When Destinies Collide

by Shirl Rickman

  Her shoulders seem stiff, like she is angry. I begin to feel uncomfortable. I debate whether I should get up and comfort her or wait in this awkward silence. I prefer silence since I’ve never been good at this kind of thing. How can I give support to someone when I can barely handle these emotions myself?

  I should get up. Just as I’m about to get up and go to her, she begins to speak again. “It isn’t his fault, Selene. She found out Jared was out at a party. Drake wouldn’t let her go because he was afraid of her getting hurt. Lacey called me that night, drunk and upset. I just laughed. I bitched about Jared and told her what a piece of shit he is. She said she was going to show up at the party and give him a piece of her mind. Again, I all I did was laugh.”

  Facing me, there is a sad look on her face. I can’t move; I only stare. “If you knew Lacey, you know anyone would think it was hilarious to hear her say that because she was the most gentle person I’ve ever known. But you see, I didn’t take her seriously, and I did nothing. I laughed it off, and she got in that car and died. She died, and so did your mama.”

  Falling to her knees, Emme takes my hands into her own. I stare down at her and realize she is trying to blame herself. Wrapping my arms around her, for the first time in my life, I attempt to give solace while feeling my own at the same time.

  After we’ve both found the comfort we’re seeking, I whisper, “It wasn’t your fault, Emme.”

  She exhales and is quiet for a moment. “Selene, it isn’t Drake’s fault either.” I feel a tight clenching around my heart, but I don’t say anything.

  Drake

  DARKNESS COVERS THE CEMETERY LIKE a blanket. It doesn’t bother me. I’ve lived in darkness most of my life. I always thought Lacey was my light, but she was struggling like a flame endeavoring to stay lit. I just never realized it until now.

  When I finally reach her grave, I sit down in my usual spot and lean up against the stone. If I try really hard, I can imagine sitting side by side as we did when we were kids, reading out loud to one another, finding everything funny. It’s her. I’ve always been able to feel Lacey.

  Closing my eyes, I let out a deep sigh. “Hey, sorry it’s been a while. I’ve been a little lost. Or at least I thought I was for a while.” I sigh wistfully. “I need your help, Lacey. I need to make Selene see we can get through this. I know she blames me. Hell, I blame myself. But I need her. I love her, and she needs to listen.” Just saying this makes me feel better.

  “I want to ask you why. I want to know why you chose to get in the car that night and drive. I know you would be devastated by that decision and the chain of events. I should have been there to stop you.” I blow out a long breath. The what-ifs are pointless.

  Opening my eyes, I lift the book in my hand. “I brought it. I’m sure you’ve been dying to know how it ends. Do you think Sky forgives Holder? He just wanted to protect her.” A cold breeze whips across my face. “Okay, okay, I’ll just read it.” I pull out the flashlight I brought with me.

  Flipping the pages of the book, I begin to read out loud into the night air. I can picture Lacey snuggling in next to me, anticipating what her romantic heart already knows. Sky will forgive Holder. Silly, but this damn girly book gives me hope. Ha. Hope.

  I read until the end. It didn’t take me too long once I got started since we were almost done. She did forgive him, but she needed a little help figuring it out.

  Standing up, I know what I need to do. I can still feel Lacey’s presence around me. “Yeah, I’ll admit it. I loved that damn book. Sucked me right in.” I feel good. “Thanks for everything. Thanks for being a good sister. For always understanding me. For loving me. I hope you forgive me. In the end, I couldn’t save you because I needed saving too. I’m so sorry. I know you wouldn’t blame me. I recognize now you were trying to tell me for years I couldn’t always be the hero. I know you would have attempted to save me if I had let you.”

  My mind drifts to Selene and everything that's happened over the time since she stumbled into my life. I think about who I was then and who I am now. “The thing is, Lacey, I’ve finally been saved. She did that. Selene saved me, and now I need to save us.”

  I press my fingertips to my lips then touch the top of the headstone. “See you soon.” Turning, I head away from her spirit, back into the darkness. This time, I know where to find the light.

  Selene

  ABOUT AN HOUR AFTER EMME leaves, I decide to head downstairs for the first time in days. When I enter the kitchen, I find Aunt Vi making dinner. It smells good. It's been weeks since I’ve actually eaten a meal. She doesn’t even look up. I haven’t been talking to her much either, so I don’t blame her for not acknowledging me. Taking a seat on the stool across from her, I utter softly, “Hey.” She still doesn’t look up. I watch her as she chops the carrots with practiced precision.

  Finally, she raises her gaze away from the carrots. I can see her grip flexing around the handle in nervousness.

  “Selene, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Drake’s connection to your mother’s death. I thought about it often, especially as you both grew closer.”

  She sighs and releases the knife walking around the counter to stand next to me. I feel the bile rise in my throat at her words. It makes me sick every time someone mentions my mama. I thought I was over this feeling, but everything that happened over the last several weeks took me backward. She waits for me to look at her.

  Looking up, I see the tears in her eyes. I don’t want her to feel guilty.

  “I wanted you to be able to see Drake the way I saw him that first day he showed up on my doorstep. I thought you would recognize the boy he tries to hide. I thought once you actually saw him, none of this would matter.” I put my hand over hers on the bar.

  “But it doesn’t matter if I saw him. He…” I stop because I’m not sure I’m convinced what I’m about to say is true. I imagine Drake now with all the pain and hurt he has endured over his life. It’s so much more anguish compared to mine, really.

  She sits next to me. “The thing is, Selene, I believe it would have made all the difference in the world if I would’ve just said something. If you had heard it in a different way, at a different time.”

  Shaking my head, I don’t want to believe that to be true. “You need to listen to me…” Aunt Vi is cut off by the sound of a slamming car door outside. We both look at one another, and she shakes her head, indicating she has no idea who it could be.

  Standing and walking to the window, she pulls the sheer curtain aside and peers out into the dark. Slowly, she turns and faces me. There’s a guarded look on her face. The look shakes my nerves a bit.

  “Who is it?” I ask, a quiver in my voice.

  Coming toward me, she places her hand gently on my shoulder. “Selene, just remember you will have many regrets in your lifetime. Don’t let this be one of them.”

  With that, she walks out of the room. I listen to her footsteps fade down the hall and up the steps. It takes me only a moment to realize who is here. Drake.

  I hear the screen door squeak open and a knocking sound against the back glass. I freeze, a knot forming in my chest. Am I ready to face him? I don’t know, but somewhere deep inside I can feel the yearning of my heart urging me to open my eyes. Gradually, I lift myself off the stool, leaving my doubts behind me. As I turn the knob, I try to prepare myself to see his face. I have no idea what my reaction will be or how I’ll feel. I only know there is a part of me that desperately wants to feel the security he has always given me.

  There he is, and my heart speeds into a new rhythm. I lose my breath. Just this one look does it. I see him. I actually see him. Drake, the one person who makes me feel this way. Even with the distance everything has put between us, I see what I failed to realize before. There is love there. Finally, I recognize what I should’ve seen all along. Drake fixed me. For the first time, I feel unbroken.

  Drake

  At first, I think I’m imagining her standing in front of me. The beauty o
f her face and those sparkling green eyes set me on fire just as they’ve done time and time again. A rush of emotions plays across her features so quickly I can’t decipher what they mean.

  Does she want me to leave? Is she happy to see me? Am I hurting her more by showing up? All my doubts and fears are swirling in my stomach, making me feel nauseous. I’m afraid to speak first, so I wait, anxious that if I move she will run. Seconds begin to feel like hours, my palms feel sweaty, and my heart is nearly beating out of my chest. Maybe she’s waiting for me. My mouth is only barely able to form her name.

  “Selene…”

  It rushes out of me like I’m gasping for my last breath. I feel paralyzed by the nearness of her.

  Slowly, Selene reaches out her hand, pushing gently against my chest until I take a step back. My heart stops, thinking she is about to close the door in my face, but instead she steps out into the cold with me. She looks into my eyes, and I see something I can’t explain.

  “Can we go for a walk and talk?” she asks, her voice shaking.

  I’m not sure if it’s nerves or the chilly breeze that blows around us, but my voice squeaks out, “Sure.”

  She moves past me. I must be mistaken, but I think I catch a small glimpse of hope in her expression. Could it be? I don’t say anything, watching her for a minute.

  As she reaches the middle of the backyard under the huge oak trees, the winter moonlight illuminating her, Selene looks over her shoulder.

  “Are you coming or not?”

  She just keeps walking, and I have to run to catch up with her. This isn’t what I was expecting. I have my doubts, but I feel resilience trying to push its way through them.

  I stop jogging once I’m a few feet behind her. I’m unable to explain why, but I feel like I need to give her some space. Maybe I need my own, too.

  She continues walking along the riverbank as we have done before. I follow her in silence. It’s obvious to me she has some things she wants to say, and I’ll wait until she is ready to say them. Even if it’s forever, as long as I can be near her. I don’t even realize it, but we’re at our spot, and she has suddenly come to a stop. Her back is still to me.

  For the first time, I notice her clothes are hanging on her a little more loosely than nearly a month ago when I saw her last. She shivers when the wind blows again off the water.

  Stopping behind her a few feet, I wait, even though my hands are itching to touch her. Slowly, she turns around. I’m not sure what I expect, but it definitely isn’t the smile I see spread across her face.

  Even though I’m confused, I can’t help my lips turning up at the corners too. She moves toward me, her eyes never leaving mine. I think how she looks like a ghost with the reflection of moonlight on the water behind her. God, I hope I’m not dreaming.

  When she is standing directly in front of me, she stops. Looking down at her, I watch her face. Her impressive, beautiful, soft face. Placing both of her hands on either side of mine, she lightly rubs her thumb over the bruise under my eye, her lips turning down in a frown.

  “Drake, I’m so, so sorry. I regret not stopping and listening to you that day. I regret I didn’t trust you enough to allow myself to hear the truth. I regret you live in fear I’ll never understand.” Tears are flowing from her eyes now, and I’m pretty sure mine are doing the same.

  She rises up on her tiptoes and places a gentle kiss to the bruise beneath my eye. “I hope you can forgive me for not listening and causing you more pain. I want to hear you now. I want to listen to whatever you need to tell me because…” She swallows hard. “Because I love you, Drake, and I don’t ever want you to be one of my regrets.”

  Did I hear her right? My brain is having a hard time wrapping itself around the fact she said she loved me. I cover her hands with mine and pull them down between us. I interlock our fingers, staring at how small her hands are in mine before I look up at her. My heart is drumming against my rib cage at a pace I never thought possible.

  “God, Selene, I lo—”

  She gently pulls her hand from mine and presses her fingertip against my lips. Shaking her head, she says, “No, I want you to wait until you tell me why you think the accident is your fault. Then I want you to only say what you feel, and not in response to what I just said to you.”

  My lips spread wide under her finger, lightly kissing it before I nod my head. It’s only then she puts her hand down and locks it again with mine.

  I thought it would be easier to explain that night to her than to earn her forgiveness. Apparently, I was wrong. It’s hard to look at this girl and tell her things I’ve never said to anyone. Part of me is scared she will see me as weak and pathetic. Most of all, I don’t want to relive one instant of the life that drove me to be the Drake I was before Lacey died.

  I feel a tiny squeeze of my hand. Clearing my throat, I begin.

  “I don’t even know what I would’ve said that day, Selene. When your Aunt Violette told me the other car involved in the accident with Lacey was your mother, it broke me. I knew the boy I once was hurt you. I knew this was what my mother meant when she said I had done something to you that you would never forgive me for. She said it’s my fault because it was my alcohol, and because that night I left Lacey at home when she wanted to go.”

  Pulling my hand from hers, I leave her standing alone while I walk to the edge of the river.

  “It was mine, and I did leave Lacey there alone. I spent my whole life doing everything I could to draw attention to myself so she wouldn’t have a reason to notice Lacey. Most of the time it worked, especially the older we got. I caused trouble and made sure Lacey stayed out of it. I just wanted to keep her safe.”

  Turning back to face her, I hold back the tears that threaten to fall.

  “I was so disgusting, Selene. I used girls, people, and drugs. I numbed myself to the fear of my mother and, in the process, made sure she had reason to only want to punish me. So, that night I could see Lacey didn’t want me to leave. She had confronted me about hurting myself to help her. I didn’t listen. I couldn’t listen. I said things I didn’t mean, and I left. I left her when she begged me not to. I blame myself because I’m still protecting her. It’s my fault because it can’t be hers. I need you to see it that way too because I don’t want you to hate her. She was my sister. She was the good twin, and she doesn’t deserve to be hated.”

  I’m practically begging now, standing before her, hoping she can understand what I mean and forgive me at the same time.

  “She was good, and I’m not. I deserve for you to hate me, but I pray and plead for you to forgive me.”

  I fall to my knees in front of her, wrapping my arms around her waist and leaning into her. I don’t care if I appear pathetic. I need her, and I’ll do anything. Her hands brush over the top of my head.

  “Drake, I don’t know if I …”

  My stomach drops because she is about to tell me she can’t forgive me.

  “I’ve lived in darkness for most of my life, but that day I heard your voice and saw you, I knew you were here to finally show me the way out. I’ve loved you since that first moment and every moment since then. I hope—I need you to forgive me.”

  I’m still hugging her against me with my face in her middle. She reaches back and pulls my arms apart to loosen my grip. My heart stops. She can’t forgive me.

  “Drake, please look at me.” Her voice is full of tears. “I can’t forgive you because there is nothing to forgive you for. It wasn’t your fault. I guess I’ve always known that, but I couldn’t see beyond my pain to realize it. Please stop blaming yourself.”

  She leans down and presses her lips to mine, and then she pulls back, looking in my eyes.

  “I could never hate Lacey either. I do forgive her. My mama would want it that way. But you have to stop trying to save everyone. Okay?” Her eyes are searching my face.

  “Drake, say okay”

  At first, all I can do is look into her eyes. I can’t be sure I heard her right. S
he forgives me and doesn’t blame Lacey. It’s everything I hoped. I don’t deserve this, but I’m not going to question it any longer. I pull her down into my lap and onto her back, cradling her in my arms.

  “Okay.” I give her a quick peck on the lips. “Okay,” I say again.

  I look into her eyes again, and I finally recognize what I saw when she opened the door earlier. It’s love. I laugh a little, and it echoes through the cold night air.

  “I love you, Selene Chandler. Fuck, it feels good to finally say that!”

  She slaps my arm. “You say fuck too much!”

  I waggle my eyebrows at her and then kiss her so hard she can’t do anything but return it. So this is what living in the light feels like.

  Drake

  WAKING UP TO A LITTLE more than an inch of snow with promises of more can’t dampen my mood. It never snows here, but a freakish winter storm moved in from the north, so I plan on taking advantage of it. Most likely, it will all be gone within a day. But this means we get a snow day.

  The best part is it has been three days since Selene took me for a walk and changed my life.

  She forgave me. She listened. She kissed me. And the greatest part of all is she said she loved me. I could see it was hard for her to open herself up like that and trust me. I could tell because I felt the exact same thing. She changed me. I changed her. We only need each other to get through anything. It feels good to be confident in that.

  I traipse my way through the snow to Selene’s front door. The doctor finally released her to normal activity, so I thought we would have a little fun. We both need it. The last month has been trying, Fuck, our whole lives have been trying. But now we have each other. We can move on, finish school, and the thought of doing it together only makes it better.