Widow, Virgin, Whore - A Novel

by Deanna Lynn Sletten

  The group sat in the chairs to reserve Darla's strength while Jeff set up the camera on a tripod. While they waited, Principal Spheres approached Darla and Katherine.

  "I must admit, I didn't completely approve of this speech at first," he told them. "But after reading a copy of your speech, I was much more enthusiastic." He clapped his pudgy hands together quietly. "And we received a positive response from ninety-five percent of our students' parents. Many parents requested attending today, too. That is very encouraging." He smiled at them, obviously pleased with the outcome of the situation. Katherine was excited to hear that so many were attending but when she looked over at Darla, she saw she'd turned a few shades paler than she already was.

  "You mean I'm going to talk to nineteen-hundred students?" she asked Katherine quietly as Principal Spheres left them to greet parents who had just arrived.

  "And most of the faculty, and parents, too," Katherine added with a teasing smile.

  "Whose idea was this, anyway?" Darla moaned.

  Katherine grinned at Darla's sudden stage fright. "Yours. And it was a good one. Remember that."

  Darla groaned again.

  A bell rang and soon groups of students arrived in the lunch room led by teachers. They were directed to line the stage area and sit, leaving an open aisle down the middle of the room. Several more parents came in and sat in the chairs, as did the teachers. The room soon filled with chatter as the students settled in and waited. From a distance, Katherine saw Chris and Chelsea up near the front of the stage. They had requested that place to lend quiet support to Darla.

  The room continued to fill as Darla watched with wide eyes. This was so much bigger than she'd expected. Katherine watched her closely, afraid she might faint from fear.

  Finally, the stream of students coming in subsided and everyone was settled. Principal Spheres stepped up to Darla and whispered, "I'll introduce you and then you can come up on stage." He smiled at her and headed up to the stage.

  The room quieted as he stepped onto the platform. "Students, teachers, and parents, I'd like to welcome you all today and tell you how happy I am that you could be here. AIDS is a serious subject, one that we all should be aware, informed, and educated about. We are honored to be able to share in this subject with our speaker today. I hope you will all give your complete attention and respect to Ms. Darla Richards."

  A soft, respectful applause began as Katherine and Darla looked straight at each other. "This is it," Katherine whispered.

  Darla took a deep breath. "Help me up there so I don't fall or faint, okay?"

  Katherine nodded and holding Darla's arm, they walked up the aisle and onto the stage as the applause faded. Darla turned and sat in the chair with Katherine's help, all the while feeling the sets of almost two-thousand eyes upon her. Katherine squeezed her hand for reassurance, turned, and stepped off the stage.

  Darla sat there for what seemed to her like hours, watching the faces as they watched her. Expectant faces. She worried that her voice would not hold out. She wondered if she looked okay. The thick, red, cowl-neck sweater and black trousers she wore hung on her thin frame despite the fact that Denise had run out at the last minute and purchased the smallest size she could find. Her once size eleven frame had dwindled to a size four. But the color of the sweater gave her pale skin a little glow and the makeup Denise helped her apply made her skin look a little less gaunt.

  Everyone sat silent, waiting, as Darla continued to stare back, then she saw Chelsea and Chris smiling up at her from where they were seated on the floor directly in front and her courage returned. Lifting the microphone, she began.

  "Hi, everyone. My name is Darla Richards. I'm a daughter, sister, mother," her eyes dropped to Chelsea, "girlfriend, and friend." Her eyes fell upon Katherine, who smiled back at her from the crowd. "And I have AIDS." The room fell completely silent. Not a word was spoken or a movement made by anyone. Having finally spoken the first sentence, Darla relaxed and continued.

  "Oh, but AIDS doesn't happen to people like you, right? AIDS isn't a problem you need to think or worry about. It happens to other people. Well, think again. I used to think like that. I didn't worry about getting sick or dying. But it did happen to me, and now sickness and dying are things I worry about a lot.

  "When I was your age, no one had ever even heard of AIDS. So, we weren't taught about it in school or by our parents. Then, when AIDS was discovered in the eighties, people I know, myself included, still didn't worry about it. I never even knew that much about it, until I got it. And that's why I got it. I was uneducated about AIDS. I didn't take it seriously. I wasn't careful. I didn't show respect for myself and take care of myself like I should have. And now I'm paying for that. And that's something I want all of you to understand. If you care about yourself, like you should, then you will take care, and be careful."

  Darla paused for a moment to catch her breath. Her adrenaline was flowing and her eyes were bright. The students were listening intently. She could see the interest in their eager faces. She was no longer scared. She only hoped she had enough time to say everything she wanted to.

  "So, what's it like to live with AIDS? Well, you all saw my friend, Katherine, walk up here with me and help me get seated. I was sick recently and lost a lot of strength, so I need help doing things I used to take for granted, like dressing, showering, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, and walking across a room. I'm only thirty-eight years old, and although that may seem old to all of you," Darla chuckled and the room filled with soft laughter, "it's too young to need help with everyday things. I used to work full time at a great job, but I lost that because I was sick too much and couldn't go to work. I used to go out dancing with my friends, but I can't do that anymore. I even lost a lot of my old friends because they didn't want to be near me, afraid they'd get sick with AIDS, too. I used to go shopping with my daughter, Chelsea, for hours at the mall, but I can't do that either. All I can do is sit on the sofa and watch TV or lie in bed, and believe me, that's not a lot of fun. Watching life is not as much fun as participating in it.

  When I was first diagnosed with AIDS, I found out I was already full-blown. That means I wasn't just HIV positive, the virus was already attacking my system. Some people can be HIV positive for years and not be sick. I didn't know I was HIV positive until after I got sick. I came down with a terrible pneumonia that is common for people with AIDS, and you can die from it. I was lucky, though, I pulled through okay. Then, for a while, I took pills to keep my T-cell count up and my viral load down. That's what determines how sick you are. If your T-cell count is low, you get sick more often. If it's high, your system fights off infection better because your immune system is stronger. Anyway, the pills I took, and it was between twenty and thirty a day, helped me feel good for a while." Darla paused a moment, her eyes searching the room of young people. "Imagine taking twenty pills a day. Just think about that, twenty pills. I bet most of you don't take anything more than a vitamin a day or maybe a pill a day if you're sick, right? And you can't just take them; you have to make sure to take the right combination of pills at the right time each day for them to be effective. And you have to eat with them, too, even if you feel too sick to eat. But because of the pills, I could keep my strength up and work and do stuff for myself. But as AIDS progressed, the pills no longer worked for me, so I stopped taking them.

  Now that I'm off the pills, I have to be extra careful not to get sick. My immune system is very low, and even a cold, something most people can just take a cold tablet or Tylenol and keep on going with, even a plain old cold can make me extremely sick." Darla paused again. Even though she was still excited, she felt her energy fading. She slowed down her pace and smiled at the solemn looking students around her.

  "This is starting to sound dreary, isn't it?" she said, smiling, easing the tension in the room. "I can't say that all my experiences since I've had AIDS have been negative. Some good things have happened to keep me going. I said earlier that I lost a lot of my o
ld friends when they found out I had AIDS. But I found out who my real friends are, the people who continue to stand by me no matter how sick, cranky, or horrible I get." Her eyes fell on Katherine as she said this, then they turned to Carl and Jeff as she continued. "And I've made some new friends. Good friends. People I can count on being there for me when I need them. And I've learned how to be a better friend myself."

  Katherine listened from across the room as Darla talked about Allison and Susie, and Jeff's fundraising group. Pride swelled inside her for what Darla was doing, and tears threatened to fill her eyes. Darla had the audience riveted to her every word as she shared her experiences in her steady, even tone. Katherine looked over at Denise and saw that she, too, had tears in her eyes, her pride for her sister so obvious. Katherine reached her arm over her friend's shoulders and silently hugged her, both understanding the significance of what they were witnessing. Darla had blossomed from a selfish, self-indulging person into one willing to share herself with others for their good, not her own. If anything positive could be said about Darla having AIDS, then this transformation of character would be it.

  The hour came near a close and the wear showed on Darla's tired face as she finished speaking. "Please," she said, her eyes scanning the students in the room. "Take AIDS seriously. Help people you know who have it, volunteer to help raise funds for it, do whatever you can to try to bring AIDS to an end. And take good care of yourselves, so you never have to know what it's like to live with AIDS."

  The room sat suspended for one long moment, then gentle applause began which suddenly exploded into a thunderous thank you of hands, clapping for the woman who was brave enough to share her life story with them. Darla sat there, amazed at their response, smiling appreciatively.

  Principal Spheres joined Darla up on stage and slowly the applause subsided. He retrieved the microphone from Darla and said, "Thank you, middle school students, for sitting politely and quietly as our visitor spoke. We have a few minutes left, so if there are any questions, please feel free to ask them." He handed the microphone back to Darla and they both waited for the first hand to rise. To their surprise, many hands eagerly shot into the air.

  Darla pointed to a blonde girl near the front. "Are you sick with stuff, like colds or flu all the time?"

  "Sometimes I can go for weeks without being sick and then I'm able to build up my strength and feel, more or less, normal," Darla answered. "Other times I'm sick with different things one right after the other. Lately, I've been sick more than well."

  Darla pointed out a boy with red hair farther back in the room. "Is it true they call the pills AIDS patients take a cocktail?" Everyone around him giggled and Darla smiled back at him.

  "Yes, it is. Weird name, huh? Sounds like a party food instead of something to keep you alive." Everyone in the audience chuckled as Darla pointed out another young person.

  "Can you get AIDS just by living in the same house with someone who has AIDS?" he asked seriously.

  Darla shook her head. "No. AIDS isn't like the flu or an infection. You can't get it by living with someone who has it, kissing them, hugging them, or even drinking out of their glass. It can't be passed that way. Like I mentioned before, it can only be passed through unprotected sex, sharing dirty needles, or touching someone's body fluids when you have a cut or sore on your hands. There are a lot of people who work with AIDS patients, or live with people with AIDS, who do not become infected."

  Darla pointed to a girl near the back row whose arm had been up since the very beginning. She stood up and asked in a tentative voice, "Are you afraid of dying?"

  Darla sat one long moment, taken aback by the question. This was something she hadn't allowed herself to think much about. Everyone in the room fell silent, waiting for an answer.

  Katherine sat up straight and watched her intensely.

  Darla collected her thoughts and answered carefully. "I was at first, maybe I still am a little bit. But it's not death that scares me so much as not being alive anymore. It's missing all the things that I would have seen if I hadn't gotten AIDS. Things like my daughter's graduation, her wedding, or my grandchildren. I'll never see those things, and that makes me sad."

  The young girl nodded her head and sat down. The room fell silent, sobered by the reality of death.

  The bell rang, announcing the end of the day. Principal Spheres spoke over the microphone. "Once again, let's give our thanks to Ms. Richards for sharing her story with us." The room pounded with applause that quieted only when the principal dismissed the students.

  Katherine headed up to the stage to help Darla but found it hard to get through the mob of students. Kids had surrounded Darla to say thank you, while others had circled Chelsea to tell her what a cool mom she had. The students reluctantly dispersed only after the principal reminded them that the buses were leaving soon.

  Everyone from Darla's group filled the stage then. Denise hugged her sister. "I'm so proud of you," she told her.

  Marcia and Dan did the same. They were all so proud of Darla. Chelsea hugged her mom and told her what a great job she'd done. Chris told her she really blew the kids away with her honesty. Jeff said it was going to make a great learning tape for others to watch. Gary said she'd made a great impact on them all.

  And there was more. Parents came up to thank her, teachers asked her questions, everyone who'd heard her speak had something positive to tell her. Darla was overwhelmed, hardly believing the attention showered upon her.

  As the crowd began to thin out, Katherine was finally able to get close to Darla. Their eyes met, and both held a small smile for the other.

  "You did it, lady," Katherine said, her eyes twinkling. "And you did a great job."

  "Thanks," Darla replied softly.

  "You look tired."

  "I am. Can we go home now?"

  Katherine held out her hand to help her stand. "You've got it."

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Darla was so exhausted by the time they arrived home she crawled into bed and slept through the evening and all night. She missed talking to Craig when he called to ask how the speech had gone and to say he'd be held over in Vancouver another day. "They just have a couple of tests to re-do," he explained to Katherine, offering no other details. His voice sounded unconcerned, but there was something in it, a catch, perhaps, that made her worry just the same.

  The next morning, Darla awoke feverish and dizzy with a horrendous headache. Her skin looked ashen and her eyes glassy, worrying Katherine. But Darla brushed aside her concern, telling her it was only because she'd overexerted herself the day before. But the day after that the vomiting began again, although it settled down early in the day, making Darla too weak to leave her bed. Katherine suggested seeing the doctor, but Darla refused. So, Katherine had to satisfy herself with the fact that Darla had a check-up scheduled on Friday. She hoped the doctor could do something to help Darla feel better.

  Late that afternoon, while Darla was taking a nap in her room and Katherine was busy making supper, Craig called to say he was back. His tone sounded excited, and Katherine took that as a positive sign. "Things must have gone well for you," she commented.

  "As I suspected they would," was all he said. But he had a favor to ask her. "Will you all be home tonight?"

  "Sure, come on over."

  "Well, do you think you could do something for me without asking why?"

  Katherine's brows rose at the strange request. "What?"

  "Would you ask Denise to invite Gary over and get Darla dressed and down on the sofa? Have the kids join us, too. I'll be over around seven."

  "What's this all about?" Katherine asked.

  "It's a surprise. A celebration, actually. But don't say a word to Darla. Just have her ready and tell her I asked you to."

  Katherine shrugged. "Okay, we'll be waiting."

  True to his word at seven that evening Craig arrived, looking pale and worn but wearing a smile. Everyone was waiting anxiously for him in the living ro
om. Gary had come over for dinner and stayed, and Katherine and Denise had helped Darla dress and brought her down to the sofa despite her protests. She was happy Craig was coming over, but thought it was too much fuss cleaning up and dressing considering the way she felt. She couldn't imagine why he wanted her to go through all the work. But when Craig entered the room, the mystery was solved. Behind him trailed Carl and Jeff and several volunteers from the AIDS fundraising group carrying bags of snacks, cases of soda, and handfuls of CDs.

  "What's all this?" Katherine asked, amazed at the party descending upon them.

  "It's a celebration," Craig announced happily. "To commemorate Darla's success at the middle school." He moved over to her side as Darla smiled up at him. Darla looked happier than she had in days.

  "Is this okay?" Craig asked Katherine softly.

  "Okay? It's wonderful. Let's move some of this furniture over and get the party started."

  Eagerly, the group helped move the two sofas to the side of the room even as Darla lay on one of them. Others set up snacks of potato chips, dips, pretzels, cookies, crackers, and soda on the dining room table while Jeff organized the CDs and set up the stereo. Within minutes, the living room was hopping with tunes from the 70s and 80s and people were dancing on the cleared, wooden floor.

  Chris and Chelsea jumped right in dancing The Bump and The Hustle they had learned from the Elton dance. Denise and Gary cuddled in the corner of the room, and Katherine alternated between playing hostess and dancing with Jeff, Carl, and others. Craig was able to get Darla off the sofa twice to slow dance, but each time tired her and she had to rest again. But she wore a content smile on her face at having her friends there with her and even managed to eat some of the snack foods. Her eyes were bright and her cheeks flushed pink with excitement. It was so good for her to be with friends, and Katherine said as much to Craig when they danced together later that evening. The Eagles were singing "Take It To The Limit" and they were off to one side as others danced around them.