Shame On Me

by Cassie Maria

  “So I’ve been hanging out with Noah again,” I say as I casually flip through my magazine.

  Scary silence.

  I take my eyes off of my magazine to see Ava and Charlee staring at me.

  “Come on, don’t look at me like that. I have to bring someone.”

  “Why not one of the guys you’ve been dating?”

  “Because I need a friend there, not a date.”

  “Then bring one of the boys, you could have chosen anyone but him,” Ava says angrily.

  “We’re just friends and he knows it.”

  “When has Noah ever played by your rules?”

  Crap, I forgot how well she knows him.

  “Charlee help me out here,” I groan.

  Charlee holds her hands up in surrender before speaking. “From what Steve told me about this guy I’m on Ava’s side. It seems like you’re too trusting when it comes to him and this could seriously blow up in your face.” Since I’m not getting any help from her I turn my gaze back to Ava. “Do you remember how I was after he spent the night?” At karaoke that week, I sang “Back To December” by Taylor Swift and when I was done singing, you could hear so many sniffles you’d swear it was allergy season.

  Ava glances at Charlee for help but I know she’s on the verge of giving in so I give her a little nudge. “Plus you told me that he’s bringing Karen and I can’t show up alone. Please try to understand my side.” She’s silent staring at me and I know she’s breaking. “I just got to the point where I can say his name without flinching. Please don’t make me feel bad for asking a friend to support me.” I stare pleadingly into her eyes, imploring her to see my side.

  “Fine! But if I don’t get any on my wedding night because Steve is pissed, I’ll kill you.” Steve still wants Ethan and I to work things out so he is definitely not team Noah right now.

  “Like Steve could ever hold out on you!”

  “Yeah, my tricks are hard to resist.”

  “Eww come on, did you forget that’s my brother?” Charlee asks disgusted. Ava and I burst out laughing and eventually Charlee joins in.

  We finish our day of beauty by getting waxed and going to bed early. I threw her a bachelorette party two weeks ago because she didn’t want to be hung over during the ceremony; at first I complained about the date but now I’m happy we did it her way.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Because This Is Forever

  Wedding Morning

  My house has been taken over by kids, mothers, and aggravating cousins. I don’t know why they’re here so early when the wedding doesn’t start until 7pm. I can see that Ava is getting annoyed, so I kidnap her and Charlee and hide them in my room. We all settle on my bed and laugh about Ava’s escapades before she met Steve.

  “So Ava what’s next for you?” I ask.

  “Run my business, pop out a few kids in a couple of years, and live happily ever after.”

  “What about you Charlee?” Ava questions.

  “Become an infamous photographer and forget about all you little people.” We turn to look at her and stifle our laughter so no one will overhear us. “I hate that I’m not your photographer.”

  “Steve feels really bad about it but he really wants you to have fun and not work.”

  “I know, but it still sucks.”

  “When I get married you can be my photographer.”

  “Great, all I have to do is wait twenty years.”

  “Hey!” I shout.

  “Shh,” Ava shushes us as we hear her name called from downstairs. When it’s completely silent again we go back to reminiscing. We eventually fall asleep but are awakened hours later when we hear the click of a camera. The photographer has found us and informs us that its time to get ready.

  Ava does our makeup because she believes that we (really me) will just screw it up. She knows this is the best route to go if she wants to see me in more than eyeliner and lip-gloss.

  Once our make up is complete, Ava hands us our bridesmaid’s gifts. It’s a purple and white-stripped cabana tote personalized with our initials on them. The handles are made out of rope and are perfect for a beach wedding.

  Inside of the bag is a box that holds a blinged out intricate hair comb, ivory lace hanky, and foot jewelry. The foot jewelry is made up of purple, tan, and clear beads with a heart charm. Since this is what Ava does for a living, she was able to customize our accessories to her liking. We both hug her and sit her down to curl her hair. She decided on a soft up-do that she can let down later at the reception.

  While she works on her makeup, Charlee and I get busy with our own hair. We use a large barrel curling iron to create huge curls. Once our curls are done we pull all of our hair over our left shoulders using hairpins and the blinged out hair comb. The best part of my outfit is the bustier I wear under my dress. It pulls my stomach in and pushes up my boobs; who wouldn’t love this thing? I have to get more of these!

  Once Charlee ties me up, I pull on my short eggplant silk chiffon sweetheart neckline dress with Grecian draping, side ruching, and pleated waist. I’m supposed to be barefoot for the ceremony (hence the foot jewelry) but we have tan wedges for the reception.

  I don my wedges and go to Ava’s room to help her with her dress. Charlee is already there and she looks beautiful in her dress. It’s the same as mine except hers is a halter dress. Ava is on the verge of tears when she sees us all dressed up and the photographer captures the moment.

  When she takes off her robe she is already in her bustier and panties. We all glance at the floor length ivory lace trumpet gown with empire waist and cap sleeves hanging on the closet door.

  “Are you ready?” I ask breathlessly.

  “Yeah, as soon as I pin the flower to my veil” she whispers. I realize that she is whispering in order not to cry and suddenly I’m having a hard time keeping the tears out of my eyes.

  Ava decided on a blusher veil using ivory Russian netting attached to a black cloth headband. She hates fake flowers and had to wait until the day of to pin purple freesia to it. Once she puts on the veil, dress, and chandelier earrings there isn’t a dry eye in the house. She’s a classic beauty and I’m going to miss my friend.

  ****

  Ava opted out of a limo so I volunteer to drive us to Peterson’s (an exclusive hotel that sits directly on the beach) for the ceremony. As soon as we arrive we’re ushered to a bridal waiting room and plied with champagne. During our drink fest Ava has time to let her nerves set in and begins to fret over little things. Suddenly she is nervous that the wedding planner didn’t set up the ceremony right so I’m asked (a.k.a. told) to check on everything. I head directly to the parking lot so I’ll have the same experience as the guests.

  ****

  From the parking lot the guests will follow a short trail (made up of wood planks similar to a boardwalk) that will lead them to a signpost. There are two large arrows attached to the post showing guests which way to go. One arrow shows the way to the ceremony location and the other shows the way to the reception location.

  I take the trail leading to the ceremony and notice various stations set up by the fence that separates the trail from the sand. The first station I come to is a table with chilled fruit infused water in pitchers and drinking glasses for the guests to fill. The next station is a table that holds over fifty black-framed sunglasses. Next to the steps (leading down to the beach) are a few shoe racks that sit under a sign that says:Shoes are optional.

  I move to the top of the stairs and my eyes lock in on the ceremony space. The seats are set up in a spiral shape with purple petals in the sand along the back of every chair. My eyes then move to the chairs and notice that on the back of every fourth chair is a set of hidden speakers. In order to disguise the speakers there are tucked behind curly willow branches.

  The curly willow branches are wrapped around wrought iron hooks that have glass jars hanging from them. The jars are filled ¼ of the way with water in them and have purple dahlia and freesia spilling o
ut of the top.

  I then take in the panel programs that were placed on each seat. I love the programs because they can be opened and double as a fan. My eyes run over every seat and make sure that the ten seats in the inner spiral have reserved signs on them.

  Once I’m sure that the seats are perfect my eyes take in the details on the gazebo. The gazebo, where the couple will recite their vows, is made up of bamboo and each post is covered in baby’s breath. The top of the gazebo is covered in ivory lace, which billows every time the wind blows.

  My eyes finally wander to the bottom of the stairs where I see three posts that say:For Sandy Toes with paint brushes hanging from several hooks.

  The space is exactly as she designed it and she’s going to love it. I decide to head over to the reception space so I won’t have to make a second trip out here when she asks about it.

  I follow the boardwalk to the patio that’s attached to the hotel. It’s an open space with brick walls closing it in. The entrance from the boardwalk is a wrought iron gate with an archway covered in flowers. Next to the entrance is a table with tan lace place cards.

  The tables are round with three vintage vases of various sizes filled with purple alstroemeria, gardenia, and ivory hydrangeas sprayed with glitter sitting on an antique silver tray with a mirror bottom. There are also candles on the tray, which casts a soft glow on each table.

  Chandeliers and twinkle lights hang over the space and gives it a romantic glow. As I walk across the dance floor I see the DJ setting up near the glass doors that lead to the inside of the hotel where the cocktail hour will be held. I can also see the three-tiered cake being delivered with its adorable cake topper.

  The cake topper has a groom wearing a white shirt and tan pants with his legs crossed at the ankle (in front him) while leaning on one hand. The bride’s legs are hanging over the side of the cake with her legs crossed at the ankles holding a bouquet while staring into the groom’s eyes as they sit hip to hip. This was a part of Steve’s compromise for waiting until June to get married. He got to choose the cake and Ava wouldn’t have any say or see it until today.

  As I turn to head back to Ava I notice the favors on each seat. I stroke my hand across the soft towel and pick up the note attached by twine to read it:Thank you for believing in our love…this is forever.

  The theme of the wedding is beach chic but they decided to put ‘this is forever’ on everything. It’s on the programs, place card, menus, the glass for the sand ceremony, and on the umbrella carried by the flower girl and ring bearer. The freakin’ quote is everywhere!

  ****

  Back inside the bridal waiting room, I assure Ava that everything is beautiful and I have just enough time to prepare for the ceremony. I slip on my chandelier earrings with purple stones, switch my wedges for jewelry, refresh my lip-gloss, and put on my eggplant-framed sunglasses. After I grab my purple and ivory bouquet (with my hanky wrapped around the stems) I hastily usher us out of the room.

  ****

  Once Ava is handed over to her dad Charlee and I make our way to the groomsmen. Charlee is paired with Steve’s friend Jake (the one who made the videogame) and I’m paired with Ethan (of course).

  I lean down and fix the flower girl’s hair before speaking. “Remember to smile big Mandy,” I tell her. She nods her head and grabs her brother Josh’s hand. I take a deep breath before straightening and looking at Ethan. He looks great in his tan-framed sunglasses, white linen shirt, tan linen pants, and barefoot.

  “Ready?” He asks.

  “As much as I’ll ever be.”

  We lead the kids to the bottom of the stairs and let the wedding planner take over. I hear the first few notes of “Marry You” by Bruno Mars and I know its time to start. Why do we have to walk in to this song? I’m maid of honor so doesn’t that mean I’m suppose to walk down the aisle by myself? I’m going to give Ava a piece of my mind when she gets back from her honeymoon.

  Charlee and Jake lead the way and we follow. I scan each face we walk past and Noah winks at me as I pass him. I feel Ethan tense up and I know that he saw the wink but he doesn’t miss a step.

  It’s my turn to tense when we walk past our parents. All four of them have sad smiles on their faces and I know exactly how they feel. We finally reach our reserved seats and I’m relieved to let him go.

  I try to focus on the present and turn my attention to the flower girl and ring bearer. Amanda is enthusiastically throwing purple candy hearts onto the ground and Josh looks bored carrying an antique key with the wedding bands attached by twine while holding an umbrella to keep them out of the sun. When the kids reach their seats the music is changed to Etta James’ “At Last” and Ava appears.

  She’s a vision in her ivory dress and sparkle foot jewelry. Steve locks his gaze on Ava and doesn’t move at all. I don’t know if a man will ever look at me that way and it makes me sad. Thank God she gave us these shades.

  We’re finally allowed to sit after she takes her time sashaying up the aisle. Seriously, could she have walked any slower?

  I hope it looks like I’m paying attention because my mind is completely focused on Ethan. I see the couple’s lips moving but I don’t hear a word of it, my mind is a thousand miles away.

  I eventually tune back in when they use the paper their vows are written on as a funnel to pour sand into a glass bottle and simultaneously push their vows into the bottle. By the time they are done their vows are partially buried in the sand. Steve puts the top on the bottle and hands it to me.

  I look down at the blue and honeydew color mixed together and get misty eyed. Ethan reaches for the bottle and runs his finger over the word forever.

  Yeah I feel it too.

  It could have been us up there; it should’ve been us up there. I stare at the blue sand that match Steve’s eyes and the green honeydew that matches Ava’s sweet personality (Steve’s words not mine) and wonder what color we would’ve chosen. The two vows are wrapped around each other in a way that I can partially see both of their vows peeking through. I quickly dab at my eyes with my hankie in hopes that Ethan doesn’t see my tears.

  I hear Bruno Mars’ song begin to play again and I look up in time to see the couple walk out. Time to take pictures and pretend like Ethan and I are still happy couple. Awesome.

  ****

  Ava changes into a pair of four inch studded stiletto sandals before they enter the reception for their first dance. They look so happy that you can tell that they’ll be together forever. Once the dance is over I hear the DJ call the maid of honor and the best man to the dance floor. Ethan and I both have confused looks on our faces as we approach the couple.

  “What’s up?” Ethan asks.

  “Its time for your dance; it’s tradition,” Ava says excited.

  “No its not,” Ethan says.

  “Can you both please indulge her?” Steve demands.

  I huff and Ethan avoids everyone’s gaze. Steve takes our responses as a yes and signals for the DJ to restart the song. Its then that I realize we’re going to be dancing to Floetry’s “Say Yes.”

  “Aww man we’ve been set up.”

  “Don’t I know it,” he grumbles as he pulls me in for the slow dance. “First the song we walked down the aisle to and now this.”

  I don’t respond because I know exactly how he feels. I look everywhere but at him.

  “How have you been?” I ask.

  “I’ve seen better days.”

  “Me too.”

  “You have a beautiful singing voice.”

  I miss a step but Ethan keeps us moving.

  “How would you know that?”

  “Ava sent me video of you singing at the bar.”

  “Which one?”

  “Both.”

  Shit.

  “I’m about to make Steve a widow.”

  I hear him chuckle as I notice other couples join us on the dance floor. With the crowd covering us, I lay my forehead against his chest.

  “I miss your
laugh.”

  Silence.

  “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that.” I repent. “It’s just hard. I’m trying to move on but here you are showing me why I fell for you in the first place.” I close my eyes and focus on reality. We tried, but it didn’t work and we need to move on.

  As the song comes to an end I feel his lips graze my temple. “I hope your dreams come true Mia,” he whispers before walking away.

  “You are my dream,” I mumble as I watch him walk away. I feel an arm wrap around my shoulders reassuringly and I’m happy Noah’s here.

  ****

  After Dinner

  Ethan stands to give his speech and the four of us move to the center of the dance floor.

  “Who would’ve guessed that Ava’s stomach would’ve led her to the most epic love story that I’ve ever seen?” He pauses to take in the couple smiling. “You’re fun to be around, head strong, a great friend, and you deserve all the happiness that this life brings you.” Steve wraps an arm around her and she leans her head on his shoulder but never takes her tear filled gaze away from Ethan. “Steve my friend you got lucky. You found what you wanted and held on for dear life. I envy you and wish you nothing but the best. Cheers.” He finishes his speech by raising his glass.

  “Cheers,” the reception yells cheerfully.

  Ethan hands the microphone to me and I look at Steve. “I never thought I’d see the day when my BFF dropped me like a bad habit.” I wait for the guests’ laughter to quiet down before speaking again. “Nor did I think that I’d see the day when she became so blissfully happy. Take care of my girl.”

  “Always” he says before pulling me in for a hug.

  I hug him tight and whisper in his ear. “There is a tablet hidden in her suitcase for all those naughty videos you’re going to make.” I pull back and wink at him. I then turn my gaze to her and my eyes fill with tears.

  “My friend is leaving me for a better life, how can I possibly be mad at that? You have been with me through the good, bad, ugly, and awesome. I thought of thousands of different ways to celebrate the start of your new life but I kept coming back to this one. We always go dancing anytime something awesome happens in our lives, so I hope you spend every day of the rest of your life dancing my friend.” I raise my glass and the DJ starts up the song at my cue. Ava’s eyes widen as she recognizes the song and we both start singing “Raise Your Glass” by Pink at the top of our lungs. We start jumping in tune to the music and soon the dance floor is crowded with other guests.