Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye

by Marcos, J. A.

  - Don’t worry - he said laughing, mocking my blind way of driving - the road is empty, it's a long way, you can be comfortable to train.

  It was funny the way he spoke. He was having fun with my clumsy way of driving. I guess I should be the first blind person to drive a car, at least the first person I know. Mat began to give me further guidance, now that I was with a little more practice behind the wheel. The car gave some bumps from time to time, like it had life of its own and wanted to jump. At a certain moment I felt the urge, and when I realized we were both screaming, Mat and I, and the car was running at full speed. I had shoved my foot on the accelerator at once and the car was like a rabid animal.

  - Easy, Ems. - He screamed inside the car. - I think that is enough for the today. You can slow down, you can slow down.

  I didn’t know what he meant by "slow down". The only thing I really knew to do was to accelerate and brake too, but the way I was running was dangerous braking, I might overturn our car.

  - Are you belted? - I asked between a scream and another, also hearing the screams of euphoria, fear and adrenaline in him. Deep down I think he was scared.

  - I am, thank God I am.

  I gave such a sudden stop which made the car perform a big bootleg turn. A world of smoke got into the car through the window that was open. I was paralyzed with adrenaline taking my whole body. It was amazing, a sensation of indescribable freedom. Never in my life I felt myself so independent.

  - What did you want with this idea of making me drive? – I asked almost breathless, with my heart almost out the mouth. – Blind people don’t drive, Matt.

  - I just wanted that we did together something you've never done before, so I thought about it. - He spoke, letting out the adrenaline that was taking over his entire body. - But I think for now that's enough, isn’t it?

  - Let me drive some more. - I said jokingly, just to make him more scared, though logically I was crazy to move away from that wheel and get back to the passenger seat.

  - No. No more thrills for today. I think it’s best for us to exchange places. It was good while it lasted, and that this may not repeat. - He said giving a good long laugh and a kiss that calmed my heart a little more, who ran as fast as a battery of a samba school.

  He returned to the driver's seat and continued driving. We listened to some music, talked about the landscape and laughed at some bullshits. Whenever Mat saw something different or funny the way he made sure to tell me in detail so I knew absolutely everything.

  On the end of the afternoon he stopped somewhere. A place in the middle of nowhere. It seemed to be close to a forest, a river, all very natural. Birds singing, the wind blew the branches of the trees, the smell of green entered my nostrils.

  - We arrived. - He spoke shortly after stopping the car and grab my hand gently. - Let's go down?

  - Where are we? - I asked anxiously.

  - Take off your shoes and get out of the car. - His voice was calm. Quiet. Conquering.

  I promptly follow his advice without thinking. I removed my shoes and before I could even open the door to get out, I realized that he had left the car and was doing it for me. I put my right foot out, stepping on the floor and feeling the earth in my toes, as he took my hand to him, he held me and helped me out. I was barefoot in the middle of nature.

  - We will camp today. - He said hugging me and giving me spins. - I made some research and found this place. It’s a nature reserve, we are close to the river, we have clean water and we can build a fire.

  - Build a fire? - I asked. - Do you have practices of cavemen? Will we camp in the middle of nowhere? And what if an animal appear?

  - Like what? - He asked laughing and mocking me, surely with a face of fright. - A werewolf? Don’t worry, we don’t have a full moon tonight.

  It was amazing his ability of coming up with a ridiculous answer to every question I did. I was a little frightened by the idea of being in the middle of nowhere, camping. I was never very the “country type”, the type who wants to live on a farm with no neighbors, for example. I like knowing that there are many people around. I belong to the society, not in the middle of the woods. But then, I began to rethink this. The idea didn’t seem so bad. It was only the two of us. Just us. Nobody else around. I think the closest person should be more than 100 miles away.

  My mind began to think of all we could do there, and as I sat in something that felt like an old tree trunk, because I felt some moss when I touched it, he took care to arrange the tent, complaining of the difficulty of doing that for the first time.

  I just smiled. I teased him saying that even blind I could mount the tent faster than he. I think it should be a bit difficult, because it took about 45 minutes to get to mount what would be our love nest.

  - Let's sleep in the tent? - I asked, wondering how much it could be uncomfortable, or so, exciting.

  - Yes, we sleep in the tent, but we will spend some time outside talking, feeling the nature, kissing next to the fire.

  The bonfire. I had forgotten this detail. I was curious. Imagine Matt making a bonfire. If he was having trouble getting a simple tent mounted I imagine how he would succeed in rubbing two sticks together and making even one sparkle.

  Finally the night arrived and he had brought some alcohol and some logs in the trunk of the car.

  - You didn’t think that I would go out looking for firewood in the forest, didn’t you? – He spoke laughing while I just surprised me with his brilliant mind, who always thought of absolutely everything.

  It didn’t take long until I felt warmed by the fire. That moment was exactly for that, to stay disconnected from the world. He had already called our homes early to say that we were all right. By the way, this was one of the conditions for us to go out to this journey without destination, to call every day to give news. It was a way of ensuring that our parents wouldn’t call at any inconvenient moment, so we preferred to say that we were going to call.

  - I have one more surprise for you. - He said, when we were hugging each other by the fire, just kissing a bit and eating some marshmallows that he was poking a stick at. I had never tasted marshmallows before.

  - And what would it be? - I asked curiously, wondering what it would be.

  He stood for a moment and returned quickly. I heard the sound of the car door and realized that he had gone to fetch something. Soon he was back at my side.

  - Remember you owe me a song? - He whispered beside my ear as he hugged me. He smelled of smoke, but at the same time, there was the natural essence of his skin that made me mad.

  - Yes - I answered - but I also remember that you owe me a secret.

  - My secret is here. - He said, running his fingers on something and making a peculiar noise. I realized it was a guitar, strumming it to me to understand what it was.

  - Do you play guitar? - I asked, with the air of one who knew. - And also sings?

  - Yes, I play the guitar. But I didn’t play so well until I knew that you sang. Then I had some online classes to play something and hear you singing.

  I laughed at what he had just said. Learning to play guitar just to hear me singing was something I was not prepared to listen. And singing was also a barrier that I apparently was not prepared to overcome.

  - I know what happened to you Ems - he told me, with a more serious voice - I found out the reason why you don’t like to sing in public, but this is a barrier that we're breaking through, and one of the reasons why I brought you here today, in this first day out in the middle of nowhere, it was just to make you feel safe and to unlock that part of the brain that insists on not letting you express yourself.

  I don’t know how he found out, but he knew exactly what he was talking about. I was always a very cheerful girl without any trouble and who loved to sing. Once, when I was 12 it happened a party at school where each student should do a presentation in celebration of Mother's Day. How I loved to sing, I decided to sign up to play a song that was a hit at the time.

  -
How did you discover? - I asked, curious.

  - I noticed that you had a problem with that. For a person not like to sing, she must be a little crazy, and you know you are not. I looked for reliable sources and discovered what had happened. So I decided I would help you get rid of that trauma.

  - Reliable sources? – I asked already understanding who he was talking about - My mother. She told you everything, right?

  And it was really what happened. My mother, as she had only had a mouthful, told the whole story to Matthew. She told the story about the boos that I took during the presentation, the wrong clothes I had worn and still the tumble I took when I decided to rush out the stage. A little friend, that was no friend at all, got to help me wearing the costume and changed my clothes. Instead of a dress with blue flowers, representing the spring, she gave me a black dress, with a few crosses and skulls symbolizing the undead. The wardrobe of a group dance that performed the music of Michael Jackson, Thriller. Entering the stage I’ve heard people laughing everywhere, which had made me very nervous. I realized that something was wrong, but even so, I tried to sing and nervousness put everything away.

  On the first boos I decided to rush out and at the same time, my parents came running from the audience to try to help me, but my teacher arrived first and only then found out that Jessica, my little friend, had just done. She just won a suspension, while I got a trauma for life. Another privilege of being blind.

  I began to hear the first notes of the guitar. There was no music that reminded me of a famous artist. It was a new tune, something unheard of. I realized that it was an original composition, totally his.

  - Do you also compose? - I asked, impressed with another surprise.

  - This is my secret - he replied - I have the same artistic vein of my father, but without the bipolarity of it, of course.

  The melody was beautiful. But I wouldn’t know how to explain because I don’t understand absolutely anything about do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, si.

  - I made this song for you - he said - but I won’t, I want you to sing.

  I paused for a moment. I didn’t believe he had done this for me. I never imagined that someone could write a song for me. Neither thought he'd make me sing, even though I had promised him I would sing. But now it was too weird to be real. Singing was really a trauma for me, and I needed to lose that fear again.

  - I know it must be difficult for you. - He answered me, as someone who has just read my thoughts. Deep down I think he was just getting to know me too well to decipher each change of my face. My countenance changed in accordance with what was happening, and he was being an expert to understand what I meant by every wrinkle on my face.

  - You seem to read minds, you know?

  - I knew. - He laughed. - But it is not hard to decipher you. You are like a crystal clear lake, I can see through you. I brought the guitar, not just for me to play, but to make you feel safer learning how to play. You know, Ems, it's amazing how to hold the instrument and strum a few notes makes you feel free, better. I don’t want you to sing now, but now that I told you my secret I will teach you how to play and I want that at the right time you play and sing this song for me.

  I was moved by the way he was affectionate and passionate. Romantic, surreal, beautiful. Mat was special, and I was sure that music should be really beautiful, as beautiful as he is.

  - The lyric was made by me, for you - he told me - so don’t be alarmed by the fact that it is in the male perspective.

  - Okay Matt - I said, leaning my head on his shoulder and leaning in to kiss him. - You are very special to me. I'll learn it and I'll sing for you.

  Then he gave me some papers. They were in Braille and I just could not understand what it was. The first of them had figures that were related to the information on how to play the guitar, explained note for note. Other contained the lyrics, I realized early on that it was really beautiful.

  Mat leaned on my back, and I was supported between his legs, he taught me how to hold the guitar, was giving me guidelines on how to support the fingers on each string, which should be hold, which should be released, how to change from one string to another, and more information that at first seemed to me to be quite complicated.

  I always thought the musical notes were used in the sequence that we know: do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, si and Matt explained to me that in fact the order is not this, but another.

  - If you want to make a FA you need to hold the six strings here with the finger 1. – He said holding it on my hands and whispering in my ear through my hair. I just closed my eyes with his hot breath in my ear, saying that in such a sensual way.

  Initially I was unable to comprehend what he was saying on the notes, chords, and everything else, but as the minutes were running and the cold was coming I started to get carried away by my malicious thoughts and went decentralizing me from the lesson, which really was very interesting.

  - Can we take a break? - I asked, tilting my head back and giving a kiss on the tip of his nose.

  - This is boring, isn’t it? - He asked me, with an air of disappointment in his voice. - I must be a terrible teacher.

  - Quite the contrary. I want a break just because you are a great teacher. - I laughed, picking up the guitar and putting it on the side as I turned toward him.

  He just smiled and hugged me, laying me over his chest, turning me towards him and kissing me hard. We were outdoors, feeling the wind hitting our bodies and just listening to the sounds of nature.

  - Do you want to go to the tent? - He asked me, as he bit my ear in a way that gave me goosebumps.

  - I want you. I want to be yours.

  We went to the tent where I promptly took his shirt off. Our soundtrack was the noise of the waterfall somewhere in the forest. While caressing his arms I was able to tell the difference between the arm that had no tattoo and the tattooed one. I don’t know if it's noticeable as well, but I did notice where there was ink in the skin and where there wasn’t.

  - It looks like you're blinder than I am. - I said laughing as he fumbled around to get to take my lingerie off.

  - It should be a crime to make things so complicated to open. - He spoke, this time being successful in opening it.

  What happened next was another moment that I could never erase from memory. Mat made me feel loved. I was his, he was mine. In that he showed me once again that I was a complete woman and that nothing was missing. Our bodies were intertwined, in love. I was not ashamed of anything that happened between us, and he knew how nobody else how to explore every detail of my body. I couldn’t have a better man than him in my path, my destiny.

  When his hands roamed the curves of my body or simply caressed my face, I felt like a whirlwind of fireworks exploding inside me.

  This time it was even better on than the first two. My mother told me when we talked it was natural to hurt on the first few times because it was something new for our body, but that I shouldn’t worry because consequently it would pass and the sensations would be the best possible. What I didn’t know is that it would be so good. Not good, great!

  CAPÍTULO 17

  I woke up to the smell of coffee beside me. Last night was amazing and I slept like a rock.

  Mat woke first than I did and prepared a well balanced meal with fruits, juice and coffee. There was also a bit of milk, and chocolate that I really liked. Most of the food we had were in boxes or in those cans full of unnatural things.

  - Good morning! - He said giving me a very tender kiss. - I prepared your breakfast. I promised to your parents that you'd eat properly.

  - And I am - I said, with an air of sensuality - you are enough for me.

  He just laughed. Laughed shamelessly. I was getting more and more comfortable with him and sometimes I didn’t believe the comments that come out of my mouth.

  - So one more reason for you to feed yourself. If you don’t, you’ll be out of breath quickly.

  We ate together. I complained about the coffee, which was a little bitt
er. He put too much powder in the water and ended up leaving a very strong taste. I tried to put some milk, but it didn’t help much, it was still hard to drink.

  After we ate, we spent some good time just lying, holding each other. I didn’t know how to explain it, but so what just as happened on our first time I had woken up with great disposition, and unable to control myself started to bite his ear in a very strange way, so strange that we were soon again taking our clothes off or better, I was taking his clothes off because I was still the same as the night before, just wrapped in blankets.

  Being with him was getting better and better. The longer we were together the more I wanted to be with him.

  The day passed quickly. We did a little track where we heard the singing of many different birds. Some I didn’t even know that existed. On the afternoon Mat taught me to fish. I only managed to catch on little fish that seemed so small like a newborn. As a master that does everything, Mathew surprised me by catching four huge fish. We returned all of them to river because we had no interest in having the work of cleaning the fish, fishing was just our sport. As we were already there, we took a bath on the river. It was the end of the afternoon, and as one can imagine, both of us in the water, playing, laughing, hugging… We could not avoid practicing our favorite sport in recent times.

  The chemistry between us was explosive. Each new place brought a new idea, and Mat was the kind of guy that even though his idea might seem crazy he would always find a way to show that it was possible to achieve.

  We returned to where we were camped. Our smile echoed throughout the forest. The next day we were going away to another place, that was the initial idea of Mat, taking advantage of my last week of vacation going to different places.

  At night Mat gave me some more guitar lessons and we lay contemplating the sound of nature. He told me that the sky was a bit cloudy, there were not many stars and that we should get prepare to enter the tent because it looked like it might rain. The car was very close if the rain was strong and if we realized that the tent couldn’t protect us, we could get into it, though this was not necessary, the large tent was very safe as well. Based on the long time that he took to build it, it wouldn’t be undone so easily.