“Would you like me to put some makeup on you?” she offered.
“I don’t care,” I answered honestly. Before my parents’ death, I’d worn makeup religiously. After the plane crash, I’d quickly gone from full face makeup to lip balm and the occasional application of waterproof mascara.
Inola put a little eyeliner and lip gloss on me. She kissed the top of my head.
“You look beautiful. Are you ready?” she asked.
I nodded. What choice did I have, anyway?
A knock sounded at the door.
“Come in,” Inola said.
Thomas came inside, kissing Inola on the cheek before looking at me. He was wearing a suit.
“You both look great,” he said.
“And you look ridiculous,” I replied. Thomas always dressed nice, but I’d never seen him in a suit.
I smelled Gabriel before I saw him. I tensed, glancing at his reflection in the mirror.
He wore a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and the first few buttons at his throat were undone. Instead of his usual dark jeans, he wore black slacks. He still wore his usual black boots; I could smell mud and dried blood on them. He was underdressed like me, and I wondered if he had done it on purpose.
A wave of fire that had nothing to do with my thirst swept through me.
“Are you ready?” Gabriel asked.
I closed my eyes. It was the first time I’d heard his voice in days. I hadn’t expected his voice or his appearance to impact me so strongly.
But as soon as the fire cascaded through me, it faded, dissolved by the numbing wall.
I braced myself and opened my eyes, fixing him with my gaze in the mirror.
“Yes, I’m ready, but I don’t want you here.” My words were smooth and emotionless.
“Too bad,” he said, his tone almost mocking. He tilted his head toward the hallway. “After you, dearest heart.”
“Don’t call me that.” I tried to make the words sharp, but they came out dull.
I could almost feel the heat coming from his eyes. “You are still my heart regardless of how you feel about me right now. You cannot change that.”
I tried to give him my best sarcastic smile. Tried to argue with him that I could certainly try to make him hate me just as much as I hated him, but I found I was unable to muster the energy.
I sighed and looked away from Gabriel, but not before I saw his raised eyebrows. Inola gave Thomas a worried glance.
I obviously wasn’t the only one who had expected me to put up more of a fight.
I stood up and walked past Gabriel, holding my breath as I did so. I was scared if I got too close, I would do what every instinct in my body was screaming at me to do.
I wanted to bite him. I wanted his blood. I wanted to kiss him.
I didn’t need them to show me the way. There was no one else inside the hallways. I listened as I walked, hearing dozens of slow-pounding heartbeats. They were already in the basement.
I wished I could run to the basement. Gabriel was too close behind me for comfort, and I couldn’t trust myself around him.
Once we reached the basement door, he grabbed my forearm from behind.
My entire body sparked at his touch, and I half-hissed, half-groaned at the sensation. If he touched me again, my protective dam was going to burst.
“Are you all right?” Gabriel asked.
I stared at the door, unsure of his question. Was he asking about my mindset or about my reaction to his touch? Or how I felt about joining Violet Memory?
“Inola told me it will not be painful. I’m not scared of the joining, if that’s what you’re asking,” I answered.
His hesitation was tangible. “I know you’re very angry with me right now, but I need you to know that I am here. I am here with you, and I will never place you in danger again.”
I picked through his words. “You mean I’m once again a prisoner here. You’re not going to let me leave, and you have chosen to bind yourself to my chains out of guilt.”
“I’ve bound myself to you because I love you.”
Now I turned to him. “There is a difference between love and fear, Gabriel. You didn’t want to lose me, so you turned me into something I may not be able to live with. Was it love or fear that drove your actions?”
His eyes smoldered. “Both.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think you understand the difference.”
A flash of anger cut across his features. “Perspective, Kara. You can hate me, and be angry all you want, but I do not regret turning you. I’d do it again without hesitation.”
Not trusting myself, I turned away from him. I opened the door and walked down the stairs. Immediately, I was hit with the scent of blood. Why did the entire place have to always smell of blood?
My plan upon seeing the dozens of vampires was to hold my head high, but I wasn’t sure if I managed to do it when I saw all of their luminous eyes trained on me.
Only two looked welcoming; most of them looked bored. Some looked me up and down, as if my outfit said everything about the core of my being. Some appeared amused, and others seemed wary.
I tensed when I saw that many looked at Gabriel with hostile eyes. He’d killed Emma and Felicity, and although he’d had cause to do so, I could see there were hard feelings. Also, Elias had killed June when a few members of the coven had encountered him.
But what did they think of me?
The vampires parted to two sides of the room, and I walked through them with Gabriel, Inola, and Thomas behind me.
What did they truly think of the girl who’d been kidnapped by her Eternal on her way home? The one who’d caused most of them to search endlessly for someone who’d once been a part of their family? The one who’d loved her Eternal and who now hated her sire?
My gaze met a vampire with unusual eyes, like a strange shade of red.
Christopher. The one who had liked Felicity.
I stopped, wondering what to say and eyeing him critically. I was worried he might hurt Gabriel.
As much as I hated Gabriel, I couldn’t stand the thought of him harmed. I knew if any of them tried to attack Gabriel, I would protect him with my life.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Christopher’s face was unreadable. To my surprise, he shrugged. “I warned Felicity that getting tangled up with whatever Elias was planning was a foolish thing to do. She did not heed my warning. She did not even seem to care.”
“You’re not angry?” I asked.
He looked around unhappily, obviously not wanting to talk about this in front of everyone, but I didn’t care. I needed to know Gabriel was safe from him.
Christopher sighed before speaking. “There was nothing between us, although I wished it otherwise many times. We were not together. My anger at you and Gabriel was minimal and has faded. My anger with Felicity remains.”
I nodded and walked away, not wanting to touch on the subject anymore. Judging by the look in his eyes, Christopher was angry about Felicity’s rejection, not her death.
And if Elias was anything to go on, a vampire’s wrath never truly went away.
Which meant I would hate Gabriel forever. Even if I came to forgive him, there would always be a part of me that despised him. Maybe it was the numbness talking, but the thought made me feel cold.
We approached the bed. The vampire that had dropped the piece of paper warning me about Emma in the library gently touched Jasmina’s shoulder.
Jasmina’s eyes opened. No longer in the coma sleep, she did not require blood to rise, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t thirsty.
I held my breath when a red-rimmed goblet was handed to her. It was harder to ignore my desires for it in such close proximity.
Jasmina drank the blood eagerly, emptying the cup. After drinking two more, she merely sipped from the fourth cup. She eyed me as she did so, like she knew I wasn’t breathing.
“Welcome, my family,” she said. I could see her eyes held unshe
d tears, as if they always glistened from the pain of losing her Jaren.
Everybody except for me bowed. Inola nudged me. I rolled my eyes and dipped my head.
Jasmina looked amused. “Thirsty, Kara?”
My mouth turned up at one corner. I still hadn’t taken a breath, and my lungs were burning in protest. Had I been human, I would have passed out by now.
Jasmina flipped her brilliant-colored hair over her shoulder. “Quite a mess you have caused us these past months, little one.”
I allowed air to go into my lungs. It was like breathing in acid.
“Well, you know how it is. Being the fixation of two insane vampires can get a little messy,” I said.
Jasmina’s stare turned cold, my sarcastic response clearly not amusing to her. She leaned forward. “And now here you are, forever changed.”
Gabriel stiffened next to me. I wished he would go away.
Bite, blood, kiss.
“I think you and I both always knew I would end up standing before you this way,” I admitted dully. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw that Gabriel was the one who was no longer breathing.
“Indeed,” Jasmina murmured. “And are you ready to join Violet Memory?”
I debated on the wisdom of saying no or that I didn’t care. I went for an in-between response. “I guess.”
“You are Gabriel’s Eternal, and he is your sire. These circumstances have granted you the honor of entry, but first, any who opposes Kara joining us must speak now. Once she joins, she will always be a part of us. Are there any objections?”
There were shuffles behind me. Whispers of clothes scraping delicately against skin.
“It’s because of her that June is dead,” a man said.
I refused to turn around to see who had spoken, but Gabriel bared his fangs and glanced over his shoulder, one arm hovering protectively behind me.
“And Gabriel killed Felicity and Emma because of her!” someone else protested.
“Gabriel killed them because of their own stupidity,” Thomas scoffed. “If he hadn’t, I would have.”
Many voices spoke at once, and although I could discern the individual words, I was too busy fighting the dam trying to burst inside of me to truly concentrate.
Christopher’s voice rose over the others. “Felicity and Emma’s blood is on their own hands. June died because she fought to help one of our own. To say she died in vain dishonors her ashes.”
The discord faded, and Gabriel turned to the crowd. “Direct your anger to me, not to Kara. She is the victim in all of this. If anyone wants to confront me about her joining, step forward now.” His voice became iced razors. “I hate to be kept waiting.”
Minutes passed, but none met his challenge. I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding.
“I suppose that settles things,” Jasmina said. “We have rules you must understand before you join us. Listen well.
“Violet Memory prohibits the killing of pregnant women and humans who are thirteen and under. When you hunt and kill, you are to do so discreetly. Without getting too technical, use common sense. Do not leave bodies lying around, and do not just hunt around Lystelle. Branch out. We have many cars and even private planes at airports at your disposal. Blood bags are always here for your thirst, but I understand the call of the hunt. Do not torture your prey extensively; you will lose yourself if you do so often. No rape, and no sexual torture. You may bring one human home at a time; claim them if you do not want to share. If any member tries to take a food source as precious to you as a claimed human, you may kill them after I have proof of their theft.
“Secrecy is obvious. Don’t go blathering to the world that vampires exist. We do not wish to be made known. Many centuries ago, there were wars not only between covens, but between humans and vampires, and the endless battles created some of the most formidable vampire hunters to ever exist. It was a bloody time that must not be repeated.
“There are many other covens and wandering vampires in the world. They are welcome on our lands as long as they do not create problems. If you come across them, show them respect. It is very rare for other vampires to cause us trouble, so do not concern yourself with them.
“We have money and many stocks. While you are not required to make a contribution, it is welcomed. If you have a hobby that brings in money, share your fortune. We all benefit.
“If you have a conflict with one of your family members, bring it before me before you act. Respect and treat everyone the way you wish to be treated. You do not have to live here, but you are expected to return and stay here for at least one month every five years. You are also to attend any events or parties held in Violet Memory’s name.”
I cracked my knuckles. “Is that all?”
She actually smiled. She reached into the nightstand drawer and pulled out a scroll. “For the most part. Here is a more detailed list. If I were you, I would carefully read the part about blood sharing with another member when engaged in a certain activity.”
I came to her and took the scroll, unrolling it and reading the small print.
“Any questions?” Jasmina asked as I rolled the scroll back up.
“I can only kill three humans a month? Bummer,” I said.
Thomas laughed, but Jasmina didn’t look amused. “I long for sleep. Are you ready or not?” Jasmina asked.
“Where do I sign?” I asked.
Her lips turned up at the corners. “You don’t. You drink.”
I swallowed, pain making my cells throb. While not drinking blood went against every instinct, the thought of doing it again made me recoil in despair. The human Kara hadn’t been snuffed out completely, but I had a feeling the more I indulged in blood, the smaller she would become.
And if I ever killed, she would be gone forever.
Jasmina’s fangs snapped out, and she lifted her wrist to her mouth. She gently pierced her skin, allowing a single drop of her blood to fall into an onyx goblet.
One by one, the vampires approached the bed and did exactly as she had done. Inola went before Thomas, and Gabriel went last.
When Gabriel’s blood hit the air, I couldn’t hold back the hiss that escaped my throat. My focus zoned in on his blood. It was beautiful as it welled, hypnotic as it fell. It dropped into the blood-filled goblet silently.
I closed my eyes and forced my limbs to stay in place.
Bite, blood, kiss.
“Come, Kara Alyne Deuel. The time has come. Drink, and become ours,” Jasmina said.
I shook my head, back and forth, back and forth. If I moved, I would bite Gabriel in front of everyone.
“You fight your very nature. It is a losing battle, young one,” Jasmina said.
My eyes opened. As my gaze met Jasmina’s, I understood. She wasn’t talking about my vampirism—she was talking about me loving and wanting Gabriel. She had warned me before it was not a fight I could win.
I peeked at Gabriel. He was trying to keep his apathetic mask in place, but it slipped at the edges and pain entered his eyes. I was in silent agony, and he knew it. While my body was trying to protect me from the worst parts of myself, it could not shield me forever. A crack splintered its way through the dam.
You killed me. I willed for Gabriel to hear my thoughts, but I knew there was no way he could. Still, by the look in his eyes, I knew he understood.
You killed me.
I took the goblet from Jasmina and drank. I could taste Gabriel’s blood; it stood out amidst all the others.
The goblet fell from my fingers, the fire inside my throat cooling to a dying ember.
You killed me.
Chapter 10 And I Ached
Twice blood had been forced upon me, and I was not going to let it happen a third time.
Vaguely, I knew I was being irrational. I wasn’t an idiot—my memories were branded with the images of a bloodstained, mad Lucy. I could perfectly picture Gabriel’s lifeless eyes as he came toward me, all of his love for me evaporated in that moment bec
ause of the monster inside.
I knew if I went long enough without blood, I would become crazed, but I just couldn’t bring myself to care about the blood frenzy.
Did I really want this life? Could I even live with myself and go on knowing Elias was still out there?
For four days, I went through the motions. I slept, ate, showered, and cared for my pets. I rarely spoke.
I helped Thomas cook whenever he prepared food for us. I gardened with Inola, blindly following her instructions and frequently stopping my work to listen to her sing with my new ears. She didn’t comment when I refused to touch the roses.
I had no piano in my room, so I tentatively played the one in the music room when no one else was in there. With my enhanced senses and sharper memory, playing was much easier. I vastly improved in a short period, but I couldn’t bring myself to care about the accomplishment.
I wandered the large library after feeding the fish in the giant aquarium with either Millie or Denny in my arms. I didn’t like to read, but I did like to imagine the fantasies contained between the pages of the dusty volumes even if I didn’t indulge in them. The vast collection and the old-fashioned furnishings were impressive, and running my hand along them made me feel as if I were living in a different time period than the rest of the world.
I never lingered too long, as the library seemed to be one of the more popular rooms. The silent faces and bright eyes on me made me uneasy. Some looked curiously at me holding my cats, almost as if they wanted to approach me and pet them.
But no one did. I wasn’t sure if it was because they did not want me here, or because I looked like I didn’t want to socialize.
The only time I felt alive was when I went running with Thomas. The speed was exhilarating. We would run for hours without tiring, and I appreciated that he didn’t try to get me to talk, unlike Inola. Thomas would chatter, but it wasn’t to fill the silence. He was trying to distract me as he prattled on about recipes and kitchen shortcuts, and I was grateful to him for it.
But as comforting as Thomas’s presence was, it was Inola’s presence I craved. She was the one who stayed with me as I slept.
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