Far-out Show (9781465735829)

by Hanna, Thomas

  “Which do you think it is?” Hasley asked.

  “I’m only a tech, I look at the guts of systems to understand how they’re supposed to do certain things and why they’re not doing that if they’re not. I don’t do the guessing games or snoopy stuff. That’s why I came here and told you guys about it but without everybody being in on that information.”

  Lacrat stood to signal that the meeting was over. “Good work, Biccup. We’ll take it from here.”

  Biccup nodded that he was satisfied with that and left.

  Once the door was closed again Hasley asked, “Do you think we have a problem there?”

  “Which there? With Biccup? No. With Nerber? I’m not sure but I’m not about to panic. With the transport system? I wouldn’t use it and wouldn’t recommend it to my good friends although if someone is ready to go down as another contestant I’ll offer unqualified assurance that it’s safe,” Lacrat said.

  “Spoken like a true leader.”

  * * *

  Eroder sat at the main console in Whizybeam’s control room watching the array of dials and meters closely. Considering its importance this was not a very large room. A large view-screen filled one wall. A large console with five small, separate monitor screens built into it faced that big screen. There were two substations at the side of the room opposite the two doors to the halls and the rest of the ship. Each had a smaller but functional control console with smaller versions of the monitors of the big one. The single chairs in front of each console were the only movable furniture in the bright but plain space.

  Three serious, focused technicians who welcomed challenges hurried in. Molten went and stood behind Eroder to provide another set of eyes and hands if things started to happen very fast here. He was a young adult male with a cluster of very short spikes on the top of his head but none around the sides that made him look bald but with a bumpy scalp. His feet had areas of several shades of blue over a dark red background.

  Icetop and Yelpam went to the two side consoles, sat and started entering code and checking readings. Icetop was an older male with a wizened look. His head was covered with medium-length thick, flexible, and motile spikes which gave him a Medusa-look. His feet were dull gray. Yelpam was a young adult male with a sort of dread locks look due to his full head of long but limp, spiraled spikes. His feet were purple with some orange near his toes.

  After a time when he was satisfied with the readings he saw on the main console Eroder called, “Are we good?”

  “The systems seem stable,” Icetop replied.

  “My area’s reading as normal,” Yelpam called out.

  Molten patted Eroder’s shoulder as a signal that he saw nothing on the monitors and dials to indicate they couldn’t safely proceed.

  Eroder touched a button and said, “Attention all aboard, this is Captain Eroder. We’re about to make a change-over. The techs identified some distressing sub-routines that made the ship’s operation more complicated than there’s any reason to believe they need to be which therefore makes everything inefficient. Some of those programs would also allow those far away to lock us out and take control of our essential systems. In an emergency we need to be able to react and make things happen, not petition someone far away and possibly lost to contact to get around to making those changes.

  “There will be short-term interruptions of many functions as the new sequences are booted in to replace the bad ones so momentarily shut down everything that might be damaged and so you don’t lose your important data. You’ll be back up and running even better very soon. Greater efficiency will mean we can stay on stored power longer after each recharge from their star’s radiations so you won’t have that old excuse for not working but I’m confident you’ll find new ones.”

  He looked over to Icetop and Yelpam, both of whom nodded that things were ready according to their readings.

  Eroder called, “The indications here are that all systems are at minimum levels so we can do this. Switching to stored-energy lighting and life support. Change over!”

  He pushed a button. The lights blinked and dimmed as they went to backup power. Lights flashed on and off all around the console. For three seconds the whole console went dark and nothing moved.

  Then meter needles and digital dials became active as the lights in the room came on a bit brighter.

  “Okay, it all seems to be back on line and working. A few flutters but those should be insignificant. We’re safer now,” Eroder told them all over the communications system. “I’d say we’re entitled to a pomidipser quidniffop first chance we get. Special cheers for our techs for recognizing the problems and devising the patch around it.”

  * * *

  After talking with the producers about fixing the system Biccup had come directly to the transport room, a small room with a partly-enclosed alcove beside a podium-style control panel, sort of Star Trek light. The sooner he was confident that the device would work right from now on, the sooner he could concentrate on the many other technical problems on this bucket of bolts that was Whizybeam.

  His test subject of choice was Limbrush, an old model cleaning zerpy designed to vacuum or to blow away debris as its alternate actions. The zerpy was the size of and roughly the shape of a football. After viewing some recent images from the intercepted entertainment signals on the planet, Biccup altered its virtual surface to look even more like a football. That was in case it was seen by any inhabitants.

  He hefted the zerpy and examined it closely saying, “Dispensable but with a tracer and a self-destruct unit. An obvious test subject. It has two easily detectable functions so I send it down, verify that it works both ways once it’s there, then bring it back up and verify that it works both ways after that trip too. It should tell me all I need to know.”

  He placed the zerpy, hovering now, in the transport alcove then stepped behind the control podium to set the parameters.

  “I’ll use close to the same arrival location coordinates that I used for Nerber but not exactly the same so there’s little chance that its appearance will complicate things for him. Those should be okay.”

  He gave the hovering zerpy a last visual inspection and started the sequence.

  Limbrush gave a little jerk, then faded from sight. “It’s on its way. Watch out far below and on the other side of their moon,” Biccup whispered to himself.

  He watched the podium panel and when a small light started to flash he made an arm-punch-in-the-air gesture of success.

  Then he dropped that arm to steady himself as the whole ship quivered a bit and the panel on the podium went blank.

  “Fampfuzzle! What the splinkflert happened? No, no, the zerpy had just reached the surface. There can’t be some kind of a power outage right now. React, Biccup. There may be some residual energy in the system. Try it again later and take the time to make sure it works down there but for now it’s more important to get it back up here.”

  He pressed a button and stared at the spot where the zerpy had last been visible. He was hardly aware of it but his toes were crossed on both feet. But Limbrush did not reappear.

  After he finished silently counting off the seconds until it would be certain the attempt to reverse the transport was complete Biccup pushed hard on another button on the console.

  “If I can’t bring it back it should self-destruct so it won’t give away any secrets. I know the governors’ firmly stated priority on keeping our equipment out of inhabitants’ hands.”

  He stared at the blank podium monitor, then put down his head and weakly pounded his fists on the console while his feet firmly slapped the floor into submission. With no response from it he had no way of knowing whether Limbrush had destroyed itself.

  Strictly by the book he should probably immediately report this but since the chatter on the communications channels meant the loss of signals and even controls was widespread he decided it was okay to let it wait until later.

  Chapter 31

  Eroder was at the main control
console, Molten at one of the small ones. The other techs had gone to attend to other matters. Eroder touched a button and said, “Things aren’t looking right but we can’t afford to panic. It’s like there are a line of tall units standing close enough to one another that if the first falls over it will hit and knock over the second which will hit and knock over the third and on down the line. Too bad we Ormelexians don’t have an expression that describes that phenomenon. I want to believe this is only a flutter and will soon correct itself but the signs so far aren’t good.” Only he will ever know if he intended only to be heard by Molten but the button he probably pushed unconsciously let everyone aboard hear it.

  * * *

  At that time Lacrat sat in the producers’ office facing Icetop and Yelpam. No one else was in the room.

  “I appreciate the two of you hearing me out on this,” Lacrat said. “Things have changed so we need to adjust.”

  “Before you say more we require that you state for the record the terms you mentioned when you asked us to meet with you,” Icetop said. “So there are no misunderstandings.”

  “I’m simply offering you a chance to make an even bigger mark on the history of our kind,” Lacrat said pleasantly. “Here’s the deal...”

  “Stop!” Yelpam shouted. “As the designated representative of Bang-Boom Shows Certificated, are you telling us that we will be given a double share of the rewards committed to us in our existing contracts with the company if we listen to and seriously consider your offer of further involvement in the project for which we have come to the region of this alien planet whether or not we agree to that further involvement?”

  “Guys, you heard Eroder, we’re in an uncertain time. We all need to get things done and focus on keeping those at home who may still have some ultimate control over our fates so eager for the show material we generate that they’ll...”

  Yelpam muttered, “Jigplink it out your zamtrucks. Empty promises may lure dunkipfeck prisdinks but some of us know your type too well to play that game.” He and Icetop stood and left. Lacrat sat spinning idly in his swivel chair considering what had happened and what to do now.

  In the hall Hasley, in full oily con man mode although he didn’t realize it showed, intercepted Icetop and Yelpam. “Guys, Lacrat sent me a message. He’s upset with himself. The stress is getting to him. He misunderstood what you asked him to do. Of course he’ll put the terms he originally mentioned on the record.” He touched the door control panel and the door slid open. “That’s no problem. Come on back inside and let’s work this out so there are no hard feelings.”

  Lacrat, standing inside with his ear pressed to the door, jumped back in surprise when it opened, then he began to pace as if agitated and concerned. He gave the others what he intended to be a look of relief. What they saw was a look of great annoyance with them for putting him through this and with his partner for leaving him on the spot.

  Once in the office with the door closed behind them Icetop said, “Here’s what’s even better. Since you say there’s no problem with putting the terms for the meeting on the record, you do so, Hasley. So we know the whole company’s behind it.”

  Lacrat quickly flashed a smile but then hid that away. He hated being manipulated as much as anyone.

  Hasley hesitated only for a moment. “Uh, oh. Uh, sure. Why not? I can do that. As the agent of Bing-Bang Shows Certificated I agree that Icetop and Yelpam will get double their currently contracted for rewards for listening to and serious considering Lacrat’s proposal whether they agree to his offer or not. How’s that?”

  “It’s not my proposal, it’s the company’s proposal agreed to by all three principals,” Lacrat insisted.

  Hasley wasn’t able to stop himself before he let his annoyance at having that loophole closed but then he smiled without even wondering if that was coming across as warm and said, “Of course. That’s what I meant. Now let’s stop losing time. Let’s talk-talk about one or both of you becoming show contestants for the vipsig mermin. I’ll sit back and let Lacrat take over from here.”

  Lacrat sat in his chair and faced the two techs for whom there was now only one seat available. “We’re offering you the once in a lifetime opportunity to expand your titles and horizons and become full participants in The Far-Out Show as contestants. In fairness I can’t offer you more reward than Nerber agreed to since the same offer was made to all potential candidates.”

  Icetop said, “So you give Nerber more. I bet he won’t refuse it. The others declined to follow through which voids any contractual promises you made to them.”

  “We don’t want to be narrow though. The money rewards are nice but as Hasley emphasized the vipsig mermin is the fame that goes automatically with having your name known to everyone on Ormelex. Think of how you and your families will bask in the glory.”

  “I’d rather bask in the best spas - which takes money so that is important. If you don’t agree then let’s have the lawyers make up the agreement to switch all your rewards from the show, short and long term, for all of mine,” Yelpam said.

  “All of these money matters can be worked out later, right now we need to make a show and get it aired or none of us will get any reward,” Hasley said.

  Yelpam said, “I’m okay with being called a mimzy-plisher but I’m not a discer prumous. Before I agree to any changes that might put me in line for nasty abuse I insist on the terms being worked out in detail. We’ll start with this one. What immediately enforceable guarantees of proper treatment on the planet and after are you offering?”

  “What do you mean by that expression?” Hasley asked.

  “What money payments will be paid to my family at home now if I complain to a specified arbitrator and she agrees you are or recently were mistreating me? Nothing delayed until we get home is worth even the effort of lying about it. We set this up before we go down to this planet. Specifics of how we’ll be treated, who will arbitrate, and how we would contact her, and the rest.”

  Lacrat sighed, “There’s no time Yelpam,. None of that is preset so there’ll have to backing-and-forwarding between lawyers and all. Time is short. Trust us, we’ll do right by all the crew and contestants.”

  Icetop sneered at that but asked, “In light of what’s now known about Earth, how have you changed the show’s challenges?”

  Lacrat answered, “We haven’t. In fairness we can’t change those since Nerber has already begun them.”

  Hasley jumped in with, “That means he has a head start so the chance to be the final winner according to the rules of the show is slipping away with every minute you’re not on the planet interacting with inhabitants. The zerpies the others were going to use are ready to go so there’s no reason to delay getting both of you down there and in fierce competition for ultimate glory and honor.”

  Yelpam said flatly, “Nerber hasn’t done any of the challenges and doesn’t even seem to be trying anymore.”

  Lacrat blurted out, “You can’t know that.”

  Icetop said, “We aren’t supposed to know about a lot of what’s common knowledge on the ship. Ignoring the official challenges, what could any new contestants do down there with the inhabitants already on widespread high alert?”

  “No, the show’s challenges, however we interpret them - and they were chosen to have a lot of leeway - are still the basis of winning the competition. The inhabitants’ state of alert only makes it more exciting and challenging,” Hasley insisted.

  “While increasing our chance of being killed. It’s not the original game so sugariness up the offer or forget it,” Icetop said.

  Hasley said, “Okay, you win. We will work out a new deal for winning based on whatever interesting stuff you do interacting with the inhabitants or showing us aspects of the world down there that will distract the home audience. But time’s short so you have to go down now or it’s too late. Trust us to give you the best deal possible.”

  Icetop and Yelpam exchanged nods. Icetop said, “Your offer’s unrealistic. No
deal. We insist that this meeting and the promises made be registered at home immediately. The power’s back so communications are reestablished.”

  Hasley waved his hand in a vague gesture of agreement. “Yeah, surely for true correct. We’ll get right on that. We’re done here, you get back to the work you will do.”

  Icetop and Yelpam left.

  Lacrat held up a hand to delay any comments while he used the security system to be sure the others were out of hearing and moving away down the hall.

  When Lacrat gave the nod, Hasley said, “I’m sort of relieved. If there are going to be more engine problems we may need them more as techs than as contestants.”

  Lacrat said, “I went to their rooms and offered Zemgas and Rumpsy double rewards but they won’t go. It’s only Nerber.”

  “And maybe not even him for long since the inhabitants are much more advanced and aggressive that we thought.”

  They both turned to look when a harsh tone sounded and the Bang-Boom Shows Certificated logo appeared on the view-screen.

  When they recovered from their shock they jumped up and ran out the door. Hasley noted, “This has to be big and bad for him to use that summons signal.”

  * * *

  All three producers rushed into the control room where they found Eroder, Molten, Biccup, Icetop, and Yelpam at the consoles conferring in whispers about what was happening and what to do.

  Looking over and seeing the producers Eroder called, “Things don’t look right. We recognize now that Whizybeam was designed with so many strange round-about ways to make it all happen that the most obvious route to disable the remote controls from home would also disable key life-support systems. A ninxy heyhexel twenty and two.”

  “The designers sent us off in a pre-sabotaged ship?” Feedle asked, having trouble accepting that.

  “So it seems,” Eroder said. “Maybe being able to destroy every last bit to hide what it was and where it came from was the top priority consideration. Uh oh, things don’t look good.”