Staying True (Gay Romance)

by Trina Solet

  "Did you want some?" Troy asked holding up a box of Cheerios.

  Spencer only shook his head.

  "It looks like you passed out here," Troy said noticing that Spencer was dressed and still wearing his shoes. Troy didn't sound like he was implying anything, but Spencer wasn't sure. He shrugged not wanting to admit that Troy was the reason he exhausted himself last night and then fell asleep in the middle of the living room.

  Having recovered from the shock of seeing Troy, Spencer felt the pain he had been carrying around spread through him. Mornings were like that for him even when he didn't have to face Troy as soon as his eyes were open. On other mornings, Troy was only a dream he would wake up from then slowly remember that reality was very different.

  Troy came out of the kitchen with his cereal bowl. He looked uncomfortable. Neither one of them spoke. The silence hung between them heavy and thick. Spencer couldn't take it any more. He got up and walked past Troy without a word.

  He went into the kitchen and started the coffeemaker. It was just something to do so he wouldn't have to look at Troy. It was better than running away to his room.

  "I haven't seen much of you," Troy said. He wore his best sunny smile.

  For Spencer, hearing his cheerful voice was agony. "That was the idea, wasn't it?" Spencer stepped out of the kitchen wishing he could match him smile for smile, but pain jabbed at him at every reminder of how things used to be.

  Troy's smile died as soon as he saw how Spencer looked at him. "Have you been avoiding me?"

  "Oh, no. I love being reminded of how worthless I am and that any random guy is better," Spencer said bitterly.

  "Hey! I never said that," Troy protested.

  "It was in the subtext."

  Troy was quiet for a minute then he admitted the truth. "Sorry. I guess I've been avoiding you too. I didn't know it would be so hard seeing you."

  "Sorry to bring you down." Spencer couldn't help getting angry. He turned away.

  "I just don't know how to deal with this," Troy said in a hushed voice.

  "Nothing to deal with," Spencer said dismissively and walked past him to his room.

  Just before he slammed his bedroom door, Spencer heard Troy say his name. The sound of it reached right through him. This was why he couldn't be around him. Spencer was weak and Troy was strong. He could crush his heart with his bare hands, but he had done it all over again just by saying his name.

  Chapter 20

  Troy didn't spend much time at the apartment. When he wasn't at work, he did a lot of extra running. He saw every movie that was playing and some of them twice. Once he even went out with some people from work.

  That evening at a bar only reminded him of being out with Spencer. Why did it have to hurt so much to let go of him? His heart was aching all the time. It didn't make any sense. They were never really together.

  Every time he saw Spencer and the pain written on his face, he had to wonder if that was really true. That morning he had seen it again. Spencer was so raw and on edge around him, and Troy didn't know how to make things better.

  After Spencer got mad, Troy was going to leave the apartment, but Spencer beat him to it. At least he had friends he could hang out with. Not that Troy was feeling sorry for himself. He was fine.

  He played BioShock in his room. That took him back. The game was an old favorite. Plenty of times he had used it as a way to escape from his parents and himself. Today he just couldn't focus on it and he died more than usual.

  Then for some reason he shuddered as pain washed through him. His eyes were filling with tears that dripped down his face as he blinked. What was he crying for? Spencer was just a fuck buddy. Troy was shuddering with sobs and fighting the urge to go find Spencer wherever he was, throw himself into his arms and beg his forgiveness.

  That's when he heard the front door and he jumped. Hurriedly he wiped his eyes. As the apartment outside his bedroom door grew very still so did Troy. In the silence he told himself that it might not be Spencer out there. And anyway, what did it matter? He had done the right thing when he ended it, but he felt so heavy that he could barely move.

  He couldn't stay where he was. He was driving himself crazy. Before stepping out of his room, Troy checked to make sure his eyes weren't red from crying. He was the one who ended it. He had no right to cry. When he came out, he saw that it was only Greg sitting in the living room.

  Greg wasn't very understanding. Every time he saw him, he gave Troy the stink eye. Saying hi to him anyway, Troy left the apartment. If he went for a run, it might help to clear his head.

  Running and not seeing Spencer all day did the trick. That night, Troy was ready to party. He was going to take full advantage of being young and gay and not get stuck on one guy who just happened to sleep in the room next to his. It was just lazy not to expand his horizons.

  It didn't matter that Troy's heart beat hard and fast for Spencer like it did for no one else. Once he had a taste of a few other guys, he would get over that.

  Troy was trying his luck at Fenders again. Who knows, he might find that guy who had tempted him before. Now he was free to accept his invitation. As Troy dragged his feet going toward the bar, he was hoping not to see that guy. Maybe it was too soon to deal with someone aggressive like that. He should look for someone more low key.

  He stared around but every guy he saw made him think of Spencer. The sad look in Spencer's eyes haunted him. He could still feel the burning touch of his lips, their last kiss. The thought threatened to have Troy crying like a baby again. That couldn't be the last time he kissed Spencer. It just couldn't.

  Troy took a few deep breaths. He had to get a grip. This was why he needed experience. He didn't know how to manage his feelings and put things in perspective. But he would learn how to let go of a guy who made him feel so good with the merest brush of his fingertips over his arm or his smiling mouth grazing his earlobe just before he whispered his name. His skin would forget the heat of his body and the pressure of his touch. Troy had learned too much from him, all the wrong things he now had to unlearn with other guys.

  Troy wondered how long it would be before he felt like himself again. Waiting for it to happen on its own was stupid. He had to push through this. It was the choice he made. Now he needed to make it count, put his freedom to good use.

  With a drink in hand, Troy eyed the crowd. He wanted more sex, he wanted all the sex he could have, but he couldn't get excited about doing it with any of the guys there. Plenty of them were good-looking but they left him cold. He could get them on their knees, bend them over or fuck them against a wall, whatever, but he only wanted to see Spencer in those positions. He wanted to see him in all the positions. He was still obsessed with him.

  Troy took a hard look around him. Guys like these were just what he needed, not a guy he couldn't forget like Spencer. Rather than approach anyone, Troy decided to wait and see if anyone would hit on him. Then all he would have to do was say yes and go with the flow. Easy.

  After a little while, one guy caught his eye then motioned with his head. As he left, Troy followed him.

  The guy was nothing like Spencer. He was muscular with a crew cut and reminded Troy of a guy on his high school football team he had a crush on. That was a bonus.

  The guy led him to a dim space in the back where a few couples stood pressed against each other. This wasn't the kind of place where they would get up to anything heavy and that was fine by him. The guy picked a spot and stopped. He ran his hands down Troy's front then leaned in for a kiss. Troy drew back.

  "Sorry," he said feeling like an idiot. But he didn't want to kiss this guy. "I had some garlic earlier. Could we just skip to umm..."

  "Sure thing," he said with a shrug and Troy was relieved.

  He really needed to get it together. This was what he wanted. He just had to get Spencer and his hot, luscious mouth out of his head and focus on this guy who was hotter, better built and not Spencer. The muscled jock kneeled in front of him and started
to unzip his fly.

  No way. He couldn't let him do that. What excuse was Troy going to make now? He didn't make any. His jaw was clamped too tight as he stepped away and shook his head. As the guy made a disgusted face and stood up, Troy got out of there.

  Troy pushed his way through the crowd and to the bar. A few more drinks would fix this. Then Troy would stop comparing every guy to Spencer. If Spencer was there, he wouldn't be the best looking guy in the club. It didn't matter though. Somehow Spencer always won the competition.

  No other guy could measure up to Spencer's crazy laugh, the sound of his voice when he was close to coming, the way he looked when he was sleepy and that murderous look he got if Troy woke him up which melted away as soon as he kissed him. No other eyes, no matter how pretty, were Spencer's eyes, which went from serious to laughing so fast and drew Troy in like he was falling into an abyss.

  Fuck. What kind of spell did Spencer put him under? Why couldn't he break free of him? Everywhere he turned there were gorgeous guys and all he could think about was Spencer, Spencer's hands caressing him gently or gripping him hard as they fucked, his lips soft and plump on his own or wrapped tightly around his cock.

  What the hell was he doing? Troy was searching through a nightclub full of guys for the one guy who wasn't there. He was sure he would cheat on Spencer so why couldn't he go through with it now that he was free. Troy might be free but he wasn't acting like it. He was just wasting his time here.

  Making his way home, Troy passed the Bottleneck and thought about going in. That would be a dumb move. As he wondered if Spencer might be there, the sign glowed more like a warning than an invitation.

  Troy looked at the doors just as a group of friends spilled out into the street. They must have been very drunk the way they leaned on each other and laughed. Troy smiled at their happy stumble down the street. One of them broke into an incomprehensible song and the others jeered him then they all laughed.

  Troy kept looking after them. He recognized the feeling they shared. That was him and Spencer on their first night out. It was the messy happiness of two drunks sharing the same good feeling as they headed home. A stab of searing pain went through Troy as he thought about never being with Spencer and never feeling that way again.

  He felt like he was at war with his own heart. Troy wanted to be out there but his heart only wanted to beat for Spencer and now it raged inside him and made him hurt. His heart was like some kind of monster that wouldn't be denied.

  It was telling him that the rock hard ache of his cock was only for Spencer. It was crazy to think that he could go around looking for action and still refuse a blowjob from a hot guy because he wasn't Spencer. Fuck. Spencer didn't own his dick.

  Chapter 21

  Spencer lost track of how long he stood under the shower. Long enough for the water to go cold and numb him. He finally got out and dried off with his back to the mirror. He didn't want to look at himself in the mirror and see that guy that Troy didn't want staring back at him accusingly, reminding him how little he was worth.

  Troy was out tonight and Spencer didn't think he would be back any time soon. Greg was out for the night too. Wrapping the towel around him, Spencer walked out of the bathroom. He pulled the towel off his hips as soon as he stepped into his room and closed the door. Then he froze.

  Troy was in his bedroom, sitting on his bed. He got up and, for a moment, just stood there. Spencer was ready to kick him out, but the words just wouldn't come. Other words overtook them, but they couldn't be said either. They were too desperate and pathetic and full of idiotic hope.

  Spencer stood there mute, holding back words and feelings until they almost choked him. Troy stared at him, the front of his jeans tenting dangerously. Spencer cursed and moved to cover himself up.

  "Don't," Troy said. He came toward Spencer and grabbed his hand so he couldn't put the towel back around himself.

  Spencer felt even more naked with Troy fully dressed, his eyes burning into him.

  "I need you," Troy said in a deep, husky voice. His bulging crotch already told Spencer that.

  Who was he to deny a man in need? He was too weak willed for that. So what if Troy knew he was a mess and that he had no pride? It was only the truth.

  With his hands on Spencer's ass, Troy dragged him over to the bed. As he laid Spencer on his back, he unzipped his fly. His other hand rummaged in Spencer's nightstand. While Troy got him ready, Spencer glared at him.

  "You want this?" Troy said. It was a question and also a demand for Spencer to say yes.

  Spencer said nothing. He grabbed Troy's cock and unrolled a condom over it. Troy's eyes fell closed and he nodded. He got his answer.

  Pushing Spencer's legs up, Troy let them rest on his shoulders. Spencer breathed and tried not to get caught up in the feeling. But as soon as the head of Troy's cock touched him, he was moaning, his whole body tense with desire.

  He accepted Spencer into his body, hell he welcomed every familiar thick, rock hard inch. God, he missed him. He missed the feeling of Troy filling him up, not holding back, giving it to him just a little too hard and too fast. Spencer was getting that scary rush of being taken with passion and need.

  Hitting him deep, Troy drove his cock hard into him, giving him no relief, no chance to adjust or breathe. All he could do was take it and damn if it wasn't hot, so hard, so good and wild. Troy had him sweating and flushed, getting more worked up with every stroke of his cock inside him.

  Troy moved in and out with a grunt at each thrust. Spencer's insides burned, building toward more and more pleasure and some pain as well. As Troy pushed in harder and faster, Spencer's head rolled back and his fingers reached under Troy's t-shirt and raked his chest, his back, his ass, anywhere he could reach, seeking relief.

  Spencer reached for his own cock, but Troy restrained both his hands over his head. With both his wrists in Troy's hard grip, high above his head, Spencer felt stretched out, pulled tight like he might snap. He was an incoherent blubbering mess. He wouldn't last. His senses were in overdrive.

  His moans and incoherent words mixed with the sound of their bodies pounding together and the bed shaking under them, the headboard thumping against the wall. His cries got louder. The bed was close to breaking and so was Spencer.

  Troy was driving himself inside him harder than he ever had but Spencer's moans and garbled curses urged him to pump harder. He couldn't get enough even as Troy was fucking him so fast and hard that Spencer's body arched up right off the bed. Troy still kept fucking, not missing a beat. Pleasure shot through Spencer's body with shocking intensity sending him into the sweet oblivion of release.

  As Spencer shot his load over both of them, Troy kept pumping until he was spent. Panting and moaning, Spencer felt like his world was spinning. Troy slumped into his arms, still groaning, familiar, heavy. He didn't stay like that for long and Spencer expected him to get up. But all Troy did was stare down at him like he wanted to fuck him again in the very next second.

  Troy ran his hands through his hair, his fingers getting lost in it as Spencer looked up at him. His touch felt so good. It made Spencer crazy and confused.

  "You're amazing," Troy said and broke the spell.

  Suddenly, Spencer got up and he was out of bed before Troy could stop him.

  "Glad to be of service," Spencer said as he stood on shaking legs. Being with Troy again was crazy intense, but it was meaningless too. He wanted to slap himself so he wouldn't forget that.

  "I'm sorry I..." Troy started to say.

  "Shut up." He couldn't listen to this. He was ready to run from his own room naked if that's what it took.

  Spencer turned away. He wiped himself off with the towel still damp from his shower and looked for the clothes he planned to change into. That's when Troy grabbed him from behind and kissed his neck. The clothes in Spencer's hands fell to the floor.

  "Sorry, I couldn't wait. I missed you so much I couldn't stop thinking about you."

  Spencer gulped
. "Troy?" he said, feeling so confused.

  Troy didn't explain. He turned him around so he could kiss his mouth. As Troy was running his hands all over him, Spencer tried to push him away, but Troy was kissing him everywhere, murmuring his name, confusing him even more.

  "What the hell is this?" Spencer panted.

  Troy stopped and looked into his eyes then down his body. "I can't talk like this." Picking up the clothes Spencer had dropped, Troy shoved them in his hands. "Make yourself decent before I jump you again."

  As he watched Spencer bend over to slip his boxers on, Troy looked like he was tempted to make that threat a reality. Troy's gaze fell on him unflinching and hard. His eyes had never looked at Spencer like that. Then Troy shot him a warning look, and Spencer finished dressing while stealing questioning glances at him. What was going on?

  With Spencer decent, the two of them stood face to face. Spencer frowned and waited, steeling himself for what Troy wanted to say.

  "This is more than I ever felt before. Just now we were as close as two people can get. You're the one. I can't be with anyone else. You're my one."

  Spencer only blinked at him for a while. "You didn't feel that way a few days ago," he reminded Troy.

  "I was lying to myself. I have a lot of practice. But I think I love you."

  "You think?" Spencer tried to turn away but Troy grabbed his shoulders and wouldn't let him. The intensity of his stare caught Spencer off guard. He didn't realize Troy could look like that. It was damn sexy, but Spencer couldn't help glaring at him.

  "Don't look at me like that. I never said I was smart," Troy said and clutched at Spencer like he was afraid he would run away.

  "Oh, I know you aren't. But did your brain fall out? If you love someone, you stick with them, you don't go chasing other tail just for the hell of it."