He loves you.”

  He does, I know he does and I love him. I nod weakly as I begin to stand up. I want to shower and go to sleep. Tomorrow I will go by the firm and let Mr. Collins know I’m ready to begin working again if he will let me. There’s a knock at the door and Amber looks bewildered. Maybe Nate’s come to visit her and that gets me moving a little faster in the direction of the bathroom. She looks in the peephole and gasps. Out of curiosity, I turn around as she unlocks the door and pulls it open.

  Wesley is standing there looking lost. He’s running his hands through his hair nervously and when his eyes connect with mine, he freezes. Amber looks back to me for some kind of sign but I’m also at a loss for words.

  Softly I hear him plead to Amber, “Please, can you ask her to talk to me?”

  Amber’s eyes widen when I nod my head yes and the moment he sees my head nod, he rushes through the door to my side. He tries to hug me but I grab his hand and lead him to my room. The door shuts and I turn to face him. My heart is beating wildly at the fact he came after me but I don’t act on those feelings.

  “Hope, why did you leave me?” he asks hoarsely.

  “You know why Wesley, I told you.”

  “I’m sorry Hope. You’re right I should have told you. I messed up but please don’t leave me. I need you. I need us.” He hands my car keys over, I’m grateful considering I’d completely forgotten all about it. “I brought your car to you.”

  “I’m exhausted Wes and I’m staying the night here tonight. Can we talk about this tomorrow
afternoon please? Thank you by the way. How are you getting home?” I can’t stay mad at him no matter how hard I try and I don’t want to.

  “Dad followed me. You promise Hope? I’ll be here, I swear.”

  I cringe at the thought of his parents being his chauffeur during all of this. I hate the fact they saw me storm out and disappear. He leans in planting a chaste kiss on my lips. I close my eyes remembering the feeling of his lips against mine. He turns and walks out the door but not before turning around and stating, “I love you Hope. I’ll do whatever I have to fix this.”