The Crown Is Mine

by Berlinda Wall

  Crystal was known for her high-energy dancing. I've seen her perform several times. Some days she phones in her performance and just goes through the motions, but tonight she was giving her all to Rihanna's "Only Girl (In the World).” Her legs were everywhere with the high kicks to the splits. It was incredible. She left the stage to a thunderous round of applause.

  The next entertainer, Bertha, was a new girl whom I didn't recognize from the regular cast. She was a special entertainer friend of Dixie's. She came out in a red, sparkling, full-length dress with a fiery red wig on top to match and started in on Reba McIntire's "Fancy." All I can say is I was very happy that Miranda wasn't here to see this, because all we needed was another free-for-all at the show. As the chorus of the song kicked in the mix changed and the opening notes of Iggy Azalea's "Fancy" pummeled the crowd with the bass beats as Bertha stripped off the dress and wig to reveal a long, blond wig and a very tight, form-fitting, black and white spandex one piece with cha-cha heels. The crowd went crazy as Bertha changed her whole performing style to match the new song.

  How do I put something like this together? I had a hard enough time walking in heels, and here were these girls strutting, jumping, and high-kicking their way across the stage without missing a beat.

  The rest of Dixie's show was an endless parade of beautiful beaded and sequined gowns, which is why it was called "The Sparkling Diamond Revue". I was just amazed at how professional these girls were and how flawlessly everything transitioned from one to the next. This was a learning experience. I had to congratulate Dixie after the show.

  I went backstage and Dixie was in the process of removing her make up. I was in boy clothes, so I made sure that I introduced myself, since I doubted she would recognize me out of drag. "Dixie, it's me Desiree, I just wanted to tell you how wonderful I thought the show was."

  "Hi darling. Yes, I recognized you. You don't look that much different in or out of drag," she said.

  All I could do was look for a hole to bury myself in. I was trying to be nice and Dixie decided to pull out the claws.

  "Where are my manners?" she said. "My momma always said when someone pays you a compliment, say thank you because compliments are far and few between. Thank you. I'm looking forward to your first show," she finished and let out a small laugh.

  At that point, I slunk out of there with my tail between my legs. My nerves were really starting to get the best of me. I was already worried about my first show. I also thought there would be a lot of camaraderie among the contestants, but I guessed that wrong. A nice walk home might help me clear my head. As I thought that it started pouring rain on my head.

  CHAPTER 25

  My first show was a week away, and planning for it was a lot more work than I had thought. Between getting entertainers and getting my numbers together I was a little frantic. The stress of putting it together and worrying if anyone would show up was wearing on me. Luckily, my beefy bear muffin, Paul, agreed to organize my show, thank God. He was able to get Kit N Kaboodle to host the show for me, which was a feather in my cap. My show was the first contestant show she agreed to host. She must have really liked me. I am a very nice person, but I don't have the personality to MC a show. I don't even know how to describe the “It factor” it takes to be a great host. I know you have to be quick-witted and think on your feet because you never know what is coming your way. People have to feel that they can relate to you and that you put them at ease. That was Kit N's best quality.

  Paul also got a lot of the regular cast members to agree to do my show. "You owe me for this," he said when he gave me the show order list. "I had to call in a lot of favors to get everyone to commit to performing on an off night. These girls work hard for their money, and it was hard for some of them to agree to work for free."

  "I understand, and I truly appreciate it. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? I could get my knee pads out."

  "Thanks, but not right now," he said. "But I won’t forget about it. Do you have your songs finalized yet? And what are you calling your evening?"

  "Yes, and I don't know. I've decided on Britney Spears’s ‘Toxic’ and Kylie Minogue's ‘Can't Get You Out of My Head.’ ”

  "Not bad choices, but are you ready to dance your way through both of those? It takes a lot more energy than you think. And do you have the words down?"

  "Mostly."

  "Mostly? If you can't remember the words, remember peanut butter watermelon. With all those vowels some of them will have to sync up with the song."

  At that moment, Chas burst into the apartment. "I've got your show name," he said. "It should be ‘Like A Virgin,’ since this is your first show, and for the finish, you can end with a pagan sex orgy."

  "Ha ha," I said. "There is nothing virgin here."

  "That is why it is Like A Virgin. From the way you talk, it sounds like it's been a long time since your cookie got poked. It's been so long, your hymen has probably grown back."

  "Dildos don't count, do they?"

  "No," Paul chimed in. "But it isn't a horrible title. I'm sure Kit N could have some good fun with it through the night."

  "Good. I'll go and get the Facebook event set up and invite everyone I know," Chas said. He volunteered to be my social media coordinator since he spent so much time on the computer. It was just natural for him to incorporate that into his daily routine.

  "Just make sure you don’t get the lube all over the keys again," Paul said.

  "I've switched brands," Chas said. "Less sticky, so I don't run into that problem anymore."

  "Have you picked your overture music yet?" Paul asked. "If we stick with the theme, then you need a Madonna medley to liven up the crowd."

  "I didn't realize that it took so much to put a show together. I'm so used to just showing up and watching."

  "That's why you have us to keep you on track," Chas said.

  "It would be more work if the club wasn't providing the DJ, the curtain person, and the spotlight person. What raffle items were you able to get?" Paul asked.

  "I got a couple of restaurant gift certificates and some free haircuts."

  "Not bad. Did you also remember to pick up the raffle tickets?”

  "No. I'll add that to my list for this week."

  "And flyers?" Paul asked.

  "I'll add that to the list too." I've learned it takes a village to put on a show. It's not like in the movies when Judy Garland would say, "Let's put on a show," and Mickey Rooney would say, "I've got a barn." Barn, my ass.

  Marni had volunteered to give me some pointers on my performance, so I met him at the club ready to work.

  "Which is your first number?" he asked.

  "Britney's ‘Toxic,’”

  Marni went to the DJ booth and fired up the sound system. Next thing I knew, my music was blaring through the speakers.

  “Show me how you are going to perform this number.”

  I was a little apprehensive because no one likes to get critiqued, but I figured I had better learn to grow a thick skin fast, otherwise I would be drag queen road kill.

  I got up on the stage and started to work the number. I was shaking and moving my ass until I saw Marni raise a remote control in his hands to pause the music.

  "Now you have to think like a woman. Your moves need to be more fluid and gentle. You are a dancer here, not a football line backer. You need to become graceful, like a ballet dancer, and smoother on your moves. Have you been practicing in your pumps at home like I told you?"

  "Yes, I took your advice and wear them every time I vacuum the floors. I have to do it during the day because I kept getting complaints from our downstairs neighbor about the noise from the vacuum and what they also described as an elephant stomping about our apartment."

  "That's a good start," he said as he approached me and took my arm. "When you move your arm, do it like this." And he synced his body up to mine and swayed both my arms back and forth in a much more rhythmic pattern than I had ever thought about. "Your move
ments need to be smoother, since men tend to be a little more jagged and rigged in our moves." He then grabbed my hips and showed me how to roll them more gracefully.

  “I’ll take your work on that,” he said. He next showed me how to walk as a woman to get the best movement out of my body and costumes on stage. "When you walk, you need to cross your feet over in front of the other one, which will cause your hips to sway more and give you a much more natural look." He then did a cat walk for me, showing me how it was done. "Now it is your turn to walk the runway." I took some practice turns, and after several attempts, it still didn't feel natural, but it was what had to be done. He could tell that I understood what he was showing me, but I wasn't comfortable with it yet. So he then said, "Remember, beauty is pain. Very few people are born a natural beauty, so they have to work at it just as much as you will need to. If you just incorporate these into your performances, you will become a stunning performer."

  "You really think so?" I asked since I didn't get any support from the other contestants.

  "Yes. Now let's practice." Up went the remote and on came the music.

  CHAPTER 26

  I worked on becoming a fluid woman as I danced around the apartment every chance I got. Chas left flyers for me at the apartment and a note that said, “Pass these out to everyone you know and post at the club.” I ran by the club to post the flyers on the bathroom walls in front of the urinals. This gave you something to look at while you peed. Marni was there, which was a good thing, since I wanted to ask him a couple of more questions.

  “I love my friends, but I think they coddle me too much. What else can I do to improve my performance?”

  "Do you want the honest truth?" he asked.

  "Yes. I'm a big boy and can take it."

  "First you need to determine the direction you want to take your character in. What you have to remember is that drag is theater, and you have to give your character a story. Look at the other contestants. They all have well-defined personalities, and that is how people can relate to them," he said. "With you, you're all over the map from your music choices to your costuming, which don't make sense to the audience. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

  I let it sink in for a second and then said, "Yes."

  "Look at our current cast members. Each one has a definite personality and their music choices go along with that personality. Some are trying to be the glamour diva and emulate being a real woman, while others are a little less serious but want to look like a real woman. Some of these girls want to stand and model and just grab the cabbage. And you have others on the other end of the spectrum who enjoy the campier side of life and want to be the funny entertainers."

  "I understand what you are saying, and it is starting to make sense."

  "Once you have that figured out, then it makes life much easier for you, because if you know what your character wants, then you can pick your song choices and outfits very quickly. If you're going to be the rock chick, then be a rock chick, but remember a rock chick doesn't do any R & B numbers. If you want to be the pop dance queen then work on your moves. Just keep asking yourself what would your character do?"

  "Desiree feels that she could be a pretty woman who wants to be a professional entertainer."

  “You could be a great pop diva, but dress like a pop diva. The costuming has to fit the song, and so far, yours have been way off base. This will help you get more tips and raise more money for your charity."

  "That is great advice. Is there anything else you would recommend?"

  "Well if you are asking, you need to change your make up to be more theatrical. Who does your make up now?"

  "Marjorie, my roommate."

  "The curse of the straight woman makeup. You need to either have someone who does stage make up for you or start watching YouTube videos to learn how to do it yourself. Stage makeup is much heavier because you are going to be under a spotlight, and regular make up gets washed out under the bright lights. Miss Gigi does a great face, and I'm sure she could sit down with you and show you how it is done."

  Miss Gigi? That bitch is crazy! And what would Albert think if I started getting pointers from his stalker?

  "I can give you her number if you like?" he said.

  It would be like making a deal with Satan, but I again said, "Yes." Forgive me, Albert. Hopefully it would remain just a little secret.

  “Just find some songs that Desiree can relate to so that the emotion of the song comes out while you’re performing," he said as he handed me Miss Gigi's number.

  "It sounded good to me," Mr. Winston said as he came up and joined us. I didn't even see him come into the Cabaret room.

  "How long were you there?" I asked.

  "Long enough. Now I've got a question for you. Why did you decide to enter the contest?" he asked.

  "For the crown. It is bright and shiny and would let everyone know that I am someone."

  "A crown never let's anyone know you're somebody unless your Queen Elizabeth," Marni said.

  "Marni's right," Mr. Winston said. "What charity did you choose?"

  "Atlanta Street Rescue."

  "And why did you choose that?

  "Because my momma and I were very close to being there a couple times in our lives after my dad died. If it weren't for God's intervention, then we would have been on the street."

  "Use that," Mr. Winston said. "That is the passion you need to help you succeed. If you keep that in mind, you will always be a winner. There are plenty of other contestants here who only want the crown, and they don't care who they have to step on to get it and wear it on their head. Just understand that you will accomplish more if you are doing this for the right reason, and not just to be somebody."

  I thanked them for their advice and went on my rounds of putting the flyers up over the urinals. As I was completing my rounds I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Miss Gigi's number.

  CHAPTER 27

  On the day of the show I met Miss Gigi at her apartment several hours before the show. So that they wouldn’t blow me any shit about Miss Gigi, I told everyone that Sadie from the bar agreed to do my make up, but I had to meet her at her place. I felt horrible for lying to everyone, but she was doing it for free, and money is tight since drag is expensive. No one had prepared me for that.

  Miss Gigi worked her magic on me and seemed less crazy than normal. Her medications must have been working, which was a pleasant surprise.

  She was watching one of my favorite cancelled TV shows, "Smash." "Smash" was the story about the creation of a musical, "Bombshell," based on the life of Marilyn Monroe and the lives of the people who were putting it together in New York. It only lasted two seasons, but I have probably re-watched it about a thousand times. "I love this show!" I said. "And the music is incredible."

  "I absolutely adore it! I just think they didn't get the dialogue right for the musical," she said.

  "I completely agree. I think they should have made Marilyn stronger. You know, we could complete the story since they really didn't put much of "Bombshell" into the TV show."

  "That's interesting."

  "I can't do drag for the rest of my life, so I've gotta get a plan together. I do have hopes and dreams outside of the club," I said.

  "Let's get you finished up because you have to hit the road.”

  She showed me some make up tricks and gave me a list of the items that she used so that I could go out and get them for myself. She even helped me get into my first outfit for the night and made some adjustments to my boobs and the dress. This was the best I had ever looked in drag.

  We finished with plenty of time left before the show so I could leisurely take the ten mile drive over to the club and even have time for a couple of pre-show cocktails. Traffic was light for once, which is a rarity in Atlanta.

  I was rehearsing my songs in the car until the red dashboard light came on and steam started shooting out from under the hood. I didn't need this right now. So I pulled into the first parking lot I s
aw, which happened to be a biker bar, Angel's Hideaway. The parking lot was full of motor cycles. The marquee over the door read "Angel Flight Benefit Tonight!"

  I grabbed my phone and called Marjorie. It rang several times before she finally answered.

  "Hey sweetie, what's going on?" she asked.

  "My car has broken down, and I need your help."

  "Where are you at?"

  "Angel's Hideaway on Glenwood Road."

  "Why are you over there? Sadie lives in Midtown."

  "I didn't want to tell anyone this, but Miss Gigi did my make up tonight. She came recommended from Marni, and he was right. She beat my face like never before. I hope you are not mad."

  "Honey, I'm not mad. You could have told me you wanted some help with your make up. I'm not offended in the slightest. I don't know how to do drag queen makeup."

  "Thank God. I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but that is why I need your help. You can't tell the boys Miss Gigi did my makeup or I will never hear the end of it. Especially from Albert. Can you get Riggo, your mechanic friend, and come over here?”

  "I will give him a call and get over there as soon as we can. Why don't you go in and have a drink at the bar?"

  "Like this? I don't want to get killed.”

  "Atlanta's a friendly town. I'm sure you will be good, and there are plenty of gay boys in that neighborhood, so I doubt you’re the first drag queen to grace the doors of that bar."