Forever Love

  Tapping on the window causes me to jump. I look around, where am I? What the hell happened? I heard the tapping again and I look to see what’s causing it.

  Madison.

  I roll the window down a little bit with a shaking hand, “Get in.” My heart is pounding from the flashback like I had been propelled back in time and then with the tapping at the window I had been jerked back into reality.

  Madison walks around my truck and gets in. She rubs her hands together warming up her hands from the cool night.

  Taking the bottle of whiskey out of my right hand, she examines it and shrugs before taking a swig. It’s quiet for a few minutes before she asks, “Have you seen her since the season started?”

  She has this weird way of knowing where my mind is most of the time. Or maybe that it’s mostly on Macy these days and her guess is always right.

  Twisting my head to look out the driver side window I see all the cars have emptied from the lot. “Yeah. I took her out the other night and I said I would tomorrow too.”

  I face Madison as she nods, but she doesn’t look at me since she’s rolling a joint. I know it hurts that she doesn’t have her sister in her life anymore. Probably about as deep as it hurts that I don’t have Cash in mine. “What about you?”

  “I haven’t seen her.” Madison looks at me curiously.

  “I mean Cash. Have you seen him lately?” I wonder about what Saylor was talking about in the gym. I know they still see each other, and that it’s never public but I’m kind of curious. I want the two of them to work. I really do.

  “Yeah,” she laughs lightly bringing the joint she just rolled to her lips and tucking her long hair behind her ear with the other hand. “Before you played the Colonels, he showed up at my dorm for five mornings in a row before your morning practice.” I laugh because it makes sense now. Cash was an animal that week and playing like I’ve never seen him play before.

  Madison and I don’t say much after that, neither of us needing to. The whiskey and joint were doing its job and relaxing us to the point where nothing mattered.

  September 20, 2013

  After my second class lets out I text Macy and let her know I’m on my way to pick her up. We’re going to Pegasus Pizza. It’s her favorite place to stop for lunch. I swear as tiny as she is she can practically put a whole pizza away herself.

  I pull out front of her dorm just as she’s walking out of the door. Her ponytail swooshes behind her as she makes her way to the truck. Her hips sway just the way I like them. I bite on my bottom lip as she opens the door. We could have walked, it’s not far, but it’s raining hard right now.

  Macy’s warm perfume fills the truck and it takes everything in me not to pull her on my lap and take her right here and now. It’s been too long since we’ve been together last and my hand doesn’t seem to be doing the job anymore. I try not to let myself get too attached to the closeness that we seem to gravitate towards when we’re together so I keep her at an arm’s distance. She glances over at me shyly but with that little smirk on her face. She knows I’m turned on, she always knows.

  I pull on her arm and bring her closer to me, “Give me a kiss.” I always ask her first, I never just do it.

  She places a feather light kiss on my lips. She’s teasing me. Okay, that’s fine. Two can play this game.

  “Baby,” I whisper as she rests her forehead on mine.

  “Landon,” Macy says breathlessly.

  I lick my lips and the tip of my tongue brushes against hers. She whimpers as I pull away.

  Macy straightens herself and sticks her bottom lip out pouting.

  I chuckle softly as I put the truck in drive. That’s all I am allowing myself to indulge in. I’m letting the mood simmer until it’s about to explode.

  Macy and I score a booth in the back corner away from most everyone. The waitress takes our order. We sit and talk about school. I yawn trying to fight off sleep. I barely slept last night, as I rarely ever do, but last night I was lucky to even get two hours.

  Fucking voices.

  I couldn’t get them to stop even after getting high and drinking more than necessary.

  I glance around as Macy goes on about Heather, her roommate. I know she’s messing around with Declan but I don’t gossip so I just let her go on about it. I notice some geek with glasses too big for his face checking Macy out.

  “Who is that, Macy?” I ask giving a little nod in that douchebag’s direction.

  Macy looks all around, “Who?”

  Rolling my eyes I answer, “That guy over there staring at you?”

  Macy twists in the other direction, “Oh,” she turns back around. “That’s Will. He’s in my business strategy and planning class.”

  I nod because I want to rip that fucking guy’s glasses off and break his face for staring at her the way he is. It shouldn’t bother me but it does. Macy deserves a lot more than my sorry ass but it doesn’t stop me from being possessive over her.

  Will catches my eye and I smirk and nod in his direction letting him know I caught him. He quickly diverts his eyes and doesn’t look over at her again.

  The rest of lunch I go from acting like I’m paying attention to Macy to watching to see if Will looks over here again.

  He doesn’t.

  After we’ve eaten we drive back to the dorms. I park the truck then meet Macy around the front and we walk hand-in-hand up to our dorm building. The rain has let up a little bit and now it’s just a fine mist.

  “Is Heather in there?” I ask with a nod towards her wing of the dorm rooms. Even though Macy and Heather don’t share a room it never fails that Heather walks in on us so Macy refuses to have sex if she’s there.

  Macy nods, “Yeah, she doesn’t leave for another hour or so.”

  Colton is probably in our room jerking off again but I’m kicking that pussy out. I open the doors and allow Macy to walk into the building first. She adjusts her purse on her shoulder. She doesn’t want our time to be over yet, I can tell by the look in her eyes. And I’m not gonna lie, I don’t want it to end either. For once, the voices are quiet today and I’m having one of my better days.

  I pull her into my arms and she snuggles into my chest. “Come on.”

  She looks up, “Where?”

  We don’t spend time with other people when we’re together. It’s always just her and me. “To my room.”

  “Colton’s there, isn’t he?” She knows Colton’s schedule. We’re used to sneaking around to find a place to hang out together.

  I start walking backwards towards my room pulling her along, “Yeah, but not for long.” Now I just pray that pussy really isn’t jerking off.

  Surprisingly, when we get to my room it’s quiet. I don’t know where he’s at and I don’t really give a shit right this second. I only care about being inside Macy and losing myself for a little while.

  I shut and lock the door behind us. I throw my keys on my desk. Our room fucking smells and it’s a mess with clothes thrown all around. We really need to clean this place up.

  I stalk over to Macy. She’s nervous, afraid that any minute I’ll shut her out. She puts herself in a shell to protect her heart from me but today, right now, I’m cracking it open. These feelings are few and far between with me but when they are here I’m taking every single second of it. I don’t deserve her, I never had, never will, but for some reason she thinks otherwise.

  “You’re scared.” I state rather then ask.

  She blinks a few times, her cheeks turning pink. “A little.”

  I slip her purse off her shoulder, it hits the floor with a thud. I step back slightly and reach behind me with one hand pulling my shirt over my head. I have to lead this show. I have to put myself out there first. Macy’s eyes roam from the floor up to my bare stomach. Her fingers tap on her legs like she has to do something with them in order to keep from touching me. I flick the button of my jeans, then unzip them and they fall to the floor. Macy gasps and a smile tugs at my lips. I toe each s
hoe off and kick my jeans to the side.

  Finally, as if Macy couldn’t hold back anymore her fingers graze over my stomach. As soon as I feel the contact my stomach muscles tighten. She doesn’t move her hand but doesn’t pull it away either. Lifting her chin up I kiss her and she melts into me, slowly at first but then it’s like that shell cracks wide open with only my touch. I reach for the hem of her shirt and pull it off, her bra, pants and panties follow.

  Reaching for Macy’s hand I pull her to my bed with me. I kiss low on Macy’s shoulder while my fingers skate over her bare chest all the way down to her pussy. We’re watching our every move in the mirror that is fixed directly across from my bed. When we’re both watching each other it makes everything more intense. There is nothing in this moment but the two of us, everything and everyone is blocked out. Our hearts beat as one.

  I slide one finger between her legs and massage her clit. She’s already wet for me. Her eyes start to flutter closed but I bite down on her shoulder and her eyes fly back open. “Do you know how beautiful you are?”

  Macy’s breathing catches and she stares intently into my eyes through the mirror. She wants to believe me and she should but she won’t. That night took more from us than any of us are ready to face. I know she has self-image issues now after the accident. Her nose is slightly crooked but I think it makes her look more beautiful. I wish she’d see it.

  I continue placing small kisses down her collarbone. Then slowly I slide my body out from behind her but make sure that she can still see me. “Keep watching.” I tell her in between kisses I place on her chest.

  I cup her breast in each of my hands and take one of her nipples into my mouth. I kiss it, swirl my tongue around it a few times before moving on to the other one. I start to make my way down her stomach but she puts her hand under my chin and stops me.

  “My turn.”

  My heartbeat picks up a beat.

  I lie back on my bed as Macy climbs between my legs. She kisses me until her mouth reaches the waistband of my boxers. My dick is straining against them and it jumps as she kisses the head. Too worked up to take this slow I lift my hips and start sliding my boxers off not even waiting for her to move.

  Macy leans forward and licks the bead of pre-come before she lowers her mouth onto me. I groan as shivers rack my body. She sucks me in until I feel the back of her throat. My hips arch off the bed wanting to go deeper but Macy places a tiny hand on my stomach stopping me. Once she knows I got the message she slips her hand down and wraps it around the base of my dick. She pumps her hand up and down while bobbing her head at the same time. My breathing is shallow and I’m close but I don’t want to come in her mouth. I’m just about to tell her to stop as she slows down and then swirls her tongue around the tip.

  “Baby,” I pant.

  Macy looks up at me with innocent eyes. She presses my dick forward and licks the underside causing my stomach muscles to clench. I can’t take it any longer. I reach down grabbing her under the arms pulling her towards me and then rolling us so I’m on top of her.

  “My turn.”

  I lean up but she grabs my wrist, “No, I just need you now.”

  Nodding because I understand what she means.

  I cover her body with mine once more but not before sliding a condom on. I can’t wait another second to be inside her. I move my hands and position her hips so that my head is at her entrance. Pushing in very slowly my eyes squeeze shut from the tight sensation. I wait a second giving her a chance to adjust before pulling almost all the way out and slamming back into her again. I lean down and rest my forehead against Macy’s rocking back and forth. Our eyes lock and the intense raw emotions are almost too much. Macy feels it too as tears pool in her eyes. This is the “us” from our first time. Nothing is tainting our lives in this moment.

  Tears slip down her cheeks and she reaches up to wipe them away. “Don’t cry.”

  Macy gives me a sad smile before wrapping her arms around my neck and pulling me closer to her. I can feel her heartbeat against my chest, that’s how close we are. She’s anchoring herself to me for however long this lasts.

  Her body racks with sobs and I almost stop but then her hips starts meeting mine thrust for thrust. My body starts humming from the state of ecstasy she’s propelled me into and my tempo speeds up.

  “I love you, Landon.” Macy’s muffled voice breaks through my fog.

  Leaning up on my elbows I tell her what she needs to hear in this moment. “I love you, too.”

  I shouldn’t have told her that but I do love Macy. I wish that I didn’t because I can’t ask her to live her life with me. I’ll just drag her down and she doesn’t deserve that. I’m too fucked up.

  Macy’s body stills and her eyes fix on mine for just a second before she’s clinching around me. The sensation does me in and I pump faster and my release hits hard. My vision gets spotty as I continue to rock in Macy at a slower pace. My body gives out and I collapse on top of her. She runs her finger nails up and down my back as I try and get my breathing under control.

  “Fuck,” I pant out. “I never wanted it to end.”

  Macy doesn’t respond. She knows me all too well, she’s waiting for that wall to go up and block the world out.

  I slip from Macy’s body with a hiss missing her warmth already and pull her to me. We wrap our arms around each other and fall asleep eventually listening to each other’s breathing.

  September 23, 2013

  I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and curse. I’m late meeting Jay, he hates that shit and I doubt he’s still waiting for me. I got held up by my professor. She’s concerned about me and my grades. Hell, I’m concerned about them, too. No matter what I do I feel like I’m always one step behind. I’m passing but just barely and I have to keep my grades up in order to keep my scholarship. I promised I’d get some help, it was a lie but she bought it. I don’t have time for help.

  I walk quickly just off the quad in my normal meeting place with Jay and thankful he’s still there. I hand him the money, he hands me the weed and I take off in the other direction in a hurry because I’m going to be late for practice.

  Colton and Jet greet me when I walk in. I throw my bag on the bench and pull out some clothes. The locker room is mostly empty except for Cash who is still getting changed himself.

  I reach into my jean pocket and pull out the baggie and shove it in my bag and zipper it. I look around making sure no one saw but when I glance in Cash’s direction he’s standing there staring at me, but acting as if he doesn’t really care. But he saw me and what I had. Fuck. I really didn’t need for him of all people to see that.

  I stare at him, wondering if he’s going say anything, only he doesn’t. He just shakes his head.

  I put on my basketball shorts and my practice jersey without my pads since we’re just doing catches and turn around to grab my helmet. I double check that I’ve locked my locker and run off to the field.

  We’re running plays getting ready for the game this weekend. Cash is throwing balls to the other receivers perfectly, nailing it each and every time. When he throws to me he makes me work for it. He throws the ball too short, too long, too hard. I keep up for the most part but I fuck up some that I should’ve been able to catch. He’s doing it on purpose and he has every right to. Coach is all over my ass about it and there isn’t a God damn thing I can do about it.

  After practice is over we all hit the showers. I hurry and rush around when normally I’m one of the last to leave.

  “Hey, man, where you going?” Colton asks.

  I pick up my bag and throw it over my shoulder, “I’ve got stuff to do.”

  When I walk past Cash I catch him say, “I bet you do.” But I don’t stop. No good will come of it if I do.

  I ride around in my truck for what feels like forever waiting for the parking lot to clear before heading back. The weed in my bag and the whiskey under my seat are taunting me. Finally feeling like I couldn’t wait another second, I
pull into my normal parking spot and reach for the whiskey.

  I drink it down until my throat feels like it’s on fire. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and then do it all over again.

  I’m smoking when the familiar tap on my window comes. I don’t bother rolling my window down this time, I just simply hit the unlock button. Madison climbs in.

  “Hey.”

  I nod, “Hey.”

  She reaches into her purse and pulls out what looks to be cocaine. “You want some?”

  I stare at her wondering when the hell she got in so deep. She isn’t the Madison I once knew, not the one who liked to sit back and relax. Smoke a little weed and get drunk, now she’s into the heavy shit. “You’re in too deep, Madison.”

  She laughs bitterly, “You’re one to talk, Landon.” Madison reaches for a mirror from her purse and dumps some powder on it. Then she uses a credit card and cuts two straight lines. I shake my head and look away as she snorts it. This is some fucked up shit. What’s worse is that I’m not doing anything to stop it.

  Madison goes quiet, I glance in her direction. She’s drumming her fingers on her legs, she’s blinking a mile a minute and then her legs start bouncing causing the truck to sway slightly.

  “What’s that?” I say pointing to the bruise on her arm.

  She looks down quickly to what I’m pointing at then her eyes go crazy looking all around but never at me. “Nothing.”

  “Doesn’t look like nothing.” She shifts in her seat. “What if Cash finds out.”

  She finally meets my eyes for just a second. “He’s not going to.”

  I lean my head back against the seat wishing I had some more weed to deal with this shit. “What are you doing with Cash anyway, Madison?”

  She’s quiet, I don’t think she’s going to answer. She digs around in her purse and pulls out a water bottle. “You should talk, Landon. You should think about what you’re doing with Macy.”