Shame On Me

by Cassie Maria

  Ava and I dance around each other and sing as tears tumble out of our eyes. At some point we hug and laugh. Ava gets me, and I’m going to miss her.

  “Love you Ava,” I whisper.

  “Love you Mia,” she whispers back.

  ****

  After the speeches are done the reception flies by and it’s beginning to wind down when Noah asks me to dance. We’re dancing to Michael Bolton’s “When a Man Loves a Woman,” when I look over his shoulder and see Ethan dancing with Karen.

  He has his face in her hair but I can tell he’s singing the words to her. His gaze unexpectedly locks with mine and he stiffens when he notices the water in my eyes. I turn my gaze away but I can still feel his eyes on me.

  “You know Mia, I’d fight for you if you’d let me.” I pull back enough to see his face clearly and stare at him silently. “If I had another chance I’d never let you go again. Not after the reminder of how good my life feels with you in it. But I’d first have to be a contender and I’m nowhere near close to being one.”

  “Noah,” I breathe.

  “Forgive him and beg for forgiveness. It hurts when you see the one you love move on without you; trust me. Fix it Mia.”

  Instead of responding I allow my gaze to move back to Ethan and see he is avidly watching me. “Are you ready to go?” I whisper because anything louder will cause the small restraint I have on my tears to collapse and I need to save face. Noah nods and collects our things as I say goodbye to Charlee.

  “I have a surprise for you.”

  “What?” she asks.

  “When I worked at Ice there were a lot of people in the music industry that use to hang out in VIP.”

  “Okay…”

  “I use to work in VIP frequently when I was there on the weekends.”

  “And your point is?”

  “Directors would come by all the time after a long day of shooting. I eventually started befriending some of the directors and artists and one of them owed me a favor.”

  “What kind of favor and what does it have to do with me?”

  “Well I know that you’re into photography but one of the directors need an assistant and the job is yours if you want it. Jamie is expecting your call.” I thrust the card with the phone number on it towards her but it gets jammed between us when she hugs me.

  “What! OMG! Thank you Mia!”

  “Well I owed you and Ava for being there when I needed you the most.”

  “Thank you Mia. I’m going to call Jamie in the morning.”

  “No problem.”

  If she takes this job she’ll be leaving ASAP. With both of my girls away I’m left with the boys and my own devices. Awesome.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Learning To Love

  Wednesday

  Since Kate started karaoke night the crowd has increased every week and tonight all of the tables are full. I’m in the middle of filling a drink order when I hear a familiar voice float across the airwaves.

  “This is for my darlin’.” Then I hear a soft voice begin to sing “(Another Song) All Over Again” by Justin Timberlake. I stand there frozen with a bottle of cognac in one hand, a glass in the other, and eyes unmoving from Ethan. I don’t move until the last note is sung.

  He held my gaze the entire time.

  The entire time!

  He begins heading my way and I snap out of my daze and hurry to fill the order and steady my breathing before he reaches me. By the time he reaches me my breathing is under better control but it’s still erratic enough that I look like I just finished a marathon.

  “Hello darlin’.”

  He did it again. I haven’t heard him call me darlin’ in months and here he is saying it twice in less than ten minutes.

  “Ethan.” That’s as much as I can get out without sounding like a complete idiot. The song is what I’ve wanted to hear for months and now I don’t know what to say.

  “Can we go somewhere a little more private and talk?”

  “I can’t, too many call outs leaves me as the only tender on the main bar tonight.”

  “Okay, well I was hoping we could talk about getting back together.”

  “Why do you want to get back together?”

  “Because I’m in love with you. I was pissed when you dumped me and I thought with time apart my feelings for you would fade but it didn’t. I fall asleep every night watching your videos and don’t start my day without looking at old photos of us. I’ve got it bad for you and I’m tired of fighting it. Let’s get back together.”

  I look into his eyes and see sincerity there. I shouldn’t be surprised because Ethan has never deceived me, well not until Karen.

  “What about Karen?”

  “I tried to force a relationship with her to work when I knew it wouldn’t. She knew before I did that it wouldn’t work, but agreed to go to the wedding with me as a friend.”

  “But you were dancing with her.”

  “You were dancing with Noah and he was there as your friend.”

  Well he had me there.

  “You were singing to her.”

  Ethan shakes his head and sits down on the bar stool in front of him; bringing him closer to me. Once settled, he covers my hand resting on the bar with his.

  “I was singing to you.”

  WHAT!

  “What!”

  He holds my gaze for a few seconds before speaking. “After dancing with you I could still smell your perfume on me by the end of the night. Being around you all day after months of stolen images on a phone, I was ready to admit that I don’t want to live without you. I was on my way to cut in on your dance with Noah when Karen stopped me. She thought that you’d be too emotional that night to fairly consider what I had to say. So I pulled her close and pretended she was you and when our gazes connected I was sure you knew I was singing to you.”

  He was singing to me.

  To me!

  “I need a drink down here!”

  I turn to the customer and hold up a finger, asking for a moment, when I see the girl with him jab her elbow into his stomach. I take a quick look at the other patrons at the bar and see my conversation with Ethan has their complete attention.

  “Ethan I have to get back to work,” I say turning back to him.

  “Not until you agree to get back together.”

  “I don’t know Ethan, I’m tired of getting my heart broken. Maybe I need to be single for a while.”

  “I took a chance on you, and all I’m asking is that you take a chance on me. We know what does and doesn’t work for us and we’ll be better this time around.”

  “I’ve been in so many relationships that went from good to bad quick. What if I don’t know how to make a good thing last?” I allow that to sink in before I end our conversation. “I have to get back to work.” I step away from him and begin filling orders.

  “Your usual Earl and Sue?”

  Earl and Sue aren’t a couple but they come in together Monday through Wednesday. I once asked them if they were together, which got me identical eye rolls. I later found out that they dated in their twenties but now (in their fifties) they’re content being friends.

  “Fill us up sugar. You should work it out with him. I saw how you were when ya’ll were together and when ya’ll broke up. You were sickeningly happy, but happy none the less.” Earl says as I watch Ethan walk out the door.

  “Love is worth fighting for. At the end of this life you want to have as few regrets as possible, don’t let that boy be a regret.” Sue adds as she points to the door. All I can do is nod as I refill their drinks.

  A few minutes later I hear the strings of a guitar being strummed. I look up to see Ethan on the makeshift karaoke stage sitting on a stool with a guitar. He must have slipped back in while I was busy filling orders.

  “Darlin’, we’ll learn together.” He says right before he begins singing Lil Wayne’s “How to Love.” Well how can I say no to that? I vaguely remember Kate snapping his picture
as he sang to me, and being pushed from behind the bar by another tender who finally showed up. When he finished his song he headed straight for me. I spread my arms wide and he walked into them with the biggest smile I’d ever seen. We’ll figure it out together and that’s all that matters.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Figuring It Out

  September

  I am absolutely thrilled to be able to call Ethan my boyfriend again. That night after karaoke I followed him to his new loft. It’s an old factory that was turned into an apartment building with high-end apartments and lofts.

  I waited as he opened his metal front door to a room with concrete floors, a garden, concrete walls, and a glass ceiling. The glass ceiling makes the room warm enough for the garden to survive during any season.

  To the left of the garden foyer is a frosted sliding glass door, which Ethan promptly pulled me through. I immediately noticed the dark hardwood floors, recessed lighting, and muted grey walls throughout the place.

  “Come on beautiful, I’ll give you a tour.”

  We stopped at the edge of the living room, which had charcoal grey couch, an oversized ottoman, and a media center with a TV attached to the wall. He was blocking my view so I had to peek around him in order to see the dinning room table on top of a white throw rug to the right of us.

  Beyond the table I spotted white cabinets attached to a brick wall. Walking into the kitchen, I noticed champagne colored countertops over the lower cabinets as well as an island.

  To the left of the kitchen/dinning room there’s a large frosted sliding glass door and a small frosted glass door. The small door lead to a blue and white half bathroom. The sliding glass door lead to a large bedroom with a large brick accent wall. The bedroom has a king size bed pushed against a set of large windows, a small sofa, and a TV on top of a TV stand.

  There are two more frosted glass doors in the bedroom and one lead to the closet and the other lead to his personal bathroom. His bathroom has two copper vessel sinks, a glass enclosed rainfall shower, and a claw foot tub with copper fixtures.

  There’s an industrial feel to the place but it fits him in a way that I never thought it would.

  “So what do you want to do with me now that you have me here Mr. Grant?”

  He groaned and pulled me in close and rested his forehead against mine before speaking.

  “I want to do a lot to you but first we need to talk.”

  I nodded and allowed him to lead me to the living room for our talk.

  “Why didn’t you ever give up on me?” I blurt out as soon as my butt hits the sofa.

  “Love never fails.”

  “What?”

  “Its part of a scripture.”

  “I know its part of a scripture, what does it have to do with us?

  “My mom told me I’d know when I met the right girl cause love never fails. I was infatuated with other girls but never loved one as much as I love you. I tried hard to let you go but my heart wouldn’t let me.”

  Wow.

  “Love never fails.”

  “Love never fails darlin’.”

  We stayed up all night getting to know each other all over again. We agreed that our downfall was too much time spent apart, so our solution is to have a date once a week and talk daily.

  ****

  I often feel like a teenager when I find myself giggling at a text he sent me. We have yet to have sex again and the anticipation is driving us crazy. We have been on eleven dates and I have a feeling that the twelfth will be our lucky night. Tonight will be our second double date with Ava and Steve, and I’m hoping she’ll play sick so we can leave early.

  ****

  At dinner…Ethan

  “When are you two planning to have babies?” I ask as soon as dessert is consumed.

  “Please don’t get Steve started. If he had his way I’d be on baby number two by now,” Ava says exasperated.

  “What’s wrong with that? You promised that if I waited until June you’d have a baby as soon as I was ready.”

  “Well I didn’t think you’d be ready on our honeymoon.”

  “Why wouldn’t I want a mini version of you? Why wouldn’t I want to create a baby with my wife?”

  I watch Ava turn pleading eyes to Mia and I decide to have a little fun.

  “Mia how many kids do you want to have?”

  “One.”

  “Only one?”

  “How many kids do you want to have?”

  “At least two.”

  “Why two?”

  “I never liked being an only child plus I’d love to have multiple mini versions of you.”

  Can he get any sweeter? “You’re getting up there in age old man, when do you plan to get started?”

  “Old man huh? We can get started tonight and I’ll show you how much of an old man I am.” My cheeks are burning and I know they must be red.

  “See Ava, even Ethan wants kids and they aren’t even married.” Steve interrupts.

  I smirk at Ava’s distress but wipe my face clean when Mia turns my way.

  “Umm, do you want to dance?”

  “No, but we can go for a walk. Are you two coming?”

  I see Mia quickly give Ava a subtle headshake and I’m happy she did.

  “Umm, Steve I’m tired lets just go home,” she suggests with a hint of seduction.

  “Anything for you baby.”

  We all stand outside of the restaurant and say goodbye before heading our separate ways. I make sure that Mia is all bundled up in her pea coat, hat, gloves, and scarf before we head to the walkway by the waterfront. We stop to cuddle at the end of a secluded dock and watch the boats drift by.

  “Darlin’?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”

  “No, but if you don’t stop rubbing against me we won’t make it to your comfy bed.”

  “What if I don’t want to wait? What if I want to practice making a baby right now?” I whisper.

  ****

  Mia

  I turn to face him and see my hunger mirrored in his eyes. Because of my heels, I am the perfect height to access his lips easily so I lean forward and softly brush his lips with mine. We both sharply pull in a breath before I press chaste kisses to his lips.

  Those chaste kisses quickly lead up to our mouths opening and tongues tasting. This is the first time since we got back together that our tongues got in on the action and I’m happy we waited. During this kiss his hand moves from my waist to my neck and his other hand moves from my waist to my breast.

  OMG that feels great! I throw my head back in pleasure and Ethan takes advantage by nibbling on my neck. The way he’s nibbling on it, I know there will be several passion marks there in the morning. This realization only excites me more and my leg rises to wrap around his hip. He groans against my neck and lifts me so my legs wrap around him.

  “Ethan if you don’t stop soon we could get into trouble,” I groan.

  “Sometimes its worth the risk,” he says huskily.

  He settles me against the top rail before hiking my dress up to my waist. In an instant a hole is cut into the crotch of my stockings and my thong is snapped and pulled off of my body.

  “I liked those panties.”

  “I’ll buy you more,” he mumbles against my lips. “Open your legs.”

  I do and feel his fingers work the hole in my stockings larger before softly touching the lips of my cupcake. I quickly pull air into my empty lungs the same time that he groans.

  “You’re so wet baby.” I love it when he talks dirty to me.

  “Why don’t you see how wet,” I suggest. His fingers separate my folds and softly stroke my clit.

  “Mmm,” I groan. I can’t stop my hips from rocking against his hand. He takes the hint and inserts two fingers. “Yes!” My voice quivers and Ethan groans into my neck.

  “Take out your breasts baby.” My fingers fumble to undo the buttons on my coat and free my bre
asts from my bra. “Lift one to my mouth baby.” I do and my cupcake instantly floods. “Mmm I think you’re ready darlin’. I would rather do this in my bed but what’s better than making love under the stars?”

  “Ethan I’m close.”

  “I know. Let me feel it flood my fingers.” He moves his hand from my neck to my waist for a firmer grip and works his fingers faster.

  “I’m goin to-“

  “Give it to me baby.” And just like that I do. I squirt all over his pumping hand and his coat sleeve. He continues to finger my cupcake as I come down, which only builds me right back up again.

  “Good girl.” He mumbles as he pulls me off of the railing. He turns my back to him and I hear him opening a condom. He’s been tested since his last sexual encounter but wants to wait until his next A.I.D.S test before we have unprotected sex again. Can this man get any better?

  “I want to feel your ass bounce against me as I dive deep.”

  Oh yeah, he just got better.

  I arch my back in anticipation of having him inside me again.

  “Hurry Ethan.”

  “Shh darlin’, let me drive.”

  He slowly works his way inside me and it feels like I’m whole again. After a few pumps he is fully seated inside me. He doesn’t move for a while, allowing us both a chance to savor this moment. Just as I’m getting antsy for him to move, he does.

  His pumps start off slow and soft as his hands caress my ass, but when his hands move to my hips his strokes become rougher and my cupcake starts to flood. When it does, he slaps my ass and groans. I begin pushing back onto him chasing that feeling that will push me over that orgasmic cliff.

  “This is going to be fast darlin’, but I need two more from you first.”

  I groan my agreement as he reaches around and strokes my clit. His fingers are my undoing and I cum hard and loud. Ethan has to use one hand to muffle my screams and the other hand to pull me up straight. His hand leaves my mouth and wraps around my throat. Shit I’m gonna cum hard!