Forever Beach

by Shelley Noble

  What had she done to heap this day on her head? She hadn’t intended to come this way. She’d meant to turn before this and drive up the coast route. But she’d driven away in panic mode, hadn’t paid attention to where she was going, and now here she was stuck in traffic in the one place she didn’t want to be.

  The hood, where they’d hung out between school and curfew. And it was pretty much the same from what she could tell from the interior of her car. Young toughs and their girls were hanging on the street, exuding attitude and cigarette smoke. The guys wore their pants lower, the girls their hair bigger, and instead of boom boxes they had iPod buds dangling from their ears. But they still thought they were so cool. Man, you’re gonna die.

  A car behind her honked.

  Idiot. Where did he think she could go?

  She dropped her forehead to the steering wheel. She needed to go home.

  Dear Sarah,

  I skipped school and hitched down to the home to see you yesterday. I was real careful and I didn’t go in. I was afraid it would get back to Donnie and June, aka Donald and June Cartwright, my adoptive parents. I didn’t see you and when I stopped one of the kids, they had never heard of you. So I guess you got placed.

  Donnie and June found out where I went and went all huffy on me. They were very disappointed in my behavior and after all they’ve done for me. And they said that I was ungrateful.

  I’m not ungrateful, but I’ll never tell them that. It’s like being in prison here, a posh cushy prison, but not a life. I’m like some cheap figurine they dust and put out on display to show everyone what good people they are, so everyone will vote for Donnie.

  June likes her little rat dog more than she likes me. Donnie’s okay, I guess, just clueless.

  I’ll stick it out, play the game, because I see the light at the end of the tunnel, I hope. Maybe it’s just a big old freight train ready to finish me off.

  Sometimes I wish we’d run off before that day. But we woulda never made it.

  You’re still my sister.

  Nonie

  Traffic inched forward and Ilona tried not to look anywhere but straight ahead. Had Sarah recognized her? It seemed to Ilona that for a split second, recognition flickered in her eyes, but Ilona hadn’t waited around to see what would happen. She’d run, coward that she was.

  She reached to the dashboard and speed dialed the office. “I’m stuck in traffic,” she told Inez. “If Mrs. Sobrato arrives before I do, tell her I’m running late. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

  As soon as she got to the next corner, she turned off the congested street. She’d have to take the backstreets to get to the highway. She remembered all the backstreets. Hell, she’d lived on some of them. But first she locked the car doors, not because she was afraid, but to show them she wasn’t one of them anymore.

  SARAH, LEILA, AND Wyatt were sitting at one of the round sidewalk tables outside the ice cream parlor when Wyatt’s phone sounded an alert from the rescue patrol. He looked at it and stood.

  “Sorry.”

  “Be careful,” she called after him, but he was already sprinting down the sidewalk to the dive shop where his SUV was parked.

  “Where’s Wyatt going?” Leila asked.

  “Some people need his help.”

  “Can we go?”

  “No, only the rescue team can go.”

  “I want to be on the rescue team.”

  “Some day when you’re grown up, you can be. But for now how about we walk down to the library?”

  Leila nodded vigorously. “And get some books.”

  “Good idea.” Now that Leila was more settled, her reading was improving by leaps and bounds. No worries about her mental capacities so far.

  Sarah knew she should start reminding Leila that tomorrow was her visit with Carmen, but she was still shaken from seeing Nonie, and she just wanted a few more minutes with Leila before everything went south.

  “Mommee, let’s go.”

  “Right, the library,” Sarah said. She cleaned Leila’s face and both their hands, then put their trash in the receptacle and they strolled down the side street to the library.

  They returned home an hour later with Sarah carrying a book bag filled with at least ten books. Leila would have taken more, but Sarah convinced her that more wouldn’t fit in the bag. As soon as they were back inside Leila climbed on the couch and pulled them out one by one. “Read now, Mommee.”

  “After supper and your bath. You start picking out the ones you want to read first while I make dinner.”

  “This one.” Leila put one down beside her on the couch. “And this one.” Soon she was jabbering away, talking to herself, or maybe an imaginary friend, about the merits of each book. And Sarah went to cook dinner.

  Leila wanted to bring the books to the table, but Sarah explained about getting food on the books and she was finally convinced to carry them back to her room to be read that night.

  The books were stacked neatly on her bedside table when Sarah went to tuck her in a couple of hours later.

  Leila climbed into bed. “Green Eggs and Ham,” she said and patted the place next to her for Sarah to sit.

  “I thought we’d look at this first,” Sarah said, bringing out the Everybody Loves Me photo album. “Since tomorrow you get to visit Carmen.”

  Leila frowned. “Green Eggs and Ham.”

  Sarah didn’t have the heart to argue. She dropped Everybody Loves Me on the floor. It had been one of those projects that was supposed to help children feel loved and secure. What a joke. It might work for Leila, for a while, but Sarah had no illusions about who loved whom. She opened Green Eggs and Ham.

  Sarah held the book between them as she read, and Leila joined her on every Sam I Am. Sarah was afraid she’d be upset over the impending visit, but she fell asleep almost as soon as Sarah closed the book.

  She tiptoed out of the room and left the door ajar. She usually loved this time at night, with the house perfectly quiet except for an occasional creak or groan. Sarah liked to work in the wee hours. But tonight she had other plans. She booted up her laptop; work and worry about tomorrow could wait while she delved into her past.

  It was after midnight when Sarah found an early newspaper clipping of a younger Nonie and her foster parents, Donald and June Cartwright. Donald was a member of the state legislature and on a bunch of committees that Sarah didn’t really care about. June, according to the article, was active in many charitable foundations, including foster placement.

  His hairline receded slightly giving him an air of respectability. Not a hair of June’s platinum pageboy was out of place. Both were impeccably dressed and smiling for the camera. Nonie stood in front of them, dressed in a skirt and blouse that would have had her making barfing noises if they’d seen some other girl wearing it. There was no doubt about it, Ilona Cartwright had once been Nonie Blanchard, Sarah’s best friend and sister. She was wearing those stupid clothes. And smiling. Smiling.

  Just one big happy family, Sarah thought, and anger and hurt swelled inside her. Nonie had lucked out big-time.

  She read the article and almost barfed herself at the quote by Mr. Cartwright about race relations and the foster care system and how they wanted to do their part.

  Sarah didn’t read more. She didn’t need to. Nonie had found a great home and forgotten about Sarah. Maybe she was even embarrassed to know her. Maybe she didn’t want to be reminded of what went before.

  And they had lived twenty minutes away. So close and she never even tried to get in touch with Sarah.

  Was that why she’d run when Sarah saw her? Then why had she come at all? Sarah wanted to know. Wanted to confront her and ask her why. Or why she couldn’t have just written her that she didn’t need her anymore and then Sarah wouldn’t have lived so long with false hope. Waiting for the day that Nonie would come and get her and she would have a real family at last.

  Sarah yawned. She checked her phone to see if Wyatt had called. She liked him to call
when he got back from a rescue mission. Just so she would know he was okay. She didn’t always know when he went out. Sometimes he would tell her about it after he’d already returned. Still she worried.

  An hour later, Sarah powered down her laptop. She’d learned a little more about Nonie, but as an adult, which stood to reason; the Internet wasn’t all that common when they were kids.

  She would have to confront her before this was over but not until she’d consulted Reesa and not until this first visit was behind them.

  She checked on Leila, a little angel and free of care in her sleep. If only Sarah could promise her a life free from fear and insecurity. If given the chance, she could . . . and she would . . .

  SARAH HAD FALLEN into a fitful sleep filled with half-realized dreams and Technicolor nightmares and images that seemed to float between the two. She woke the next morning feeling like she had been sleeping underwater. She didn’t remember dreaming, which was probably just as well. She woke Leila, who seemed reluctant to get out of bed. She felt her forehead. No temperature.

  During breakfast, Sarah managed to keep upbeat, and so was Leila. But when it was time to leave for the school bus, she refused to take her backpack. Sarah didn’t make a big deal of it, just picked it up and took her hand.

  She waved as the bus drove away, then turned to make the best of it until Leila came home and she had to turn her over to Danny Noyes.

  She detoured past Dive Works and stopped to peer in the window to see if Wyatt was there. She could see him working behind the counter. Restocking shelves. He was amazing—store owner, rescue team leader, dive instructor, and still he always made time for Sarah and Leila.

  With so many things unsettled in her life, she suddenly wanted to make sure he was okay. She tapped on the window.

  He looked up, slid a box onto the counter, and came to open the door.

  “Hey, what’s up?” He was wearing wrinkled khaki shorts and a T-shirt.

  He looked concerned and for a second Sarah wondered if she only sought him out when she needed something.

  “I was just coming from the bus stop and wanted to know how the rescue went yesterday.”

  “Fishing boat ran aground. Come on in. I’ve got a lesson in a few minutes.”

  “No, I don’t want to hold you up, and I’ve got to get to work. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  “Thanks. But I have to wait until Victor gets in, and the hires aren’t even here yet.” He stepped back, and she stepped over the threshold. He turned the Open sign over.

  “Skipper broke his leg trying to get her free. Just one of those dumb things.”

  “Well, I’m glad everything turned out all right.”

  “So today’s the big day, huh?”

  “Yeah. I’m trying to stay calm. Maybe we can do this without all the angst and trauma of last time.”

  He pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered there. “You’re a strong woman, Sarah Hargreave. You’ll come through this.”

  She smiled shakily. “One way or the other.”

  The front door opened, setting the entry buzzer off. Sarah turned around expecting Victor. But it wasn’t Victor. It was the young woman she’d seen talking to Wyatt the other day. Close up she was even prettier, more fit and blond than she’d been at a distance. She had a dazzling smile. It was trained on Wyatt.

  “Am I late?” she asked in a voice Sarah swore was too sexy to be real.

  “No. Just right. Here comes my associate.”

  Sarah slid behind the woman, held up her hand to say good-bye to Wyatt, and walked quickly toward the door.

  “Let me know how things go?” Wyatt called after her.

  She wiggled her fingers at him and slipped past Victor as he came in the door.

  Stupid, Sarah chastised herself as she walked down the sidewalk. She should have been more friendly, or at least not be feeling jealous now. He was teaching the girl—woman—how to dive. Sarah couldn’t go out with him because she didn’t know how to swim. And had never wanted to, until maybe now.

  She didn’t have any hold over him. She didn’t even want a hold over him. Did she? Then why was she suddenly jealous?

  Because she had been taking him for granted. And Karen was right. She yo-yoed him in and out of her life at will. Well, it wasn’t exactly at will; it was according to Leila. And that wasn’t healthy. Leila needed to learn to trust men.

  No, she didn’t, Sarah reminded herself. Not until Sarah could protect her.

  Men will take advantage, feel you up, rape you if you don’t stay vigilant.

  Sarah stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Where the hell had that come from? She didn’t think like that. But she had once. And she was still leery now years later. She’d gotten off pretty light in her years in the system. Not that some of them didn’t try it with her. She was just good at staying vigilant and running away before she was up against the wall, both figuratively and literally.

  Of course that had gained her the reputation of being a flight risk and therefore more difficult to place. That had been okay with Sarah. The group home had its dangers. But there she’d known where they were coming from.

  Leila needed to learn to be around men without freaking out, and Sarah would just keep her safe until she could take care of herself.

  The morning sun was beating down on the sidewalk, heating the asphalt of the street. Sarah already felt dragged out and the day hadn’t even begun. The visit with Carmen was hanging over both her and Leila’s heads.

  They’d both ignored the calendar that morning. Even though the sun sticker they’d put in the square seemed to grow large and more menacing with each passing hour.

  As Sarah stopped to deadhead the begonias that grew in the large terra-cotta pot on the clock shop porch, her cell rang.

  Karen’s ringtone.

  “Hey.”

  “What time is Leila going to see Carmen today?”

  “Danny is picking her up around three.”

  “Just enough time to get her home and snacked and not enough time for both of you to sit around worrying.”

  “Hmmm.”

  “So Reesa and I will meet you at Ocean Brew at ten after.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “You’re not going to sit at home alone making yourself sick with worry.”

  “You’re right. Actually I do have something I want to talk to Reesa about and for you to hear.”

  “Sounds intriguing. See you then. Gotta run. It’s bring your grandparents to camp day. Gotta bribe them with IHOP before we go. See you at three.” And she hung up.

  Chapter 11

  As the clocks ticked their way to the afternoon, Sarah became more and more tense. It’s just two hours, supervised, she reminded herself. Plus a half hour of travel time. She’ll be back by five fifteen.

  But Leila was having none of it. When Sarah picked her up at the bus, she stretched up her arms to be carried. Sarah carried her as much for her own comfort as for Leila’s. She wanted to make sure that Leila knew how much she loved her.

  Sarah had to put her down while she opened the front door, but immediately Leila glommed to her side, her hand fisting in the hem of Sarah’s work shirt.

  She hadn’t forgotten that today was her day to visit Carmen. And it was Sarah’s duty to make the transition as smooth as possible.

  “Do you want a snack before you get ready for your visit with Carmen this afternoon?”

  Leila shook her head and dropped her backpack on the floor.

  “What did you do at school today?”

  Leila shrugged.

  “Okay, then why don’t we go to your room and you can put on the outfit you picked out last night?”

  Leila pulled her whole body up before huffing out a sigh, letting Sarah know she was not happy.

  Sarah tried not to admit it was gratifying. But she’d been here before, and she knew that transitions were the hardest. “It will be fun to see Carmen and I’ll be right here when Da
nny brings you back.”

  “You go with me.”

  “Sorry, boobaloo, I can’t.”

  “Why?” A hint of a whine.

  “It’s the rules. You and Carmen and Danny can visit together.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s the rules.”

  “I hate rules.”

  I know, thought Sarah, so do I. These rules anyway. “Well, rules keep people safe.”

  “Why?”

  “Because people, all people, should be safe.”

  Leila burrowed into her side, and it was all Sarah could do not to snatch her up and drive away with her. But that wouldn’t keep Leila or Sarah safe. They wouldn’t be safe until this all got sorted out.

  Deciding not to push the issue of the clothes, she picked Leila and her backpack up and carried them into the living room where she sat them all in the big overstuffed chair that had been Sam’s place. She immediately felt calmer. As if Sam were still giving her strength from the grave. A bunch of hooey, she knew. But she was willing to take even hooey today.

  She picked up a book at random and opened it. Can You Find Me at the Beach? One of those hidden picture books that Leila loved.

  “Crab,” Leila said, pointing to the crab peeking out from under a striped beach towel. She took the book in both hands and looked over the picture, her brows knitted in concentration.

  The knock at the door startled them both.

  “That must be Danny. He’s a little early.” Sarah went to answer the door. Danny Noyes stood on the porch in baggy khakis and a short-sleeve sports shirt. He was wearing a tie, but it was pulled loose at the neck, and the top button of his shirt was unbuttoned.

  “Come in.”

  They went into the living room, where Leila was standing behind the arm of Sam’s chair as if it could hide her.

  “Hey, Leila,” he said brightly. “Ready to go?”

  Leila shook her head.

  Danny cast Sarah a disparaging look.

  “I did everything the book said.”

  “Come on, your— Carmen is waiting for a visit. She’s excited to see you.”