Forever Beach

by Shelley Noble

  Sarah nodded encouragingly at Leila. “I love you, sunshine.”

  Leila hung her head. Danny took her hand and escorted her out the door. She frowned back at Sarah as they walked across the sidewalk to Danny’s car.

  Sarah kept her smile glued in place, even though her jaw hurt and her lips were trembling. It was just a couple of hours. Everything would be fine.

  She watched to make sure Danny put Leila in the car seat, watched him go around to the driver’s side, watched as they drove away. Even after the car turned the corner and she couldn’t see them, she waited. And finally closed the door. She stood in the foyer, fighting the nausea that threatened to overtake her. Leila would come back and everything would be fine.

  Karen had been right about her not being alone. She would go crazy pacing the small cottage for the next few hours. She went to her desk and opened the notebook where she documented Leila’s progress and setbacks. She logged in the date and time, the event, and Leila’s reaction, then grabbed her bag and headed for the Ocean Brew.

  She and Karen met at the door.

  “Whew,” Karen said and hugged her. “Whoever called summer a vacation was bat poop crazy.”

  Sarah smiled, though she still felt sick and coffee was probably the last thing she needed.

  As soon as they were inside, Sarah made a beeline for a free table by the window, so she could see the street in case for some reason Danny and Leila returned early.

  Karen gave her a sympathetic smile. “There’s a long road ahead, too early to freak out.”

  “I know. It just blindsided me and you know how it goes, huge backsliding in behavior and learning. It’s already starting.” She saw Reesa hurrying past the window and waved to her.

  Reesa barreled into the coffee bar. “Sorry I’m late. Did everything go okay?”

  “So far,” Sarah said.

  “How about you?” Karen asked.

  “I played hooky this morning to arrange housing for an older lady at the senior residence. Aguda found her an available apartment, hallelujah. Sometimes things just work out.”

  “You’ve taken on the elderly in your spare time?” Karen asked.

  “No,” Reesa said as she wrestled out of her summer jacket. “She was the one who sounded the alert for the White boys I just removed. She lives in a building surrounded by drugs and worse. I figured she deserved better.”

  “Good for you,” Karen said.

  Sarah dragged her gaze from the window. She couldn’t stare out at the street for the next couple of hours, ignoring her friends when they had taken time to help her through. “She’s lucky that you pulled the case.”

  “For my sins,” Reesa said.

  “I mean, not everybody would have thought about her.”

  “Any more on the other front?” Karen asked.

  Reesa shook her head and turned to Sarah. “At the beach the other day, I blurted out that I was going to leave Michael. I meant it then. But now it seems so extreme. What I think I need is another job.”

  “Another job?” Sarah said, surprised. “Where would you find the hours?”

  “I mean a different job.”

  Sarah stared at her. “You mean quit being a caseworker?”

  “Maybe.”

  “But what about all those children?”

  Karen laid a hand on Sarah’s arm.

  “Sorry, it’s just that you’re so good at what you do.”

  “Except that I’m burned out. Some days I think I can’t witness another desperate family, or a battered or neglected child. We’re like that story, with our fingers in the dike. God, sorry. We’re here to make you feel better.”

  “Then for starters,” Karen said, “let’s get drinks and something terribly sweet and caloric.” They all went up to the counter and returned a few minutes later with two iced coffees, an iced chai for Sarah, as well as several pastries, a knife, and three forks.

  “Well, I have a bombshell to drop,” Sarah said.

  Karen, who had been dividing the pastries in thirds, stopped.

  “Nothing about Leila?” Reesa asked.

  “Not directly. But I know why Ilona Cartwright refused to take my case.”

  Reesa’s eyebrows lifted. Karen put down the knife.

  “We were in foster care—in a group home—together.”

  “No. Ilona Cartwright? Are you sure?” Reesa reached for a piece of peach turnover. “I knew she was adopted, but I don’t remember it ever being mentioned about her being in the system.”

  “She was Nonie Blanchard then. And my best friend. Better than my best friend. We said we were sisters.” The memory was still like a slice across her heart. “We swore we would always watch out for each other; well, at first she watched out for me mostly. She was older and had been there longer. But then she was adopted, I guess by the Cartwrights. We promised to write every week. But she never did.”

  The force of that memory hit her so hard that it nearly took her breath away. What had she done to make Nonie hate her so?

  “That’s crazy,” Karen said, putting a piece of turnover on Sarah’s plate.

  “Neither of you said anything while we were there,” Reesa said.

  “I didn’t know then. She doesn’t look anything like she did when I knew her and I never knew her name was Ilona, just Nonie. But she recognized me. She must have. That’s why she wouldn’t take the case. I don’t know what I did that made her so angry at me, but she obviously still holds a grudge.”

  “Wait. Then how did you figure out that you knew her?”

  “She was down here yesterday. I’m sure she was following me. She saw me meet Leila at the bus after school. I saw her standing across the street and when she saw me, she turned and walked away, then disappeared down one of the walk-throughs. I ran after her, but when I reached the end of the walk-through, she was gone.”

  “And you’re sure it was her?”

  “As soon as she turned and walked away, I could tell. It’s exactly what she taught me to do when we were shoplifting.” Sarah grimaced. “Before I reformed. She had me practice so many times and copy her that I would know it anywhere. It sounds crazy, but it isn’t. It was Nonie all right. That’s why she wouldn’t take the case—she hates me. That must be why she came down to spy on me. What do you think she’s up to? Trying to sabotage my chances?”

  “Stop.” Reesa put up her hand, crossing guard style. “You don’t know that she has ulterior motives. Maybe she just happened to be shopping when you saw her.”

  “Then why did she run?”

  “You should go talk to her,” Karen said. “Maybe it’s just a misunderstanding. Her letters got lost. You know how the system is. Someone could have stolen them. Or a thousand things could have happened. I bet if you talked things out—”

  Sarah shook her head. “I haven’t forgiven her, either. Two years we were inseparable, sisters. Then she left me behind. She promised she’d come back for me, but she never looked back.”

  Reesa leaned forward on her elbows. “Sarah, you know she wouldn’t have been able to do that.”

  “Maybe not then, but she could have written like she promised to do; she could have looked me up once she was on her own. She never did.”

  Reesa laid her hand on Sarah’s arm. “We may not even need her.”

  “But you should try to reconcile,” Karen said, passing around three sections of a sticky bun. “It’s not good to leave things like that to fester. Just talking about it—”

  “No. She’s had eighteen years to reach out to me. The system knew where I was. And they know where I am now.”

  “Look,” Reesa said. “Let’s give it some time, see what shakes out. If it turns out we do need her, I’ll talk to her. Twenty years is a long time to be angry. I’ll try to convince her to do the right thing.”

  “Don’t bother. You said yourself we had time. I’ll let Randy handle it, or I’ll find someone else. But not her.”

  KAREN AND REESA stayed at the coffee bar after Sarah went
home to wait for Leila and Danny. They watched her walk across the street, up her porch steps, and go inside. Then they turned to each other.

  “It’s like she’s already distancing herself from us,” Karen said.

  Reesa nodded. “Detaching. It’s a classic reaction. Sometimes the child isn’t the only one that regresses.”

  “But she’s pulling away already, like she expects to lose, like she doesn’t expect us to stand by her.”

  “When you’re used to losing, losing becomes your default mode.”

  “Well, it sucks.” Karen cut the last chocolate croissant in half and handed half to Reesa. “Gosh, look at me. I’ve been cutting everyone else’s food like I was the mother or something.”

  “You are and a good one. And so is Sarah if given the chance.”

  “So what can we do?”

  “You’ve run support groups for years.”

  “But this is different. Sarah is our friend.”

  “And we’ll be here when she needs us. But she has to come to that realization. We can’t just keep butting in. It will make her defensive and less able to cope.”

  “It’s such a mess. Do you think Carmen might really have a chance of getting Leila back?”

  “From past attempts, no. But this might be the time that works.”

  “I should have warned Sarah not to adopt from the system. They make it too difficult.”

  “Tell me about it. I’d really like to have Cartwright lined up in case we need her.”

  They both finished their half of the croissant, not talking, each with her own thoughts.

  “So what are you going to do?” Karen asked, pushing the cake plate away.

  Reesa raised her eyebrows. “About Sarah or Ilona Cartwright?”

  “About your life.”

  “Damned if I know. But something’s gotta give or I might end up on the cover of some tabloid.”

  “That bad?”

  “Pretty much.”

  Karen reached for her hand. “You need a vacation.”

  Reesa gave her a look. “Me and all the other overworked, underpaid, sleep-deprived caseworkers.”

  “I mean it. At least take a long weekend. I know. Come stay with us for a few days. It will be mass craziness, but at least it will be good craziness. You can tell Michael you’re having a girls’ weekend away. Even better, we will have a girls’ weekend. I bet Sarah could use one by then, too. We’ve got the beach, and I’ll con Stu into watching the kids. We’ll have Sarah bring Leila over, and the three of us will go have some fun. Goodness knows we could all use some.”

  SARAH WAS STANDING at the window when Danny double-parked his Hyundai in front of her cottage. He ran around to the backseat and scuttled Leila out of the car seat, swung her to the grass verge, and then hurried her up the steps to the house.

  Sarah opened the door and knelt down to give Leila a hug, but Leila pulled her hand away from Danny’s and blew right past Sarah without slowing down.

  Danny looked apologetic, but spoiled it by glancing over his shoulder to make sure he wasn’t getting ticketed.

  “This is normal behavior,” he said as he began stepping back across the porch. “There’s always a little adjustment after visits.”

  “I know, Danny. Been there, done that. Several times. You’d better go see to your car.”

  “Yeah, thanks. Next week same time?” He’d asked it as a question but since there was only one acceptable answer, Sarah didn’t bother to say it. He nodded, turned, and sprinted toward his car, just as a black-and-white came around the corner.

  Sarah closed the door, took several calming breaths and went in search of Leila. She was in her room sitting on the floor. Her backpack was open and she was rummaging inside.

  “Did you have a good time?” Sarah asked.

  Leila ignored her. The silent treatment. She’d been pretty good at it herself at one time.

  “Want an apple and some almond butter?”

  “I want candy.”

  “We don’t have candy. How about yogurt and granola?”

  “I want candy.”

  “We don’t have candy.”

  Leila looked up then, her eyes narrowed, her face scrunched up—her “mean” face—and Sarah smiled.

  “Carmen has candy.”

  “How about Jell-O?”

  “Go away.”

  Leila got to her feet and pushed Sarah toward the bedroom door. Sarah didn’t resist or try to change her mind. She just left the room. She heard Leila shut the door behind her.

  Sarah sighed. Just like clockwork. It was happening all over again.

  ILONA CLOSED HER briefcase as the courtroom cleared. The Sobrato case had just been recessed until next Friday and she wasn’t happy about it. She could have gone in for the kill and finished this charade—and the opposing lawyers knew it.

  Now they would spend the interim time negotiating and bargaining. She wasn’t going to negotiate or bargain. Olivia Sobrato was going to get a shitload of money or Ilona would go back to law school for a brushup course.

  Olivia stood and reached for her purse, leaning in close to Ilona. “We have them, don’t we?”

  We, nothing, Ilona thought. The only thing you’ve done is whine and complain. “I think we do. Excuse me.” Ilona took her briefcase and strode toward Barry O’Doul who was pleading the next case.

  “See you on Friday,” Olivia called after her.

  “Damn,” Barry said. “You were fierce.”

  Ilona smiled her barracuda smile and waited for Olivia to mince her way up the aisle of the courtroom. “I was just doing my job for my client.”

  “Yeah, you had ’em by the short hairs, that’s for sure. Man, the way you wiped the floor with Ken’s presentation; my balls headed for the hills in sympathy. Damn.”

  The clerk called for the next case.

  “Good luck,” Ilona said and climbed the steps to the back door. Good luck and a dose of histrionics—those were the only two tools in Barry’s toolbox.

  Her energy lasted as long as it took to get to her car. She reviewed the afternoon and pretended to be pleased—long enough to get out of the parking garage and to the coast road.

  Then the courtroom drama fell behind her like the wake of a speedboat, and the hurt and anger she’d been fighting against since seeing Sarah Hargreave rushed over her once again.

  She’d made something of her life, had endured, hadn’t let anything or anyone stop her from getting what she wanted. She was right where she wanted to be, on her way up in the legal world. Living in a posh apartment, socializing with the up-and-comers.

  And in one mistaken decision, one brief encounter, it all came crashing down. Her past staring her in the face.

  She stepped on the accelerator and the car tore down the street while Ilona screamed at the top of her lungs.

  Dear Sarah,

  I hate you. I hope you are dead.

  Not your sister anymore.

  Nonie

  Chapter 12

  Sarah and Leila managed to get through the evening, though Leila refused to speak for most of it. Waking up with a tummyache in the middle of the night helped to break the ice somewhat, until Sarah explained that it was probably from eating too much candy. Then Leila turned her back on Sarah, pulled the covers over her head, and finally fell back to sleep.

  The silent treatment continued through breakfast, and by the time she saw Leila off at the bus, Sarah was frayed around the edges.

  So instead of going directly to the store, she detoured to Ocean Brew. Wyatt was coming out carrying his morning coffee. He was wearing jeans and a stretched-out T-shirt. He looked strong and handsome, but more than that, he looked comfortable.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “How did it go with Leila yesterday?”

  “Like you’d expect. Went willingly enough. Came back quiet. Got mad because Carmen had candy and we didn’t.” Sarah shrugged. “Par for the course, I guess you’d say.”

  “Well, hopefully this won�
��t go on for too long.”

  Sarah nodded. “Well, I’d better get to work. I’ve been sorely neglecting the store lately.”

  “It’s summer.” Wyatt grinned, but he seemed a little distant. Was he already expecting her to start pushing him out of their lives? Because that’s what she did. She didn’t want to. But what choice was there?

  Her cell phone rang—Karen’s ringtone.

  “See you later,” Wyatt said.

  “Later.” Sarah answered the phone as she watched him walk away.

  “Hey, girlfriend. Get all your work done. I’m declaring this weekend girls’ weekend away.”

  “Karen, I can’t go anywhere, not now.”

  “Oh, we’re not going anywhere, but Reesa needs to have some decompression time. She’s going to spend the weekend here. Stu has promised to keep the kids busy and we’re going to the beach in the afternoon and to a bar that night and to wherever we want to go. And you’re coming, too.”

  “Maybe for part of the time.”

  “Listen. Reesa’s always doing for other people, now it’s our turn to give back a bit. So you can’t say no.”

  “Okay, but I’ll have to check on the store sometimes.”

  “We’ll allow that. And you don’t have to sleep at my house, unless you want to.”

  “Sounds like fun. But I do have responsibilities.”

  “We’ve invited everyone over to Wyatt’s house for a Sunday afternoon barbecue.”

  “Did you let Wyatt know? I just saw him and he didn’t say anything.” And why was that? she wondered.

  “Of course we did. We’re bringing the food. The guys will grill.”

  “Kids, too?”

  “Kids, too.”

  “Great.”

  “I hope you stir up more enthusiasm than that by Saturday. Reesa needs us.”

  “I know. I am enthusiastic. I’m just working out the logistics.” And wondering if Wyatt was going to invite the blonde to the barbecue. Maybe she shouldn’t go.

  “Make sure you do. Gotta run.” Karen hung up.

  Sarah unlocked the store and went inside, stopping to look around like she did every morning. Today she let the steady beat of the clocks calm the beating of her heart. She always found peace among the clocks. Time always passed at the same speed, at least in her world.