I'm Not in Love (Once Upon a Winter Book 2)

by Tennant, Tilly

  She refreshed her inbox once, cursed herself for being stupid enough to think that anyone was going to respond that quickly, and then minimised the screen so she could get some work done. It had piled up during Gina and Jess’s visit, and there was more than enough now to keep her working until midnight for the next couple of weeks.

  Three days had passed since Gina had gone home, and the house had become Hannah’s again. The peace had been welcome at first, but now it felt almost too quiet. Hannah had tidied away the Christmas mess, and then she had gone to the antique wardrobe in the spare room, bundled Jason’s clothes into a bin bag and dropped them off at the church for their monthly jumble sale. It was a simple act of decluttering, but it had meant so much more. Everything had gone, even the clothes Mitchell had borrowed; it was Hannah’s way of putting all that behind her, a promise to turn over a fresh page and start a brand new chapter in her life. It would be nice to date, have a few nights out, enjoy some frivolous sex once in a while, but never again would she get hung up on a man and let him take over her life. That was the intention, anyway. She’d heard no more from Mitchell or Martine, and while she was still intrigued by the mystery that surrounded them, she decided that it was probably for the best if she didn’t see them again. It was even something of a relief, if she was honest, because Gina was right: it could only lead to trouble. She hadn’t told anyone about signing up to the dating agency either; she’d just see what happened. Probably nothing, so until something did, there was really no need to tell anyone. Despite this, it would have been nice to share it with Gina. She had wondered a few times about telling her, but then decided against it for reasons she couldn’t quite put her finger on. For now she was just quietly getting on with the rest of her life.

  *

  An hour later Hannah checked her inbox again. No messages so she went back to work. Usually she found the process of designing soothing, but her mind wouldn’t stay on anything today. With a sigh, she grabbed her duffle coat. A breath of air might be just the thing to clear her head.

  The morning was bright and clear, and if it hadn’t been for the bitter wind, Hannah could almost imagine it was spring. She wandered in the direction of Holly Farm, for no other reason than her feet seemed to take her that way. Perhaps it was the subconscious need to see a friendly face, and when she found Ross digging a hole for a new fencepost on the farm’s boundaries, she couldn’t help a broad smile.

  ‘If it isn’t my favourite knight in shining armour.’

  ‘Oh aye…’ he turned to her and leaned on his spade with a sweaty grin, ‘you know a lot of them do you?’

  ‘Ooooh, tons. None as good as you, though.’

  ‘What brings you this way? Come to see my mum? Please say you’ve come to see my mum because she’s been going on about you ever since your last visit.’

  ‘Has she?’ Hannah smiled.

  ‘Yup. Determined to get you involved in the WI.’

  Hannah’s face fell again. She had hoped to have dropped off Briony’s WI radar by now.

  ‘I thought that would wipe the smile off your mush,’ Ross laughed. ‘Actually she’d just love to see you again, says she really enjoyed your chat last time and I shouldn’t have stolen you away.’

  Hannah recalled that it had been less of a chat in the traditional sense and more of a barrage of gossip from Briony at Hannah. Still, it had obviously made her happy and Hannah couldn’t grumble about that. ‘I’ll call tomorrow if she’s going to be around. I’d love to see her today but I have a ton of work to do.’

  ‘Looks like it…’ Ross raised his eyebrows.

  ‘Oh…’ Hannah laughed, ‘I just needed a walk before I exploded. Sometimes I have to clear my head and then I can concentrate, you know?’

  ‘Not really. I’ve never been one for computer screens, that’s why I work outdoors. I’ve got a laptop, but I rarely use it.’

  ‘You must need to concentrate when you fix engines.’

  ‘I suppose I do but I enjoy it so much I hardly notice.’

  ‘It’s the same with me. I love my work. It certainly beats what I used to do before.’

  ‘What was that?’

  ‘Territory manager for an art supply company. I liked visiting the clients and driving around but I couldn’t stand the pressure of sales targets. Gina does a similar job, quite by coincidence, but she doesn’t let it get to her like I did. When you don’t give a stuff you seem to earn higher bonuses for some reason and she does well. Perhaps the customers can smell desperation on you.’

  ‘Perhaps…’ Ross chuckled. ‘Well, it’s all Greek to me. Give me an engine or a shovel any day and I’m happy as a pig in muck.’

  ‘Which is lucky as you’re a farmer.’

  ‘So I am!’ Ross laughed. ‘So your sister got home ok?’

  ‘Yes, no problems. Not that it would bother her if there were, she’d just rise above it like some serene and chilled disco queen.’

  ‘I can imagine,’ Ross smiled. ‘Not that I know her that well, of course…’

  They fell into an awkward pause, where Hannah wondered if he was thinking about what it might be like to know Gina well. He fiddled with the handle of his spade. It was an uncharacteristically doubtful gesture and showed a hint of vulnerability that Hannah hadn’t seen in him before.

  ‘So I can tell Mum you’ll call in?’ he asked, finally breaking the silence.

  ‘Yes, most definitely. And I’ll tell Gina that you were asking about her.’ Hannah didn’t quite know why she felt the need to reassure him of this, but it seemed like something he’d want to hear.

  ‘Great…’ Ross looked down at his boots as he dug his toe into a pile of upturned soil.

  ‘Well,’ Hannah said, ‘I’ll let you get on in peace.’

  He looked up and smiled, more like his usual self. ‘Enjoy the rest of your walk. Just be careful further down the lane – it’s muddier than it looks down there and I don’t want to have to winch you out with the tractor.’

  ‘I’m going straight home now. I think I’ve wasted enough time for one day; I need to get some work of my own done.’

  Ross tipped his forehead in a little salute. ‘Don’t forget my mum, will you?’

  ‘I won’t,’ she smiled. ‘What sort of cake does she like?’

  ‘You’re going to bake?’

  ‘Not likely! I’m not in the habit of poisoning my neighbours! I was going to pick one up from the bakery.’

  ‘Don’t do that,’ Ross said amiably, ‘she’d be heartbroken if she wasn’t able to make you a cake. She’s always finding excuses to bake – me and Dad will be wobbling around the farm if we don’t get more help eating them.’

  ‘Really? I feel a bit weird turning up empty handed at anyone’s house.’

  ‘What will really make her happy is just that – you turning up. She loves company and sometimes I think the farm is a bit remote. That’s why she gets involved in everything going.’

  ‘Well I can definitely do that then. Maybe I’ll see you when I pop in?’

  ‘Maybe… if I’m allowed anywhere near the kitchen when the girlie conversation is in full swing.’ Ross grinned.

  *

  After a few days had passed Hannah had collected a healthier pile of enquires from prospective suitors on the dating site. Most of them were entirely unsuitable, however, and she didn’t need to read more than a few lines of their message to figure this out. They either talked about themselves with an alarming degree of narcissism, or described their male appendages in an equally worrying manner. The ones who didn’t, sounded like mummy’s boys or the sort who would furtively steal your knickers to add to their private collection. Only one stood out as half human, someone calling himself Chris P. It was a normal name for a start, but that was probably all Hannah was going to get without meeting him. As she considered her options, Hannah asked herself, yet again, what the hell she was thinking of.

  She read the message again. And then she re-read Chris P’s profile. He looked ok. But only o
k. Was that good enough? Was there any point in putting herself through this for only ok? He’s probably much nicer in real life, she told herself, most people find it hard to sell themselves without looking like a twat. She was sure she probably looked like a twat from her profile too. And you couldn’t get any sort of chemistry through a computer screen. There might be an instant physical attraction that she just wouldn’t know about until they met. But, then again… he could be a twat.

  In the end, it had seemed a much safer bet to let Briony Hunter cajole her into going to her charity salsa night. Nice and safe, as usual, Hannah thought. Not that the idea of a room full of virtual strangers wasn’t a daunting prospect, but at least she had enlisted the support of her sister, who was even now on her way from Birmingham. Gina hadn’t taken much persuading, stating that January was shit and anything to break the tedium was fine by her. Hannah suspected it was a welcome distraction from messy divorce proceedings but, either way, she was glad of the company. Everyone else would doubtless be there with dates and spouses and as long as she and Gina weren’t expected to dance together they could get legless at the bar and have a pretty good night watching everyone else, not to mention helping various local charities in the process.

  *

  Later that evening, Gina and Hannah jostled for space at the bathroom mirror.

  ‘Hey, this is my house!’ Hannah giggled. She was already succumbing to the pleasant effects of a glass or two of gin and tonic, and Gina was similarly well-oiled on the mojitos she’d mixed for herself.

  ‘But I’m your guest. You’re supposed to go out of your way to make sure I’m happy.’

  ‘You should be happy I let you come anywhere with me at all.’ She gave Gina a playful shove. ‘So shift it.’

  ‘You should be honoured I’m allowing myself to be seen out with a social embarrassment like you,’ Gina laughed as she shoved her back. ‘Now, out of the way, munchkin. I’ve got beautifying to get on with.’

  ‘You don’t need it, you look gorgeous already.’

  ‘Are you kidding? I’ve got a couple of years on you; it’s hard enough as it is without keeping up with a younger model.’

  ‘Only a tiny bit younger,’ Hannah laughed. ‘I think at this point in our lives it doesn’t really make all that much difference.’

  ‘You’d be surprised.’

  ‘I don’t know why you’re worrying anyway – you got all the good genes.’

  ‘That’s not saying much from our parents, is it?’

  Hannah’s smile slipped.

  ‘Still,’ Gina continued quickly, ‘who wants to think about all that crap now? We’ve got serious things to sort out. Like do I go in a classy black dress or a slutty red one?’

  ‘Red. If it’s the dress I’m thinking of it will shake things up a bit.’

  ‘What are you wearing?’

  Hannah frowned. ‘I have absolutely no idea. Every dress I had thought about wearing looks horrible tonight and I didn’t buy anything new because I didn’t think it was worth spending the money. I wish I’d splashed out now, though.’

  ‘Want to borrow?’

  Hannah shook her head. ‘They won’t look the same on me. I haven’t got the gravity defying boobies for a start.’

  ‘It’s all in the bra, my dear, I keep telling you that. Try one of my dresses, please. I’ve brought far too many with me so it seems a shame to drag them all over and not use them.’

  ‘You could leave them here for when you come back.’

  ‘You mean come over and get pissed in public with you more often? Hannah Meadows – what on earth has got into you? You hate clubbing!’

  ‘I don’t hate it; I just don’t see the point of it most of the time. Right now, though, I feel like letting my hair down and having a little fun.’

  Gina turned back to the mirror and dabbed at her foundation. ‘Is that why Jason’s clothes have gone?’

  ‘You little sneak. Nothing escapes your notice, does it?’ Hannah laughed. ‘I thought it was about time. Besides, I need the wardrobe space if you’re going to keep your clothes in there.’

  ‘You know the minute I leave a dress here I’m going to want it in Birmingham?’

  ‘You don’t go out that much, surely?’

  ‘I might start… I’ve registered on a dating site.’

  Hannah blinked at her. And then she let out a peal of laughter. ‘Oh my God! So have I!’

  ‘Aren’t they all just absolute wankers, though?’ Gina said as she dusted some blusher over her cheeks. ‘This one guy sent me a photo of his boat in the Med instead of a photo of himself. I mean, what’s that about? I don’t have a personality but will my boat do instead? It’s doubtful he even has a boat, so either way he’s a loser.’

  ‘To be honest, in most cases I’d rather date the boat,’ Hannah laughed. ‘You can have a lot of fun in one of them.’

  ‘And they don’t shag their secretaries the minute your back is turned.’

  ‘Too true,’ Hannah agreed.

  ‘So… have you had any decent offers?’

  Hannah shrugged. ‘One half-decent one, but in the end I couldn’t be bothered. Half-decent isn’t really decent enough, is it? I’ll keep my membership for a while and see what else comes in but I’m not holding my breath.’

  ‘I’ve had one or two interesting ones. I don’t know about all these computer matches these sites run. Perhaps they’d work if the men they were trying to match me with weren’t mostly lying bastards to begin with. They say they like kittens and shopping but turn up to the date with matching his‘n’hers gimp suits and a penchant for shagging in custard.’

  ‘Blimey, they’re a bit more extreme in Brum, aren’t they?’ Hannah giggled.

  ‘And that’s just Howard.’ Gina applied a last slick of mascara and dropped the tube into her make-up bag. ‘The mirror’s all yours – make yourself gorgeous.’

  ‘How long have we got?’ Hannah asked. ‘I might have had enough time if I’d started last week.’

  ‘Silly,’ Gina smiled. ‘You know I was always envious of you when we were teenagers?’

  Hannah stared. ‘Seriously? What on earth for? You were always the beautiful one and I was envious of you!’

  ‘I was the tall, willowy one with what turned out to be pretty decent breasts but you were the one with the rosy little cheeks that everyone wanted to squish. You had the sparkle in your eyes and the huggable little bod. People wanted to love you, where they wanted to admire me. I only wanted to be loved.’

  ‘I love you, more than any sister loved another,’ Hannah said. ‘And don’t expect me to repeat that ever again because it’s the gin talking.’

  Gina pulled her into a hug. ‘Come here, sis. Now, let’s get ready for this… whatever it is you’ve dragged me here for. And there had better be some fit guys to compensate for my horrible train journey next to fried chicken armpit man.’

  ‘You know Ross is picking us up. There’s one straight away.’

  ‘Ah… Ross….’ Gina said in a deliberately dreamy voice. ‘Such a pity he’s not interested in an old lady. If the ball was for Help the Aged I might be able to persuade him to do me for charity.’

  ‘I probably shouldn’t say this… but I think he might be a bit interested.’

  ‘In me? What makes you say that?’

  ‘I don’t know. Just the way he looks when your name is mentioned.’

  ‘You say his mum is organising this event?’

  ‘She’s one of the organisers – yes.’

  ‘Well, I don’t suppose she’d approve of Mrs Robinson homing in on her son, then.’

  ‘Perhaps not,’ Hannah laughed. ‘But at least he’ll be pleasant company in the very likely event that the remaining male guests are rubbish.’

  ‘There is that,’ Gina agreed. ‘In that case I’d better go for the classy black number to get mummy’s approval, just in case Ross and I do get to… well, you know…’

  *

  The little black dress Gina had opted for
was a fitted shift dress with lace sleeves and a deep V cut out lace panel that trailed the length of her back. It was simple and elegant and Hannah couldn’t help but feel that she looked stunning enough to outshine every other woman at the party. Hannah herself had gone for an old favourite in the end – an emerald green tea dress which everyone had always said flattered her slightly curvier figure and brought out the auburn highlights in her hair. It wasn’t perhaps very gala evening, but Hannah felt comfortable in it and figured nobody would really be looking at her anyway.

  ‘You look lovely,’ Gina said as Hannah slipped on her shoes. ‘I don’t know what you were worrying about.’

  ‘So do you. That dress is amazing.’

  Gina gave herself the once over with a small smile. ‘Howard bought it for me. One of the last ones he did buy. Cost an arm and a leg and, with hindsight, I suppose it was a guilt purchase. Still…’ she sniffed, ‘who am I to look a guilty gift horse in the mouth?’

  ‘Wreak havoc in it tonight, and think of it as revenge when you do.’

  Gina’s smile broadened. ‘My thoughts precisely!’

  *

  When Ross had called to pick them up, a little after seven, Hannah couldn’t miss his ravenous glances at Gina. She knew he wasn’t that sort of a letch, and his reaction was genuine, involuntary lust, but she felt reassured that Ross was too much of a gentleman to act on his desires. Gina, however… she was a different matter entirely. She was out for a good time, and Hannah could only hope that whatever tryst she got involved in (and whoever the lucky man was) it would be for the right reasons.