Denying the Watcher

by Kim Loraine

  Squaring his shoulders, he juts his chin out in defiance. “What was I supposed to do? Let you die? You can’t leave me. I can’t exist in a world where you aren’t breathing.”

  Ignoring the squeeze in my chest at the way his voice catches on his last statement, I latch on to the rage still burning bright. “Yes. You were supposed to let me go. That’s how this life thing works. We’re born, we die. End of story. Besides, you’re not going to be around long enough to miss me. I was going to be the one to lose you. I still am, except now I have eternity to grieve.”

  He runs a hand through his hair before turning away from me and walking down the hall. “I’m not giving him control.” His words are just a breath, so soft I almost can’t make them out even with my newly heightened senses.

  Not willing to let this go, I follow him into the living room. “What did you say?”

  “You heard me. I’m not going. I never thought I’d find a reason to stay, but I did. Why should Sariel get his soul mate and not me? Don’t I deserve to be happy?”

  My stomach clenches. No. He can’t do this. Not with his soul up as collateral. “He’s not going to give up. You know that.”

  Shrugging, the handsome idiot smirks. “He can try to fight me all he wants. I’m not changing my mind.”

  I want to rage at him, but hunger takes control of my brain. I need to feed on someone. My Watcher stirs in the depths of my mind, begging me to sate its need as well. Head spinning and body tingling, I feel lust combining with betrayal, overtaking sense as Devin’s gaze locks on my breasts. I’m not wearing a bra, clad only in a thin tank top, and I’m sure it’s obvious. Tingles run across my nipples as they harden, and desire rushes through every nerve ending. I’m on fire.

  “Fuck,” he mutters, licking his lips and closing the distance between us in two large strides. “You need me. Admit it.”

  He keeps walking until I’m backed up against the kitchen counter. I shake my head, and shove him back. My newfound strength sends him crashing into the island, cracking the wood cabinet beneath. The asshole grins and shakes it off, sauntering back to me. I’m so angry, but I want him so damn bad. He knows exactly what he does to me. Wrapping his hands around my waist, he lifts me easily and seats me on the counter, pulling my top over my head.

  “You want me. I can see it all over your body. The way your nipples tighten, the flare of need in your eyes, the sharp breaths you’re trying so hard to control. I bet you’re wet for me. Fucking soaked and ready for my cock.”

  “I don’t want you. I’m angry.” I spit the words at him before my open palm makes contact with his cheek. The crack sounds through the room, and his eyes flash silver.

  His fingers slide up my inner thigh until they rub across my pussy, covered only by the thin fabric of my pajama bottoms. “Liar, liar. You’re so wet, I can feel it through your little shorts. I could sink inside you now without any preparation. Just bury myself to the hilt.”

  I can’t help it, I lean forward, letting my breasts brush against his chest. I do want him. The fury churning in my heart only amps up my need. “That’s not me. It’s my Watcher. Don’t you know the difference?”

  It’s a low blow, and I know it hurt, but I’m pissed. I am so mad I can’t see straight.

  “Then let’s get your Watcher taken care of so you can fuck me because you want it. I promise, before I’m done with you, you’ll forget about anyone other than you and me.”

  Wrapping my legs around his waist even as I shake my head, I grind against his rigid cock. “I hate you.”

  A flash of pain crosses his face. He tries to hide it with a smirk, but I saw. “You love me.”

  I do. I love him. But he betrayed me when he made me into a monster, and that fuels my anger more than anything else. Even as my body burns for him, my heart is broken for the damage he’s done, and for the promise he’s planning to break. “Shut up.”

  Shoving my hand down the front of his pants, I grab his length, stroking and squeezing just to get him to stop talking. He hisses as I twist lightly over the crown before sliding back down to the base.

  “Fuck me, that feels amazing.”

  His fingers trace the outline of my mouth, eyes filled with love stare at me, and I groan. Not in ecstasy but in frustration.

  “I don’t fucking care if it feels good for you. This is not about you, Devin.” I don’t want sweet and tender lovemaking. I need a rough fuck. A way to say good-bye. If I don’t leave him broken and betrayed, his soul will never be redeemed. He’ll fail to follow through on his promise to Sariel in order to stay with me. I can’t be the reason he loses everything he’s wanted. Especially since I’ll never be able to forgive him for this.

  Shoving him away, I hop down from my place on the counter and step out of my shorts before turning and leaning over the worktop. Ass pressed against his crotch, I wiggle and roll my hips, making him suck in a harsh breath.

  “Take me from behind. I don’t want to see your face. Make me come so hard, I forget how much I hate you.”

  He lets out a growl, and I hear the distinct sound of a zipper, followed by his pants hitting the floor. Using his foot, he kicks my feet apart, spreading me open for him.

  “Fine. You want it dirty? I’ll give you dirty, Angel.”

  She’s so pissed at me. I can feel the anger rolling off her in waves, but I know Willow wants me—needs me. I’ll never willingly deny her, and now that I can have her for eternity, I’ll never have to. In one hard thrust, I’m buried inside her slick body. The groan she lets out sends a rush straight to my balls as I grip her hips. I have to stop myself from pounding into her over and over, because I don’t want this to finish too quickly.

  Swirling her hips, she grinds that delectable ass against me and looks over her shoulder through a curtain of red hair. “What are you waiting for?”

  Need coils in my belly as I stare into the green eyes that completely own me. Digging my fingers into her skin, I roll back and forth, slow and deep, waiting for the hatred in her gaze to cool. Her lashes flutter closed on a sigh, and she tosses her head back, long hair cascading over creamy skin. She wants dirty and hard, but I can’t. Something in me makes this feel like if I don’t take my time, I’ll lose her.

  “Damn it, Devin. Stop being gentle.” She begins pushing herself along my length, slamming back and pulling away, giving herself what she wants.

  I still her with my hands, sliding them up her taut belly to cup her tits. I have to look at her, to see her face change from the mask of fury into the truth—she loves me. Pulling out of her, I crush her body to mine, hands roaming the swells of her breasts, across her ribs, down to her needy pussy.

  “Let me take my time. I want to make this good for you.” I murmur the words against her neck before running my nose up to her ear and nipping the sensitive lobe.

  She jerks and sighs when my fingers slide over the rise of her clit. “It’s always good. Oh God, it’s so good.”

  Spinning her in my arms, I lower my mouth to hers and part her lips with my tongue. Tasting her. The sharp points of her fangs graze my lip, bringing blood to the skin. She sucks in a harsh breath even as I fuck her mouth with my tongue. Oh, the things I’m going to show her. The bond between us now that I’ve changed her is deeper than anything else. She’s my heart, my soul, my entire being.

  Breaking our kiss, she sucks on my lower lip and finds my eyes with hers. They blaze with desire and bloodlust. “You taste so good,” she moans.

  My cock jerks at the sound. “Let me make love to you, Willow. I want to give you everything you need. Take my blood, my body. Just don’t leave me.”

  Sadness creeps into her eyes, but she blinks and it’s gone as quickly as it came, replaced by a feral hunger I’m all too familiar with. Scooping her into my arms, I take her to the bedroom. This will be intense, and I want to be able to focus on her rather than keeping us upright.

  Splaying her across the bed, I stare at her beauty. Her hair splashes across the quilt like flames,
and the blazing green of her eyes stops my heart. I’ve never loved anyone this way.

  She moans as I stand over her. Her legs slide back and forth, she’s clearly restless and frustrated. “Devin, please …” Her words send me over the edge, and I can’t wait any longer to be inside her.

  “Spread your legs for me. Show me that beautiful pussy.”

  Biting her lower lip, she does as I ask, and the moment she’s revealed herself, I crawl across the bed, hovering over her with my hands braced on either side of her head. Positioning the straining head of my cock at her entrance, I take her chin between my fingers and feel a pang of loss when she won’t look me in the eye. “Willow, I love you. More than anything.” I need her to say it back. I have to hear the words, even though I feel them hanging between us, still unuttered on her end. “Tell me you feel the same. Please.” I hate that I’m fucking begging for her to love me.

  When she opens her eyes, the tears shining in them make my heart turn cold. She’s not going to say it. “I … Devin, I’m so sor—”

  Sinking deep inside her, I shut her up. I can’t bear to hear her tell me she’s fucking sorry. She’s sorry she doesn’t love me, sorry I’m a fool, sorry she’s breaking my heart. I crush my lips to hers just to avoid letting her see the agony I’m feeling. She wanted a rough fuck, but I wanted to love her. I can’t do both for her right now. Not with my heart ripped from my chest and turned to ash in her hand. Pounding relentlessly, I wish I had just let her have her way in the kitchen. I wish I’d let it go instead of forced the issue. Because now that I’ve turned her, I’ll never be free. She may not want me, may never love me, but she’ll always be part of me. I’ll know where she is, if she’s alive, if she’s happy for the rest of our very long existences. I’ve doomed myself to an eternity of unrequited love.

  She cries out as her walls begin to clench around my cock, and I focus on her face, on the beauty who has the power to ruin me. Relishing the fact that I can make her feel this, I pick up the pace and grip her hips as I sit back on my heels and pull her astride me. I’m so deep in this position, kissing her womb with the tip of my cock with every thrust.

  “Take what you need, Willow.” Turning my head, I expose my throat so she knows exactly what I mean.

  “But … aren’t you … dead? Won’t that poison me?”

  Shaking my head, I grit my teeth to hold off the release I can feel tightening my balls. “Not dead, just different.”

  Licking her lips, she kicks her hips forward, eliciting groans from both of us. Then, her mouth is on my neck, her fangs pierce my flesh, and I’m coming harder than I’ve ever come in my long life. “Oh, fuck, Willow.” My cry is almost panicked as my vision goes white and my body trembles with overwhelming sensation.

  On the heels of my pleasure, I hear her whisper, “Don’t look for me. I don’t want you. I hate you for what you did.”

  When I regain consciousness, she’s gone.

  Willow did it. She left him a broken mess, and I love her for it. As soon as he realized she’d gone, I felt his will crumble along with his heart, and I lifted my walls to take control. Honestly, I don’t know if he’ll recover, but I can’t allow myself to care. I need to finish this fight once and for all and get my Selah back. The asshole she’s with isn’t worthy of the ground she walks on.

  I need to see her. Even if it’s just for a moment. Revving the engine of Devin’s Harley, I ride down the streets of Seattle, searching aimlessly, letting my heart make my decisions. Everything stops when I see her. Selah stands in line outside the same jazz club Reese used to work at, arms crossed, a slight frown on her face. Parking the bike in the alley, I stride toward the crowd of people, stomach rolling with nerves. What am I going to say to her?

  As soon as I see her, jealousy takes hold. She’s not alone. My heart stutters as she smiles up at Adam. What kind of name is that? The kind an asshole has. If I had the power, I’d destroy him where he stands. I see her lips form the words, “I love you,” and I nearly fall to my knees in the middle of the sidewalk. Before she can see me standing there staring, I turn and head back to the bike. How can she love him? She’s meant for only me. We are fated.

  Heart aching just as badly as Devin’s, I speed away through the night on a search for some purpose. Maybe I can find and stop Lucifer here and now.

  Or maybe you’ll end up killing us both.

  “I thought you were licking your wounds, vampire?”

  She hates me now, but forever is a long time. One day, she’ll come back.

  “Devin. You have months left. You know I can’t let you have control again after we’ve reached the end of our agreed-upon term. Not if I’m going to be with Selah.”

  It doesn’t look like you’re going to get her. She’s happy. Why would you want to fuck that up for her?

  He has a point. But then I remember the feel of her hand in mine, the slight hitch of her breath when our eyes connected. She knows I’m something special. I can’t give up. This is the only chance for us.

  “I’m sorry, Devin. I didn’t want it to work out this way.”

  Devin’s anger is a dull throb in the backs of my eyes. Pulling over, I pinch the bridge of my nose. I expected this. Not so soon, but I did know it would happen. A pang reverberates throughout my chest, starting in my heart and pulling me toward an unknown destination.

  “What is this?”

  Devin pushes for control. Willow. I can’t leave her to fend for herself. She’s not able to manage her hunger.

  “She doesn’t want you.” Working to keep my panic at bay, I try to remain neutral. “She hates you. You ruined her.”

  A stab of pain races through me, and I know it’s Devin’s hurt I’m feeling.

  She might hate me, but I’m responsible for her. Now, let me have my body back so I can take care of this.

  My chest hurts. I can’t breathe. Why does this feel so awful? It’s as if the farther away he gets, the worse the ache becomes. Is this some kind of punishment?

  Throat burning with hunger, I stalk through the crowded club. I need to find someone to feed on. But I can’t do that. I know I won’t be able to stop. I’ll kill whomever I feed on … unless it’s Devin. Ugh, just the thought of him makes my clit throb with need. Now I’m hungry and horny. Shit.

  A dark-haired man with a goatee and an eyebrow piercing catches my eye from across the room. Maybe he’ll do. If I can lure him to the bathroom, I can feed and no one will know. I won’t even have to dispose of the body.

  Fuck. What am I thinking? Body? I can’t murder the poor guy. Damn it, I hate Devin. But the man smiles at me and crosses the dance floor, his lower lip pulled between his teeth as he slicks back his hair. Oh, he’s a handsome devil, and he’d probably be a good fuck, but my fangs descend and the pull of his blood is almost too much to bear. I can’t focus on any need other than the hunt.

  “Hey, baby. You look lonely over here. Can I get you something to drink?”

  My gaze zeroes in on his neck, the steady beat of his pulse making his carotid artery flutter rhythmically. I can smell the sweetness in his blood, like … cotton candy.

  “I need you to take care of something for me.” I force the words from my lips even as I’m mesmerized by the thrum of his blood.

  “Yeah? What’s that?”

  Standing, I walk in the direction of the restrooms, knowing he’s following like a horny puppy. The moment we’re safely behind the door, he’s on me, pushing me against the wall and kissing me harder than I’d like. But then, the world fades away as he shifts and his neck meets my eager lips.

  Fangs slipping deep into his neck, I drink deep. His sweet blood coats my tongue, a cloying candy-like flavor, filling me, making me powerful, but at the same time leaving me feeling sick. His pulse hammers in my ears as I continue to drain him, slowing gradually. Until the sweetness turns bitter and my stomach churns, but I’m so hungry I can’t stop. Somehow, I manage to find the willpower needed to stop before he dies. He’s smiling, eyes closed and
happy. The massive wet spot on the front of his pants proves my bite is just as orgasmic as Devin’s. Guilt washes over me. Was this like cheating? Surely Devin can’t be the only one who would feed me.

  Without warning, my whole body heats, tingles racing through me as my head spins and a wave of lust crashes over me like a tsunami. Vision blurring and head feeling foggy, I run my hands over my curves. Damn, my skin is hot, and I’m turned on as fuck. My nipples ache as my pussy floods with arousal. What the hell? Stumbling through the crowded club, I hold on to anything I can to help me stay upright.

  “This is not normal,” I mutter under my breath as I sway in my spot. I’m so close to the exit. If I can get outside, into the fresh, clean air, maybe I can clear my head.

  As soon as I breach the door, I discover I was wrong. Need slams into me, so strong my knees buckle and I have to grip the brick exterior of the building. What is fucking going on? I fed my Watcher. I fed my bloodlust. I shouldn’t be feeling like this, should I? Is this what vampires experience all the time? If so, no wonder they turn into crazed murderers. I lean heavily on the building as I try to get my bearings. This can’t last forever. If it does, I have no clue how I’ll manage.

  A handsome man stands on the corner, eyeing me. I feel like I should know him, but my world is spinning, and I can’t focus. Squinting, I assess him as I walk closer. He’s tall, dressed in leather, with his arms crossed over his chest as he leans against the lamppost. Oh, fuck. Through my addled brain, I put the jumbled pieces of this picture together.

  “Leave me the fuck alone, Devin. I told you. I. Hate. You.” My words are slurred and I sound like I’m on the verge of laughing, or maybe crying.

  “Willow, what’s wrong with you?”

  Waving my hands around makes me feel like I’m swimming through the cold air. I giggle and slump without warning. But his hands catch me by the waist. “Whoa. What’s going on?”