September Tango

by Scarlett Jade

  “My woman needed me.” Calvin looked over at Zoe who flushed and went wide eyed, “Plus, I am on R&R. I'm allowed to have a little fun, right?”

  “Depends on what you mean by fun.” Layla chimed in, smirking. Zoe’s cheeks began to burn. Calvin squeezed her hand.

  “Zoe, you're Ed's daughter, right?” Pops asked.

  All of the color left Zoe's face. “Yes,” she answered slowly.

  “How's he been doing? He still over there at Irving? He's a good man.”

  Zoe's throat went dry. She felt tears beginning to form in her eyes. “No, he's not. He's in Vegas.” She sat up tall trying to fight her tears. “Just up and left me. He said he had a gambling problem.”

  “Oh, really?” Grams shot up. “You'd better be joking.”

  Zoe shook her head. “No, he...” Her voice cracked and Calvin put his hand on her shoulder. She tightly closed her eyes.

  “I can't believe that man would do that. That's a damn shame.” Pops shook his head. An awkward silence overtook the room as everyone began to pass plates full of food around.

  “So,” Layla said, finally breaking the silence. “What's Afghanistan like?”

  “Dusty,” Calvin started. “But, I'll bet you'll be surprised to know it actually gets quite cold over there, especially in the winter nights.”

  “Oh really?” She nodded.

  “Yeah, being so close to the mountains and so high in elevation.” He looked over at Zoe. Her hands were shaking as she tore a roll into tiny pieces.

  “Where's your bathroom?” She rasped as she jumped out of her chair.

  “Down the hall to the left, honey. You okay?” Grams stood quickly.

  “No.” Zoe took off down the hall at a dead run, barely slamming the door before they all heard her throwing up.

  “That man left her? What the hell is wrong with him?” Pops muttered.

  “The letter he left her was horrible,” Calvin said quietly. “Basically told her he'd never loved her and she was holding him back.” He clenched his fists. “I'd like to put a foot in his ass.”

  Grams pointed at him with her fork. “Let the Lord handle that, boy.”

  “I'm not stupid, Grams.” He sighed and leaned back.

  Pops shook his head. “What is she going to do? She lost her job. Poor kid.” He shot him a quick look before taking another bite of chicken. “So, Grams gave you that ring?” He asked matter of factly.

  Layla looked between them and gasped. “Oh my God, Calvin, you're gonna ask her to marry you?!” She squealed, tempering her tone slightly so it didn't carry to the bathroom. She bounced in her seat. “My God this is thrilling.”

  Calvin rubbed his head. “When the time is right.”

  “While you are home?” She pressed.

  “When the time is right.” He took a bite of his chicken then wiped his fingers. “Do we have any ginger ale?”

  Grams nodded. “Yeah, always. Grab her a can of it and go tend to your woman, boy.” He smiled, standing up from the table and skirting around to the kitchen. He pulled a can out of the fridge and walked down the hall. He gently tapped on the bathroom door.

  “Zoe, you okay?” She cracked the door, her face pale.

  “Yeah,” she croaked. “I'm so sorry.”

  “Don't worry about it. I shouldn't have sprung this on you. I have some ginger ale. Do you want to just head home? I can visit my parents' grave later.” He popped the tab on the can and handed it to her. She took a sip and shook her head.

  “I'd like to go with you.” She took another drink and let out a slow breath. “I think I'm okay now, but I can't eat.”

  “It's okay, they understand, Baby.” He reached through the crack of the door and stroked her face.

  “Alright.” She came through the door and he took her hand.

  “It's okay, I promise.” He kissed her knuckles and they came back to the kitchen.

  Grams looked up. “You okay, honey?”

  She nodded quickly. “Yeah, I'm so sorry.”

  Pops spoke up. “Honey, if I'd known about things, I would've never said what I did. I'm sorry. Didn't mean to tear your nerves up.”

  “It's okay,” she whispered softly.

  Calvin squeezed her hand. “We are gonna head out. I'll be back later. Can you hold my plate for me, Grams?”

  She nodded. “Yeah, honey I can do that.” She stood up and came toward Zoe. “Don't you be a stranger, Baby. You come see us again.” She hugged her tight and kissed her cheek.

  “Thank you.” She squeezed the old woman tight and felt tears well in her eyes.

  “And you,” she smiled sadly, looking over at Calvin. “You take your time.”

  “I'm sorry I haven't been spending much time here.” Grams shook her head.

  “You've been alone for five years now, boy, didn't even get a break to come back here when your Mama and Daddy died. You deserve some happiness for yourself, now, you go and don't you worry about coming back no time soon, just come in whenever you do. We'll leave the door open for you.”

  “Thanks, Grams.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss before he followed Zoe out the door. “Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?”

  “No, I think that was just too much human interaction for one day. I'm fine now.” She reassured him. “Plus, you need me for this.”

  “Yeah, I really do.” He opened her door, and she climbed in. He crossed in front of the car to get into his seat. He brought the car to life and they quietly drove towards the graveyard. Not far from his grandparents' house, there was a slightly aged off-white building with areas where the paint peeled revealing the wood. Behind this building was a set of headstones. It was Major's only cemetery. The place was beautiful, truly, full of warm sunshine, not a somber area to it. Headstones stretched far into the field, many families had been buried here. His chest tightened as he parked the car on the road. They silently exited the car. Calvin automatically walked towards the headstones. Zoe had to walk faster to catch up, and by the time she did, Calvin had already stopped. She looked up at him and then down at the headstones that sat side by side. The headstone on the left read “Harold Hall, Father, Husband, Friend to all.” and on the right “Dawn Hall, Wife and Cherished Mother.” Calvin didn't move and was barely breathing. Zoe wrapped her arms around him. Her eyes gazed into his face. His eyes were closed, and when they opened, she could see they were full of tears.

  “You know, I never would've thought that when I left home all those years ago it would be the last time I ever saw you,” he finally said, his voice breaking. “I probably would've picked something a little bit better to say to you than see you later. I love you. I would have told you how much you meant to me. How much I loved you both and respected you. I would have said thank you. I would have done more.” He knelt down in front of the headstones. Zoe stood, placing her hand on his shoulder. “God, I wish I would've made it home to you after basic.” He glanced up at Zoe, tears running down his cheeks. “If I could have made it back home, maybe they'd still be here...”

  “No, Calvin.” Zoe stopped him. “This is not your fault.”

  “But what if I did make it home?”

  “Calvin, it was an accident. You couldn't stop that.” She squeezed his cheek and knelt beside him.

  “I know.” He looked back down at their graves. “I just hope that I made them proud.”

  She kissed his cheek. “You did, and I'm damn sure you still are, baby.” Calvin nodded.

  “Yeah, I hope you're right,” he said, getting back to his feet. He simply stood that way for a few minutes. He turned and looked at her quietly. “Ain't your Mama here too, Zoe?”

  “Yeah, she is.” She smiled sadly.

  “We might as well bring this somber mood full circle. Let's go see her too.” He squeezed her hand before pressing his fingers to his lips and touching each stone. “I love you both. I miss you.” He turned and took Zoe's hand again. “Let's go.”

  Zoe picked through the grass, moving just a few
rows down and to the left. She paused at an ornately carved stone, an angel rising from the rugged rock. “Here she is,” she whispered. The stone read, 'Lila Parker: Devoted Wife and Mother, May You Rest in Peace'.

  “Do they use the same words for all stones?” Calvin quipped sadly.

  “Pretty much. Not much they can say otherwise, I guess. It sounds good.” She shrugged, her head dipping and a sigh escaping her mouth.

  “I'm sorry you lost your Mama and your Daddy. It's not fair.” He touched her cheek.

  “Neither is it fair you losing yours. But we did. All we can do now is make the best of our lives.” She smiled softly, her eyes forlorn.

  “That's all we can do.” They stood simply in the cemetery, the soft sunshine warming them. It was peaceful and serene, and they just couldn't bear to let that feeling go yet. She took a slow breath, the smell of wildflowers tickling her nose. She rested her head on his shoulder and he kissed the top of her head.

  “You ever feel like you're in the right spot for the first time ever, Zoe?”

  She lifted her head and looked at him. A gust of wind fluttered her hair. “I've only felt that way one time in my life.” She put her head back on his shoulder.

  “Yeah? When was that? You tell me yours, and I'll tell you mine.” He elbowed her in her side, teasing.

  “Every second I'm with you,” she whispered.

  “Funny, I was going to say the same thing,” he murmured, his throat tight with emotion. “I've never felt like I was in the right place at the right time, but I do with you. Everything is just easy.”

  Tears filled her eyes and she blinked rapidly so he wouldn't see. “I'm becoming too dependent on you, Calvin. I need you too much.”

  “I don't think there is such a thing as needing someone too much.” He stroked a hand over her hair.

  “There is when everyone leaves you, Calvin. You'll be leaving me. For God knows how long.” She sniffled and furiously wiped at her eyes.

  He pulled her into his arms and she refused to meet his eyes. He tipped her chin up. “Six months. That's all. Then I'll be back stateside. We have Skype. We can talk all the time.”

  Her throat ached with the tears she refused to shed. “It's not the same as being with you, Cal.” Tears started to fall. She wiped her eyes again. “It's not the same as holding you, as kissing you.”

  He nodded. “I know it's not, Babe. But, it is only six months. Would you be willing to wait for me?” His heart squeezed in his chest.

  She smiled sadly. “You're stupid as hell. Why did you even ask?” She pulled him into a kiss and he tasted the salt from her tears.

  “Zoe...” He wrapped her tight in his arms and she held on against the tempest of the storm warring in her breast. He was all she had to hold onto and she'd damn well hold on as long as she could. Finally she pulled back and wiped her eyes again with a shaky smile.

  “I'm exhausted. I just want to go home.”

  “Okay, Babe. I can stay with you for a while.” He kissed her temple.

  “No. You go spend time with your family. They need to see you too. I need tonight by myself.” She shrugged. “You've become such a huge part of me over the last couple of days; I need to make sure I know who I am without you.”

  “Is that a bad thing?” He caught her hand in his.

  “No. It's just a lot to deal with on top of everything else. I'm just drained. I can't take any more emotion one way or the other right now. I just want some ice cream and a bad movie. I want you to see your family and spend time with them.” She squeezed his hand and they walked toward the car.

  “Alright,” he said softly, sensing her pulling away from him. It felt like a piece of him being torn away. He wanted to push her, to make her stay with him tonight, but he knew it would be wrong on so many levels. She needed the space and time. She was silent on the ride to her house. As he pulled up in the drive she took a slow breath and he took her hand. “I want you to know that I love you.”

  She smiled at him, her haunted eyes warming slightly. “I know,” she whispered softly. “As I love you.” He slid his hand into her hair and pulled her to him, pressing his lips gently to hers.

  “Let me walk you to the door.” He unbuckled his seat belt and she put a hand on his arm.

  “No, I'm fine. I will see you later?” She opened the door and began climbing out.

  “Tomorrow.” He promised.

  “Tomorrow,” she smiled softly. He watched her walk to the door, the late afternoon sunshine gilding her dark hair with copper and red lights, and filtering through her sundress, highlighting her form. She turned at the door and raised her hand in salute. He waved back and backed out of the driveway. She watched him leave before letting herself inside.

  As she closed the door, the tears started to fall. She leaned back against the door and slid down to a crouch, resting her face against her knees. She soaked her dress with her tears. Sobs racked her frame and she beat her fists on the floor. “It's not fair, damn it. I need him, but he has to go. It's just not fair. Not a damn bit of this is. Damn it!” She screamed into her lap. Her hair fell around her face, finally breaking free of the elastic holding it.

  She took a few slow breaths and sat there as the sun moved across the sky. She watched the patterns the sun made through the leaves of the trees on the kitchen floor in fascination. She felt wrung out, used up, and spent. Another slow breath found twilight sinking in. She shook herself out of her sadness and picked herself up off the floor. She shuffled to the couch and collapsed into the cushions. Fiddling around on the coffee table, she finally found the remote and turned the TV on. She didn't care what she watched, just that the noise was with her so she wasn't alone.

  He pulled into the driveway and parked the car. He felt empty and hollow. He dragged himself out of the car and trudged up the steps to the front door. He opened it slowly and walked in. He found his plate of food in the old yellow oven, still moderately warm. He rummaged through the fridge and found a beer in the back. He shuffled to the table and sat down heavily. He opened the beer and took a long drink, grimacing at the taste. He heard the end of a recliner drop and someone coming into the dining room. He picked up his fork and took a bite of macaroni and cheese, the food tasting like nothing in his mouth.

  Pops came in the doorway. “Boy, you got it bad if she's driving you to drink.” He pulled out one of the wooden chairs and sat down heavily. “I've never seen you like this.”

  “This tastes like shit,” he muttered, taking another swig of the beer. “But I just want something to take the edge off.”

  “Nah, son, that ain't the way to deal with how you feel. You know it's not. What's going on?” He leaned forward on the table.

  “I love her,” he croaked and hung his head. “I feel like sobbing in one second, then screaming at the tops of my lungs that I'm so unbelievably lucky. I just...” He trailed off, taking another drink of the beer. “I have to leave her soon.”

  “She's the one then. That settles it. When you are so messed up in the head you can't eat and are driven to drink because you can't stand being away from her... You've got it bad. So what are you going to do about it, boy?”

  “I don't know yet.”

  “Gimme that beer. You need a clear head.” He snagged the Corona and finished it off. “Ahh. That hits the spot.”

  Calvin grinned. “What do you think I should do, Pops?”

  He rubbed his whiskery chin and thought for a moment. “You know, Calvin, if it was me; I'd do something that blew her mind and washed away any doubts and concerns.”

  “Yeah? Grams gave me her ring.” He took another bite of macaroni and cheese, his appetite returning. “I wish I could get like a balloon ride. Or something.” He rubbed his forehead.

  “What if she's scared of heights, boy? That's romantic as hell, puke on your feet.”

  Calvin laughed. “True.”

  Pops tapped his hand on the table. “You'll come up with something.” He stood and his hips cracked. “How abo
ut you come in here with us and watch some TV. It ain't good to be alone when stuff is eating at you.”

  “Zoe wanted to be alone tonight.”

  “That poor girl needs some serious love to make her shine again, boy. You're gonna have to give her your all. It may take a long time, but she'll start to shine bright again. Your Grams was that way when I fell in love with her.”

  “She was?” Calvin paused.

  “Yep. It took many years and your Daddy being born for her to realize how special she was. When that little boy smiled at her the first time, I think that's what did it.” He smiled softly. “I'll never forget her eyes when the light turned back on for her. I always knew she was beautiful, but when she became whole again? Man. I realized just how lucky I was that she loved me.” He smiled ruefully and walked toward the living room. “Come on, boy. Let your burden down for the night.”

  He picked up his plate and followed his Pops to the living room, where Matlock was on the TV. He finished his dinner and found himself dozing on the couch.

  Chapter Fourteen – Monday Morning

  She woke up with a start, drool running down her face. She pushed herself up and looked curiously at the TV. There was no picture on the screen, just the white snow and a shhh sound. She poked buttons on the remote in frustration. “What the hell?” She rubbed her gritty eyes and hauled herself off the couch. She had to pee like a racehorse. She looked at the time on the microwave. 5:45 am. She stretched her arms above her head and stumbled down the hall to the bathroom. The bright light from over the mirror temporarily blinded her; she had to wince against the brightness. She sighed as she emptied her bladder. The exhaustion she had felt was finally gone, and in its place was hope. Hope for a better tomorrow. She'd wait for Calvin, because they had something between them that was tangible and real. She'd never felt like this before and, even if it hurt, she was going to hang on for the ride; however long it lasted.

  She pushed herself up and flushed the toilet before stripping her clothes off and stepping in the old white tub. She pulled the green and blue shower curtain all the way around the tub and turned the handles, waiting for the water to warm. The spray from the shower head cut through the last vestiges of fog in her brain and she washed herself from head to toe, even shaving her legs smooth. She shampooed her hair with her favorite coconut shampoo and rinsed the lather from her long locks. She smiled, thinking of their shower together and her nipples hardened. What I wouldn't give for him to be here right now. Shaking herself out of the memory, she rinsed the last of the soap from her body and turned the water off. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I'm gonna be okay.