Drowning

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “What’s wrong with you, Ivy?” Jared asks as we hand our papers forward. “Did you even do any of the test or were you too busy making eyes at Mr. Sexy over there?”

  “Shut up,” I hiss at Jared. But I do sneak a look at the new kid, before I stand and head out of class. I check to make sure no one can hear us, before I turn to Jared and say, “Do you think there’s something kinda weird about him?”

  “Like what?” Jared asks as we walk toward our next class, biology.

  “I don’t know, he’s kinda…” I shrug my shoulders, unable to verbalize the feeling I have about him.

  “Does he scare you?”

  “Nah, nothing like that. It’s more like, he’s hiding something. I don’t know.” I shrug again. “Maybe I’m making shit up ‘cause he’s someone new.”

  “This town is super tiny. If he’s hiding anything, the gossip will start by the end of the next class. Don’t worry, girl, I got your back.” Jared puffs his chest out, protectively as he walks beside me.

  “Really?” I lift one brow at him. “I’m the one who has to kill spiders whenever you see them. I’m the one who watches horror movies while you hide behind a cushion.”

  “Girl.” He flicks his wrist dismissively at me. “I don’t do any of those things.” He looks over his shoulder too, leans in and adds, “You promised you’d never tell.”

  Chuckling, I shake my head at him. “We’re gonna be late for biology.”

  We get to biology, take our seats, and listen to Mrs. Richards, our teacher.

  She sets up the group task we have to complete and Jared and I turn to each other to team up. “Teams of either three or four,” Mrs. Richards calls from the front.

  Jared and I look at each other and scrunch our noses. “Can I join?” Katie asks as she plonks herself down beside Jared.

  “Sure,” we answer in unison.

  “I heard the new guy was in your math class this morning. He’s hot, right?” Her eyes glaze over as a smile tugs at her lips.

  “Yeah, he’s nice to look at,” I casually add.

  “I wonder if he plays for both sides?” Jared waggles his brows.

  “We’ve gone over this. You have a boyfriend already,” I say to him.

  “A girl can look.” He cheekily smiles at me.

  “Oh my God!” Katie breathlessly exclaims. We follow her line of sight and notice the new guy in this class.

  “Seriously?” I mumble. He’s here too? Gah.

  Mrs. Richards goes to him, takes his slip and pulls him to the front of the room. “Class, we have a new student starting today. His name is…” She looks down the bridge of her glasses to see his name. “Tobias Baxter.” I hear a few of the girls giggle and I roll my eyes at their immaturity. “We’re working in groups today, Tobias, so you can sit here with Ivy, Katie and Jared.”

  Double great. Math and biology.

  He strolls over toward us, and takes the only available seat, beside me. Eyeing him, I opt to not say anything considering he wasn’t vocal in math class. “Hello again,” Jared giddily says.

  “Stop it,” I mumble to Jared. He’s going to make a fool out of himself.

  Tobias gives Jared a nod, and turns forward.

  “Hi, I’m Katie. So, your name is Tobias?” Katie stretches across the desk, and twirls her hair around her finger. She’s flirting with him, and he doesn’t look particularly interested.

  “Yeah,” he replies.

  Wow, big talker. He flicks his eyes toward me, and when I turn to look at him, he winks and half drags his lips up into an almost smile.

  “Where did you move from?” I ask.

  He holds my gaze, just staring at me. “Around,” he replies casually with a lift of the shoulder. He doesn’t turn away, he keeps his focus on me.

  Suddenly, my heart jumps and I feel uncomfortable with him. He’s staring at me, looking straight through to my soul.

  Can he see him? Can he hear him? I have a demon who calls to me. Does he?

  Swallowing my nervousness, I look down at his muscled arms. On his forearm, I notice a tattoo in cursive writing. It reads ‘Stay strong.’

  Bringing my brows together, I take a shaky breath.

  Stay strong.

  Two words that are each significant on their own, but together on Tobias’s arm, they become much more. They become, powerful.

  “I like your tattoo,” I say to Tobias, whose intense stare is still focused on me. “Stay strong.” Even saying the words causes my arms to pebble with goosebumps.

  Tobias drags his eyes away from me for a moment, and they land on his tattoo. He arches one brow and his jaw jumps. “These two words…” He doesn’t finish his sentence. He stares at the fluid black lettering as if he’s lost in memory. His breath hitches, and for a second, I swear I see tears well up in his eyes. He reclaims himself, pulls his shoulders back and lifts his head to look at me. “These are the words I live by,” his tone is assured, and his manner is confident. He’s hiding the truth about what those words mean to him, I’m sure.

  It takes one damaged person battling demons to see that he’s fighting his own monsters.

  “I can drop you at school,” Dad says as I grab my bag and head out the door.

  “Nah, it’s okay. Jared’s picking me up. Aren’t you working today?” I notice Dad’s still in his pajamas, leisurely drinking his morning coffee.

  “They asked me to work a few night shifts.”

  I hate it when Dad’s on night shifts. It means I’m home on my own. “Oh, okay,” I say, trying to keep how I really feel out of my tone.

  “Do you want me to pick you up from school?”

  Shaking my head, I move closer to him and give him a kiss. “I’ll walk.” When Dad works nights, he sleeps through the day. If he has to pick me up from school, it disrupts his sleeping. Considering he works in the glass factory with its huge ovens, I’d rather he got enough sleep so he doesn’t get fatigued when working. “Jared’s working after school, so maybe he can drop me off on his way to the grocery store.”

  “I don’t like it when you walk home on your own. How about you get your permit and I teach you how to drive?”

  Scrunching my nose, I shake my head again. I’m nowhere near confident enough to handle a car. And definitely not around people.

  Ivy.

  Go away. Stop it. I’m not listening to you.

  Ivy.

  Go. Away!

  “I think it’s a good idea. I’ve been saving, and beside your college fund, I’ve got some put away for a car for you.”

  My pulse quickens, and chills grip me as a wave of terror washes through me.

  Ivy.

  Azael taunts me, whispering an artificial promise. He tells how the blade is calling me, and once I cut I’ll feel freer and happier.

  Lies. They’re all lies. The happiness only lasts a minimal amount of time before reality sets back in and he starts to harass me again.

  My hands are shaking. Nothing terrifies me more than getting behind the wheel of a machine that has the potential to kill. Well, that’s not entirely true. It’s not the most terrifying thing. My Dad finding out about my beast is the most disturbing. Because once he knows, everyone else will too.

  “I’m not ready for that yet, Dad. Maybe when I finish high school,” I try to steady my shaky voice.

  Ivy.

  Stop it.

  “Ivy, you’re seventeen, how can you not want to drive? Most kids your age would be busting a vein to learn.” He takes another sip from his coffee while leaning against the wall.

  I shrug my shoulders. “Maybe at Christmas.” Bile rises to my throat. I’m not ready. Can’t he see how frightening this is for me? Probably not. I’ve learned how to hide so many other parts of me, I’ve perfected the art cloaking the truth.

  He huffs and nods. “Okay, Christmas.”

  Jared beeps his horn from outside, and this gives me the excuse I need to escape. “Love you,” I say, kissing him on the cheek.

  “With all
my heart,” he replies.

  When I leave the house, I take a deep breath. Phew, I got out of that fairly unscathed.

  Ivy. Azael reminds me of his presence. His murmur of my name is intimate. It’s seductive. I hate him.

  “Hey girl!” Jared calls from his car.

  “Hey.” I push the demon down, refusing to be infected by his inviting voice.

  “Please tell me you burned that ugly-ass t-shirt.”

  Absentmindedly, I look down to what I’m wearing today. “No, I didn’t. And if you don’t let up about that t-shirt, I’m wearing it again and I’ll harass you at work.”

  Jared chuckles. I buckle my seat belt and lean back. “I’ll tell everyone you’ve escaped from a mental hospital and it was the first thing you found at the second-hand store.”

  There’s a parking space pretty close to school. “Is that Tobias’s bike?” I ask Jared, expecting him to know the answer.

  “I don’t know anyone else who rides a bike, so I expect it would be.”

  Tobias has easily slotted into school life. Although our school has less than two hundred students we still have a group hierarchy. There’s the popular kids, the geeky kids, the cool kids, the nerdy kids, and the smart ones too. The only difference is, everyone knows everyone. Doesn’t matter what grade you’re in, everyone knows you and which group you belong with.

  Tobias has assimilated into the cool kids. But, the weird thing is it doesn’t look like he’s completely comfortable with them.

  Well, at least to me it doesn’t.

  Getting out of the car, I look around and see Chloe and Katie walking toward us. Katie’s parked two rows behind Jared’s car. “Looking sharp today, ladies,” Jared chirps.

  Katie, Chloe, and Isabel are nice; I like them. They’re good company and are usually full of small talk. But, I’d never trust them with my secret. Hell, I haven’t even told Jared. Not because I don’t trust him to keep it, but because I don’t want him to treat me differently. I don’t want to see sorrow or pity in his eyes when he looks at me, and I don’t want him talking to me like I’m made out of glass.

  Katie twirls, and her incredibly short tartan skirt flares up, showing off her boy-shorts. “Do you think this is cute?” Katie asks Jared.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  “Except for the fact, you can see what you’re wearing under it,” I chime in.

  “You’re supposed to. I’m going to flirt with Tobias today. Hopefully, he’ll let me show him the town.” She flutters her eyelashes at us and tosses her light blonde hair over her shoulder.

  “Oh,” I respond. “Good luck with that.”

  “Thanks,” she trills eagerly. “By lunch, I’ll be sitting with him.”

  “I keep telling her, he’s into brunettes, not blondes,” Chloe says.

  “Or he’s into penises,” Jared adds.

  “He’s so not gay,” Chloe says. “He’s… so…” She stares off dreamily, not finishing her sentence.

  “Yeah, my gay-dar isn’t flagging into the red,” Katie says.

  “I gotta agree with them.” I jab my thumb over my shoulder toward Katie and Chloe.

  “I know, but a girl can dream,” Jared responds.

  We just make it to our lockers before the first bell of the day sounds. Heading toward gym class, Katie swaggers in front of us. Her hips are swaying with quite a lot of energy. Some of the guys stop to stare at her butt and legs. But she has her sights set on someone else. Tobias Baxter.

  Once we’ve changed, we make our way into gym. The coach has set us up to play indoor volleyball. Looking around, I see Jared talking with Tobias, but to me it looks like Jared is talking and Tobias isn’t interested. Heading over to them, I stand beside Jared. Tobias walks away, not even acknowledging me. “Great guy,” I say to Jared while jutting my chin out to Tobias.

  “Trust me, he’s not the type of guy we want to be hanging around with. When I saw him, and started to talk to him, he just crossed his arms in front of his chest and turned away from me.”

  “I gotta say, it looked awkward.”

  “That’s an understatement.” Jared and I move to one side of the volleyball net along with Katie, whose shorts look like they’ve gotten smaller and tighter than normal. “Can they get any smaller?” Jared says to Katie, gesturing at her shorts.

  She turns, gives Jared a wink and giggles. “That’s the point. Oh… which side is Tobias playing on?” She watches as he walks over to the other side of the net. “See ya, they look like they’re short a player.”

  “Seriously?” I mumble. “Can she make it any more obvious?” Katie stalks toward Tobias, she stands beside him and smiles. I can’t hear what she’s saying, but I can read her body language. “Check her out,” I say to Jared.

  “I know. She looks desperate.”

  We watch Katie as she tucks a flyaway hair behind her ear, and looks up to Tobias. She’s shorter than him, by a good head and a half. But then again, he’s tall and towers over most people in our year. There’s only a handful of guys who are as tall as Tobias.

  My eyes are focused on Katie and Tobias. I want to look away, but I can’t. My heart hammers in my chest, while a crazy knot forms in the pit of my stomach. I don’t even know why I’m feeling like this.

  Ivy, the beast calls. He’s honing in on my insecurities, and trying to tempt me with his lies.

  Go away! I scream. I don’t want to acknowledge the power he has over me. Not here, not at school, and not in front of Tobias.

  “Is it me, or does Katie look like she’s trying her hardest and he’s not into her?” Jared whispers.

  The game is about to start and I really should be focusing on it rather than them. I mean, it shouldn’t concern me what she’s saying or doing, but it does.

  An avalanche of emotions begins to stir inside me. Azael is sitting there, watching, waiting to strike me at my weakest. I can feel his cold hand clench tighter around my throat.

  “Ivy.” Jared playfully smacks me on the arm.

  Instantly my attention is drawn to him and away from Tobias and Katie. “What?” I ask.

  “If I didn’t know you better, I would think you’re about ready to go over there and punch the guy in the face.”

  Huh? What? “Why would I do that?” I turn away from Katie and Tobias, and attempt to keep my attention focused on Jared.

  “Girl, I don’t know what’s going on up there in your pretty head, but you’ve gotta chill. You seriously look like you wanna punch him. Or knee him in the balls. Either way, you gotta calm your farm.”

  For a split-second I look away from Jared, then straight back to him. “Calm your farm?” I tease. “Who says that?”

  “It was either calm your farm, or calm your tits, but I didn’t wanna get bitch slapped in case calming your tits offended ya.”

  “I can’t even…” I walk to the court shaking my head but also chuckling. “I can’t even,” I say again.

  The game starts, and I hang around toward the back, not really participating. I hate volleyball. To me it’s such an awkward sport. People jumping around trying to hit a ball with the inside of their wrists.

  The ball comes toward me, and I duck back, not really wanting to join in.

  Give me photography any day.

  I love looking through the lens of my camera. There’s something about it that calms my frantic mind. It’s almost as if my camera is a barrier between me and the world. I can see what the world is doing, but it can’t see me.

  It’s tranquil. It’s serene. It’s when I’m most at peace.

  “Hate volleyball?” I hear someone ask.

  Turning, I notice Tobias beside me. “Aren’t you supposed to be over there?” I ask as I point to the opposite side.

  His lips dance into a cheeky smile. “But I want to be over here.” His smile grows wider.

  “I get it,” I say in a collected manner. “You just wanna hang out with the cool kids.” I point to myself and Jared who’s eagerly staring at us. “It’s okay. You wa
nna be us. I so get it,” I emphasize with a chuckle.

  “Truth be told, I want to hang out with the prettiest girl in school.”

  I swing around and look at him. Scrunching my nose, I tilt my head down and give him the stink eye. “And see…” I shake my head. “I thought you were normal, then you go and spout the cheesiest pick-up line you could think of.”

  “No, that’s not the cheesiest,” he defensively says.

  “Then hit me up, Maverick. Let’s see what you’ve got.” I jut my hip out and place my hand to it in defiance. “Come on, hot shot.”

  “Are you religious? ‘Cause you’re the answer to all my prayers.” He smiles at me cockily.

  “Nah, not as bad. Keep going, Romeo.”

  “Is your name Google? Because you’re the answer to everything I’m looking for.”

  I fake gag.

  “I’m not a photographer, but I can picture us together.”

  My face drops as he waggles his brows at me. “Do any of these actually work on members of the opposite sex?”

  “You’d be surprised,” he proudly announces.

  “I’m taking that as a no, but you’re too embarrassed to admit it.”

  He maintains a stoic composure. Just staring at me. Suddenly he lets out a belly laugh. A few of the others turn to look at us. “Yeah, they don’t work. I’ve actually never used them. But I was on Google last night, and did research cheesy pick-up lines.”

  “For what reason?”

  “’Cause I was bored.” He shrugs. The ball comes toward us again, and he reaches in front of me to bash it over the net. “You’re welcome,” he says.

  Arching an eyebrow, I look him over. “Why am I thanking you?”

  “I saved you from that ball.”

  “Mr. Baxter and Miss Jones, do you think you’ll be participating in this game? Or would you prefer I set up a candle-lit dinner for you?” the Coach calls sarcastically.

  Tobias is just about to say something, when I grab his arm and push him back. “Sorry, Coach,” I say.

  The Coach nods her head at me and sounds her whistle. “Back to the game,” she calls.

  “We have to join the game,” I say to Tobias as I walk backward to my spot.