Insurmountable

by T. E. White

  She sat up. “Let me.”

  We moved to sit on the bed and I let her roll the condom over my cock. I positioned her back on the bed as I kissed from her clit to circle her tits and back to her mouth to have my dick end up poised at her entrance.

  “Are you sure?” I asked one more time.

  She nodded, and I began to work my cock inside. It wasn’t easy. In fact, we both got frustrated with me trying to just get the head inside. I ended up taking another journey south to bring her close but not totally there. Once she was well lubricated again with her own wetness, I popped the head inside and stilled. She was so fucking tight it was almost to the point of pain.

  “Are you ready?” I had to ask because it had taken so much time.

  Her nod was agreement enough and I surged forward as I said, “This is going to hurt some.”

  She cried out and I stopped relishing the feeling of her all around me. I waited damning minutes until she bucked underneath me. I moved with shallow thrust wondering how she felt so fucking good. I could tell that if I didn’t focus, I would rock forward, enjoying my own pleasure, and this was about her.

  The further I got in, she more she began to moan with pure delight. I lengthened my drive home and increased the tempo. And damnit to all hell I hadn’t known it could ever be like this. Was bagging a virgin the key to ecstasy? Because I’d never in all my experience felt anything like this, though I’d had other virgins. I shouldn’t be thinking, but I had to, otherwise I’d pound into her.

  “Yes, like that,” she cried out. I didn’t know what I did but she began to meet me as we crashed together.

  “Fuucckk,” I mumbled. It was so fucking good. When she cried out again, the beast in me released. I moved in and out, increasing my tempo. She cried out too, making my balls go tight and until I didn’t think I could last a second longer. I came like a fucking race horse. I collapsed, with complete loss of muscle control. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I should get off of her but it took several seconds before I could regain the control of my limbs.

  I raised myself up and pulled out, only to freeze at what I saw. It was too late to hide the evidence. She’d spied it too. It wasn’t the little amount of blood that had me gaping. It was the condom, which resembled a cock ring at the base of my dick. Somewhere along the way it had busted, and from the feel of her it had to have happened at the very beginning. That explained why it had felt so unbelievable.

  Fuck.

  15

  Her eyes had to have been as large as mine. “It’s my fault,” I blurted. “I should have put the condom on. You have to pinch the tip to eliminate air so this doesn’t happen. I was so caught up with your hands on me I wasn’t thinking. And you don’t have to worry about getting anything from me. I’ve never once gone without before and I’ve never….” I left the words about not having a condom burst on me before out. I didn’t want her to feel bad. Plus, that was the least of our troubles.

  “Are you on the pill?” I asked hesitantly. I could feel my face was pinched, like I’d swallowed something hot. There was no easy way to ask and I didn’t want her taking the question the wrong way.

  She shook her head no.

  “Of course not. You haven’t had sex before. It wasn’t an issue for you,” I babbled. “I’m… going to clean this up.”

  I scrambled off the bed and avoided her eyes. She hadn’t said anything and I didn’t know what else to do. I’d had the best sex of my life, too bad what it could mean. I dragged on a pair of shorts from my drawer before I peeked outside my door. No one was out there, and the place seemed quiet. I hoped that was true and that everyone was out for the night.

  In the bathroom, as I stared in the mirror, I could hear my father’s voice and his mantra. Never go without it. It isn’t worth it, son. The result of one mistake lasts for a lifetime. He drilled it in me each time I came home for a visit. At the end of his speech he would hand me a fresh box. Don’t be cheap, use new ones so you don’t end up with more than you bargained for.

  He hadn’t, however, warned me about letting a girl put it on for me. I splashed water on my face before I cleaned up. After, I got a fresh washcloth from the tiny linen closet and wet it. When I made it back to my room, she lay there staring at the ceiling and I wished I could read her thoughts.

  It was another awkward moment. Did I hand her the towel so she could clean off? Or was that rude? I sat down and decided to gently clean her off. She jerked at my touch, but she would be sore there, idiot. I tried to be gentler wiping her leg too. Then I scooped up my shirt and handed it to her. I dumped the cloth in the corner so I could deal with it later. I lay next to her and tucked her into my side.

  “It will be fine,” I said, unsure of who I was trying to convince.

  I felt her head move on my chest. We said nothing more for the rest of the night. It took a long while before I fell asleep.

  Awkwardness dawned with the sun. It wasn’t just because I hadn’t often spent the night with anyone. It was more about the potential of what we might have created.

  I lay there, with her still tucked against me. My mind was chaotic with thoughts about Red, and what she meant to me. The thought of her pregnant should have me freaked out, and to some extent it did. But the fact that it was her took some of the sting out of it. What did that mean?

  “Morning,” she murmured, stirring more than my thoughts. Her eyes shined from a collision with a shaft of light that came from my window. “We should probably talk about last night.”

  I guess she’d needed to sleep over her thoughts. She hadn’t been particularly chatty.

  She sat up, resting her back on the wall. My shirt covered her bare breasts, and I was still having a hard time concentrating.

  “First, I want you to know that last night was amazing, and I’m glad it was you.”

  Pride puffed up my chest but I managed not to smirk. “And?”

  “And, I don’t want you to worry. I’ll take care of everything.”

  I had no clue what she meant by that. It could mean different things. But what was there to say, so I clamped down and waited to hear if there was anything more she wanted to reveal.

  The moment had come and gone before I guessed she’d wanted me to say something.

  “You’re okay?”

  She nodded.

  “No regrets?”

  She shook her head before glancing out the window.

  What a dumb ass. I couldn’t think of anything better than no regrets. Inwardly, I berated myself.

  “I guess I should go.” She started to move and I gripped her hips to stop her.

  “Wait, you don’t have to go, do you?”

  “I probably should. I need to shower and I don’t have any clothes with me.”

  You can wear mine, I thought, but she was already up, shrugging into her jeans. I watched the show, longing to be inside her again but I would sound like an ass telling her those things. Had she wanted me to profess my feelings? Hell, I didn’t know what I was feeling except I didn’t want her to leave, but didn’t know how to tell her.

  She didn’t take off my shirt and I kept quiet about it. The idea that she might wear it to bed some nights when I wasn’t there thrilled me.

  “I’ll see you later.” The door closing felt like a precursor. Should I have walked her downstairs or to her dorm? Again, my thoughts were sluggish as I heard the front door close with a resounding thwack.

  I slumped down in my pillow before tugging up from behind my head to smash it on my face. I’d been a total jackass.

  A knock at my door had me wondering if I’d been granted a second chance until Gavin poked his head in. “Was that Reagan leaving?”

  I tossed the pillow to my feet and pushed back my hair. “Yep.”

  “I think I smell the aroma of sex warmed over.”

  “Fuck you.” I was in no mood for Gavin’s shit.

  “Sure are pissy for someone who finally hit it. I was wondering if it was ever going to happen. I th
ought maybe you lost your touch.”

  Quickly, I sat up and snagged the pillow to throw it at his head. “It’s not like that. She’s not like that, so don’t talk about her that way.”

  His head went back. “Oh, this one’s important to you.”

  There was no use in denying it. “Yes. So shut the fuck up.”

  “Did you guys fight or something?”

  I hadn’t wanted to have this conversation with him but he’d figured out we’d done it. And I needed someone as a sounding board. “We aren’t fighting. It’s not that. The fucking rubber busted.”

  “Oh shit. I guess you had a come to Jesus moment.”

  If I didn’t know Gavin the way I did, I wouldn’t have been sure what he meant. But I did know him and he was suggesting that shit got real but at the same time it had been real good. And that was so true. The feeling of being with her, skin to skin, had topped every sexual encounter I’d ever had. If I hadn’t feared diseases with possible death consequences or an unwanted pregnancy, I wouldn’t have ever worn a condom again.

  “You haven’t ever gone bareback have you?” He read my silence. Slowly, I shifted my head side to side.

  “It’s a life changer isn’t it?”

  Boy didn’t I know it. The thought of sinking into her heavenly depths had me reaching for a halo.

  “That isn’t the issue,” I professed.

  “Oh, I know what the issue is. Did you suggest the morning after pill to her?”

  “Hell no.”

  “Why not? They’re your swimmers. You have a say so in this too.”

  “It’s her body,” I said, feeling defeated. Would I be a wanker if I brought it up?

  “If it was me, I would have walked her to the clinic and convinced her it was her idea.”

  “Sounds like you have experience.”

  He shrugged and left me alone. Clearly there was another story, and he wasn’t drunk enough to tell me.

  16

  The first rowing meet of the season was coming, and with Red working on her senior project which was a requirement for graduation, we weren’t able to spend much time together. When we did, it turned out to be nothing like that night we had. We hadn’t come close to having sex again, not that I wasn’t thinking about it… a lot.

  I practically ran to Astronomy class. It was held inside because it had been really cold, like old man winter was paying us back for all the warm days we had. By the time I made it to the room, all the seats were taken near Red. She didn’t see me, so I sat and watched as some guy macked on my girl.

  The professor could have been spouting theories about an immediate bombardment of the earth by solar flares and I wouldn’t have been interested. Somewhere along the way, my life had begun to orbit Red’s. She was my sun, and my happiness depended on her smile lighting up only for me.

  I coughed like there was something in my throat. It was obnoxious enough for everyone in the class to turn and look at me. But I only had eyes for her. Her grin took some of the green color out of my skin. She bit at the corner of her lip and a tent was created in my pants under the table. The frown from her admirer made me smirk.

  When class ended, she headed directly for me.

  “What was that all about?” She laughed, having figured me out.

  Proudly, I took her hand in mine. “Just clearing my throat.” I did it again for a recap before I kissed her knuckles. We walked out of class hand in hand as if I was declaring to everyone including the dickhead that she was mine.

  In the hall, I shuffled her to the wall and pressed my lips to hers. It felt like years since we had touched, and the jealousy had emptied all other thoughts from my head. “Do you have time tonight?”

  Her blue eyes flared with mischief. “I wish I could, but I have to nail down this thing with my project. And I’m working on someone else’s timeline.”

  A familiar face stepped over to us. “Ready to go.” And there was the dickhead from class who had been looking at Red like she was more than a project.

  “Can you give me a minute?” She didn’t look at him the same way she looked at me. That saved him. In fact, she appeared somewhat annoyed.

  He stepped back but stayed within hearing distance.

  She placed her palms on my chest like she knew I wanted to pounce. “I’m really sorry. It’s been crazy with my project and your practice.”

  “Can you come by later?” It was already dark, as this was an evening class, for obvious reasons.

  “It will probably be late and you have practice early. I don’t want to wake you.”

  I could have told her that I wouldn’t be able to sleep wondering what she was doing or what the dickhead was saying to her to steal her from me.

  “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

  Her smile faded and she probably was thinking about the wrong thing. “Okay. I’ll come by if it’s not too late.”

  I should have told her never mind. I didn’t like the idea that she would be walking across campus alone. Instead, I leaned in and kissed the hell out of her again. I didn’t care if it looked like pissing on a tree. That’s what we guys were made of, shitty moves to mark what was ours.

  Once I let her go, her smile was back and she was a little bit breathless. Score one for me. The idiot wore the expression of defeat. “I’ll see you later.”

  She walked away with him at her side and I wanted to head butt the wall. I opted for pushing back the hair flopped in my face. As much as I hadn’t wanted to complicate my life, I wanted her more than I wanted my freedom.

  “Tade?”

  I turned around and faced the speaker. The girl before me was only familiar because we shared Astronomy. I didn’t know her name.

  “You haven’t been in class much lately. I wondered if you needed notes or anything.”

  She was cute, with a mass of wild brown hair that ran free about her shoulders. Her lips were glossy and a distinctive scent of wild flowers wafted off her. It would have been so easy the way her eyes held mine, to take her up on her offer. Especially since Red had gone off with another guy. What harm could there be? Except I wanted me and Red to work. And I had to trust her. I didn’t need another girl’s notes when I could get them from my own.

  “Yeah, thanks but I’m good.”

  “Are you sure? I could e-mail them too you. I have a bad habit of transcribing them.”

  She blushed as I gave her a quizzical glance.

  “I know it sounds weird but it’s a study tool. It forces me to read through my notes and look through the text when I don’t understand something I’ve written.” She continued to laugh and her hand pushed back at the hair that threatened to overtake her face.

  “Sounds like a lot of work and I appreciate the offer, but Reagan’s got the notes for me.”

  “Oh, is Reagan your girlfriend?”

  Apparently she hadn’t seen the show I put on for the prick. So, it would be the first time I would acknowledge being in a relationship in public. I thought I might get a knot in my stomach, but it didn’t come. “Yes she is.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, if you or she ever needs the notes, let me know.”

  She shuffled off and I left for home. I picked up a slice of pizza from the coffee shop, along with a hot drink. Midterms would be coming. Since I wasn’t with Red, I might as well put in the time to study. I didn’t have tough classes for my last semester but that didn’t mean I could be a total slacker.

  I woke alone and cold, having fallen asleep face first in my pillow. I was surprised I didn’t suffocate. My next thought was Red hadn’t called. I reached for my phone and groaned at the stiffness in my neck.

  “Dude, we’re late.”

  The mattress creaked under the pressure of me pushing off the bed. “Give me a minute.”

  “You’re the one that busts everyone’s balls if they’re late. You’re setting a bad example.”

  I rolled my eyes as I pushed past him and into the bath. There were some things I had to do to start
my day.

  Rowing was a way of relaxing even when calling out to the crew and working in tandem with other guys who moaned about extra practice.

  “Blame it on Gav. He’s the one that broke his arm. We have to make sure everyone is in sync.”

  We still had kinks to work out even though Shawn, the new guy, was decent. He wasn’t a rower but when I posted about needing a backup, he was the only one that had ever actually rowed a boat. He lived near a lake in one of the Carolinas.

  The weight room was packed when we arrived for our morning workout after a grueling dawn on the bay. Shawn strode over to me after glancing all around like he wanted to talk to me alone.

  “Say, I saw you with a redhead earlier in the week.”

  What the hell? I thought maybe he was going to say something about practice.

  “Hey, no trouble,” he said with hands in the air. “I see the red in your eye. She’s hot but I get that she’s off limits. I was wondering though if you could put a word in for me with her friend Penelope?”

  “The blonde?” Okay, maybe I said that too loud. A few guys close by including Gavin caught that.

  Shawn’s eyes cast about like he was giving me a top secret cheat code for Call of Duty. Then he nodded.

  I scratched my head, not sure what to do. Gavin and the blonde were toxic together. Plus, I wasn’t even sure they still were together. “Sure.”

  He gave me a freakish smile before his face went blank again. He strolled away like our conversation hadn’t happened. It gave me a weird feeling. I wasn’t quite sure what to make of the guy.I reset my clock and began arm curls as I waited for the rowing machine to be free.

  “What was that about?” Gavin eyed me wearily as he stood there.

  Evading, I asked, “What are you doing in here anyway?”

  “There are things I can do one handed?”

  “You can do that in your room, not in here.” I said before a laugh burst through me when he got the joke a second too late.

  “Who was he asking you about?”

  As much as I wanted Gavin to admit how the blonde had him whipped, it wasn’t the time. The last thing I needed was a fight in here.