Solid Stone: Odyssey

by E. G. Patrick

  “You’re mad at me. I can tell,” I say, trying to hold eye contact with him. I can’t and avert my eyes. He says nothing and I can feel the tension in the room. He offers me a glass of water.

  “Drink all of it,” he says, and I do as I’m told. I really just want to lie down. This isn’t helpful as I think I’m going to puke again, but I don’t. He gives me another glass of water. “Drink this one too.” Somehow I manage to get both glasses down. Adam helps me to stand and decides it’s easier to carry me up the stairs.

  He lifts me into his arms, wedding style. This is no wedding though, and my head is hurting like hell now. I close my eyes as the motion of going up the stairs gives me the spins. Adam lays me down on the bed and turns me on my side in case I puke again. It’s funny, when you’re drunk, and this is only my second time, you notice every detail. I feel him take off my boots and socks, and impatiently yank my jeans downward, shaking my bottom half. He lifts me up from the back so I’m in a seated position, my legs straight out in front of me as he leans me against his chest to pull my top over my head. He then pops my bra open and takes that off too. At some point he must’ve grabbed one of my T-shirts, which he pulls over my head. Dressed for bed, he helps me up and takes me into the bathroom. I heave and Adam quickly moves me in front of the toilet. There goes the water and chicken wings! Sure enough, it all comes up. Adam holds my hair back while my arms rest on the sides of the toilet seat. This can’t be a pretty sight.

  “Are you finished?” he snaps.

  “I don’t fucking know. I feel terrible,” I snap back at him, not wanting to turn my head away from the toilet bowl. Adam gets me to my feet. He has one arm around my waist to stabilize me while he uses his free hand to open the toothpaste to put on my toothbrush. He turns on the water and orders me to open my mouth so he can brush my teeth. The minty flavor tastes good after puking my brains out. He leans me over the sink and says, “Spit.” I obey and then he hands me a small glass of water to rinse my mouth. The bedtime ritual isn’t over as Adam takes a face cloth to wash my face. When he’s finished, he lifts me up again to carry me back to the bedroom. He lays me down on the bed and pulls the covers over me. I roll my head sideways, watching him fold up my clothes. I’m feeling a little better. He comes back and props my head up on two pillows. It’s then that I realize I am in the spare bedroom. I hope I’m not slurring when I say, “Why am I sleeping in here?” This is clearly a stupid question.

  He just says, “I’ll leave the door open so I can hear you,” and turns off the light and leaves me in the dark bedroom. It takes 2 seconds to close my eyes and fall asleep.

  §

  My head is banging and I feel sick to my stomach when I wake up. It takes me about 10 minutes to just open my eyes. It’s then I remember that I’m in the spare bedroom. I cringe, realizing at some point I am going to have to face Adam. I roll over and look at the clock it’s only 6:30. I lie on my back and begin counting backwards from one hundred, hoping it will get me to fall back asleep. It doesn’t because my head is clanging. I slowly lift my upper body and lean against the pillows. My clothes are folded on the chair in the corner with my purse on top. Another flash comes to mind at how I started laughing at Adam when he had my purse over his shoulder. Then I remember puking down his back. I’m mortified.

  My clanging head needs some pills. I quietly get up from the bed, doing my best to be very quiet. I take slow steps to the door and down the hall. When I look down from the mezzanine area of the loft, I can see Adam sitting on the leather sofa with his Blackberry. As I am about to take a step back he looks up. Fuck, I know he saw me. I stand still, my hands clasped against my chest and I can feel my heart racing. As I’m about to walk back to the bedroom, thinking maybe he didn’t see me, I hear his booming voice. I freeze in my steps. “Violet, are you hiding from me now? Weren’t your escapades of last night insulting enough?”

  Damn, what the hell do I say? I’m ashamed at my behavior last night. It’s doesn’t help that he’s still annoyed over the conversation he overheard with Ann. My options are very limited so I walk to the top of the stairs and look down. Sure enough, he’s looking right up at me. I swallow hard and feel like a bad child about to be scolded. His eyes don’t move from mine as he waits to hear what I have to say for myself. “Adam, about last night, I’m so sorry.”

  “Why don’t you come down here and face me. You had no trouble doing that last night.” I feel I am about to walk the plank as I begin my descent down the stairs, taking each step slowly to face the wrath of Adam. As I reach the bottom step, I realize I’m only wearing a T-shirt and underwear, which makes me feel even more vulnerable. I avert my eyes by looking down at my cream-painted toenails and welcome the temporary distraction.

  “Can you at least look at me, Violet?” My eyes lift and for a second I feel like Gia facing her displeased master. He’s in control at the moment. I don’t feel like I have a leg to stand on. At least I can stand by myself this morning.

  I say softly, “This has been a bad week for us. I don’t know what to say. I really don’t.”

  He lets me have it. “What the fuck do you think would have happened if I hadn’t called Ted and found you last night?”

  “I don’t know; nothing probably,” I say quietly.

  “Wrong! You would’ve woken up this morning in that guy’s bed, wondering where you were. He didn’t seem to have a problem with your drunken state. He was almost kissing you when I walked in.”

  “Oh Adam, it wasn’t like that. He’d only been there about 10 minutes at most until you arrived.”

  “I know what I saw, Violet, and it’s clear you have no self-control. You keep starting fires for me to put out and each fire is getting bigger than the last one. If that guy had fucked you last night or worse! What do you think that would have done to us?” He looks away from me. I know the very thought of me with another man is unthinkable to him. Looking back at me, he says, “You were too drunk to even think of these things. I shudder to think what could’ve happened. I haven’t slept all night just thinking about it. My girlfriend who’s drunk in a bar with a guy who wants to fuck her and she’s oblivious to it? That fact scares the shit of out me.” My first thought is nothing scares Adam, and then I feel bad.

  I try to reassure him. “I had no intention of leaving with that guy. Ann wouldn’t have left me alone with him anyway and Ted had planned to join us. I’m sure he would’ve made sure I got home. They wouldn’t leave me alone with anyone. Honestly, I would’ve got home okay.”

  “So that’s your answer? You can behave like that and expect one of your friends to be around to save the day? We can spin this many ways and all of the scenarios in my mind lead down a very bad path. You get fucked by a stranger while I worry where the hell you are.”

  My head is really pounding now. “I have a pounding headache. Where’s the Advil?” I know any of his past companions would be gone by now. He wasn’t looking to fall in love and all the challenges that clearly come with it. Right now I’m living proof of that.

  “There’s some in my bathroom upstairs.” He looks so helpless, but still very angry. It stings me when he says ‘my’ bathroom and not ‘our’ bathroom, but I know it’s his anger speaking. I slowly make my way up the stairs and feel his eyes follow me. I know he’s struggling with this and could do without the aggravation, but he loves me and I love him. It’s no longer black and white. Poor Adam, what am I doing to him? I find the Advil and take two with a glass of water. I can’t think of what to say to him right now and go back to the spare bedroom to lie down. When I wake up, it’s almost noon and thankfully my headache is gone. I am not completely hangover-free yet, but feel better than before. I put on yoga pants under my T-shirt and make my way down to the main room. I can smell coffee so I pour myself a cup. I walk to Adam’s office and find him there, working on his laptop. He looks up at me and doesn’t say a word and then looks back down. He looks tired. I try to
console him. It’s the least I can do. I take a few steps into his office and stand in front of his desk.

  “I really am sorry. My behavior last night was shameful. I guess I got carried away being out with Ann. It’s been so long since we’ve been out like that alone.”

  He looks up. His eyes are blazing. “If you prefer to be alone, then why are you with me?”

  “That’s not what I meant, sweetheart. I love you and want to be with you. Please tell me you know that at least?” I plead.

  “What about the feeling that I smother you. We haven’t even got to that yet.” He’s terse. I don’t know what else to say to him right now. “I am going upstairs. Maybe we can talk about this later when you’ve cooled down a bit.”

  “Cool down? I hardly think so, Violet. Do you even remember what happened last night, and then add Wednesday night to this mess, when you were practically laughing in my face? You didn’t seem to care about my feelings on any of those nights. You’re the only person on this planet that thinks I’m that funny, believe me!”

  “It wasn’t like that. I was laughing to relieve my tension over the situation and that’s all. And last night was just stupid. I realize that now and I won’t do it again, I promise.” I leave the room before he can lure me back into the conversation. What a way to start the weekend. I move to the master bedroom so I can watch television. Adam comes up to the room and changes into a navy track suit and running shoes.

  “I’m going for a run.”

  “Okay, be careful.”

  “Really? That’s comforting, coming from you.” He walks out and I realize too how silly that was coming from me at the moment. The pot and kettle cliché comes to mind. I bury my head in the fluffy pillows for a while before turning back to the television. After about half an hour of TV, I take a shower. The water feels so good. As I hang up my towel, I hear Adam in the bedroom and try to reach for my robe when he flings the door open, catching me naked before I can reach it. He takes a quick scan of my body and then begins to undress. He throws his track suit in his laundry hamper in the corner of our bathroom. I quickly grab my robe and leave him to shower, taking a good look at his ass before I close the door behind me. I blow dry my hair at the make-up table in our room. Adam comes out and quickly dresses, leaving me alone again. It’s going to be a very long weekend. I get dressed and make myself some toast, feeling ten million times better than I did the first time I got up. I open my laptop and begin to do some work. Adam must be in his office, avoiding me. I put on my headset and listen to a compilation of pop and rock songs. At about 2, Adam’s standing in front of me. I see the time on my laptop. I take off my headset, giving him my full attention.

  “Violet, we can’t keep going down this path, can we?” He’s asking, not telling me.

  “No, and I really am sorry. You have to believe me. You have every right to be upset. I promise I won’t ever get that drunk again. It’s not worth it.”

  “I just can’t imagine what could’ve happened to you. The mugging was bad enough. There are men out there who prey on drunken women.” He pauses and then says, “Did you even check your cell phone? I called over a dozen times last night, panicked, before finally calling Ted. Do you know how vulnerable and helpless I felt worrying about the woman I love? It’s horrible for someone like me. All of my adult life, I’ve prided myself on the meticulous way I’ve lived my life without heartache or pain. I was always focused on the next goal. This emotional stuff doesn’t come easy for me. You know I’ve tried to avoid it until you.” He looks away. I know he feels vulnerable and hates it.

  “Oh, Adam.” I stand up and wrap my arms around him. Watching him be so vulnerable makes me feel sad and at the same time even more in love with him. His bowed head gives him a look of defeat; this is not the Adam I know. I kiss his cheeks, his lips, and then reach for his hands as I say, “What can I do to show you how sorry I am?”

  He ignores what I’m saying, asking instead, “Why do I smother you, Violet? It was very hurtful to hear you say that. And why are you always saying sorry?”

  “I was overreacting. I’m sorry because I can’t stand seeing you like this. I love that you care for me. I just sometimes forget how much you care, that’s all.”

  “Do you really mean that, or are you harboring bad feelings about us? I need to know.”

  “No, sweetheart. I love you and I want and need you. You have to believe me.”

  “I have no choice but to believe you. The alternative is too painful. Do you have any idea how much I love you? You promised to make it easy for me, but lately…”

  I quickly interrupt him, afraid of what he might say next. I need him to know I really do care. “Yes, I know you love me because it’s the same way I feel about you. I intend to keep my promise. I want you that much.”

  “I hope so. I let you in and now you have power over me. I gave you my heart and you hold onto it now. That’s something I thought I’d never do.”

  My heart breaks at how I’m making him feel right now. “How can I make this up to you?” He pulls away from me; he’s still hurt and angry.

  He says softly, “I need to think. I made you something to eat if you’re hungry. It’s on the table downstairs.”

  I watch the man I love walk away from me and now I feel hurt. I wait a few minutes and then go down to the kitchen. He’s made me a turkey sandwich with the things I like on it, tomato and a little honey mustard. I feel worse now at how I’ve made him feel. The sandwich tastes good and each bite satisfies and heals my stomach after the fiasco of last night. I never want to see another drink for a while. I should call Ann. I put my plate in the dishwasher and then move towards Adam’s office. I stop midway, not knowing what to say to him, and instead go back upstairs to the bedroom. Closing the door behind me, Ann’s voice comes on the phone. “Hi Ann, it’s me. Before you say anything, I’m really sorry about last night. I embarrassed all of us. I don’t even know how much we drank. Do you?”

  “Hey, Vee. I have no idea other than lots. We had a good time and no one got hurt. How’s Adam this morning? Ted’s been a little cool with me today.”

  “Same here, Adam’s been cool with me. Please apologize to Ted for me. I was a mess last night and not like myself at all.”

  “Don’t worry. He knows. Let’s move on and remember that we can’t drink like that anymore. My new limit is four.” She chuckles, making me chuckle. Ann always did see the funny side of things.

  “Yeah, that’s for sure and we should have eaten more and stayed at the table. Moving to the bar didn’t help. That just kept the drinks coming. It was too easy.”

  “Yeah, that’s true. Hey, thanks for calling, Vee. I was going to call you soon anyway. I have to run. My parents are coming over and I still need to shower and get dressed. I was a little slow this morning.” She laughs again.

  “Okay, enjoy the rest of the weekend and I’ll call you next week.” Hanging up the phone, I look in the wardrobe mirrors. I am pleasantly surprised at how much the shower has refreshed me. Gone is the blotchy skin from this morning when I woke up. I go back to the family room to do more work. It’s almost 6:30 when Adam calls me down to dinner. It smells good and we eat in silence. He leaves me to clean up as I watch him go back to his office.

  As I am about to go back upstairs, I hear Adam say, “Get dressed, we’ll be going out in an hour.”

  I look back about to ask where and decide not to. After last night, the least I can do is go out with him now.

  “What should I wear?”

  His reply is quick. “Jeans and boots are fine.” I nod and make my way up to the bedroom to get ready. I start with using the blow dryer to blow out my hair, giving it more body. I get dressed in fitted black jeans and a black belt with black knee-length heeled boots and a silk white button shirt that shows a bit of cleavage. Adam had commented on this blouse before, which is why I chose it. I use the bathroom mirror to put
on make-up, using eyeliner to draw around my eyes, making them stand out. I pull out the burgundy lipstick he likes and step back to look at myself in the mirror. I look sexy. Adam’s changed into black hip hugging jeans and a shirt I’ve never seen before. It’s dark gray and not like the button-down shirts he normally wears. This one is a fitted long-sleeved shirt with no buttons that clings to his upper body, showing his toned muscles and broad shoulders. He looks extremely sexy. If circumstances were better between us, I’d push him down on the bed and attack him, he looks that good. He sees me staring at him and looks back at me before saying. “If you’re ready, let’s go.” He doesn’t comment on how I look. I follow him down the stairs, watching his sexy bum move in his jeans. I want him so badly. I need to find a way to make peace with him tonight.

  “Oh, you’re driving?” I ask, because Frank has been driving us more on weekends now.

  “Yeah, I’m driving.” He seems calm and opens my car door for me. We drive in silence. Adam parks the car and I wait for him to open my door, which he does. What he doesn’t do is take my hand. It feels strange just walking side by side without holding hands. We are in the downtown club district, lined with bars, dance clubs and restaurants. The street is full with the Saturday night crowd. As the crowd thickens, Adam protectively puts me in front of him, guiding me with his hand in my back. His touch feels so good. It takes about 5 minutes to reach our destination, it’s a bar. Adam turns me around to face him. “When we get in there, sit at the bar. I’ll be watching you. When you finish two cosmos, we can leave. It was cosmos you got drunk on last night, right?” Holy fuck, he’s punishing me, but not in the way I had expected.

  “I don’t think I can drink even one Adam,” I try to protest.

  “We stay until you drink two,” he says firmly and, without any warning, pushes me through the door. It’s only starting to get crowded. I find a seat at the bar and watch Adam find a seat on the other side of the bar across from me. He has a perfect view of my every move and me of his. If I had walked into this bar not knowing Adam, my eyes would have found him immediately. He really is gorgeous.