What the Heart Desires

by Victoria Rose

  “I can’t remember the exact date, but I knew I had a huge party about two

  weeks ago. It was my twenty-first birthday.” A light went off in her eyes. “Yes, I

  remember now! I can see the cake now. It had the number twenty-one streaked down the middle in white chocolate.” Her voice trailed off for a second. “My

  birthday is always a few weeks before Christmas!” Becca told him gladly. “It

  was a surprise party at a five-star restaurant. There were lots of people there; family and friends, I suppose.”

  “And those people, do you remember any of their names or phone numbers?”

  The frown on her face deepened. “No.”

  “Do you recall the name of the restaurant, at least—was it in town?” he asked hopefully.

  Her face clouded over again. “No, sorry, I don’t.” She nodded her head

  and took a very deep breath. “Why can’t I remember anything!”

  Her hands fell helplessly into her lap.

  And she stared up dishearteningly at Keane.

  She wished that none of this was happening to her. She wished that it was all a bad dream that she would wake up from and forget.

  He held her hands gently in his. “It’s okay, Becca. Really it is. Give it time. I will get Dr. Ross. He’s a good friend of mine. He will be able to tell you something or more about what’s going on with you. The neurologist was positive that any memory loss you have would only be temporary. He thinks it’s related

  to psychological trauma, and not any actual damage to the brain.”

  He looked at the sadness on Becca’s face and wished that he could do more to help her. He would have gladly traded places with her if it was possible.

  “What if he is wrong?” Becca gave him a doubtful look. “What if I can’t

  remember who I am, or anything about my life? What if it goes on forever! What

  am I supposed to do then!”

  “I don’t think it will come to that,” Keane told her sympathetically. “We will know more after Dr. Ross examines you. He may recommend that you see someone to talk about the accident. Maybe opening up about it will help you remember. He’s down the hall. I will go get him. I will be back. In the meantime, try to relax.”

  Keane got up to leave, and she reached for his arm.

  “You are going to help me remember who I am, aren’t you, Keane.” There was

  desperation in her eyes as she glanced up at him. “Please tell me that this is just some sort of temporary setback. I must have hit my head before the airbag deployed. You have to help me piece my life back together, Keane. Please, you have to!”

  She was close to tears, and she did everything she could to hold them back. It wouldn’t do her any good to start bawling her eyes out now.

  She had to give herself time and let nature takes its course.

  Hopefully, she would regain her memory and things would go back to the way

  they were before she ran into that ditch.

  She couldn’t lose hope.

  “This may not be as bad as you think,” he told her with a smile.

  He had to be optimistic, for Becca’s sake. He could see how scared and

  confused she was. None of those emotions could be good for her right now.

  “I will be back.”

  He slipped from the room and went in search of his friend, leaving Becca to wrestle with her troubled thoughts.

  She heard him go down the hall. Then she heard hushed voices outside. She tried to listen, but they weren’t close enough for her to make out any of what they were saying, but she knew that they were definitely talking about her.

  She reached for the glass of water on the nightstand next to the bed and took a sip. She held the glass in her hand and stared off in the distance. She wished she knew more! But all she could remember was her name—that she was born in December—and that she was twenty-one years old.

  She didn’t even know her phone number! Who forgets their phone number! Her Social Security number would have been helpful if she could remember it, but she couldn’t.

  Where was her fairy godmother or her guardian angel, or whoever when she

  needed them most! She had read somewhere that everyone had one of those. She

  guessed she was just the odd exception!

  She wasn’t certain she could handle losing her memory. She certainly wasn’t up for that sort of challenge. She took one of the pillows and hugged it to her chest, and stared at the door, wondering when Keane was coming back. Her

  entire life was a big, old, fat blur and a mystery to her right now!

  She had absolutely no idea who she was, where she came from, or where she was going. Did she have family or friends out there who were worried sick about her? And what about her job? What sort of work did she do? Was she a teacher, a nurse, an accountant? Did she work at Walmart or Target! Was she still in school finishing up a degree? Did she have a boyfriend, a fiancé, a husband, a child, children!

  And what about Keane? He had gone out of his way to make her feel like they had never met before. But somewhere deep down inside her subconscious mind, she was certain that they had come across each other before—but she couldn’t recall when or where.

  “Aww! Aww! Awww!” She buried her face into the pillow and pounded her fists on the bed.

  If only she could remember something—anything!

  Everything was so confusing to her right now!

  She had never been this terrified about anything in her entire life before.

  And she was not above playing the pity game, either. She couldn’t for the life of her understand why something so awful could happen to her of all people.

  Why not someone else? She knew she wasn’t a bad person. She tried to be nice

  to everyone. She had never gone out of her way to deliberately hurt anyone. She

  lived by the golden rule—do unto others as you would have them do unto you!

  Then why her! There were millions and millions of bad people in the world out there who did terrible things to other people every, single day—why not one of them!

  She took several deep breaths and clenched her fingers into two tight fists. She

  didn’t want to think that she was going to be one of those unfortunate people

  she read about in the paper or saw on the news—the ones who couldn’t remember anything about their lives.

  It would be devastating if she had to rely on someone else to tell her who, and what she was before the accident. Unfortunately, she was slowly beginning to realize that she was going to be one of those people!

  She racked her brain, trying to think of something, anything that would give her a small clue about who she was, but she had nothing. She was afraid to say it, but it wasn’t exactly looking good for her right now.

  “Aww!” She pounded her fists on the bed again, and again, stifling her loud

  screams into the pillow. “Aww! Aww!”

  Well, at least one good thing had come out of this whole thing—Keane Whitmore! Meeting Keane was the one positive thing in all this.

  She certainly wouldn’t have met him if she hadn’t been on the road that day

  and had the accident, and he hadn’t stopped to help her.

  She sat back against the pillows and dried her eyes.

  She had allowed the tears to flow freely as soon as Keane had left the room, because she didn’t want him to see her crying her eyes out.

  She didn’t want him to think that she was emotional and needy.

  And right now, Keane seemed to be the only person who could help her get through this, and she didn’t want to push him away.

  Chapter Three

  There was a light tap on the door not long after.

  She wiped the tears away quickly, and took a deep breath. She didn’t want Keane to know that she had been crying. And like she said; she didn’t want him to think that she was someone who needed saving.

  She turned around, fluff
ed the pillows at her back, sat up, and tried to put on a brave face.

  “Come in.” She adjusted the covers across her legs one last time, and allowed herself to smile. She didn’t want to look more worried than she really was. The small smile widened into a wide grin when the door opened.

  It quickly faded.

  Dr. Ross entered the room, and the smile on her face froze. He appeared to be alone. She thought Keane was coming back with him. He had told her that he would be back. What if he’d taken off and left her here?

  She had no idea where the ranch was. It could be in Siberia for all she knew! She didn’t know anyone here, either, well, except for him. What if she never saw him again?

  Her heart was beating faster than usual, and her palms were getting sweaty. She tried to take small breaths, but she couldn’t. The last thing she wanted to do right now, was to panic. Keane was probably outside the door waiting to come in.

  She took a deep breath and tried to stay calm, but she was far from feeling it.

  “Hello, Becca, I’m Dr. Ross. I’m one of the doctors who have been taking care of you,” he told her with an easy smile.

  Becca just sat there and stared at him. He couldn’t be more than forty, she thought, looking at him. He was also a very attractive man, but not as handsome as Keane was. He appeared friendly, too, but she was far from feeling very hospitable at the moment.

  Maybe he would go away and come back with Keane if she ignored him.

  “I’m glad to see that you are feeling better,” Dr. Ross continued. He came closer to the bed and gave her a wide, friendly smile. “You gave us all a big scare back there. I’m here to make sure that your recovery is going well.”

  Becca gave him a dismissive shrug of the shoulder, and kept her eyes glued to the door. She leaned to the side and tried to peer around him to get a better look of the door, waiting for Keane to turn the knob.

  Dr. Ross wasn’t certain Becca had heard him, or if she was just ignoring him, so he tried again. “How are you feeling?”

  Silence.

  “You look well rested,” he continued. “You…”

  “Where’s Keane?” Becca cut him off before he could finish. The disappointment on her face wasn’t hard for him to miss, either.

  “You do look better.” Dr. Ross reached for the stethoscope around his neck, and came closer to the bed. “Keane will join us shortly,” he told her. “But right now I need to make sure that you are okay. If you will lie back, I will like to listen to your heart, and then to your breathing.”

  He reached in to rest the stethoscope on her chest, and Becca pushed him

  away. The stethoscope fell from his hand onto the bed. He gave Becca a sympathetic look, and leaned in to pick it up.

  “Why isn’t Keane with you?” Becca’s eyes darted behind him to the door again. She was hoping that she would see Keane standing there. He probably had held back to give Dr. Ross a chance to come in first. “He told me he was coming back.”

  “Don’t worry, he will be here. I thought it would be a good idea to examine you without him in the room. It will give us a chance to talk, to get to know each other a little better.” He smiled at her.

  She wished he would stop doing that. She understood that as a doctor his job

  was to make her feel less afraid, but that easy smile on his face wasn’t doing it

  for her. She was terrified! She was angry too that Keane hadn’t kept his promise

  to her.

  She threw the covers back and stepped out of the bed.

  “You have no right to do that! I want him here, now! I’m not saying a word to you until I see him. Keane! Keane!” She stumbled to the door and made an attempt to go outside.

  Dr. Ross tried to take her by the arm to bring her back to the bed, but she pushed him away.

  “Don’t touch me!” She hissed at him. “I need to get out of here!”

  She reached for the door handle and rattled it a few times.

  “You need to come back to bed, Becca. Keane will be by shortly to see you.” Dr. Ross tried to coax her away from the door. “I know this has been a very traumatic experience for you, but I’m not the enemy here. I’m only here to help you get better.”

  Becca gave him a dazed look, as if she didn’t understand a word he was saying to her. She opened the door and took off down the hall.

  “Keane! Keane! Are you in there?” She pounded her fists on the first door.

  There was no answer.

  “Becca, come with me.” Doctor Ross was close behind her. “It’s okay. I’m a

  doctor, and a friend of Keane’s. This is not necessary. Keane will join us in a

  minute.”

  She spun around and glared at him. “I don’t believe you! Keane! Keane!” She

  continued along the hall, pounding on every door, screaming Keane’s name. She was near hysteria by the time she got to the end of the hall. She collapsed by the stairs and burst into tears. “Keane, Kenae, where are you?” She sobbed loudly.

  Keane came running up the stairs at that point.

  “What’s all this commotion?” His eyes took in Becca slumped on the floor, and he rushed to her. “Becca, my god! Are you alright? What happened? Are you okay?”

  He got down on the floor next to her and drew her in his arms, cradling her head against his wet bare chest, rocking her back and forth like a small child.

  He was wearing nothing but a pair of blue jeans. He had bolted from the

  shower the second he’d heard Becca screaming his name in the hallway.

  His only thought had been to get to her, thinking she was hurt. His hair was dripping wet, and so was the rest of him. He barely had time to grab the nearest pair of jeans he could find and slipped into them.

  Becca didn’t seem bothered by his wet hair that was dripping onto her face. She looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears, and he could see how scared and confused she was. There was a lot of pain there too.

  “I thought you left,” she told him, and burst into a fresh set of tears.

  “Shh, honey. I’m here. I didn’t go anywhere.” Keane cradled her tightly in

  his arms and rocked her gently. “It’s okay, darling. I’m here now.” He brushed

  the tears away from her hot cheeks with his fingers and held her tightly.

  “I thought you weren’t coming back,” she told him between sobs.

  Keane stroked her hair. “I was just downstairs. I would never leave you,” he told her in a soothing voice. “I had every intention of coming back to you.”

  Dr. Ross who was standing about a yard away, gave Keane a worried look.

  “How did this happen?” Keane turned to him and asked.

  He was concerned about Becca, more so now than ever. He didn’t expect any of this. “She was fine when I left her. I wasn’t gone for long.”

  He wrapped his arms protectively around Becca’s shaking shoulders.

  “She’s obviously still in shock,” Dr. Ross told him.

  “Ples…please, don’t leave me.” Becca buried her head onto Keane’s chest.

  “Shh…, shh, darling. I’m not going anywhere. I will be right here with you.”

  Keane kissed the top of her head, over and over again.

  “We’ll have to sedate her.”

  “Is that really necessary?”

  “In her condition, yes. The less stress she has to deal with at the moment the better it would be for her to make a full recovery. I will give her a mild sedative. She will be out for a couple hours at most. It will give her the chance to calm

  down. After that we’ll see how it goes with her. Bring her back to the room.”

  Keane lifted Becca into his arms and carried her back to the room. He got her into bed and under the covers. He leaned in and kissed her lightly on the cheek, and turned to go, but Becca reached for his hand and held onto it tightly.

  “Don’t go. Please stay,” she told him in a small voice.

  Keane brought her hand u
p to his lips and kissed it gently. “I will be right outside the door. Dr. Ross needs to examine you to make sure you are okay. I have to give him time to do that. I will come right back in and be with you as soon as he is done.”

  “Promise?” Becca’s large green eyes went up to meet his.

  Keane could see the helplessness there and it tugged hard at his heart’s strings. He didn’t want to leave her, not even for a second, but he had to do the right thing, and let Michael do his job. He wanted Becca to understand that.

  “I promise. As soon as Michael says it’s okay to come in, I will,” he reiterated.

  He bent over and kissed Becca on the forehead again, and smiled at her. “It’s going to be alright,” he whispered to her.

  He left the room, with Becca’s anxious eyes following him out the door.

  God! He wished he could do more to help her, he thought as he headed down

  the stairs.

  He was fully dressed by the time Michael finished examining Becca, and came to get him. He had hurried back to his bedroom and grabbed a blue V-neck cashmere sweater and a leather belt for his jeans. And he had been pacing the hall ever since, waiting for Michael to reappear.

  “How is she?” He rushed up to Michael to ask.

  “Calmer. She’s asleep now. I stayed until she fell into a deep sleep. She will be

  out for the next three hours at least. That will give you time to grab something to eat, and get some shut eye.”

  “I’m fine!” Keane brushed off his suggestions.

  “Come on, Keane, my boy, you are far from being okay. You haven’t had a good night’s sleep or a hot meal since you brought her here. I understand how you feel about her, Keane, I really do, but right now there’s not much you can do for her. And you wouldn’t be much help to her if you are exhausted. The nurse is with her right now. She will call you as soon as Becca is up. In the meantime, go look after yourself!”

  Michael slapped Keane lightly on the shoulder, and steered him towards the

  stairs.

  “What brought on the episode? She seemed fine when I was with her. I was