Wanderlust (1986)

by Steel, Danielle

  Yes, my darling. She smiled at him and melted into his arms. She had never been happier in her life, married or not. And she could hardly wait until they moved in together.

  Chapter 33

  They went everywhere together socially. Charles introduced Audrey to all his friends, and she was welcomed with open arms by everyone, all of whom were relieved to see that he had dispensed with Charlotte Beardsley. They went to parties, operas, balls, and she appeared everywhere with Charles, including a costume ball where they ran into Charlotte dressed as Der Rosenkavalier, all done up in satin pantaloons, making a very handsome man, as Lady Vi pointed out nastily. As they sailed past her, Charles's eyes had only met hers briefly and then she had turned away. It was beginning to annoy him that she was clinging so steadfastly to his name. He read about Charlotte Parker-Scott in business columns everywhere, and he would have much preferred sharing his name with Audrey. But thus far, Charlotte had not agreed to the divorce, and by Christmas, Audrey and Charles were settled in a new house, only five blocks from Vi and James. They gave a housewarming party on New Year's Eve, and the last guest didn't go home until eight o'clock the next morning.

  It was only three weeks later when King George died, succeeded by Edward VIII, who was a handsome man of forty-one. And it amazed Audrey to realize that she had met him on the Riviera only a few months before, and now he was the King of England. She wondered what would happen to his romance with Wally Simpson now, the American divorcee he had been so blatantly involved with. But what was tolerated in a prince would be forbidden a king, and she suspected things weren't going to be easy for them. The English were violently opposed to his being involved with a divorced woman.

  But the country's focus turned away from them, as Hitler marched into the Rhineland in the spring. It turned Charlie and Audrey's thoughts to Europe again, and after sending a dozen letters to Ushi with no reply, Audrey finally called her parents, and was shocked at the explanation she got for their friend's silence.

  She is in a convent in Austria, my dear. Her father sounded old and tired on the phone. Germany wasn't a pleasant place to live anymore. And when Audrey asked for her address, the Baron explained that it was useless. She had joined a cloistered order and could receive no mail from anyone, not even her parents. Even they were not allowed to contact her. She had renounced the world and all of them with it. And Audrey was profoundly shocked. She couldn't get the memories out of her mind when she took Molly to the park that afternoon. She remembered how desperately Ushi had wanted to get pregnant. They had said they wanted six children ' and now Ushi was a nun ' a cloistered nun ' they would never hear from her again. The thought brought tears to her eyes and she stopped in to see Vi that afternoon, and she was equally shocked. It seemed a terrible thing to both of them, and a terrible waste of her youth and charm and beauty. And it brought home to Audrey again how deeply Ushi had loved Karl, and how meaningless her life had become without him. It reminded her in some ways of what she felt for Charlie. Charles and Molly were her whole life now. It was frightening sometimes, frightening to realize how much she loved them both and that they were her whole life. They meant more to her than anything. It was difficult to remember sometimes that technically Charlie was married to someone else. It seemed as though she and Charlie had been together forever. It was hard to remember now that someone had come between them, even briefly, and that someone had no importance to them.

  Does it bother you, Aud? Violet had asked her once, and she had honestly told her it didn't.

  I suppose it should bother me more than it does. It's shocking of course, but no one we know seems to care, and we don't. The only thing that's difficult is that we can't have children. But Molly keeps us busy enough right now. Vi smiled at her words. Molly was the sweetest child and she loved her almost as much as her own children.

  And Audrey took hundreds of pictures of her, as she did of Alexandra and little James. She loved taking photographs of the children. And Charles was working on a new book now. He had refused to go back to America to negotiate another movie deal, hoping to discourage Charlotte's interest in him, but she had closed the deal for him anyway, and made him a small fortune, hoping to woo him back perhaps by impressing him. But if that was her intention, it didn't work. Charles was completely indifferent. He loved only Audrey, and little Molly who now called him Daddy, which was music to his ears.

  The year rolled past them all too quickly, with Charlotte never relenting for a moment, and Audrey and Charles busy with their own lives. She was planning to do the photographs for his new book, and world events concerned them both. It was a year rife with ominous political events, as Hitler kept stretching out hungry fingers. Rome and Berlin made an agreement in the fall. And in November, Hitler made an agreement with Japan as well, agreeing to join forces against Russia if need be.

  But it was in December that they had the most shocking news of all. Its implications were far less important than the political intrigues of Adolf Hitler, yet like the rest of the country, Audrey was completely shocked as she stood in her kitchen on December tenth, and listened to King Edward speak on the radio, as she watched Molly playing with her favorite dolly.

  She stood riveted to the floor as she heard him speak, the man she'd seen in Antibes with Wally Simpson, and tears washed silently down her cheeks as she heard the words that would rock the entire nation, and then the world. I have found it impossible to discharge my duties as King ' without the help and support of the woman I love ' . Giving up a kingdom what more could one ask of a man? She had a moment of thinking how lucky they were to love each other so much, and she found herself looking back at the memory of the woman she had met, wondering what in her had inspired so great a love. The poor man sounded anguished as he spoke, and after less than a year on the throne, he was abdicating to marry this twice-divorced American woman.

  And even though he was not her king, her heart went out to him, for the agony that must have come before the decision ' and in an odd, remote way, it reminded her of their situation with Charlotte ' in the face of all odds, they had chosen to be together, legitimate or not ' but their life was certainly simpler than King Edward and Mrs. Simpson's.

  Long after the radio went off, she stood in the kitchen, looking down at her child, and thinking of what he had done ' giving up his kingdom for the woman he loved ' . She knew she would never forget it, and she smiled through her tears as she thought of how much he must love her.

  Chapter 34

  All of England cried over the abdication of King Edward VIII. And he was succeeded by his brother, younger by only a year, George VI. But somehow he didn't present quite as dashing and romantic a figure as Edward, giving up all for the woman he loved. Audrey always defended him to her friends who were shocked by the abdication, and Charlie teased her that she just liked Wally because she was an American. But there was something deeply moving about what he had done that touched them both. He had been willing to give everything up for love, and that meant a great deal to both Charlie and Audrey.

  Charlotte was still not making life easy for them, but after a year and a half, they no longer really cared. They were beginning to accept their limitations as a fact of life, and Audrey was too busy with her photography to worry about it much anyway. Charlie encouraged her constantly, and she even had a show in a gallery, of some wonderful black and white shots she had taken over the years, some abstracts, some portraits, even her photograph of Madame Sun Yat-sen, and a number of marvelous shots of Molly.

  Charlie was terribly proud of her, and their work seemed to combine very nicely. In fact, Charlotte was furious when he insisted that the only photographer he would work with now was Audrey. And there was nothing they could do to stop him. His contract was specific about his having the right to choose his own photographer, and the choice was obvious now.

  Still hanging on to her, eh, Charles? Charlotte sounded bitter when they spoke at the office one day. He had come in to see her father and she had cornered him. />
  Rather like the way you're hanging on to me, you might say. There was fury in his eyes now whenever he saw her. He was far more resentful than Audrey over the fact that Charlotte wouldn't agree to divorce him. Audrey was relatively content as things were, but Charlie was anxious to have a baby, and he refused to even consider it until he could marry Audrey. Aren't you ready to be sensible about this yet, Charlotte? It was an argument they had had repeatedly, and he just couldn't understand why she was hanging on. It made no sense at all to him, and he always tormented himself trying to figure out what was behind it. No one's explanations or guesses ever satisfied him and only this woman had the answer.

  I'll never agree to a divorce, Charles. She eyed him coolly and crossed the room to the door. You're wasting your time with her.

  You're the one who's wasting time. He stood up as though he would go to her and shake some sense into her, but she only shrugged and shut the door smartly behind her.

  It infuriated him each time he thought about it, and even more so when Audrey's sister Annabelle wrote to her that she was getting married.

  She got married in Reno over Easter, and the man she had married was a professional gambler. A bridge player, as she put it, more genteelly. But he sounded like a worthless sort to Charles and it annoyed him to think that she was free to marry anyone she chose, and he and Audrey were stymied by Charlotte.

  Annabelle and her new husband came to London that summer, and Charles was shocked when he met her. He couldn't have imagined a woman more different than Audrey. She had grown even more spoiled in the time Audrey had been gone. And she seemed to whine constantly wearing shockingly expensive gowns and large jewels, most of which Charles suspected were fake, although he didn't want to say so to Audrey. Audrey seemed uncomfortable enough with her, and he saw her staring at her more than once, as though trying to figure out who she was. They seemed more like strangers than sisters. And it was a relief when she left again, although she managed to plant a few pointed barbs in Audrey's flesh before she did. She asked if she was planning to live with Charles forever, or was it just a passing fancy.

  He's waiting for his divorce to come through. Audrey's eyes were calm, but they showed the pain she felt at the way her sister had said it.

  Haven't you heard that before? She lazily blew smoke rings and looked at Audrey as though she were a common whore, and Annabelle a great lady.

  In this case, it's true.

  Well, don't sit around for too long, sweetheart. You're not getting any younger. Audrey looked at her with tired eyes. She was sad to see what Annabelle had become. There was something cheap about her now, as though she had hung out with the wrong people for too long, and it was obvious that she drank too much. She was always giddy, and she laughed too loud, when she wasn't complaining.

  It was a relief when she left, although Charlie knew Audrey was depressed at first. It wasn't that she missed her, it was that she regretted what she had become.

  She's like someone I never knew ' a complete stranger ' . She looked at Charlie with sorrow in her eyes. I brought her up, and look at her. She looked like a cheap tart, and they both knew it, and the funny thing was that she had implied Audrey was a whore because she was living with Charlie. I don't suppose that marriage will last. They had both thought he was awful. Audrey hadn't even introduced them to Vi and James. She would have been ashamed to. I don't even feel as though I have ties to San Francisco anymore. But Charlie wasn't sure he minded that, and Audrey knew it. Nevertheless, it made her sick to think of them living in their grandfather's house. That man with his fat, smelly cigars, and his ugly diamond pinky ring. Her grandfather would have had apoplexy if he had seen him. And the very thought made her laugh, and brought tears to her eyes as she laughed harder and harder, thinking of what her grandfather would have said. Just thinking about it cheered her.

  She had also thought of him when Franklin Roosevelt defeated Alfred Landon and was inaugurated again. It warmed her heart to think of the arguments they had had. Politics had been the greatest love they shared. And now she enjoyed discussing the same things with Charlie. They discussed it at length when Japan attacked China that summer, this time taking over most of the country in battles that stretched to year end and took thousands of civilian lives. Peking and Tientsin fell into Japanese hands, and two hundred thousand civilians were killed when they took Nanking. Audrey was instantly reminded of the days she and Charlie had spent there so peacefully. It was heartbreaking to think of all of that destroyed now. The Communists and Nationalists joined forces to fight the Japanese and she was suddenly relieved again to have taken Mai Li home with her. Supposedly Harbin was in no greater turmoil than it had been before, but the rest of the country was being devastated by the Japanese, and she couldn't imagine that life would have been easy for Molly. She hoped that Shin Yu and the others were all right, and wondered if the nuns would have taken them back to France, but somehow she doubted it. They were a staunch crew and would probably have stayed on, as they had before.

  Also that summer, in July 1937, the Germans opened a camp called Buchenwald, a work camp of sorts for prisoners and undesirables. At the same time, Jews were eliminated from trade and industry. They were now forbidden to go into parks, to attend public events, places of entertainment like theaters or museums or libraries. All public institutions were forbidden them then, even health resorts. And from July sixteenth on, all Jews had to wear yellow stars sewn onto their clothes so they could be identified on sight. It made them both think of Ushi and Karl again, and Audrey always wondered how she was, if she was even a little bit content in her convent. The death of Karl had brought Audrey and Charlie closer together at the time, and meant something special to them. They would never hear the word Jew in quite the same way again. They would always think of Karl, and each new edict they heard about in Germany seemed directed at his memory, and indirectly at them. It was hard to believe that he had been dead for two years now. Time had moved too fast, and the world was in the throes of difficult times that only seemed to get worse, and no one knew what it meant anymore. In December, the Italians and the Germans withdrew from the League of Nations, which seemed ominous as well.

  And Audrey and Charlie were even more shocked, when in March of 1938, Hitler took over Austria, claiming that the Germans living there wanted annexation. It suddenly brought Ushi to mind again, and Audrey worried about what would happen to the nuns in her convent. She couldn't help but think of the nuns that had been killed in Harbin, and she already knew that the Germans were ruthless. It seemed as though everything was in turmoil these days, and the only stability they felt sure of was with each other.

  It was amazing to realize that by the end of that year, they had been living together for three years. Vi and James gave them a dinner party to celebrate their anniversary unofficially, and afterward they all danced the samba and the conga, and listened to Benny Goodman's records. And when they went home that night, at four in the morning, Audrey said there was absolutely nothing more she wanted. She was thirty-one years old and she had never been more in love with Charlie.

  The only thing missing was a child of their own, but that remained an impossibility, thanks to Charlotte, and they lavished all their love on little Molly.

  But it was the following year that frightened everyone. After the Munich Accord, everyone had told themselves that nothing could go wrong and everyone in Europe pretended not to be worried. Suddenly, all of those who could were buying untold luxuries and fancy cars, giving gala balls and wearing incomparable jewels and furs, as though nothing would go wrong now, and as though their forced gaiety would ensure it. But the fears were still there, buried but alive, and the ugliness seemed to keep happening, like a monster no one could stop. And indeed they couldn't. Hitler continued to march forth with a vengeance. And the Spanish Civil War ended as well, with untold loss of life. There were over a million dead in Spain, crippling the country almost beyond repair. And if one listened, one could hear the drums of war warming
up in the background.

  Germany occupied Bohemia and Moravia, and signed a mutual nonaggression pact with Russia, which made Germany and Russia a doubly frightening force. And on September first, Hitler's forces attacked Poland, leaving the world stunned and breathless.

  Two days later, on September third, Britain declared war on Germany, and Churchill became first lord of the Admiralty. It was to him that everyone would turn as the battles raged. And they were already off to a grim beginning. Within two weeks, German U-boats had sunk the Athenia and the Courageous. And Audrey and Charles sat stunned in their kitchen as they heard the news. It was like watching a world gone mad around them. And Charlie was wondering if Audrey should go home. Europe no longer seemed like such a safe place to be. And most Americans were scurrying home as quickly as they could get there. The American Ambassador was attempting to book passage for everyone, and Charlie asked her if she wanted to join them.

  She smiled at him and poured him another cup of tea before she answered and then she looked up at him with the quiet strength he had seen in her eyes before. I am home, Charlie.

  I'm serious. I can send you back if you'd like. Molly and you. They're booking passage for all the Americans now, and this might be a good time to go. God knows what will happen next with that madman on the loose. He was, of course, referring to Hitler.