“Make... make...” Oh my God, she’d never asked this of a man. “Make... make love to me.”
“Gladly.”
His swollen cock feathered the opening of her cunt. She twisted to draw him inside. When the tip breached her pussy, her shaking body seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. She gathered her legs around his hips.
So much pressure. Her fluttering clit was being teased with his lazy pumps that brought his stomach to her bare skin. She had no time for air with his tongue finally deep in her mouth, delivering slow licks along hers, a lingering exploration.
Her skin seemed to gather tight around her taut muscles the more the sweet pumps of Jude’s cock and delicate licks he lavished on her tongue rolled Raven into sheer bliss. This wasn’t fucking. This wasn’t sex. He was cherishing her. Loving her, as he’d promised.
She groaned and cupped his buttocks that flexed and un-flexed each time he glided sweetly into her wet mess of a cunt.
“Jude. Jude.” Her voice didn’t sound like her own. Groaning. Moaning. Panting.
The pressure was building. The fire he’d lit inside her with his delightful touches, gentle licks, sighing thrusts had curled her into a ball ready to burst. Her damp skin and slippery pussy were a tangle of musk that permeated the truck.
She cried out, burying herself against his shoulder as the heady sensations washed over her. The words flew from her mouth in gasps and sighs, “I love you. I love you so much.”
Chapter Twenty-three: Secrets
Raven sat on her bed. She’d already texted Adam to expect to hear from her. He’d texted back about having no clue how to video chat, but Bridget would set up everything. With Mom at bingo, now was the time.
After making a few clicks of the mouse, Raven called up Adam. His strong square face appeared on the laptop screen.
“‘Sup?” He held a coffee.
“Are you alone?”
“Yep. In the kitchen. Bridget’s in the bedroom. Kyle’s sleeping.”
Where to start? Raven clacked her nails on the laptop.
“Spit it out. You know the saying—share your problem, you got half a problem.”
“I know. I know. Um, I never had a male sponsor.” She giggled.
Adam gave a booming laugh. “Old-timers don’t like it. They say it should always be men sponsoring men and women sponsoring women, but anything to help.” He sipped his coffee again. “Start at the beginning. We both know there’s always a beginning. The underlying issue.”
“You’re right. You must be sponsoring quite a few guys. You know your program. You’ve been sober longer than me.”
“Years of sobriety don’t matter. The day I graduate from this program, I’ll graduate on top of a bar stool.”
His humbleness was as comforting as cotton. “I know.” She drew out her vape.
“Lucky you.”
“‘Cause I get to vape?”
“Yep. Quit stalling. Out with it.”
“Boy, you’re a hard-ass. Are you this way with your other sponsees?”
“One sponsee. Now two. You. Out with it.”
He’d be one of those sponsors, hey? Raven curled her fingers into a fist. Embarrassing. Humiliating. But she managed to choke out what she’d told Jude already. About her family treating her like a liar, a baby, an irresponsible thief not to be trusted, about Mom’s shit behavior from birth, how Clayton had saved Raven from drugs, how she needed the diner to prove to herself, her family, and the community that she wasn’t a nobody. That she, too, could succeed instead of bringing shame to the Kabatay name. How being Clayton’s campaign manager and seeing him to a win would finally earn her some respect. How she was tired of the women on the reserve shunning her and calling her slut behind her back.
Adam relaxed in his chair, folding his arms. “Y’know what I’m gonna say, right?”
“What?” Raven sucked on the vape, although her dry throat needed a glass of water after her huffing-puffing-blow-the-house-down fifteen-minute rant.
“You can’t force people to respect you. Can’t buy their trust either. Or make them like you. Or change their mind about you.”
“I know. I know.” Raven picked at her pillow. “I knew you’d say that.”
“I’m only telling you what the program says.”
“Yeah, yeah. Actions speak louder than words.” Something Raven was sick of hearing. If she heard it one more time, she’d tear the hair from her scalp.
“So if you can’t change your home life, what does the program say?”
“I have to practice patience and tolerance with Mom,” she muttered. “That my disease affected her for years, and since she’s not in the program, she’ll be full of resentments against me, ‘cause she thought I abandoned her.”
“What about step three?”
Raven sighed. “I’m s’posed to leave this in Creator’s hands. If I don’t, I’ll drive myself crazy in the process. Trusting Creator means it’ll work out how it’s supposed to work out.”
“Y’see, you know your program.”
“It doesn’t make it easier. Now here’s the biggie and why I wanted to talk.” She hugged herself.
“Fire away.”
She admitted to him what she’d learned during her romantic getaway to the city.
Adam snickered. “Ain’t no biggie. Lots of men use hookers.”
“I’m not finished.” She told Adam about the meeting between Cookie, Emery, Darryl, and Jude. Her part in it. Then laid out the clincher—Clayton’s plan.
Fingering his mouth, Adam glanced away from the monitor. He glanced back. “You already know your answer.”
Raven’s chest seemed to plop to the mattress. “Yeah. Uh-huh. There goes everything I worked for.”
“Answer this. How would you feel owning that place, knowing how you got it?”
She rubbed her bare arms. Cold. Clammy. “Then what am I supposed to do? Tell Clayton not to do it?”
“He’s always talking about how he lives the Anishinaabe way. Always claiming to walk the red road. I guess it’s time he walked it instead of talked it, hey?”
“I’ll... I’ll speak to him.”
“Remember to pray to Creator before you talk to him. Lemme know how it goes.”
“I already know how it’ll go.” Frustration burned in Raven’s throat. “But I’ll talk to him. Thanks.” For nothing.
“No prob. Call me any time.”
* * * *
This time only Darryl appeared in Jude’s office.
“Well? Did you talk to her?” Darryl set his hands on his hips.
Jude pushed away his laptop and motioned at the chair. What he had to say would set off ten firecrackers in his hot-headed brother-in-law. “Help yourself to a coffee.” He pointed to the carafe on the side table.
“Just one cup. I gotta get to work.” Once Darryl poured and fixed his coffee, he plopped in the chair facing the desk that had seen better days. It sure wasn’t the plush oak Jude had used at his former job.
Jude stuck the pen cap in his mouth and nibbled. “Where’s Emery?”
“He has a couple of assignments due.” Darryl sipped his coffee. The face he made said he’d drunk from a pot that had been left on the burner for ten hours. “I think he hates talking about this.”
Jude might as well deliver the bad news. “We didn’t talk. She said she needed time to speak to her sponsor in the recovery program.” At Darryl’s frown, Jude made sure to add in a firm tone, “Which is a wise idea. This is why they have sponsors. Their sponsors make sure they make the right decisions. In the same way you consult Basil first.”
“Yeah, I hear you.” Thoughtfulness replaced Darryl’s frown. He massaged his temples. “I wish there was a way I could undo all this.”
“Because of the election?”
“Honestly, I couldn’t give a shit,” Darryl muttered. “What matters is Em. I really hurt him.”
“He’ll get over it. Trust me.�
�
“It’s not about getting over it.” Darryl slumped in the chair. “I know he will. I know he’s forgiven me. I just don’t like disappointing him.”
“Get used to it.” Jude sipped his coffee.
Darryl scowled and sat up. “Get used to it?”
“Yep. Marriage’s full of ups and downs. There’ll be a lot more times you’re gonna disappoint him. You’re human. It’s what we do. What makes a marriage stronger is when you get through the tough times together.”
“I see...” Darryl’s mouth moved into a straight line of aggravation. “Then I guess I’ll be the guilty culprit forever, always disappointing my partner. Em isn’t capable of disappointing anyone.”
“He’s human. He’ll come up with something.” Jude winked. “Hey, lookit the rift he caused between you two. He disappointed you when he chose religion the first time, didn’t he?”
“Well, that’s different.” Darryl shrugged. “He wasn’t out to intentionally hurt anyone.”
“Neither were you,” Jude replied. “You were a single man, enjoying a bachelor party.”
“True. So when do you think you’ll hear from Raven?”
“I’m not sure. But I can guarantee she won’t say anything to anyone. She’s not like that.”
The look on Darryl’s face said he had misgivings.
* * * *
With everyone gone to bingo, now was the perfect time for Raven to speak to Clayton. She stood at the sink, washing the cutlery Tanya had left behind before racing out the door. As for Tyrell, he was working his shift at the diner.
Light snow fell in front of the window, big fat flakes lazily making their way to the ground.
Clayton sat at the kitchen table, drinking his tea.
Raven set the plates in the sink. At least eating at her brother’s was full of laughter and joking, instead of Mom’s tight face at home. But in a few minutes, Clayton wouldn’t be laughing.
“Did you have an objective for the debate?” Besides outing someone.
“Yep. Our roots. What else.”
So the debate would turn into mud-slinging. “Exposing Darryl will be considered wrong by many.” She washed another plate but studied Clayton’s reflection in the window.
The sneer on Clayton’s face formed into a scowl. He glared at her backside. “What’s that supposed to mean? What he did is wrong. The people got a right to know if he can cheat on his husband, lie to his face, he’ll do the same to them.”
“But you don’t have all the facts. What if you—?”
“I didn’t hear anything wrong. I told you what I heard. I made a note in my phone because I’m going to quote him word for word at the debate. Now get it set up.” Clayton shoved away his tea.
The cup spilled over, and tea seeped across the table. Raven whipped on her heel, gripping the dishrag. “I spend all day cleaning up after people. I don’t need to start cleaning up here.”
“Chill out.” Clayton righted the cup. “Pass me that.” He held out his hand.
Raven dumped the dishrag into his palm.
“I wanna start with community development first. That’ll lead us into his... cheating.” Clayton mopped up the tea.
“I see. You want to bring it up when you’re debating something.” Raven plopped in the chair.
“Yep. I’m gonna ask him if he’ll show the same loyalty to band members that he did to his husband.” Clayton glanced up, mouth a half smirk. “Nobody’s gonna call me unfair. It’s a legitimate question, isn’t it?”
Her brother’s spirit animal should be coyote, because he was as cunning as one. “It’s the way you’re going about doing it. You’re setting him up. The whole point of the debate is to set him up. Respect is the biggest—”
“Don’t you talk to me about the Grandfathers.” He angled his chin in her direction.
“Will you please listen to me?” If she didn’t sway him, she’d be forced to break his confidence by telling Jude about Clayton’s strategy. But she was her brother’s campaign manager. Dumb old Adam made everything sound simple when it wasn’t.
“Go ahead. I’m listening.”
Raven set her hands on the table. “You can win without... uh... using the information.”
“You think I’m going to lose?” His brows pinched.
“No. I wouldn’t be your campaign manager if I didn’t think you were right for the job.” Damn those second thoughts, because she did now have doubts. “I simply want us to do this fairly. Leave it in Creator’s hands, as you taught me.”
“I am leaving it in Creator’s hands, but I’m not about to let that lying cheat con band members into voting for him.” Clayton banged his finger on the table.
“You didn’t hear the whole story. You heard Darryl talking about something they spoke about inside the diner.”
“Then he can explain himself at the debate.” Clayton stood and shoved the chair into the table. “Discussion over. Set up the debate.” He strode across the floor to the living room and plopped on the couch.
Raven again sat at her desk, pretending to write while the other students filed from the room. Thursday night. She couldn’t wait for the week to end, which was pointless, because she’d go home to Mom anyway.
The perennial pen tip sat in Jude’s mouth. Throughout class, he always remained professional, but whenever the students left, he’d steal coy glances Raven’s way. Normally, she enjoyed this, but not tonight when her heart seemed to sit thick in her throat.
She closed her textbook and binder. Jude also packed away his laptop and files. Maybe she’d luck out and he’d tell her he didn’t have a babysitter.
“Do you have to go straight home?”
“Emery’s watching the kids. He knows we’re going to talk.” Jude zipped his laptop case closed.
“How’re they doing?”
“Fine.” Jude slid on his coat.
Raven also slipped on her coat. She followed him from the classroom and out to his truck since she’d walked over.
They got in. Raven stared at her mittens.
“You’re normally a chatterbox,” Jude murmured. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah... sure.” What was she going to say when they pulled up at Geoff’s Camp?
Even worse, the drive was too short. Moments later, Jude shifted the gear into park.
Raven’s jittering nerves needed a vape. She opened the truck door and got out. The sky was clear, stars twinkling, but the familiar cold produced by a cloudless night didn’t result in freezing air waiting to smother her skin.
She withdrew the e-cigarette from her pocket. Jude’s boots crunched against the snow.
“You gonna talk to me?” Concern filled his voice. “Something’s really off.”
Raven stared up at the silver dots the stars resembled. “Tell Darryl I won’t say anything.”
“Okay. But I think there’s more going on than you’re telling me. What happened to the woman who likes telling people, and me, what’s on her mind?” His words were cozy against Raven’s ear. His hands rested on her waist.
She inhaled his crisp scent.
“Talk to me, please.” A hint of pleading crept into Jude’s natural authoritative tone.
How could she tell him? What were they doing, anyway? The odds were stacked against them.
His hands slipped from her waist. He walked around her and stopped. They stared at one another. His finger grazed her chin. “Can you please tell me what’s going on?”
“I’m... I’m a Kabatay. My family will hate me if...” Something awful was burning in Raven’s throat.
“C’mon, we’re getting ahead of ourselves.”
“How long are we gonna keep this a secret? Forever? My brother will never understand.” She shook her head. The burning was almost a fire. Eyes pinching, hurting.
“There are always solutions.”
“Solutions?” Her voice cracked. “There’re no solutions.” When she tried to
lower her head, his finger beneath her chin refused to let Raven hide in the comfort of her thick coat collar. She was forced to keep facing him.
“Let’s start with what I can’t tell you.” Fuck, they had no choice to...”We’re gonna be fuck buddies forever.” And that wasn’t enough for her anymore, not after experiencing his love.
“Fuck buddies?” His mouth dropped open. “You are not a fuck buddy. I love you. Don’t you understand?” His searching stare was sharper than a fillet knife.
“Yeah... love.” She jittered. “A love we can’t tell anyone about. Even your brother and sister can’t tell anyone. Darryl doesn’t have a clue about me—”
“He does. Emery and I...” Jude’s gaze begged for understanding. “We had no choice but to tell him.”
Raven’s chest pinched. “See? More people are finding out. Someone’s gonna let it slip. They’re gonna say something to the wrong person. If my family finds out—”
“Nobody’ll find out. The only people who know are Bridget, Adam, Emery, and Darryl. That’s it.”
“It’s hopeless. I can’t share anything with you. Because what I share... it betrays the people who trust me, and I’ve broken their trust enough.” The burning sensation in her throat was a ball of fire, almost choking her. Hot tears spilled and rolled down her cheeks.
“What’re you talking about?” He cupped her face, wiping away her tears. “What can’t you share with me? It’s okay. In time, when you feel you can share, you will. I don’t need to know everything right away.”
“You don’t...” The lump was awful to try to talk through. A big ball lodged at the back of her throat. Even her chest hurt. “You don’t understand. Things I can’t tell you, you might not... like.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t... say. Don’t you see? There’re parts of my life I can’t share. All because of our families.” Raven didn’t want to wrench herself free from his grasp full of the love he’d declared to her the other night. But standing here, she ached to flee and lick her wounds alone.
She buried herself in his chest and let the sobs finally leave her aching throat, aching chest, aching heart. “There’ll never be a right time,” she whispered into his coat. “And... and... and... what I can’t tell you, you’ll hate me for.”
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