Trade Off

by Cheryl Douglas

  Chapter Four

  Sela slid into the booth across from her life-long best friend, Sharon Delinsky.

  “Okay, you look like you’re about ready to have a meltdown,” Sharon said, setting the leather menu aside. “What gives?”

  Forcing herself to draw a deep breath, Sela asked, “Have you heard that Aiden’s back in town?”

  “Yeah, not that I follow hockey. But James mentioned it.”

  Sharon had met her husband, James, right before she ended her relationship with Neil. “He came to see me yesterday.”

  “Shut up!”

  Sharon was the only person alive, aside from her parents, who knew the whole truth about what happened back then, and Sela knew she could trust her friend, but a sleepless night meant she needed a little reassurance to put her mind at ease. “He’s looking for answers. He wants to know why I married Neil.”

  “Man,” Sharon said, linking her hands in front of her, “I knew he was crazy about you back in the day, but…”

  “But what?”

  “Come on, Sela. He’s a professional hockey player at the top of his game. He could have any woman he wants, yet he’s still hung up on you. If you ask me, that says a lot.”

  Sela didn’t want to read too much into Aiden’s visit. Acknowledging his feelings for her, knowing they could never be a couple again, was too painful. “He’s determined to get answers about me and Neil, and I think he might pay you a visit soon.”

  “Hey, you know I’d never say anything.” She crossed her heart with her index finger. “You have my word.”

  Sela reached across the table for her friend’s hand. “Thanks, hon. You don’t know how much I needed to hear that.”

  “How ‘bout your mama and daddy? You know how much they loved Aiden.” She held her hand up, tipping it back and forth. “But Neil, uh, not so much.”

  “They think he took advantage of me, but we both know that’s not true. I could never tell my parents that part of the reason I married Neil was so that they wouldn’t have to mortgage the house to pay for my father’s medical bills. Thank God it never came to that. The insurance covered most of it, and their savings covered the rest. They had to work a few more years, but…” She shrugged. “At least my father’s well now, and he still has his pride. If he’d had to take money from Neil, I hate to think about what that would have done to him.”

  Sharon leaned back against the vinyl cushion and stared at her friend a long time before she asked, “I can’t help but think that Neil did take advantage of the situation, in a way.”

  “How can you say that? You know I was a basket case when I found out about the baby, and my father’s condition on top of it. Neil was there for me, as a friend, when I didn’t know what the hell I was gonna do.”

  “I think a real friend would’ve encouraged you to talk to your boyfriend about it, not try and claim the kid as his own. I hate myself for not insisting you tell Aiden the truth about everything, but I knew how scared you were. I was so worried about you. I thought the last thing you needed was another person pressuring you.”

  Sela leaned forward to make sure no one could overhear their conversation. “If I’d told Aiden, he would have been on the first plane back to Nashville. I would’ve ruined his career before it even started.” She was getting a headache rehashing mistakes she thought she’d buried a lifetime ago. “He couldn’t have gotten the kind of contract he deserved staying here; besides, the team here wasn’t even in a position to make him an offer. Maybe if my father hadn’t been sick, I could’ve gone with him, but—”

  “We both know Aiden wouldn’t have put anything above you and his baby.” Sharon reached across the table to squeeze her hand. “Still, I can’t help but think you got a raw deal marrying Neil. You’re staying with him to repay some stupid debt.”

  “Please, don’t—” Sela said, raising her hand. She’d had this conversation with her best friend too many times over the years and she resigned herself to the fact they would never agree about Neil. “Besides, we both know Aiden felt trapped by the time he left Nashville. As it was, he thought things between us were getting too serious. He needed a little breathing room. He said so himself.”

  “If you’re talking about the conversation you overheard between him and Neil the night of his going away party, I think you were reading too much into that. He was excited about moving on to the next phase of his life, but I don’t believe for a second that he didn’t see you in his future.”

  Speculating wouldn’t help Sela now. She had to deal with cold, hard facts. “That’s ancient history. My only concern is Aiden finding about…” She sighed. “I know we’re over, but I don’t want him to hate me. I don’t think I could live with that.”

  “Can I ask you a question?” Sharon asked, leaning into the bench. “You’re the best auntie to my little girls, but wouldn’t you like to have a baby of your own?”

  Sela pressed a hand to her stomach. She gave up on that dream when she lost their baby. “You know that’s not possible.”

  “It’s not possible as long as you stay married to Neil. But if you and Aiden could work things out—”

  “Stop it! That’s never going to happen. If Aiden found out the truth, he’d hate me. You know that.” She cleared her throat in an inane attempt to regain her composure. “That’s why he can never find out. I’d rather he resent me because I married his best friend than find out that I almost succeeded in perpetrating the most vile kind of betrayal.”

  “Honey, you’re being too hard on yourself,” Sharon said quietly. “You were just a teenager. You were scared and faced with the prospect of a baby to care for all by yourself. Your parents pressured you to put it up for adoption because they knew they couldn’t help you care for it, what with your daddy’s condition and all. You felt like Neil was your only option.”

  “He was my only option.”

  “Fine, I know I’m not gonna change your mind about that, but you don’t owe him the rest of your life just because he stepped up to help you out a lifetime ago.”

  Sela covered her face with her hands. She gave up trying to make her friend and parents understand why she stayed married to her husband, but Aiden’s return brought all of those questions back to the surface again. “Neil didn’t abandon me when I needed him, and I refuse to bail on him now. That’s just the way it is. You don’t have to understand it, but you do have to accept it.”

  Sharon sighed. “Do you honestly think he’s faithful to you when he’s on the road?”

  “I don’t know, and honestly, I don’t care to know. I don’t want to start all over again, looking for love, and I really don’t want to be alone. Maybe that makes me sound weak, but the sound of your own footsteps echoing through a big empty house or cereal for dinner because there’s no one else to cook for…” Sela hadn’t intended to reveal her fears about being alone, but since she had, she knew she needed to make her friend understand. “I’m alone a lot as it is because Neil’s on the road so much, but at least I know he’s coming home eventually. The prospect of spending the next forty or fifty years alone is terrifying.”

  “That’s ridiculous. You’re a young, beautiful, intelligent woman. You’d find someone else in no time.”

  “I don’t want to, that’s just it.” Explaining to her friend something she didn’t understand herself was difficult. “I was in love once, and when I lost him…” She felt the hot burn of unshed tears stinging her eyes, but she vowed she wouldn’t cry. “Let’s just say, I don’t want to go through that again… ever. I’d rather live with someone I consider a friend than be alone or risk getting hurt again. If that makes me sound weak or gutless, then I guess I am.”

  “You deserve so much better than this, girl. I’ve watched you going through the motions for years and it’s killing me. I haven’t seen you happy, I mean really happy, since you were with Aiden. It’s like you’re determined to spend the rest of your life punishing yourself for a mistake you made when you were a kid. You deserve to
be happy.”

  “Don’t make excuses for me. I made some terrible choices and now I have to live with the consequences.”

  She thought about the accident that claimed the life of her baby boy. She’d been arguing with her mother about her pregnancy and she ran down the stairs in a fit of anger wearing high heels. Her foot slipped and she tumbled from the top of the stairs to the bottom, suffering a concussion and bruised ribs, but the biggest loss of all was when she woke up and found that the baby she’d fallen in love with was no more.

  “Please, just listen to me—”

  “I just need your word that you won’t say anything to Aiden about what happened.” When her friend remained silent, she felt a hard knot of dread tightening her stomach. “Please, I need to know I can trust you.”

  “I promise.”

  Aiden followed his GPS to Sharon and James’s house.

  Sela’s best friend was like a sister to him in high school; the four of them were inseparable. He could only hope that some of the genuine affection she used to feel for him remained.

  He parked on the street in front of the house, threw his Hummer in park, and hopped out. Before he could ring the doorbell, the door flew open.

  Sharon smiled and said, “My little one’s having a nap. I didn’t want to risk waking her.” She reached up to give him a hug. “It’s good to see you, Aiden. It’s been a long time.”

  Just like that, the years of silence melted away and he remembered the times they used to sit at the park and talk about his arguments with Sela or her knockdown, drag-out fights with Neil. “You look great.”

  She looked down at the faded denim jeans and denim shirt hanging loose over a black tank top. “You’re a liar, but thanks for saying that.”

  Sharon always had a contagious vivacity that drew people to her. “I mean it.”

  She reached for his hand and tugged him over the threshold. “My hubby’s gonna be sorry he missed you. He’s a huge fan. Hell, when I tell him he’s sittin’ his butt in a chair the great Aiden Cooper sat in, he’ll probably wet his pants.”

  Aiden laughed. That was the Sharon he remembered, unabashedly honest with a wicked sense of humor. “I’ll have to make sure you guys get tickets to the season opener.” He didn’t know if she and Sela were still friends. If so, Sharon and her husband may already go to their fair share of hockey games, courtesy of Neil.

  “Can I get you a cup of coffee?”

  She led him through the old Victorian and Aiden admired that it looked lived in, like a busy family that made good use of the ample space.

  “No, I’m good, thanks.”

  “My oldest one is at a play date down the street and the little one is down for the count, so that means Mommy needs a caffeine fix to get her through the rest of the day.” She poured freshly brewed coffee into a tall mug and turned to face him. Pointing to the big oak table in the middle of the kitchen, she said, “Take a load off.”

  “Thanks.” He pulled out a chair and sat down. “You seem happy.”

  “I am.” She laughed as she sat across from him. “It’s crazy most days, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

  Aiden linked his hands in front of him. “You don’t seem too surprised to see me.”

  “I had lunch with Sela yesterday while the girls had a play date with my mom. She told me you were back in town.”

  He tried to tamp down his frustration at being a day late. “I’m willin’ to bet she also asked you not to tell me what I need to know.”

  Sharon brought the coffee mug to her lips before setting it on the table and circling her hands around it. “I hate being caught in the middle like this. I love Sela, she’s like a sister to me, and I would never betray her confidence…” She looked him in the eye. “Not even for you, Aiden. I’m sorry.”

  He knew this wasn’t Sharon’s fault. He would feel the same way in her position. “Is there anything you can tell me, like maybe why you and Neil broke up? Did it have anything to do with his feelings for Sela?” He raked his hands through his hair. “Shar, it’s killin’ me, not knowin’ whether my best friend was in love with my girlfriend all that time and I was just too blind to see what was right in front of me.”

  “He wasn’t.” She slid a plain gold band around on her finger. “At least I don’t think he was. I was the one who broke up with him, because I met my husband, James. He took it pretty hard, told me he loved me, that he wanted to marry me, and…” She shrugged. “You know how persuasive Neil can be when he wants something.”

  “Obviously, it was harder for Sela to resist him than it was for you.” He leaned back in the chair and laced his hands behind his head. “What she that lonely after I left? I mean, do you think that’s why she hooked up with him?”

  “I know she missed you. She talked about you every day.”

  “Then how the hell did she go from missin’ me to marryin’ him? It doesn’t make sense.”

  “You’re right, nothing about her relationship with Neil makes sense to me. But it’s her life, her choice.”

  He was afraid to ask the next question, but he knew Sharon’s answer would help him decide how to proceed. “Is she happy with him?”

  “You’re gonna have to ask her that question. It’s not for me to say.”

  Aiden wasn’t surprised Sharon was as loyal to Sela now as she was years ago. Their friendship had obviously withstood the test of time for a reason. “Are you and Neil still friends?”

  She smiled. “I don’t know if I’d go that far. We tolerate each other; him and James, not so much.”

  Aiden chuckled. “I can understand why.” He knew he wasn’t going to learn anything more about what had happened years ago, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t glean some insight into how his ex felt now. “I was thinkin’ about askin’ Sela to help me find a house. You think she’d be willin’?”

  “I don’t know. You’d have to ask her.”

  “Man, you’re not even gonna throw me a bone here, are ya?”

  She looked at him a long time before she said, “You know Sela’s a private person. The only people aside from herself and Neil who knew what was goin’ on in her head after you left town were me and her parents.”

  “You’re tellin’ me I should talk to them?” Aiden had always had a great relationship with Mr. and Mrs. Clarke. In spite of the fact they were young, Sela’s parents always assumed he would be their son-in-law one day. He couldn’t help but wonder how they felt about Neil holding that title.

  “I’m telling you I can’t help you.”

  He heard what she wasn’t saying… It was worth a shot. “They still livin’ in the same house?”

  Sharon smiled as she got up to walk him to the door. “Some people are creatures of habit, aren’t they?”

  She was telling him everything she could without betraying her friend’s confidence, which told him she was on his side, whether she would admit that or not. He brushed a kiss across her cheek. “Thanks for everything, Shar.”

  “I didn’t do anything.”

  “You’re still a good friend.” He grinned. “I hate that we lost touch when I left Nashville. I should’ve made more of an effort to stay connected to my old friends.”

  “You’re back now. It’s not too late.”

  “Would it be weird for you, bein’ friends with me again? You know, because of your relationship with Sela?”

  “Sela knows how I feel about you.” She reached up to stroke his face. “You’re one of the good guys and she knows that. You’re always welcome in my home, Aiden.”

  “Thanks.” He kissed her hand. “Maybe next time I can meet your husband and kids?”

  “I’d love that.”

  “I meant what I said about those tickets. You want me to hook you up?”

  “You don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to. And I want to meet James after the game. Maybe we can go out for a beer. What do you say?”

  “That sounds great. Thanks.”

  Chapter F
ive

  Sela was sitting at her desk, eating a ham and Swiss cheese sandwich while perusing an offer, when a soft tap at her half-open door commanded her attention.

  She reached for a napkin and pushed the sandwich aside. “Come in.”

  “Hey,” Aiden said, pausing in the doorway. “Does that invitation still stand?”

  “What are you doing here?”

  She started tidying her desk, needing something to do so she could avoid ogling him. The man standing before her today was even more gorgeous than the boy he used to be. His dark, longish hair was stylishly cut, enhancing the expressive green eyes that had always told her what he was thinking and feeling. The tall, lean boy she remembered had grown into a well-built, muscular man who obviously took good care of himself so he could remain at the top of the game he loved for as long as possible.

  “I was hopin’ we could talk.”

  Her eyes drifted up, traveling from the well-worn boots to the lightly faded jeans. “Um, if you want to rehash the past, I really don’t have time—”

  “No,” he said, taking the seat across from her. “I’m here to talk business.”

  “Business?”

  “I’m lookin’ for a house. Think you can help me with that?”

  Sela knew developing a working relationship with him would be emotional suicide, not to mention that her husband would go ballistic. “I’d be happy to refer you to another agent in my office.”

  “I don’t want another agent. I want you.”

  The weight of those last few words settled over her, delighting and distressing her at the same time. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  He smiled. “We both know the market’s taken a hard hit the last few years. Your office must’ve felt it too, right?”

  They barely met their monthly expenses, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of admitting as much. “What’s your point?”

  “At the risk of sounding like an arrogant ass…” He grinned. “My pockets are pretty deep. It could be a nice sale for you or for the office down the street. It’s up to you.”