“It’s such a blessing that your sister was a match and that she was able to do this,” Liz added, grabbing a stack of files.
“Yeah, I feel very lucky to have her now.”
“Maybe this will bring the two of you closer.” Liz’s comment seemed to startle her, like she remembered that Lucy had traveled there for the operation. She tried to clarify her statement. “I mean, even if she goes back…this is something that really connects two people.”
Katie knew what she was trying to say. She had already been thinking it herself. “I think it already has, Liz.”
CHAPTER 38
When Lucy came out after her ultrasound, Katie was sitting in the waiting room looking at a magazine.
“How’d it go? Are you doing alright?” Katie’s guilt for putting her sister through all this was starting to show.
“Fine…no problem,” Lucy said. There was no need to share with her the fact that she hated having to lie there for so long. It was standard for that type of test, but once, when the tech guy disappeared behind the glass window, he was gone from Lucy’s sight. She watched the clock for six straight minutes before he was in view again. “Just a few more minutes,” he told Lucy, knowing she probably wondered if he was screwing around back there or doing his job.
“Great, I guess we’re ready to go then.”
“Yep.”
The two walked out, both giving a sigh of relief that they’d made it through the day.
“I saw a vending machine down the hall; let’s get something. I’m starving.”
“Liz had a snack and some juice waiting for me at the nurses’ station. Sorry I didn’t get anything for you, but they were concerned since I hadn’t eaten.”
“No, it’s okay. Besides, I had my eye on that crumb cake.”
Katie told her that she had called Rick just before Lucy came out and told him to pick them up in half an hour. So they still had a bit of time to wait. He’d dropped them both off at the hospital in the morning so they could leave Katie’s car at the house. They didn’t like the idea of leaving Anne and Carly there with no transportation in case of emergency. It was still too hot to wait outside, so the girls took a seat next to the exit with a view of the parking lot.
“This is kind of weird, don’t you think?” Katie said.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, us two sitting here…waiting for a ride. How many times in our lives did we do that before?”
It was true. On a pretty regular basis, Linda had left Katie and Lucy waiting around somewhere to be picked up. “You’re right, I hadn’t thought about that.”
“You always made it fun while we were waiting though.”
“That’s because you were always bugging me and trying to get me to play one of your word games.” Suddenly realizing the glare from the sun was bouncing off the glass door and pounding on her shoulder, Lucy scooted closer to Katie.
“Hey,” Katie laughed and nudged Lucy with her elbow. “You’re the one who taught me all those games.”
Just then Lucy’s phone rang in her pocket. “Yeah, I guess so,” she said, pulling out her cell. She glanced at it, and after one more ring, she hit the reject button.
“Don’t you need to get that?” Katie asked. “I mean, I don’t mind.”
Lucy stuffed the phone back in her pocket and said a firm, “No.”
“Is everything okay?”
Lucy stared straight ahead. She hated that feeling. The one where you’re going along feeling pretty good, like your life is starting to change, and then one little thing happens and socks you right in the gut. “It’s fine.”
“But you seem upset now. I know, it’s totally none of my business, but I just want to help.”
“Really, can we please just drop it?” Even though Lucy was trying to protect Katie, at the same time she was starting to feel pressured. Wasn’t she sharing enough with her sister? Did she have to give her every detail of her life as well?
Katie seemed to know she had overstepped her bounds, assuming the two could be open with each other. “I’m sorry, Lucy. I shouldn’t have been so pushy.”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s just that—”
“What?”
“I guess that I feel guilty…and this may sound dumb, but when I see you unhappy I worry. I wonder…if you’re having second thoughts.” Katie turned her body toward Lucy and looked her in the eye. “I wouldn’t blame you.”
“Katie, I’m not having second thoughts. I wouldn’t do that.” She decided it was better to be honest than to leave her sister worried and in the dark. “The call…it was from a bill collector.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Katie suddenly brightened. “Lucy, if you need money, Rick and I would be more than happy to help you.”
“No, it’s—”
“Lucy, what you are doing for us is priceless. It would be the least we can do.”
“You don’t understand, it’s not my responsibility.”
“What? What do you mean?”
“It’s Mom’s. She owes money, but somehow they got my number.”
Katie was speechless. Lucy could see that she was searching her brain for something. “Have you been in touch with her?”
“No, I haven’t seen or heard from her in a few years, and I don’t plan to.”
“Lucy, you shouldn’t have to deal with this stuff, with her debts.”
“I’m not dealing with them. I just ignore them. They can’t make me pay; they just want me to help them find her.”
“Don’t you ever want to see Mom again?”
Lucy knew she was skating on thin ice with Katie and the topic of their mother. She wondered how much Katie actually remembered about Linda, not to mention the fact that your perspective can change as you get older.
“You know, we should probably save this discussion for another time, maybe after the surgeries,” Lucy urged.
Katie checked the time on her phone to determine if Rick would be there soon. She was starting to look run-down, but she wasn’t ready to table the discussion yet. “Maybe this is the time when we really need family. A time for second chances—like you and me.” She examined Lucy’s face for a clue, something that would tell her how Lucy was feeling.
“Katie, you have a wonderful family. Rick and Carly and George—they all love you so much.”
“But what about you? One of the hardest things for me has been the thought of you being all alone.”
“Yeah, but it didn’t have to be that way.” Just as the words were spilling out, Lucy realized that it was probably not the best thing to say.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I thought we talked about this all the other night.”
“I’m not talking about you this time. I’m talking about my father.” Lucy could see the confusion come across Katie’s face. “My real father. You know Mom would never tell me who he was, or even anything about him? I loved Tom and thought of him as my dad, but now it’s different. Not having him around makes me realize that I’m always going to wonder who I am and who my real father is.”
“Lucy…I…I’m sorry. I guess that’s something I really hadn’t thought about.” Katie put her hand on Lucy’s and looked out the window trying to find the words to help her sister, but nothing else came.
“It’s okay. I don’t want you to worry about it, really. I shouldn’t have said anything. Like I said, we can talk about all this after.” Lucy’s comfort zone was becoming cramped quarters. She searched for an escape and to her fortune saw Rick pulling into the parking lot. “Look, there’s Rick. C’mon.” Lucy stood and walked toward the door followed by Katie.
Although she had said those words to her sister, Lucy really didn’t plan on talking things over with Katie. After the surgery, she just wanted to get home. To try and get on with her life. Actually, to start her life. There was no point in dredging up all the old memories, all the debauched episodes of the past. It was time to let it all rest.
CHAPTER 39
; A flash of light bounced across the ceiling. It was three in the morning. Lucy sat up in her bed, looked over toward the window, and listened. The house was as quiet as every other night, and Anne was sound asleep. A few seconds later she heard a low grumbling. It was a summer storm. Strangely this seemed to excite Lucy. She got out of bed and went over to the window for a better look. The view was somewhat obstructed by a tall rose bush, so Lucy craned her head to check out the night sky. Another flash of light came, and she could see that rain had already begun to fall. Lucy had an urge to go out into the developing storm. She wanted to feel the warm rain and watch the lightning beckon the thunder closer. Realizing that setting off the house alarm was probably not going to be a good idea, she settled for a seat on the couch in the living room. It was right under the window with a perfect view of the sky.
After a couple minutes of enjoying the free show, Lucy heard the sound of a creaking door. Out in the hall, Carly peeked from her doorway. A loud thunder cracked the sky and echoed in the house. Carly started running and took a flying leap to the couch and right onto Lucy’s lap.
“Aunt Lucy, did you heard that?” she howled. “I’m scared!”
“Shhh. There’s nothing to be scared about,” Lucy whispered, wrapping her arms around Carly. “It’s okay.”
“No it’s not. I hate thunderstorms.” Carly took a quick look out the window and then buried her face into Lucy’s chest.
Stroking Carly’s hair, Lucy tried to think of just the right advice that an aunt would give her niece. Should she speak logically about how there was nothing to be afraid of? Or should she tell her to act like a big girl and be brave? Maybe, she thought, she should just wake up her parents and let them deal with it. Then Lucy realized that what might work best in this situation was the truth, and so she simply said, “I don’t hate them. I love them.”
Carly looked up at Lucy with curious eyes. “You do?”
“Yes.”
“How come?”
“Because I’m an artist, and I love looking at beautiful things.”
Carly let that sink in for a moment and replied, “I’m an artist too.”
“I know. And whenever I see something beautiful, it’s an inspiration to me.”
“What’s a nisperation?”
“An inspiration,” Lucy said slowly, articulating each syllable, “is when something gives you a strong feeling to want to do something. Like when I see something very special, it just makes me want to draw or paint it so I’ll remember it forever.”
“Oh, I do that too. But…I still don’t think storms are very beautiful.”
“How do you know? Your eyes are closed so tight you can’t see anything.” Lucy poked Carly a couple of times in the tummy and made her squirm and giggle. “Look up there, in the sky. See all those fluffy clouds?”
“Yeah.”
“And look how the sky has lots of big purple and black swirls all over them. Purple is one of my favorite colors.”
“Me too.”
Lucy wondered if that was true, but she didn’t particularly care if it wasn’t. She watched Carly’s face as she continued to describe the dark scene before them. Then she saw Carly’s eyes widen and felt her body stiffen as another flash of lightning stretched across the sky. “Wow, that was a good one, huh?”
“Yeah, it was big. And that one didn’t even scare me,” she delighted in herself.
“Well, the thunder comes next though, so be ready.”
Carly grabbed ahold of Lucy with one hand and the couch with the other as if she were bracing herself for a crash landing. A few seconds later and the thunder boomed loudly. They both looked at each other and smiled. Lucy felt a sense of accomplishment. It was different from how she felt when she used to take care of Katie, which seemed to feel more like an obligation. Somehow this felt like success. The two sat on the couch for a bit longer, pointing out the bolts and other details in the sky until Lucy finally said it was time to go back to bed. She was relieved that Carly was tired and happily agreed.
Lucy walked Carly back to her room and tucked her into bed. Under the covers, but still sitting up, Carly arranged the stuffed animals along the wall that hugged her bed. Lucy watched patiently as Carly put each animal in its predetermined place. “Uh-oh. Where’s Princess Pony?” Carly looked around, sorting through a pile of animals at the foot of the bed.
“Here it is,” Lucy said, grabbing a black pony that was under a giant pink pig.
“No, that’s Queen NeNe. I need the white one that Grandma Linda gave me.”
It took a second to register as Lucy was still rummaging through the other animals. “Did you say Grandma Linda?” She prayed that she was just hearing things. She was tired after all.
“Yes, Princess Pony always sleeps next to Bun Bun, and I don’t see her.”
Lucy stopped looking for the pony and tried to get Carly’s attention by grabbing ahold of her wrists. “Sweetie, listen. Have you ever seen Grandma Linda?”
“No.”
“Then how did you get the pony?”
“We got it in the mail. Mommy said Grandma Linda sent it to me. But I can’t go to sleep unless she’s right here next to Bun Bun.”
Carly was starting to get upset, and Lucy didn’t want Rick and Katie to wake up now, so she starting searching around the bed and floor for the pony. “Don’t worry, I’m sure she’s around here somewhere.” Getting down on all fours, Lucy swept her hand under the bed and knocked out two furry-feeling objects. One turned out to be a pink fuzzy slipper that unfortunately reminded her of Amy. The other was the pony. “Look, I found it!” She picked it up and gently placed it in the open space Carly had left on the bed. “Now, it’s time to go to sleep.” She bent down and gave Carly a kiss on her forehead, then walked toward the door.
“Aunt Lucy?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“Me too, sweetie.”
It took Lucy another hour before she could fall asleep, and even then she tossed and turned all night. All she could think about was her conversation with Katie and how she’d had plenty of chances to mention that her mother had contacted them. She must have looked at the clock a dozen times waiting for morning to come. That combination of frustration and lack of sleep was a recipe for disaster just waiting to happen.
When Katie finally woke up the next morning, Lucy was in the backyard sitting at the patio table. Anne told Katie that Lucy had been sitting out there for at least an hour, and based on her own experience, whatever Lucy was thinking was not good.
“I would just leave her be if I were you,” Anne urged.
Rick and Carly were already up and gone. He was taking her over to a friend’s house for the day on his way to work. Katie considered the warning as she stared out the sliding glass door at Lucy. It was a beautifully clear day with a slight breeze that jiggled the trees. Something was definitely wrong with Lucy, and Katie needed to find out what it was, so she headed out back and sat down.
Katie said, “Good morning, Lucy,” after realizing Lucy wasn’t going to acknowledge her presence.
“Good morning,” Lucy answered, staring out into the yard.
“So…is everything okay?”
“When were you going to tell me?”
“Tell you what?”
“About Mom.”
“What about her?”
Now Lucy looked right at Katie. “I saw Carly’s pony. She told me where she got it.” Lucy wanted to remain calm. She didn’t want to upset Katie, but at the same time, when it came to her mother the emotions fought hard to make their way out. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was going to tell you…at some point. But then yesterday you said you never wanted to see her again. I didn’t know what to do.”
“What you do is be honest with me. Has she been here, to see you?”
“No. I only talked to her on the phone a couple of times. The first time was a few months ago. Somehow she found out I was sick. Maybe she feels guilty or som
ething.”
“How could you let her back into your life? Into Carly’s life?” Fighting back the frustration and the urge to come down hard on Katie caused her eyes to start to water. This frustrated her even more, so she got up and walked out onto the grass to ensure Katie wouldn’t see her face.
“Well, I haven’t really done that…yet. I don’t know what I’m going to do, Lucy. She just wants to get to know her granddaughter.”
“Oh, yeah, I’m sure she’ll make an awesome grandmother. I mean she did such a good job raising us.”
Now Katie got up and walked over to her sister. “I understand why you feel that way. Things were always much harder on you. I didn’t see it at the time, but looking back I understand now.”
“I don’t want your pity, I want to be able to trust you…and I just want you to be careful.”
“I will, but I think we should give her a chance.”
Katie put a hand on Lucy’s shoulder, but Lucy turned abruptly upon hearing her request. With a complete look of surprise and betrayal, she said, “We? We are not going to do anything.” Just then Lucy’s phone that was sitting on the patio table began to ring. She walked over, picked it up, and punched a button on it. Her intention was to hit the “reject” button, but somehow she put the call through. With the phone in her hand, she started to walk toward the back door. Katie stood dumbfounded and helpless as she watched Lucy leave.
“Lucy? Hello, Lucy?” the voice resonated from the phone in her hand.
CHAPTER 40
Walking into the house, Lucy looked at her phone and realized that she hadn’t rejected the call after all.
“Damn,” she said, bringing her cell to her ear. “Hello?” She sounded like a telemarketer had just interrupted her dinner party.
“Lucy, it’s Kyle.”
“Oh, sorry, I didn’t know you were there. Listen I—”
“What’s going on?” Kyle interrupted. “Are you okay?”
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