Stronger Than Bonds

by Devon Michaels

  “We need to,” I said, my eyes swimming in and out of focus. I wasn’t the type to drink on a work night, but this time I decided to cut myself some slack because I couldn’t handle it otherwise. “I’ll call him tomorrow.”

  “No, we need to see him right now.” Patricia tried to haul herself off the couch, but she failed miserably.

  “Come on, he can’t see us like this,” I said, barely able to move.

  “You’re just making up excuses because you yelled at him the other day,” she told me.

  “Oh, he told you about that?”

  “Mhm, now you’re scared he’s gonna kick your ass.”

  I felt a stabbing burn in my stomach, and even though I knew it was probably the alcohol I still couldn’t shake the feeling that Ryan would go on to hate me for a long time. “I’m not afraid of him if that’s what you’re saying.” I feigned confidence, but she could see right through me.

  “That’s it, I’m calling him right now,” she said. I zoned out for a while after, but all I remember was Patricia slurring her words, and Ryan’s hoarseness blasting through the speakers. I stared up at the fan’s moving propellers, and then I got up, brought myself a beer and chugged that.

  “What do you mean, they’re launching two months before us?” Ryan spat.

  “I’m telling you, something’s up,” Patricia replied. “I need to meet with you, right now.”

  There was a pause. “Will you bring Sarah?” he asked, and at that moment she took him off the speaker and cradled the phone to her ear. My head fell back and I closed my eyes; I was too tired to care. I was tired and tipsy and my head was clouded with thoughts and radio static. Then a little while later my eyes flew open, and Patricia was standing over me.

  “Come on, we need to go to him now,” she said, tugging at my sleeve. I nodded and soon enough, we were in a cab going to Ryan’s house.

  Eight - Ryan

  I put out my last cigarette and put my feet up on the coffee table. The city was quiet tonight, a bit too quiet, like an omen. I clutched my hands behind my head and closed my eyes, then I decided I was going to pour myself a drink.

  I had completely forgotten about Patricia, and when I heard a knock at the door, my heart fell to my knees. “Oh, God,” I muttered under my breath, getting up and dragging my feet to the door. I opened up and there she was, leaning against the frame of my door, eyeing me suspiciously.

  “Were you asleep?” she asked me. I pulled my robe together and spun on my heel.

  “No, I was watching TV,” I said, turning back to her. All of a sudden Sarah’s face fell into the light, and I couldn’t help but let out a frustrated sigh. She didn’t even look at me, but just stood in the doorway until I gestured for her to come inside. “Make yourselves at home.”

  “How could you sleep at a time like this?” Patricia yelled, diving for the couch. She wore a puzzled expression, and when I came a bit closer, I could smell alcohol on her breath.

  “Have you been drinking?” I asked her, my eyebrows furrowed. She leaned in and sniffed me, and then she shrunk away in pure disgust.

  “Have you been drinking?”

  There was silence. Sarah was just standing there, gawking at the two of us. The truth was, she made me uncomfortable just by being there. I asked her to have a seat. She raised her eyes to me, but only for a moment, and I averted my gaze elsewhere. “Well? What do you have for me?” I asked Patricia.

  “How are you so calm about this? Someone leaked all the information.” She took off her heels and wiggled her toes, then she clenched them up against the rug. Something she’d always done ever since we were little kids.

  “We already know who did it, it’s that son of a bitch, Dave!” I could almost feel the heat rising to my cheeks. “And it was you who hired him, wasn’t it?” I turned to Sarah.

  “You do realize that Dave is one of my most trusted employees, right?” All of a sudden she wasn’t silent anymore, but she was angry, so angry that her lips were quivering. “Who are you to question the way I work?”

  “Who am I?” I asked her, coming a bit closer. “And don’t you think the CEO of this company would know better than you?”

  “You’re not the CEO of Callaway Tech, Frederick is. And he knows better than to hire an idiot, and this idiot over here knows better than to hire a snitch!” her face was red and shaking; I was taken aback more than anything. Finally, she got up and dusted herself off, but Patricia begged her to stay.

  “Come on, you can’t leave now,” she said. “We need to sort this out, now.”

  “Well, Ryan’s making it a bit difficult to talk to him right now,” she replied, staring somewhere over my shoulder. My gaze dropped to the floor, and I mumbled something along the lines of, “please, just stay so we can get this over with.”

  “Oh my God,” Patricia said, her eyes wide. She blinked at me repeatedly, almost like she had reached unfathomable conclusions. “What about Samantha?”

  The silence lay on our skin like poison, seeping into our blood and paralyzing our veins. My face was one of awkwardness, and my pupils became dilated. “What about her?” I asked, the thick silence chilling me.

  “She was the one who did this. It makes sense, doesn’t it?”

  Sarah smiled. I looked over and she had a glimmer in her eyes like she had won the whole world. I waited for her to say something because I wanted to pounce, but she remained silent and basked in the tension.

  “What do you mean she did this?” I snapped, my eyes fixated on Patricia’s. “Why are you being like dad?”

  “Because he was right,” she told me, and then suddenly I felt uneasy. I thought back to all the things I told her, all the information I trusted her with. It all came tumbling down, and I tumbled down with it. “He warned you about her, didn’t he? And you never listened to him.”

  “What do you think I am, some kind of idiot?” I snarled. “Samantha’s a great woman, and she’s a pleasure to work with.”

  “That’s right, she’s a pleasure to work with,” Patricia said, eyeing me suggestively.

  “What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” My fists fell limp to my side. I couldn’t help but get defensive, but deep down I was consumed by doubt.

  “You gave her the info, didn’t you?” Patricia asked me again. “You told her about the software, you even gave her information about our codes!”

  “You leaked our codes?” Sarah jumped. I was under fire, and they were coming at me from all directions. The city lights couldn’t save me now; I was trapped.

  “This woman is a professional!” I yelled, slamming my hand on the coffee table. My mind was racing at about a hundred miles per hour. Nothing made sense anymore, especially my relationship with Samantha. Just yesterday she came over to my house, and the more I thought about our encounter, the more confused I became. She was pretty distant, and at the time I wondered if it was something I did. I remember calling her multiple times this morning, but when she never picked up I figured she was only busy.

  “You’re bringing this whole company down, and you’re bringing us down with it,” Patricia barked. “And you know what else he did?” she turned to Sarah. “He gave away our release dates.”

  “Well, it all pretty much makes sense now,” Sarah said with her hands clutched in her lap. She was being unusually reserved. I prepared to pounce again, but when she folded her arms across her chest in silent protest, I diverted my attention back to Patricia.

  “It does, doesn’t it?” she was quick to provoke me. Somewhere down the line, I stopped resisting her accusations, and I admitted to myself that I was a total idiot. I had let that woman into my life, only to have her destroy it. A thousand thoughts were bouncing across my skull, from our nights together, to all the drunkenness that ensued, to all those things I told her. And the worst part was that I only remembered half of those things.

  “This isn’t good,” I said, rather to myself. I scratched my head, turned around and headed for the bar. I could feel Sarah’
s eyes on me as I poured myself another drink and downed it all in one gulp. I felt the keen burn on my tongue and throat -a burn that made me recoil- but I needed it. “I said a lot of things I shouldn’t have said.”

  “Listen, it’s not too late to undo this,” Sarah said, shifting in her seat.

  “I need to figure this out on my own,” I replied, stroking my beard and trying not to panic. I worried about our company and our software and our stocks. I worried about my father. Samantha was like the devil, reeling me into her web of lies so she could get on top. “She hasn’t been responding to my calls for a couple of weeks now,” I said, massaging my temples.

  “Well, surprise, surprise,” Patricia said. She had been grilling me ever since she came here, but oddly enough, Sarah was silent. Her eyes were just fixated on the rug, occasionally following things that weren’t there. I had a hard time discerning her thoughts, but I knew she had probably killed me ten times in her brain. With this move, I had jeopardized our company, and there was pretty much nothing she could do about it.

  Nine - Sarah

  I opened my eyes and it felt like I had floated to the surface of a raging sea. I sprung up and clutched at my shirt because I was having a hard time breathing. I must’ve woken up to three consecutive nightmares last night, all revolving around me losing my job or giving all my money to Samantha. I shook my head and gulped in the air; Let the day begin.

  I dragged my feet to the bathroom, where I would spend around thirty minutes slouched over the toilet, contemplating everything and nothing, all at once. My thoughts were running undisciplined, almost like Ryan, and I needed to wrangle them up so I could go about my day. For some reason, I wasn’t that angry at him anymore, but oh, was I numb. I raised my head to the mirror and all I saw was my hair, which pretty much resembled a bird’s nest because I wasn’t taking care of it. My phone wouldn’t stop ringing last night, and despite my efforts to ignore Miles and all the other callers, my thoughts still consumed me. Nothing could console me, not even Becky, my dog. She scurried into my room in the middle of the night, hopped on my bed and curled up next to me, but even my eyes entertained the dark for hours on end, until the sky switched colors and the sun came up again.

  Eight AM. I splashed my face with water in an effort to wake up. My eyes burned, almost as if I had just splashed them with acid, and when I moaned with pain Becky came in, running. “Hey, baby girl,” I said, getting down on my knees and petting her. In seconds my hands were covered in slobber, her tongue of sandpaper almost dripping with every lick. Her tail wasn’t wagging side to side but going round and round like a helicopter blade; any happier and I thought those dinner-plate paws might’ve caught some air. Becky was my only consolidation, but I knew I needed to get a move on. “Come on, girl, I need to get dressed now. Oh, I’d hate to leave you!”

  I dragged my feet back into my room and slipped into my clothes. My head was pounding and I was having a hard time keeping my eyes open. In any case, I stumbled across the apartment, throwing things into my handbag, and when I was sure all the windows were closed, I hurried out.

  The city was unapologetically urban. There were no trees or city planted blooms, just slabs of concrete soaring out of the sidewalk in an exact grid pattern. Even though I loved it I still relied on the sky to let me know it wasn’t a monochromatic world. There was no time to sweep leaves or smell the flowers, only time to work, to march along sidewalks and across the streets. The roads ran in predictable grid patterns and the lights of the stores shown in unapologetic neons; everything was out here, from homely organic food to women that would make you pay in whole new ways. This was New York City.

  I hurried into the office building. Like a celebrity, I ducked my head down to avoid questions, but it was really hard when all your employees were gossipy little bastards. “Sarah!” I heard a squeaky voice say, and when I turned around it was Reinah, Miles’ secretary. “Is it true that Frederick’s retiring?”

  I pushed the hair behind my ears. “I don’t know, I don’t know,” I shook my head frantically. “If you have any questions you can take it to human resources, I don’t have time for this, alright?” I realized that I was only affirming this idea in their heads, that we were on shaky grounds. Let them know, I thought to myself. They’re our employees, after all. They have the right to find out what’s going on… but what am I supposed to tell them? That our CEO has been replaced by an idiot? I relied on my tunnel vision to get to the elevator, which I then took up to Ryan’s floor. I wasn’t used to going there often, but the first thing I noticed was the unbearable silence. No wonder, I thought. Ryan was probably the most antisocial man I’d ever met. I imagined his office to resemble a bat’s cave, but I knew it looked exactly like mine. I tiptoed down the hallway and when I stopped at his office, he motioned for me to come inside.

  “Morning,” I mumbled, shutting the door behind me. “I knew you weren’t really expecting me, but I thought I’d stop by because I wanted to talk to you.”

  “Of course,” he said. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you, too.” He leaned across the desk and looked at me, his eyes softer than before, and his smile more striking. “How has your day been so far?”

  “I just got here,” I said, smiling weakly. “It’s a party down there.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Nevermind.” My hands were clenched in my lap, and I couldn’t help but feel uneasy. “Your office is too quiet,” I told him.

  “Exactly the way I like it,” he replied, smiling again.

  “You don’t look half as bad when you smile.” I paused suddenly, realizing the magnitude of my words. But against my expectations, Ryan burst with laughter.

  “Why thank you,” he said. “You know, Sarah, I don’t want you thinking I’m some kind of a douchebag.” There was silence again. “It’s too late, I know.”

  I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I sort of wanted Ryan to prove himself, to prove to me that he wasn’t the horrible person he made himself out to be.

  “I may look like I don’t care about my father, what this whole thing is doing to our relationship, but I’m not heartless. Anyway, I don’t expect you to believe that. I don’t expect you to believe I’m not heartless because I may as well be.”

  I don’t think you’re heartless,” I said, shrugging nonchalantly. “You did what you thought was right.”

  “I did what was best for our company, and not a day goes by where I don’t think of my dad. I wonder about him all the time, all the damn time, but I don’t have the guts to call him because I know he must hate me now.”

  “He doesn’t hate you,” I said, matter-of-factly.

  “Do you talk to him?”

  “I mean, he asks for news and I give it to him.”

  Ryan seemed uncomfortable; offended, almost. “You know, just the idea of my father trusting you more than me drives me absolutely insane.”

  I was taken aback by what he said, but I wasn’t shocked. I pursed my lips and averted my gaze to the floor, but he wouldn’t stop looking at me.

  “I know I lost my father’s trust the moment I decided to do what I did, but that doesn’t make it okay for him to adopt you.”

  I giggled. “Frederick didn’t adopt me, our relationship is merely professional.”

  “You said you think of him like a father,” he told me, rather accusingly.

  “Yeah, the father I never had,” I replied. The hum of the AC took over the room, and I found myself cringing at the silence again. “My real dad left when I was sixteen, and even though that’s not an excuse, Frederick is probably the closest thing to a father I’ll ever have. I can’t stand to lose him.”

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that,” he apologized, biting his lip in apparent remorse. I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me, I just needed him to get off my back. “I was just a bit jealous of you. Professional jealousy, that’s valid, right?”

  “Only a little bit,” I joked, inching forward in my seat.


  “There are a lot of things you don’t know about my father, he hasn’t always been like this. He was never perfect, but then again neither am I.”

  I got curious. I didn’t know if Ryan was rousing my curiosity on purpose, or if he was just saying things in passing. Either way, I couldn’t help but ask again. “What do you mean?”

  “I have a built-up resentment towards my father… I thought I was over it, but apparently not.”

  I inched even further in my seen. “Can I ask why?”

  “Well.” He looked up at the ceiling and shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t believe I’m getting into this, but when I was young, dad used to beat mom. Typical movie scenario: He comes back late at night, alcohol on his breath, and he beats the living shit out of her… cusses at her, and makes her feel like absolute garbage.”

  My heart felt like it was about to beat out of my chest. Frederick? I thought that maybe Ryan was lying, but then I scolded myself for even thinking that. “Oh my God, I had no idea.”

  “Wait, let me finish,” he demanded. “When I was around twenty my mother died. I grieved for years and years on end, but then things started to look up. My father needed me, and I needed him, so we started to get close again.”

  I nodded and pursed my lips.

  “You’re looking at me like you feel sorry for me,” he said. “I hate that, you’re making me uncomfortable.”

  “You’re my CEO now, you have an office overlooking the whole of New York City, why would I feel sorry for you?”

  Ryan’s lips curved to a smile. “Alright, where was I? Oh, so my father started to get close to me again. He started buying me things, making sure that he spent enough time with me, and in return I started opening up to him, telling him more about my life.”

  “I’m glad to hear that,” I said, not sure what else to say. “Are you guys good now?” I realized how cold I was being, but the truth was, I just felt awkward. Ryan looked at me like he was enjoying watching me suffer. “I’m sorry, I’m really bad at this.”