Shattered Krystal

by Claire Lalique

  Jag had some other men tie us to a low-slung rafter with rough rope. Donna was moaning again, and the men seemed to think that was funny. They hooted and made cat calls, surrounding us like vultures.

  One guy pushed me. I was so tiny, I was just barely touching the floor with my tiptoes, and the push caused me to swing back and forth. The ropes around my wrists ground into my skin, but I didn't say anything or cry. I didn't want them knowing how scared or hurt I actually was.

  They all hooted again and one of them laughed and grunted, "she look like a baby. Fresh pussy. Let's see if she got anything under there!” Then he reached out with his dirty hand, and ripped my t-shirt down the front. His fingers started flicking and pulling my nipples, and my mind went blank from fear. I leaned my head down and threw up on the floor. He roared in laughter, and then stuck a greasy finger down my shorts and touched me on my private parts. He pushed his thick dirty finger inside me. It hurt so much I thought I would faint.

  Even though I was seventeen, almost eighteen, I was still a virgin. I had always thought I would wait until I was in love before I had sex. Suddenly I wished I had not waited. Maybe this wouldn't be so frightening then. "Please don't. Please don't", I begged. But it made no difference to any of them. They all looked at me with the dead eyes of a predator on the hunt.

  The men seemed to not have anything to do but torture and harass us. The five men spent, what seemed like hours, playing with both of us. When they finally began to lose interest, we were naked, covered with bruises from pinches, slaps and punches. What was worse was the spit, semen and urine dripping down our bodies. I didn't want to think about the blood dribbling down our thighs from when they had raped us and broken through our virginity.

  I didn't want to remember the horrifying things they had done to me so I tried to close my eyes and pretend I wasn't there. I thought ‘Maybe I’m dead, that would be best, then I could just drift away to heaven or some other beautiful place.’ I didn't want to cry any more, I didn't want these men to know how broken I was. Even with everything they’d done, I still had just a tiny bit of pride left inside of me.

  Finally, one guy came back over to us with a knife and started poking us with the point. I wanted to scream in pain! We had blood dribbling down from where he poked or cut us, and no matter how hard I tried to be quiet, I couldn't help but whimper. This seemed like the time they would kill us. I thought that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

  By this time Donna was making a loud keening noise that never stopped. I really, really wanted her to be quiet. Obviously, these men didn't want us to make loud noises. Also, I was trying to concentrate on my beautiful peaceful place and all her noise made it difficult to do.

  Jag came over and told Donna to shut her trap. He said he didn't want any noise ‘cause they were waiting for their Mexican contacts to come with the guns and heroin they had bought.

  The man with the knife poked Donna harder, and she squealed louder. At that point, Jag grabbed the knife from the other man, and ran the sharp edge through Donna’s neck. That knife looked so big and sharp, and it cut halfway through her neck. Blood flowed out of the cut and squirted, some of Donna's blood spattered on my body and face. I saw blood bubbling around the edges of the cut and once again I vomited onto the ground. Donna went limp and I realized I could no longer see her chest go up and down. My friend was dead. All I could think though, was that I was so glad she was quiet so I could try to float away and die.

  Then Jag put his face in mine, his horrible breath blowing into my face and growled, "Ya gonna be quiet? I can get rid of you too. Just take a flick," and he brandished the bloody knife and made a cut on my neck. I could feel the blood hot and heavy running down my neck. I moaned, then I felt hot pee going down my leg and then, thankfully, everything went black.

  Chapter 2

  Samuel

  The Rattler Kings were supposed to be meeting their runners at an old shed on the outskirts of a run-down trailer park. The shed sat in the middle of an old ravine full of trash, rats, and stagnant pools of water. Our informant, an ex-girlfriend of one of the motorcycle gang members, swore they'd been holed up there since the day before, waiting for the shipment to arrive.

  There were about twenty-five of us moving to surround the shed. We had local cops, some State police and the squad from ATF. Earlier we heard laughter and voices raised in the shed but we were waiting for the guns and drugs to roll into view. I thought I'd heard a noise, almost a scream, but then everything was quiet.

  We waited hours and finally we heard the rumbling of large vehicles, and two large panel trucks rolled in from the dirt road we had left open. Five men came out of the shed and four more got out of the trucks.

  Suddenly the air was filled with my Captain's voice screaming, "YOU ARE SURROUNDED, PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND LIE FACE DOWN ON THE GROUND!"

  In the end, it was anticlimactic. The outlaws put down their guns and surrendered. I was told to stay back by the trucks, keep watch on the merchandise and observe. I watched carefully. I found that I admired the ATF men the most. They were precise, working as a team, each person covering the other as needed. They knew what they needed to do and did it calmly and quickly.

  Krystal

  I awoke to the same nightmare. My wrists and hands were numb and if I looked up I could see dried blood where the ropes had ground into my skin. There was noise all around, and men shouting. I looked to my left and realized Donna's body was gone. I knew I was going to die and that seemed like the best thing that could happen.

  I wasn't a total innocent, you couldn't be growing up where and how I had, but the degradation that had happened to me was beyond what I could comprehend. All I could understand at that point was that these men were evil and horrible and had done evil and horrible things to me. I didn't want to remember the specifics,

  Suddenly, Jag came from behind me and put the knife next to my throat. I started shaking. He whispered in my ear, "If you tell the police anything about your friend or what else you saw and heard, I'm coming after you and your family. You will be dead. Your family will be dead. What happened today won't be nothin’. Do. You. Understand?”

  I looked at him mutely and nodded my head. He laughed and took the same knife that had killed Donna and ran its sharp point through my flesh just above my breast. Blood started drippinge down my body.

  "This is just a little something so you can remember my promise to you”, and twice more he cut into my body, making a crude letter J above my left breast. Then he made a quick slice through the ropes holding my arms and I tumbled to the ground unable to stand.

  I felt rather than saw Jag move away from me and the other men walked away as well. As they passed me, some kicked me or spit on me. I realized that the noise of men shouting had lessened, but I didn't really care. I just closed my eyes and waited for whatever would happen.

  The next thing I remember was a hoarse voice above me yelling, "Jesus Christ, Sir, there's a little girl back here!" I opened the one eye that could still open and squinted at the man who squatted down next to me. I mewled, and feebly tried to crawl away. There were more men and I just couldn't stand the thought of another man hurting me.

  I heard him say, “Shit! Someone get me a blanket!" I felt a rough blanket fall over my body and the man scooped me off the floor and carried me out into the sun. I fought, trying to get away but I was no match for him. Every movement I made hurt me. The sun hurt my eyes and I didn't want anyone to see me. I really just wanted to be dead.

  The man holding me yelled, "Donahue! Get over here!"

  Suddenly I was dumped into somebody else's arms. I thrashed trying to get loose and the arms around me tightened. "Shhh." he whispered, "you're ok”, and he tightened his arms around me, holding me close to his chest. I looked up and saw a pair of the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. They reminded me of the lake I had imagined in my peaceful safe place. I could also see the indents that meant he had dimples if he smiled.

  His eyes made me feel safe in just t
he same way as my lake, so I curled up in a ball with my head leaning on his chest where I could smell his clean woodsy scent and hear his strong heartbeat. I felt like he would take care of me because I was sure he was my guardian angel. I wasn't afraid for the first time since those men had captured me. Almost against my will, my eyes closed and I exhaled a long breath of air.

  Samuel

  The Agent in Charge of the ATF handed me this tiny girl wrapped in a scratchy grey blanket. She was crying, tears falling like a waterfall down her face, but she didn’t make a sound. I made comforting noises, just, “Shhh, shhh, you're ok, shhh”. She curled tight into my chest like I was her savior rather than a green as grass rookie.

  Suddenly my protective instincts flared wide open. The hair on my arms and the back of my neck stood up straight and I knew right then she was mine, she was the one; “The Right Girl”, to keep and protect for the rest of my life. I thought to myself, damn if this wasn’t the wrong time to fall in love. This tiny girl was so damaged I couldn't image the care she would need. Not to mention she didn't look old enough to be out of middle school, much less an adult. Fuck! I knew then that she had blown my carefully made plans apart. My priorities had instantly changed. No matter how hard it was going to be, I was going to protect her because I loved her. She was mine and I loved her instantly with every breath in my body.

  I carried her to one of the SWAT trucks and got some paper towels and a bottle of water. I held the water bottle so she could drink and I realized she wasn't actually a little girl, thank God, just very petite. I saw she that she had small sweet breasts and rounded luscious hips that give away her status as a woman. She was tiny but she obviously was not a little girl.

  I wiped her face gently with some of the water and noticed that both her eyes were blackened, she had a split lip and bruises, lacerations and abrasions up and down her entire body. She had cigarette burns on her arms and she had been terribly cut above her breast. There were punctures, perhaps from a knife, unevenly scattered over her entire torso. I also noticed dried blood on the inside of her thighs and I knew then she had been raped. My poor baby, she had been hurt so severely, my heart silently cried with her. I wanted to clean some of the unknown substances off her body but I knew I had gone far enough by just wiping her face. I carefully wrapped the blanket around her naked body so no one else could stare at her. No one but me had any right to see my girl’s precious injured body.

  The filth on her spoke about the abuse she suffered and I held tight to the anger that surged through me. She didn’t need to see me lose my temper. I wanted to make her feel protected, like I was in charge and would protect her from the evil she had gone through.

  The ambulance finally came and she refused to let her arms go from around my neck, so I sent one of the other men to get permission for me to ride to the hospital with her. Permission came even as I was clambering into the back of the ambulance with my girl held in my arms. I strengthened my resolve that I was going to take care of her. I vowed to myself that nothing else bad would ever happen to my beautiful girl again. I didn't know why God gave me this precious gift, but I would do my best to be the best man I could be for her.

  As the ambulance headed for the hospital I sat on a built-in chair with my sweetheart in my lap. She shivered uncontrollably. The EMT said she was probably in shock. He said she was also severely dehydrated and worked to start an IV line. Whenever the EMT got close to her I felt her shaking increase and she pushed into me like she was trying to be absorbed into my body.

  I held her close and whispered nonsense. I sang songs to her under my breath, old classics, Percy Sledge, the Beatles, old Sesame Street songs--anything that she might recognize and help her to be less afraid. I knew when we get to the hospital she would have to be examined and I was unsure if they would let me stay with her. I resolved to try, because until we found out who she was and who her family was, I seemed to be the one person she would allow near her.

  I knew if I could help it, I wouldn't allow anyone to separate us. I felt with all my being she was mine. I was never drawn like this to a woman, but I knew she was that perfect woman for me. She had been hurt, badly, but I wouldn’t allow her to stay damaged in her mind or body. I would help her get strong, and then, God willing, I would claim her as mine. I would take care of her and protect her for the rest of her life. She would never again be a person that could be hidden away for days and not be missed. I would always know where she was; I would keep her safe.

  The ambulance arrived at the hospital and I stepped out of the vehicle with her still in my arms while the EMT held the IV bag. He and I had tried to put her down onto the ambulance gurney and each time she would start whimpering and crying. Neither of us could stand her anguish so we had finally given up, so she was still in my arms.

  The orderly rushed out with a gurney and I tried to put her on it. She clutched my neck as if we were glued together. I knew she had to lie down to be able to get the help she needed so I carefully but firmly unclasped her arms from around my neck and moved a few inches away and said in a strong deep voice, "I'm right here honey, I won't leave, but you have to lie down and let the doctors take care of you”.

  I don't know if it was my voice, but she did stop struggling and I was able to help her lie down on the gurney. As her hand got near mine we both grabbed for the other’s hand like we couldn’t stand not being physically connected.

  My heart felt warm, knowing she wanted to be near me. I wanted her to know, without a doubt, that I would be there for her. If I had my way, I would never let her leave my presence again.

  The orderly quickly took us to the back of the emergency room, into a cubical cordoned off by cloth curtains. He left and two nurses come into the space. Because my sister was a nurse, I recognized one as a Nurse Practitioner. One had a clipboard and the Nurse Practitioner sat in the chair next to the gurney so that she could be eye level with my damaged girl. This nurse said softly, “I know you've gone through some really horrible stuff. I need to tell you what's going to happen next so you won't get surprised or scared”. As she talked I saw that my sweet girl was staring at her, taking in every word.

  The nurse continued. “I am going to have to get some samples from your body. I am also going to have to look inside your vagina with an instrument called a speculum. I promise I will try to be as careful as I can to not hurt you but it might hurt a little. You also need to talk to the police about what happened to you.”

  “Can we call someone for you, your mom or dad or a friend, maybe? Someone else? This is so you can have someone with you. Can you tell me your name now so we can contact your parents?”

  My baby girl looked at me and tears were again streaming down her battered face and I wanted to kill those men for what they did to her. She didn't deserve this. She was just a young woman. Somebody wasn't taking care of her, wasn't watching out for her and again I vowed to myself that I would never leave her unprotected. If no one else was there for her, I would always be there to watch over her.

  From what the outlaws had said, she had been their captive for at least two days. They were claiming it was consensual, but that was obviously untrue. I wanted them in jail for life, but even more I wanted them dead.

  The nurse asked her what her name was once again and if it was at all possible my girl cried even harder, but still made no sound. Finally, she leaned into my ear and whispered so quietly I could barely hear her, “Krystal McKenzie”.

  Krystal

  I laid on the bed with my blue-eyed man standing next to me. I saw his muscles and I had felt how hard his abdomen and stomach were. I felt safer and more secure than I could ever remember. My mom had never considered that I might feel unsafe or unprotected when I stayed in our trailer alone at night, when I was as young as five or six. I had never thought about it either, that was just the way we and most of the people we knew lived. I thought to myself that Jag couldn’t get near me if my blue-eyed man was beside me. Blue would keep him away.

&nb
sp; When the nurse asked me for my name a second time, I realized I couldn’t tell anyone what happened to me. Even if my Blue stayed with me every second of every day, that wouldn't protect my mom. I'm sure Jag wouldn't have any problems at all, killing her. Look what he did to my best friend, Donna, just because she was making noise!

  I realized I couldn't talk to the police, but I wanted my mom. I thought if I told my Blue, just my name, I wouldn’t be telling any of Jag’s secrets. So, I leaned close to the nice smell of Blue and whispered into his ear, my name, “Krystal Flower McKenzie”.

  Blue told the nurses and they left the room, but Blue continued to carefully hold my hand. It hurt, but I didn’t really care. I needed to touch him, to be sure he didn’t disappear.

  Soon the orderlies and nurses got the X-rays and other tests done. The doctor finally came into my room and talked to me about what physical damage I had sustained. The doctor said that besides the obvious visual damage, I had two broken ribs and one cracked. My wrist bones had spiral fractures from being tied and hung from the rafters. Some of my fingers were broken as were several bones in my hands. After cataloging these injuries for me, the doctor glanced doubtfully at Blue. I grasped Blue’s hand as tightly as I could to show the doctor I wasn't going to let Blue leave me. The doctor gave me an odd look, and started talking again. He talked softly and kindly.

  He said, “Ms. McKenzie you've been raped and tortured horrifically. While you will physically heal from all of the physical injuries, I don't know about your psychological damage. I'm going to leave you information about the Rape Survivor Group. I hope you take advantage of calling these people.”

  He left and Blue and I were alone once again. I started to relax, my tense muscles slowly loosening. I noticed Blue pushed the automatic button for pain meds and I started getting drowsy.