And Playing the Role of Herself...

by K E Lane

  I wrapped my arms around her waist and laid my cheek against her stomach, squeezing tightly. "Please Robyn," I whispered, "don't pull away from me. I don't think I could stand it."

  She let out another shaky breath, and I felt a gentle hand on my head, stroking softly through my hair. "Oh, Caid…you scare the hell out of me, you know that don't you?"

  "You scare me, too," I mumbled in response, and her hand paused briefly before resuming its stroking.

  We stayed that way for a few minutes, and finally I looked up to find her gazing down at me with a tenderness that calmed my fears. She cupped my face with both hands and leaned down to kiss me. "I'm sorry Caid. I'm not used to someone staying the night…I guess I freaked out just a little. Let's start again, okay?"

  She kissed me again, this kiss much more involved, and when she finally pulled away, she was on top of me in a tangle of limbs, her robe discarded somewhere on the floor, and her breasts warm and supple in my hands.

  She sighed and lifted off of me slightly. "Good morning." She gave me a gentle kiss. "I had a wonderful, wonderful time last night, thank you."

  "I…" I didn't know how to begin telling her what last night had meant to me, and I was fairly certain we weren't ready for declarations of love, regardless of my nocturnal realizations. I settled for a heartfelt, "me too," satisfied for the moment with the pleased smile my words elicited.

  I raised my head and nibbled along the line of her chin, stroking my thumbs gently over already hardened nipples and feeling the answering surge in my body at her sharp intake of breath. "God…." She tucked in her chin, putting it out of my reach, and laid her forehead against mine. "Damn…as much as it kills me to say this, we need to stop. My flight leaves at 10:20 and I have a car coming in an hour, and I still have some things to take care of…"

  I dropped my head to the pillow with a tiny noise of distress. "Son-of-a-bitch." Slowly, with supreme effort, I pulled my hands from where they cupped her breasts and laid them, palms down, on the bed. "Unfair. So unfair."

  "I agree," she said with obvious regret and kissed my nose before rolling off of me and climbing out of bed. "I'm sorry, baby."

  I sighed dramatically, but smiled inwardly. I could get used to that voice calling me baby in the morning. Or any other damn time she pleased. I rolled on my side and watched in disappointment as she retrieved her robe and shrugged it on, hiding all that glorious skin from my appreciative eye.

  "I trust you'll make it up to me later, Ms. Ward?"

  Her gaze swept my naked body, and the smile she gave me could only be described as wicked. Deliciously wicked. "Count on it."

  The look didn't do anything to calm the heat in my belly, and I groaned and pulled a pillow over my head, hearing her laughter move out of the room. "Right now," she called to me as she moved down the stairs, "all I can do is offer you coffee…come on down when you're ready, help yourself to whatever you need."

  I lay still for a minute, attempting to get this thing…this amazing thing…that Robyn did to me under control.

  She had a car coming. She was leaving. For two months.

  I pulled the pillow tight against my face in frustration.

  I wasn't going to see her for two freaking months. Wasn't going to feel what I'd felt the night before for two goddamn months. Wouldn't touch her, hold her, taste her…Christ, she's not even gone yet and I already miss her. You've got it bad, Caid.

  The sound of a phone ringing, muffled by the pillow but still audible, stopped the depressing direction of my thoughts. I tossed the pillow to the side and rolled off the bed, realizing that I was wasting what little time I had with her, and that I should get my butt downstairs pronto. After a quick perusal of my wrinkled clothing from the night before, I grabbed a t-shirt and some shorts from the shelves in Robyn's closet, pausing to breathe in the familiar scent of her that lingered on the clothes before pulling on the faded UCLA t-shirt and black soccer shorts.

  I started down the stairs, whistling happily, and was nearly run over by Robyn, barreling up the stairs full-tilt with a panicked look in on her face. She skidded to an abrupt halt at the sight of me, a brief smile flickering across her features as she took in my outfit.

  "Damn. You look good in my clothes." She blinked, and her expression closed. "But you need to leave. Now."

  The quip about looking even better out of her clothes died on my lips, and I stared at her. "Pardon?"

  She pushed past me into the bedroom, returning a moment later to shove a bundle of clothes - my clothes - into my hands. "My sister just called. She'll be here any minute, and you can't be here."

  I took the clothes automatically and let her direct me down the stairs, bewildered by the turn of events. We were at the entryway and Robyn was muttering something about her sister's bad timing when I finally snapped out of my paralysis.

  I planted my feet and shrugged off the hand that had been none-to-gently pushing me towards the door. "Why?"

  She frowned, glancing nervously at the door. "Why what?"

  "Why do I need to be gone when your sister gets here? You're an adult, Robyn. You own this house. You can have whoever the hell you want here, and it shouldn't make a difference to your sister."

  Her eyes narrowed, her face becoming cold, and I watched the transformation from lover to stranger happen in seconds. She stepped back and crossed her arms. "Careful, Caid. I don't like to be pushed. A night in my bed does not give you the right to tell me how to deal with my family. I'm not coming out to my sister because you're a good lay."

  I blinked, and my ragged, surprised intake of breath was audible.

  Ouch.

  Amazing how much hurt a few careless words could cause. A part of me knew she didn't mean it - couldn't mean it. She was stressed and scared and would regret those words as soon as she had a chance to think about them. In fact, I could tell she was already regretting them as she closed her eyes pinched the bridge of her nose, swearing softly.

  "Shit, Caid, I'm sorry…"

  Knowing she was sorry didn't make her words hurt any less, or dim my flare of anger one bit.

  "Christ, Robyn, I wasn't asking you to come out to your sister, I was just asking you to treat me at least like someone you give a shit about, that's all." Her eyes widened as I stripped out of the t-shirt and shorts I'd borrowed in jerky, angry movements, tossing each item in her direction as it came off.

  "What the hell are you doing?"

  I shook out my own wrinkled clothes and started pulling them back on. "There's a woman I assume is your sister walking up the drive. Wouldn't want her to see me in your clothes, now would we? She might get the wrong idea." I finished dressing and laughed bitterly as I stuffed my bra and underwear into my pocket. "I can't freaking believe this. It's been a long time since I've had to sneak out of someone's house with my underwear in my pocket."

  I pulled at the hem of my silk sleeveless shirt in an ineffectual attempt to get rid of some of the wrinkles, and ran an unsteady hand through my tangled hair, but it didn't help. I looked exactly like I should - like someone who'd spent the night screwing and was now getting kicked out on her ass.

  I gave up with an annoyed expletive and straightened, looking over at Robyn. "Thanks, babe, for turning something I thought was pretty damn amazing into a bad teen movie. Now I know if I ever want to feel like crap, you're my go-to gal."

  She winced and stepped forward. "Caid…"

  I cut her off with a wave of my hand and yanked the door open, startling a blond woman standing on the other side, hand raised to knock. "Morning," I said, nodding politely. "You must be Robyn's sister. Nice to meet you. I work with your sister occasionally and stopped by to say hello. I was just leaving."

  "Caid…wait." Robyn reached for my arm but I slipped past her very confused looking sibling, glancing back when I reached the edge of the porch.

  "Safe trip, Robyn. I'm glad, at least, it was good for you."

  "Goddamnit, Caid, I didn't mean…"

  I whirled and stomp
ed down the walk in very mature, righteous anger, not realizing until I got to Twila's door that I didn't have my keys. Or my wallet. Or my cell phone. All of these items were in my bag, on a stool in Robyn's kitchen.

  Sonofabitch.

  I closed my eyes and leaned my hands against the roof of the car, trying to calm my anger that was now mixed with acute embarrassment. I cannot go back in that house. I cannot go back in that house. I can NOT go back…

  I stamped my foot against the driveway and my eyes popped open at the sudden pain. I looked down and realized I wasn't wearing any shoes.

  Well, fuck.

  "Isn't this just perfect! Last night's clothes, no keys, no wallet, no phone, no goddamn shoes…"

  "Hey, shhh…." Robyn was suddenly behind me, wrapping long arms around my body and pulling me against her. She rested her forehead on my shoulder, tightening her arms. "God, I'm such an idiot, Caid, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it…please, baby, don't leave. I'm sorry…"

  My anger drained away at her panicky tone; I sighed and relaxed back against her. "Shit." Jesus, weren't we a pair. One step forward, eighteen back.

  She raised her head and kissed my hair just behind my ear. "I'm so sorry, Caid. I keep fucking up. I never, ever want to make you feel like I did…you're not a good lay…"

  "Hey!" I squawked, turning my head enough to frown at her.

  "Ah, damn, that didn't come out right…of course you are…great, actually…I mean, not that I think of you that way, despite what I said…"

  She looked so flustered, so damn earnest…I laughed.

  Her forehead creased in confusion and she turned me around to face her, holding me by the shoulders. "You're not mad?"

  I snorted. "Of course I'm mad - it was a shitty thing to say, and a shitty way to treat someone."

  She dropped her hands from my shoulders and looked at the ground, shuffling her feet like a scolded child. A gorgeous, six-foot tall, dressed in a slinky black robe that was a much to short to be standing around in her driveway scolded child. "I know," she said quietly and looked up remorsefully through long lashes.

  It was…adorable.

  Damn. No wonder she got away with acting like an asshole. Whip that look out and no one had a chance. I sighed, and tilted her chin up with my hand. "I'll get over it, Robyn, but this is the last time you get to use the 'I'm not used to this' card, okay? This is new to both of us, but that's not an excuse to act like a jerk."

  "I know, Caid, and I'm sor…"

  "Uh, Robyn? What's going on?" Both our heads jerked towards the tentative voice.

  Whoops. Forgot about the sister.

  Without any urgency, I dropped my hand from Robyn's chin and took a casual step back, moving out of her space. She might have been a bit callous in her phrasing earlier, but Robyn had been right. How she interacted with her family wasn't my business.

  Yet.

  Robyn's eyes flicked over to her sister briefly, and then came back to me, pinning me as though I might leave. She must not have heard my little tirade about not having my keys, wallet and cell phone. "Sorry, Trish…we'll be right in. Can you give us a sec? There's coffee on."

  "Robyn, I need to…"

  "Trish. Please. Just give me a minute, okay?"

  I felt pressure on my fingers and looked down to see that Robyn had taken my hands in hers. I looked at her in surprise. Ten minutes ago, she had been terrified that her sister would find me at her house and get the wrong idea. Or the right idea. Now she was standing here, holding my hands in her driveway.

  There was an annoyed huff and light footsteps retreating back up the walk, but Robyn kept her eyes on me.

  "So." She absently stroked her thumbs over my knuckles, looking at me intently. "Are we okay?"

  I resisted the urge to lean in and kiss the lines of worry from her forehead, settling for a nod and a squeeze of her hands.

  "We're okay."

  Her body sagged visibly in relief, and she blinked slowly and smiled. "Thank you."

  "Do it again, though, and I'll kick that lovely ass of yours into the next century." I was only half kidding, and she knew it.

  "If I do it again, I'd deserve it. I'm truly sorry, Caid. I acted…horribly. If I were in your place…" She shook her head, looking blindly over my shoulder for a moment. "I don't know if I'd have forgiven quite so quickly."

  "Hey." I tugged on her hands, bringing her eyes back to mine. "Don't think that because I'm quick to forgive that it didn't hurt me, Robyn. It hurt. But I'm not ready to throw the towel in quite yet, and I hope you're not either."

  "No way," she said fervently, shaking her head.

  "Good."

  We stood smiling shyly at each other, until she bit her lower lip and looked towards the house. Ah yes, the sister. I kept forgetting about her. Robyn glanced back at me and hesitated, her internal debate surprisingly easy to read in her normally guarded expression.

  "Would you come inside? I'd like…I'd like you to meet Trish properly." Some of the surprise must have shown on my face, because she hastily amended, "Not as a someone I…not as my lover, Caid, I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet, but I do want her to know you're more than just someone I work with occasionally."

  My lover. The words gave me an unexpected thrill of pleasure and I smiled. "I'd like very much to meet your sister."

  "Well then," she said and grinned, "let's not keep her waiting."

  She turned towards the house, dropping one of my hands but keeping a firm grip on the other as she pulled me up the drive.

  When I resisted, she stopped and looked at me curiously. "What's wrong?"

  "Should we…" God, I couldn't believe I was saying this. I felt like I was fifteen, and out past curfew. "Should we get our stories straight or something?"

  Her forehead furrowed in confusion. "Stories straight?"

  "For your sister. You don't want your family to know about…us, but when you came after me, well, that probably looked a little more than friendly. What are you going to tell her?"

  She shrugged. "Nothing."

  "Nothing?"

  "Yes, nothing, because she won't ask."

  "She won't?"

  "She won't. My family…" She shrugged again. "Some things we just don't mention."

  I had a hard time believing that a half-naked Robyn running out of her house and practically tackling a woman in her driveway would be ignored, but soon found that Robyn was right. When we pushed into the kitchen, her sister looked more annoyed than curious, and I got my first lesson in Ward family dynamics.

  Don't ask, don't tell, was alive and well in more places than the U.S. military.

  Robyn went straight to the coffeemaker, filled a mug already sitting on the counter and handed it to me. I looked into the mug and smiled at the milky color, pleased that she'd remembered how I took my coffee. "Thanks." I took a sip, using both hands to bring the cup to my mouth in an effort to quell the urge to touch her.

  She smiled slightly and turned to her sister. "Trish, I'd like you to meet a very good friend of mine, Caid Harris. Caid, this is my older sister Trish."

  Trish was shorter than Robyn by a few inches, with dark blond hair cut in a stylish, chin-length bob. Her features were rounder than Robyn's, and her eyes a light brown instead of the piercing near-black of her sister's, but there was no doubt that they were siblings, and that good looks ran in the family.

  She gave me a polite nod over the top of her coffee cup, her eyes curious. "Nice to meet you."

  "You too," I said, trying to remember the different family members that Robyn had talked about the night before. Oldest sister, Santa Monica, restaurant…"You must be…the chef?"

  "Yes, I am. I have a restaurant in Santa Monica." Her smile widened, and I congratulated myself on picking a topic of conversation that Trish was obviously fond of. "Keeps me running almost non-stop, but I love it. And you…." Her eyes widened and she put her cup down on the counter. "Wait. Caidence Harris? The one who disappeared?"

  I stifled a sigh and
decided now was not the time to go into a defensive diatribe about how I had not disappeared, and how it had been a big misunderstanding. Instead I smiled. "That would be me. But in my defense," I added lightly, "I knew where I was the entire time."

  "Well, whatever happened," she cocked her head slightly to the side and regarded me thoughtfully, "it sure had Robby tied in knots. I'm glad it turned out alright."