Wanderlust (1986)

by Steel, Danielle

  She stood, watching people emerge, having walked from the plane to the gate, and she almost held her breath as a handful of men brushed past her ' and then suddenly there he was, the jet-black hair and deep-set eyes ' the mouth that had kissed her so often and in such tender places. She stood breathlessly watching him, and then before she knew what he had done, he had taken her in his arms and kissed her. He held her as tightly as he had a year before, and they stood for a long, long time, unable to speak, and remembering what they had shared in another lifetime.

  Hello. He looked down at her finally with a small boyish grin as people eddied around them, and she laughed at the look in his eyes.

  Hello, Charlie. Welcome back ' . But to what? To her life? And how long would he stay? A day? Two? Three? She knew almost as soon as they met that in a moment they would be parting again and it made everything bittersweet as he watched her and followed her to her car parked outside. He was carrying only a raincoat, a small overnight bag, and his briefcase. How's the movie?

  I'm not sure, We signed a contract, but those people are so crazy, I have trouble believing they mean business. She smiled at the thought. It was nice to know that he was so successful. It was a side of him that she admired, although there were other things about him she loved even more. Are you excited? She unlocked her car, and slid behind the wheel, unlocking his door for him, as he piled his things in the backseat and climbed in beside her.

  Yes, I am. But he was far more excited to see her. He had even privately accused himself of agreeing to the movie deal just so he could come to California, not that he would ever have admitted that to Charlotte. She seemed able to tolerate any of his foibles, except hearing him talk about Audrey. She never failed to remind him that Audrey hadn't come to him when he asked her. In her eyes, it was an unpardonable sin. And he found himself thinking again now how different they were, as Audrey backed the car out of its parking space and drove toward the city. She saw him watching her when she glanced at him and they fell silent as she drove.

  I'm not sure what to say, Charlie.

  About what? But he knew. She had always been very direct with him and he sensed that she was going to be again now.

  About what happened ' the telegrams ' .

  What is there to say? Your answer was pretty clear.

  But were my reasons? She had always felt that he didn't understand, and in some ways he didn't. Do you know that I would have given my right arm and my heart to drop everything and marry you last year? But I couldn't just run off to London and leave Grandfather again. I'd been gone for a year ' and he's so old, Charlie, and so frail ' .

  I don't understand the sacrifices you make. He glanced out the window, remembering again the pain of her refusal. That was the second time you'd turned me down.

  But she disagreed. The first time was never a serious proposal. You were just desperate to get me out of Harbin, and you'd even have married me to accomplish that. She smiled at him and he didn't deny it. She knew him very well. Better even than Charlotte. She knew a different side of him than Charlotte did, a gentler side than Charlotte knew in him. He liked the way Audrey made him feel, the gentleness in her soul, the integrity, the goodness. And suddenly he turned to her with a smile.

  You know you are the most stubborn woman I have ever met, Audrey Driscoll.

  She grinned broadly and glanced at him before turning her eyes back to the road. Is that a compliment or a statement? He laughed and shook his head.

  Neither. It's an accusation. And then suddenly he laughed again. You're a bitch, damn you ' a bitch! He grabbed a handful of her hair and pulled her head backward just enough to catch her attention as he kissed her on the neck. Do you know I was drunk for a month after that damn telegram of yours. A month! And he did not tell her that Charlotte had come to his rescue, or in what way. She had nothing to do with what he felt for Audrey.

  Her face grew serious as he let her mane go, and they approached the city. It wasn't easy for me, Charlie. It was the hardest thing I ever did ' that and staying behind in Harbin.

  That wasn't so hard. You were so vehement about what you believed you had to do, I didn't think you ever had any regrets.

  Are you serious? After eight months there, you don't think I had regrets? You're crazy. But I thought I did the right thing. I paid a hell of a price though, didn't I? She looked directly into his eyes as they stopped at a red light. And she had gotten an enormous reward too ' Mai Li ' she looked at Charlie pensively. Where are you staying, by the way?

  The studio made a reservation for me at the Saint Francis. Is it all right?

  Excellent. And immediately, in unison, they both thought of the Gritti and the Pera Palas, but neither of them said a word. Instead, he looked at her thoughtfully.

  Will you have dinner with me tonight, Aud?

  She nodded. It was odd making dates with him, after all those months of traveling together. It had been so much like being married, and now they had made a step back to the days at Antibes when they first met and neither of them quite knew what the other was thinking. Although he had noticed his ring still on her finger.

  Will you come and meet my grandfather first?

  I'd like that. He said it slowly. He wanted to meet the man to whom he had lost her. And when she left him at his hotel, he kissed her gently on the lips and her heart soared in spite of all the sensible things she said to herself on the way home. She didn't want to let herself fall in love with him all over again ' he was only there for a few days ' there was no point ' but there was no stemming the tides of what she felt, and had felt since the first day she'd met him.

  Her grandfather saw her coming in, and looked up from the evening newspaper he was reading with a frown. Where were you, Audrey?

  For a moment she didn't know what to say, and then decided to tell him the truth, or some of it at least. I went to pick up a friend at the airport.

  Oh? The scowl deepened.

  Someone I met in Europe. He's just here for a day or two.

  He? ' do I know him?

  No, she smiled. But you will shortly. He'll be here in an hour for a drink. He said he'd like to meet you.

  Obviously a young fool. He pretended to be annoyed and she refused to be fooled. She knew he liked meeting her friends from time to time, and he often chided her for not going out more, but there was no one she was interested in. No one even began to compare to Charles. The men she knew paled in comparison. And now he was here ' she glanced at her watch, and decided to run upstairs and see Mai Li before changing for dinner.

  As though he read her thoughts, her grandfather spoke to her through his newspaper. She got a new tooth today.

  The baby?

  No, the upstairs maid.

  Audrey laughed. For six months, she really has quite a few.

  She's very advanced. Mrs. Williams, their housekeeper, told me so. She says her grandson has no teeth or hair, and he's almost a year old. You watch her, she'll walk before her first birthday. It touched her to see how proud he was of the baby she had adopted. He was much more interested in her than in Annabelle's brood, and he didn't even seem to mind the fact that she was Chinese anymore. He went for strolls with Audrey from time to time, and helped her push the carriage.

  I'll be down in a little while, Grampa.

  And when she came down again, she was wearing a cocktail dress she had bought at Ransohoff's and never worn. It was a slinky black silk with broad shoulders and a diamond-shaped cutout in the back. It was beautifully cut and it suited her to perfection. Her grandfather noticed how well the dress looked and how carefully her hair was done and he correctly surmised that their guest was someone important ' to Audrey.

  Who did you say he was? he asked her just before the bell rang.

  Charles Parker-Scott. He's a writer.

  Haven't I heard that name before? He scowled pensively just as the doorbell rang and Audrey walked into the hall just as the butler opened the door, and Charles stepped in. Their eyes met at once and it wa
s obvious that he was struck by how lovely she looked. It reminded him of a thousand other moments they had shared, but he wasn't quite sure she had ever looked quite as beautiful as she did that evening.

  Hello, Audrey. He felt like a very young boy as she smiled, kissed him on the cheek, and ushered him into the living room to meet her grandfather.

  Charles Parker-Scott, my grandfather, Edward Driscoll. The two men shook hands and sized each other up, and both were favorably impressed, although each had hoped not to be. Especially Charles, who had wanted to form an instant dislike for the man who had kept her from running off to London.

  Good evening, sir. How do you do?

  Very well. Why do I know your name? He wondered if Audrey had mentioned him before or the man was well known. He couldn't remember. And actually it was a case of both, but Charles was far too modest to say so.

  Charles is an author, Grampa. He writes wonderful travel books.

  The old man frowned and then nodded slowly. It rang another bell too, but he couldn't remember what, and Audrey was relieved that he couldn't. She was sure that Muriel Browne had mentioned his name after they had met in Shanghai, and she didn't want to remind her grandfather of that now, or he might well figure out just how important Charles was. Her grandfather was no fool, and she knew he suspected that she had been involved with a man during her time abroad, although he no longer asked her.

  In fact, he just sold one of them as a movie and that's why he's in California. The butler brought them all drinks and Charles chatted easily with the elderly gentleman, watching the sharp eyes, and elegant hands that fluttered a little as he held his drink, but as he stood up to show Charles his library, he didn't look nearly as frail as Audrey claimed, and he wondered suddenly if she used him as an excuse. Perhaps she simply didn't want to get married. But he knew her better than that. And he followed Mr. Driscoll to the shelves of his old books and first editions and beautiful leatherbound volumes that he had collected over a lifetime. And he was enormously impressed with the quality of the collection. The whole house was lovely, in fact, and filled with beautiful antiques and treasures, many of them collected by Audrey's father on his travels, and others gathered here and there by her grandfather and his wife, or their parents before them. He had actually never suspected that she came from a home quite as fine as this, she was so quiet and well-bred and unassuming.

  You have a beautiful collection, sir. They sat down again and Charles smiled. He liked the old man, in spite of himself, and Mr. Driscoll smiled. He was sorry Audrey didn't have more men come to visit. It was nice seeing a young man from time to time, it reminded him of Roland in his youth ' so long ago ' in fact, he decided, as he looked at Charles, this young man was astonishingly like him, and he said so.

  You know, you're very like my son. Has Audrey told you that?

  Not really ' except that we both love to travel.

  Damn fool ' . Edward Driscoll's brow clouded and Charles feared that he had said something too painful, and then the old man looked up and glanced at Audrey with relief. At least she came to her senses. Did you know she actually went to China? Charles repressed a smile and nodded solemnly at the tale. Spent close to a year in Manchuria, in a place called Harbin ' and even came back with a baby. And with that, Audrey thought Charles was going to fall out of his chair. He grew so pale that Audrey wanted desperately to explain, but her grandfather didn't let her. Cute little thing. We call her Molly.

  I see. Even Charles's lips had gone white, and Audrey wanted to reach out a hand and touch him, but all she could do was attempt to explain, as though very little hinged upon her explanation.

  She was one of the orphans where I was ' or actually one of the children ' an older one ' gave birth to her ' but she died in childbirth ' .

  Audrey! Her grandfather was shocked. You needn't bore your guest with the details.

  And then, for lack of something better to say, she glanced at Charlie desperately. Would you like to see her? She could see that he was about to decline, but her eyes begged him not to and he stood up awkwardly.

  All right. He followed her silently to the staircase, and walked upstairs, and it was only after reaching the second floor that he spoke in a harsh whisper to Audrey. So that was it ' why the hell didn't you tell me instead of letting me make a fool of myself. What is she? Half Chinese?

  Yes.

  He's right, he spoke to her through clenched teeth and grabbed her arm as they reached her bedroom door, you are a damn fool. How could you do a thing like that? Why didn't you get rid of her before you came home?

  Her eyes filled with tears. She knew what he thought, and she didn't want to have to defend herself to him. What would you suggest? That I kill her? I brought her home because I love her, and I'm not the damn fool ' you are. She strode across the room, and picked the baby up, as the young maid who helped her with Mai Li discreetly left the room. Audrey held the baby in her arms, and was instantly met with a broad smile and a gurgle. She had a beautiful little Oriental face, and it was difficult to say if she was Chinese or Japanese, or simply very, very pretty. But Charles looked puzzled as he looked at Audrey's face and then the baby's.

  She's not ' He felt suddenly very foolish, and very ashamed of the assumption he had made ' but it would have made it easier to swallow her refusal to come to London. He wanted to believe anything, except that she had given him up for duty. Audrey ' I'm sorry ' she isn't your baby, is she? I mean, not the way I thought ' .

  Audrey sadly shook her head, still wishing, as she often did, that she was. She was Ling Hwei's, and she died giving birth to her before I left. The father was Japanese ' a soldier ' and I just couldn't leave her there. You know what would have happened.

  He nodded. Only too well. I understand now. Why didn't you tell me?

  I would have, but after the telegram, you never answered my letters, and I didn't know how you'd take it.

  He smiled at the obviously happy child, nestled in Audrey's arms. She's so sweet. How old is she?

  Six months. Grampa calls her Molly. They both smiled. This was like a gift to remind them of the time they had shared in China. He was gently rubbing her fat little cheek with his finger and she was trying to work it into her mouth to rub it on her new teeth as he laughed and tickled her and she giggled. Would you like to hold her? He looked hesitant at first, but she handed the baby to him, and Molly squealed with delight, and then cooed as he held her silky little cheek close to his own, and then gently kissed her. She smelled of soap and baby powder and everything about her looked clean and pretty and loved, and now he understood what Audrey had been doing since her return. And as he looked around the nursery, he saw dozens of photographs she had obviously taken of her with the Leica. Isn't she wonderful, Charlie? They were suddenly friends again, as he laid the baby down on the bed, and they sat there together, watching the baby rolling around, and grabbing her toes with happy gurgles. They both laughed, and looked at each other with the same tenderness they had once shared, and Audrey dared to tell him what she still felt, now more than ever. I still wish she were yours, Charlie.

  So do I. His eyes met hers, and he loved her just as much as he had before, perhaps more, and seeing her with the baby did something to him. He ached for her even more, and they had to tear themselves away to join her grandfather again. They gave him a full report on Molly's antics and everything she'd been doing, and he grinned delightedly and bragged of her accomplishments to Charlie. One would never have suspected that he had been shocked when she first arrived. To listen to him, one would have thought that the baby was the prize of his own bloodline.

  She's the best little girl in the world. And then he smiled at Audrey. This one wasn't bad either, but it's been a while ' . He gazed fondly at her, and eventually they stood up, and Charles told him how happy he had been to meet him. They had dinner reservations at the Blue Fox, but neither of them seemed interested in where they ate. Suddenly, she was filling him in on everything, all her last moments in Harbin, Molly'
s birth, even the appearance of the Mongolian general.

  Good God, you could have been raped. Or murdered. But he didn't say it.

  Looking back at those eight months, I suppose I could have been a lot of things ' but I don't know, Charlie ' it seemed the right thing to do at the time. And I got Molly out of it. He smiled. It had touched him to see her with a child, and it made him hungry for all he had once dreamed of with her.

  And now, Aud? What are you going to do with the rest of your life?

  I don't know. Stay here. As long as Grampa is alive anyway.

  He's a wonderful man. He said it almost sorrowfully and she smiled.

  I know ' that's why I came home to him. I owe him everything.

  Even your future, Audrey? Somehow that doesn't seem right.

  My present in any case.

  And Annabelle? What does she feel she owes him?

  She doesn't think that way, I'm afraid.

  Charlie smiled ruefully at her. My luck I'd fall in love with the dutiful one. And then, over dessert, he took his courage in both hands. Can I tear you away for a while, Aud?

  Like how long? A weekend in Carmel, or a year in the Far East? They both smiled. It was quite a contrast between the two. She would have preferred to go to the ends of the earth with him, but it was impossible. She couldn't leave for more than a few days.

  I've just come back from India, doing research for the next book.

  It sounds interesting. But she knew there was more to it than that.

  ' and I'm going to Egypt next. He paused, and reached for her hand. Will you come with me? Her heart stopped just listening to him. She wanted to do that more than anything. She would have gone anywhere with him. But Egypt would have been fabulous.