Spurs & Stilettos

by Johnson, Ashley

  “How’s my two favorite girls?” he asks.

  “Well I’m fine, but who else are you talking about?” I ask feeling lost for a second.

  “The baby, sweetheart.” He laughs.

  “We don’t know if it’s a girl or not yet. How are my two favorite men?” I joke back.

  “I’m miserable. I miss you like hell and Bandit is doing well.”

  “When are you coming home?”

  “I hope soon sweetheart.”

  We talk for at least thirty minutes before I begin yawning. I try to act like I’m not but he hears and makes me get some rest. For weeks, I was used to sleeping in his arms. It’s still taking time to get used to not being able to for now. I close my eyes and do my best to imagine his smile and his lips on mine. I curl up in the fetal position and slowly drift to sleep.

  Chapter 33

  Time is not on my side. I hate time. It’s been three and a half weeks and I don’t like that I still haven’t seen Wesley. I’ve now added Hank to the top of my list of people I don’t like. He supposedly has Wesley doing all kinds of training and strength building exercises to get back where he was. What’s wrong with doing all that here? Why does he have to be so far away? My next check up is tomorrow and in a few days I’ll be able to see what we’re having. I’ve adjusted to being alone for the most part, though I do have some emotional bouts.

  When I return from lunch, I am shocked to find pink daisies on my desk. My heart stops as I read the card:

  For the two most important people in my life, I love you both so much.

  I take this card and tape it right below the other one. I set the vase beside my monitor and smile at it. I send Wesley a text thanking him for the flowers. I love how thoughtful he is. I run my hand over my belly and smile. Dresses have become a favorite of mine. I have a few pairs of maternity pants that are suitable for work but I rarely wear them. The rest of the afternoon flies by. I can’t keep a smile off my face even though I’m lonely without him.

  “Hope, do you mind filing these last few before you leave for the day?” Mr. Collins asks in a rather happy mood. Today is his twentieth anniversary with his wife and he has dinner plans at a swanky restaurant downtown.

  “I don’t mind at all. Have a good night Mr. Collins.” I smile taking the files from him. He waves goodbye before stepping out into the sun that was getting ready to begin to set.

  Bailey and I walk out together into the cool air. She’s rambling on about a guy she just met and I smile, listening the best I can. I remind her of my appointment and tell her I will be a few minutes late in the morning. She gives me a brief hug before climbing into her car. She’s always been nice to me but she’s been extra cautious around me since I’ve been back.

  In my dreams, I’m lying next to Wesley. In my dreams, he rubs my belly and talks to our child in the sweetest voice imaginable. In reality, I’m lying in my bed alone wishing he was here. I wish like hell I could feel his arms around me. His absence is taking a toll on me emotionally. I can only be so strong before I cave. I keep telling myself I will not cave.

  ********

  I’m exhausted when my alarm goes off. I did nothing but toss and turn all night long. Every time I managed to get comfortable, my mind began racing and it would take about forty five minutes before I could fall asleep again. The bags underneath my eyes are more than enough to back up my story. The apartment is quiet, Amber must have not stayed home or she’s still in bed. I manage to pin half my hair back and make it look decent. I smile at my progress before pulling my new pink polka dot maternity blouse over my head. I manage to give myself a little smile before heading to the doctor alone.

  Wesley has been to all of my visits so far. This is the first one I’ve been to alone. The nurse even asks about him and I smile politely and tell her he’s at work. Dr. Barnes comes in chipper and begins talking about all the progress in my pregnancy. I smile at the thought of the little miracle that’s growing inside my belly.

  “Your baby has a very strong heartbeat Ms. Trahan. That’s a good thing.” Dr. Barnes smiles. Her smile is infectious and I’m soon grinning from ear to ear. “Are you anxious to find out what you’re having?”

  I continue to smile genuinely. “I am. When can I find out?”

  “We can attempt to look in a few days. Sometimes we can see early and sometimes we just have to wait a little longer.” She stares at a calendar briefly before looking back at me. “Will the father be joining you?”

  “Um, I’m not sure yet Dr. Barnes. He went back to work so it may just be me.” Admitting that out loud hurts immensely. I hate the fact that she asked about him.

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Well, let’s get you scheduled for an ultrasound in two days. We will give it a shot and see what happens. I can’t promise anything so don’t be discouraged if we see nothing.” She smiles warmly before patting me on the shoulder.

  I leave her office feeling nauseous. I shouldn’t have to go through this all by myself. I’m alone at work for most of the day. Both Bailey and Mr. Collins are away at court today and it’s up to me to not run this place into the ground. I manage not to have any meltdowns. I’m keeping myself busy so I don’t have time to think about anything. My feet are sore by the end of the day and I plan to prop them up as soon as I get home. I realize I haven’t even gotten a second to talk to Wesley and I hate that. My phone is blank and I feel a bit of sadness creep inside me.

  There’s a rumble of thunder in the distance as I climb into my car. Not even half a mile up the road, rain begins to fall down in thick sheets. I flip the windshield wipers on high and I still can barely see in front of me. The volume is up on the radio from this morning but I can’t concentrate while trying to see so I turn it off. I hear nothing but rain pounding relentlessly onto my car. I let out a frustrated sigh because half of these drivers have failed to turn their lights on. It’s making it much harder to see them on the road and my anxiety is through the roof.

  My phone buzzes but I ignore it. My nerves are getting the better of me. I’m not a fan of driving in the rain. I really should start watching the weather in the morning while I get ready. The rain continues to pour down in thick sheets and my windshield wipers are working overtime. I’m breathing deeper than normal trying to stay composed. I notice the car in front of me slam on their brakes leaving me barely any room to react. My car manages to stop and I can feel bile rise in my throat. My heart is pounding erratically and before I can pull myself back together traffic is moving again. The car in front of me is able to get through the light before it turns red again. I hear my phone buzz again through the sound of the rain and I groan. Someone is impatient and my money is on two people. They both need to chill out and I will answer them when I get home safely.

  The red light seems to last forever and I’m not far from the apartment. The rain has slacked a little but it’s still hard to see. The light finally turns green and I slowly proceed forward. Just a few more blocks and I’ll be home. My eyes are focused on the road but they can’t see what’s coming. I hear a horn honk but I barely have time to register what is happening until the car smashes into mine.

  A wave of panic hits me once my car stops. Someone just plowed into me. I had the green light, how did this happen? I’m trying to steady my breathing but I can’t calm down. The airbag has deployed and is in my face. Scared, I swipe it away quickly to get it out of my face. I feel like my shoulder is on fire and I wince at the pain. I cry out but there’s no one there to hear me. Oh my gosh, my baby. Is my baby ok? I begin to worry, holding my belly looking and praying for some kind of sign that everything is ok but I can’t find anything. My door is crushed in and my windshield looks like its moments away from shattering all over the car. My heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest. This feels too much like the night Karlee veered off the road. I have to get out of this trap now.

  My door is unable to open and I’m looking for a way out. A wave of claustrophobia overcomes me and I begin freakin
g out. It takes a moment to realize that it’s not helping anything. I draw in a deep breath as I slide my seat back as far as I can and manage to slide over to the passenger seat. Just then, a young man opens my door and takes one look at me.

  “Ma’am, are you alright? I saw the whole thing. Let me get you out of here.”

  He extends his hand out to me and I grab onto it tightly as he helps me out into the pouring rain. A lady with him immediately comes to my side with an umbrella helping shield me. The minute I try to step onto the road, my ankle gives out and I fall to the cool wet concrete before either one of them can catch me.

  Chapter 34

  The voices I hear sound so familiar but I must be dreaming. Mom and Dad aren’t in heaven, they are still alive. I swear I hear Amber too and I assume I’m having some kind of withdrawal from life. I can feel the muscles in my eyelids attempting to open and I don’t fight them. They open and blink several times trying to adjust to the bright lights.

  “Oh my god, honey she’s awake! Hope, can you hear me?”

  “Mom?” I ask. “What are you doing in heaven?” I’m groggy and my head feels fuzzy.

  “Sweetheart, you were in an accident. Do you remember?” She’s stroking my head and her face is stained with tears.

  It all comes back to me in an instant. That car ran the red light and mangled my car. I can still hear the deafening sound of metal on metal. I cringe at the memory. A very nice man and lady helped me out my car and then I fell to the ground. “I’m not dead?” I ask as a tear slides down my face.

  Dad squeezes my hand and a tear glistens in his eye. “No baby girl, you’re here with us.”

  Never in my life have I been more excited to see my parents. I wish it were under different circumstances but we’re here together and I’m alive.

  The nurse comes walking in along with Dr. Barnes. My heart plummets as I take one look at my doctor. “Is my baby ok, Dr. Barnes?” I ask fearfully.

  “We’re going to check in just a second. The nurse is going to check your vitals and then we’re going to take an ultrasound to make sure everything is ok. You took a pretty nasty hit from what I was told. I’m just glad you are ok.” She smiles warmly giving me confidence that everything is just fine but I can’t shake the nervous feeling in my stomach.

  I’m told my ankle is sprained which explains why I fell getting out of my car. They also told me that the burning fire I feel on my shoulder was a result of seat belt burn. I’m exhausted lying in this bed and I’m beginning to feel every ounce of pain from the accident. I’m waiting for Dr. Barnes to come back for the ultrasound when Amber comes bursting into the room wearing a frantic look on her face.

  “Hope, oh my god. I came as soon as I heard. You scared the hell out of me!” She wipes the few tears that have fallen and leans in to give me a hug. “How are you and how is the baby?”

  “I’m ok, just a sprained ankle. Dr. Barnes is going to give me an ultrasound in a little bit. I never saw it coming Amb, I was so scared. Wesley doesn’t know, I have to call him.” My body shakes with sobs that I can’t control and her and my mom both comfort me.

  “I used your phone to call him Hope, he knows.” She states quietly, continuing to wipe her eyes.

  “Thank you,” I choke out. “Amb, I’ve never been so scared in my life.” She can no longer hold back her tears and they now begin to flow freely down her face. “Amber, I’m ok. Please stop crying, I’m fine. Plus I’m tired of crying too.”

  I attempt to smile but I can’t get much of one out right now. I notice a vase of flowers on the table beside me but they aren’t daisies like I wish they were, they are red roses. I can’t wait to get home and be able to rest in my own bed. Comfort only goes so far in a hospital bed. All I want is to be able to see that my baby is ok and I want to talk to Wesley.

  “Does someone even have my phone? I didn’t grab it from my car.” I ask in a panic.

  “I haven’t seen it sweetheart,” Mom pipes up

  I groan at the fact that I don’t have it. Amber said she called Wesley but I want to be able to text or call and let him hear it from me that I’m fine.

  “I can call the towing company and see if someone can look for it.” Dad says as he stands up. “I need to stretch my legs anyway.” He leans in to kiss my forehead before stepping out into the hallway.

  The hospital feels like a waiting game. I’m not sure how long I’ve been here but it seems like an eternity. No one seems to be in any rush although I’m pregnant and was in a car accident. I close my eyes for a moment trying to relax and just be content in the fact that I am alright. The police officer told me I was very lucky that I was able to walk away from the accident. It’s safe to say that my car is a total loss.

  Dr. Barnes comes walking in wheeling a portable ultrasound machine with her. My body immediately tenses up and all I can do is pray that everything is fine. I can’t lose this baby. I won’t be able to face Wesley if I lose this baby. Would he be able to forgive me? The guilt of it all weighing down on me would be hard enough but to have him blame me? I would have rather died in the car than have to live with that.

  “How are you feeling Hope?” she asks wearing a smile on her face.

  “I’m just sore, but ok I guess.”

  Amber moves out of the way giving Dr. Barnes access to my side where she plugs in the machine. “We’re just going to do a routine ultrasound to make sure everything is fine, just like I told you earlier, ok? Just relax and it’ll be over before you know it.”

  I give her a tense smile as she squirts the cool gel on my belly. Just like before, I suck my stomach in as much as I can, which isn’t much at all anymore. She touches my belly with the wand and begins moving it around looking for the baby. There’s nothing right now and I feel my worst fears coming true. My Mom is still holding onto my hand and she’s practically squeezing the life out of it right now. The screen is still an unwelcoming shade of black and the silence is deafening. My heart is sitting in my throat and hot tears are threatening to fall when the sound of music feels my ears.

  Thump thump. Thump thump.

  The tears fall but for all the right reasons. My baby’s heart is beating and I can see the tiny being on the screen. Mom lets out a gasp beside me and manages to squeeze my hand even tighter. I wince at the pain but quickly disregard it as I continue to stare in awe at the screen. Amber smiles big and there’s not a single dry eye in this room.

  Dr. Barnes continues to move the wand checking on the baby and she stops suddenly. “Well Hope, I know your appointment wasn’t for another few days but I’m going to surprise you. Your baby girl is doing just fine.”

  A girl. I choke out a sob of relief at the fact that my baby is fine and I release another sob knowing that I’m carrying our baby girl. I’m so thankful she is ok and now I wish this pregnancy would hurry up so I can hold her in my arms. Devastation also consumes me when it hits me that I found this out without Wesley. Once again I’m feeling hopeless without a phone. I’ll have to borrow Amber’s to tell him the good news.

  A voice fills my ears causing me to look around. I’m almost convinced I’m hearing things. It’s got to be nothing more than wishful thinking. I miss Wesley so damn much and I was so scared until just moments ago that I’m making him a figment of my imagination. Slowly, I turn my head towards the door. “I knew we were going to have a girl.”

  I wish like hell I could get up out of this bed right now because I would run straight up to him and jump into his arms. I can’t believe Wesley is here. In an instant he’s right beside me and I turn into a puddle of mush. The tears are so thick in my eyes I can barely see in front of me and I’m sobbing uncontrollably.

  Mom lets go of my hand and kisses my forehead before looking at Amber. “We’ll give you two a moment alone.”

  Dr. Barnes smiles and congratulates us once more before unplugging the machine and following them out the door.

  I feel like I’ve died a thousand deaths since the last time I saw him. Now, he’
s right beside me and I still can’t believe it.

  “Sweetheart, I came as soon as Amber called me. I’ve never been so scared in my life.” His vibrant green eyes are filled with tears as he pulls my hand into his. Electricity shoots through my veins proving to me this is real but I still have my doubts.

  “I still don’t think you’re real Wes.” I sob. He wipes the tears that stream down my face with the pad of his thumb.

  “I’m very real Olivia Hope and I love you. I should have never left you and maybe this wouldn’t have happened had I didn’t. If something had happened to you or our baby, I don’t think I would’ve ever forgiven myself. Are you ok?” My heart is swelling with love for him. His eyes are laced with concern as he eyes me up and down looking for any signs of distress.

  “I’m fine Wes, just a sprained ankle and a bit of seatbelt burn, but our baby girl is fine and that’s all I care about. I’m sorry I didn’t get to call you. I don’t even have my phone. I think it’s in the car….”